Women!!!They should let go of competition.If they put it in their mind that they dnt av to compete with no one and just do things that will benefit others i.e being selfless,then we would be starting from somewhere.

Some women are always thinking on how to be/how they are better than everyone in every way so when they see someone dats better than them in anyway,they start beefin out of jealousy.

May God help them o.

chess guru: I personally think its d 'BIT*ch' factor dat is innate in most women. It's just something dats in dem. I can count how many girls ave met that prefer 2 have male frnds than female frnds.
Can't blame dem, whn everything becomes a competition among women. The result is jealousy nd envy.

Interesting. Well, as one of those with wonderful female friends (I have them more than I have male friends), I know for a fact that women can be supportive of one and other if they choose.

Personally, I think patriarchal cultures governing nearly every society in the world today may have contributed to this problem by constantly throwing women against each other.

IM SURE Y'ALL HEARD THE STORY OF THE FLEAS IN A JAR: TWO FLEAS ARE COVERED UP IN A JAR THEY KEPT JUMPING YO GET OUT BUT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET OUT COS OF THE LID. ONE DAY SOMEONE TOOK AWAY THE LID BUT THE FLEAS WERE STILL JUMPING UNABLE TO GET OUT. MY POINT: YOU WOMEN HAVE BEEN EMANCIPATED ( A LONG TIME AGO). NO ONE STOPS YOU FROM GOING TO SCHOOL, FURTHERING UR EDUCATION, GETTING A JOB OR RISING IN YOUR CHOSEN PROFESSION. U GUYS JUST LIKE TO MAKE TROUBLE AND KEEP PORTRAYING URSELVES AS PATHETIC.

goofie: 190 don't lemme start wit u 2nyt n ur hate or masked love 4 nigerian women.

Back 2 d topic,women beef each oda 4 very flimsy things. A lady may see a chick dressd very elegantly.instead of commenting n apreciating d person,she'l start 2 frown n nose up.

Its a very bad attitude n we shld try 2 look out 4 each oda

I agree with you dear.

I believe the crab phenomenon is more of a black thing and it only happens to be amplified by women's over-intuitive reasoning. The greatest thing a woman could ever be is to have a positive value orientation, where she does not have an esteem or insecurity issues, and where she does not have an entitlement mentality. With that she will not easily see a threat in another woman, and she will go after what she needs, not what she will seek being coveted for.

It's a black thing. All women amplify everything they get...

chess guru:
Honestly....nothing!! Just like nothing can b done 2 foster unity among d crabs (no insult intended here). Its nature

No sir, I beg to disagree. It is not nature but a mental conditioning that can be overcome.

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Sarah Jubils case hs got nothing 2 do wit dis AT ALL. Votes shldnt be given based on sentiments,whether its tribe,gender,etc.

If u r not qualified,u r not.simple!

goofie: Sarah Jubils case hs got nothing 2 do wit dis AT ALL. Votes shldnt be given based on sentiments,whether its tribe,gender,etc.

If u r not qualified,u r not.simple!

What made Sarah Jubril less qualified than Atiku Abubakar, Goodluck Jonathan and other candidates on that convention day that she could only garner one vote?

emusmith:

That's intelligence in display. I won't be jealous though... You seem to be speaking as a MATURE SPINSTER. Are you?

I am not married but I don't know about that 'mature' part. I am not old.

virgo:


I agree. What do you think can be done to foster unity among women?

My opinion on this issue is that women behave like this because of inferiority complexes and insecurities. I don't want to go into the explanation of why I think it is inferiority complex because it is rather complicated.
Another reason they act this way is conditioning. They met other women acting like that and also faced similar animosity from them and so they deal the same treatment to others.
One solution would be to make the guilty parties aware of how sick and inappropriate their petty grudges are and threads like this serve that purpose. Maybe some women that like beefing other women for no reason would read through this thread and understand that such actions only hold back their societal advancement and make women lose respect in the sight of men because of how incredibly foolish they appear when they do these things.
In an unrelated note,
Virgo are you umariayim?

fellis:

I am not married but I don't know about that 'mature' part. I am not old.



My opinion on this issue is that women behave like this because of inferiority complexes and insecurities. I don't want to go into the explanation of why I think it is inferiority complex because it is rather complicated.
Another reason they act this way is conditioning. They met other women acting like that and also faced similar animosity from them and so they deal the same treatment to others.
One solution would be to make the guilty parties aware of how sick and inappropriate their petty grudges are and threads like this serve that purpose. Maybe some women that like beefing other women for no reason would read through this thread and understand that such actions only hold back their societal advancement and make women lose respect in the sight of men because of how incredibly foolish they appear when they do these things.
In an unrelated note,
Virgo are you umariayim?

Yes dear.

Back then In my hostel days, you see 20 guys in a room cohabit well. A guy can wear another guy's footwear while going to use the dirty pit latrine. A guy will eat a plate of beans and will drop the plate on another guy's bed, . . . You witness many silly things happen amongst guys, yet, they laugh it off. At worst, they argue for a few minutes. End of fight.

Two girls will stay in a room and we no go hear word. "don't use my mirror", "i don't share bucket/detergents/toothpaste", ". . . I don't care how you get up[the bunk] but don't step on my bedsheet" . . . Kilode girls?

goofie: Sarah Jubils case hs got nothing 2 do wit dis AT ALL. Votes shldnt be given based on sentiments,whether its tribe,gender,etc.

If u r not qualified,u r not.simple!

why one would believe GEJ or Atiku represented better candidates than Jubril is a story for another day. One thing we can't overrule is the fact that the female delegates were bribed to vote GEJ/ATIKU and that they will rather drink conc. H₂SO₄ than allow a fellow woman rule/govern them. For the fact that women could collect temporal 'gifts' just to humiliate their 'own' is enough reasons why I will continue mocking all these women stupeed 'committees/groups/NGOs'.
My only disappointment is that I will also have a daughter.

colly227: All da ladies on Nairaland no longer have access to internet ......where are they?

They have far more important things to do like looking for a husband/boyfriend or fighting each other in romance forum.

Danka7777:

They have far more important things to do like looking for a husband/boyfriend or fighting each other in romance forum.

and your point is? Looking for cheap 'like' on your post.

Revolva: A woman can't assist her fellow girlfriends to grow in sense of advise and for friends sake - even dash her fellow gals some money - they too get inferiority complex and that's killing most of them and our naija gals are the worst sets - woman no dey ever plan to build house all they want is at the moment but the brokest male have a dream to build a house or buy a ride - make ur research

Ofcourse the logical reasoning of a man is what makes him different from the female specie

fellis:

Why will women build housewhen men are scared of successful women?

Do you assume that women are not also ambitious or that they don't want the nice things in life?

If a woman builds a house the next thing you see is that men start running away from her or considering her to be 'bad market' because in their mind the woman will want to control them after they get married since they are both living in her house.

Same thing goes for owning businesses or pursuing post graduate degrees.

These things scare men off and a lot of women don't want to remain unmarried so they kill their ambitions so that they can attract a man because men seem to think that all successful women would turn out to be control freaks after marriage.

From your unbiased observation,are the men wrong from their assertions?

mob82: The angst they show which often leads to them lashing out is borne out of years and at times decades of physical and emotional abuse, as well as intellectual subjugation by society.

When they eventually make it to the top, their psyche has been so damaged, their self-esteem so expropriated, that they end up dishing more punishment than they ever received.

It's a dog's world!

Finally, someone has identified the actual issue! Kudos guy!

Although this is not enough to justify mean behaviour on the part of any female, we ladies should learn to consider and sympathize with the issues these 'petty, crab-like' women have had to/are dealing with before we label them as 'women-haters'. That mother-in-law might have faced so much hurt in her own marriage that she can't appreciate the love her son and his wife have for each other; that female exec might have had to bump her head so many times against glass ceilings of sexism on her way up the career ladder that her self-esteem and sense of security has been battered beyond repair. If you have gone through a lot of emotional abuse as a woman it takes the special grace of God not to be so scarred that you want every other woman coming along your way to face the kind of pain you faced. And we young women ourselves don't make the situation easier: we just jump into settings like that with an insensitive air and position ourselves as usurpers trying to steal the little respect those older women have earned for themselves in those places. Of course, as expected, that kind of attitude will only bring out the worst in those women.

And a quite annoying fact about the myth of the 'mean female boss' is that sometimes this stuff is just cooked up by the men working under them that just can't deal with the fact that a woman is their boss. So they make her out to be the Grand Witch. Nothing she ever does is right - if she tries to correct them she is harsh and rude, if she takes over their work when they are lazy she's being domineering. And when silly young women get into the organization, instead of them to display proper emotional intelligence (which is one of our strengths as women) and study the personality of their bosses intently, they feed off on unfounded rumors and perpetrate the myth. I know this because I have been a 'silly young woman' before, feeding off the lie of a disgruntled male colleague, and realizing the truth much later on, to my regret.

We women need to wake up to reality and face the real issues. Its not enough to just whine in our corners about 'woman-hate'. When you get into any societal institution (marriage, career, academics), pay the necessary homage (respect dues) to the women you meet in place there. Believe it or not, they deserve it because its not easy to record success on any front as a woman in chauvinistic Africa. Let it be crystal clear to all from the start that you are an ally, not an usurper. Call this boot-licking, I call this playing smart, because those women will determine, in some way, the happiness you find in those places. Make a conscious effort on your own part to bring about the women unity every one keeps talking about. Determine to be a GOOD friend to your girlfriends; you'll see that this will influence similar behaviour in them as well. Let's BE the change.

@topic: I honestly haven't the slightest idea why some women are so petty and crabby.
I can only assume that it is a result of low self esteem mixed with the usual changes in hormones. We women are emotional creatures and if you add that characteristic with feeling as though everyone is out to get you or you are inadequate in some way, the it's easy to understand why some are like that.

I see myself as one of a kind (which is partly why you don't see an (f) by my name) .
I don't have a problem helping out other women, giving them advice, complimenting them; etc cetera, but I find the same women I may advise or console, turn a blinds eye when I am in need of some comfort. This "better that b-tch than me" attitude is prevalent in the female psyche - ugh! . This is why 90 percent of my "road dogs" (friends) are MALE!

Some women act as if being kind to one another is taboo. You may have what they feel to be a "better shape" and they'd hate you for it. Might be pleasant and lovable and they'd claim you "think you're all that" ; etc. Next thing you know they'd make you an enemy just because of their insecurities. It's all about competition...which often times is ONLY IN THEIR MINDS.

I've given up on women and this "sisterhood alliance" long ago.
Women are quick to receive but hardly give generally speaking - with the exception of me of course!

virgo: Pulling Each Other Down



How many times have you heard how safe it was to approach the males in an establishment before the females? You are warned how Mrs. Y is such a wicked woman whose highest point in a day is snarling and talking down at people. When you think that the people who have issued this warning are just meddling busybodies who hate Ms. Y and then go ahead to try to discover for yourself the angel that these “busybodies” might have missed in their “unfair” assessment you discover to your shock and horror that the “busybodies” were right and Mrs. Y is the most horrible human walking the side of your planet. You are even more surprised to find out that Mr. Z who is Mrs. Y’s superior is far more approachable and willing to help with your problems. I have been in this situation several times and every time I come out of it, I am plagued by the singular question – why?

After several “whys”, I finally decided that women are like crabs in a bucket. For many people who do not know about the crab-in-the-bucket syndrome, it is one of those syndromes used to refer to situations where people trying to escape an unfavourable situation are kept from doing so by others either out of envy or just maliciousness, so that at the end of the day, neither party gains freedom. This syndrome is the biggest problem facing women today. It is always rare to see women take a united stand on issues that affect them. From feminists who disagree on the right ideology to pursue to the mother in law who holds down her daughter in law to be beheaded to the vicious and unfriendly female exec who hates you for no apparent reason, women have become their own enemies. Some of us have become short sighted and petty and there is no hope for emancipation where members of our specie lack a constructive unified type of thinking.

While there have been obvious advantages to the women liberation struggle as can be seen in the emergence of powerful female leaders, more needs to be done as women continue to struggle on the lowest rungs of the socio-economic ladder. To enjoy a level playing field in all sphere of human activities, women must learn that only a unity of purpose can help them. As an advocate for gender equality, I have lost count of the number of times I have had to debate with men who quickly point out the fact that women are less sympathetic to themselves than anyone else. This is our greatest problem and we must address it.

In all, one can only hope that true emancipation of women will be realized in my time, if not, the future is indeed very bleak because like crabs in a vicious competition to nowhere, our bucket will always be our prison.

http://umariayim..com/2012/11/why-women-are-like-crabs-in-bucket.html

So a question to the ladies, how can we stop the pettiness and forge a stronger bond to achieve true emancipation? Your honest answers are highly welcome.

I think its stress caused by societal responsibility and expectations of the woman. Women through the ages have been expected to play their roles without complain or break. Many are in bad relationships or marriages the whole turnout of their environment be it home, career, church etc is kind of blamed on them. Even the women lib ones know in their hearts they are not free. If a man has bitching wife, he steps out and has a fling, if he gets tired of staying at home he can leave wife and kids and go on "weekend meetings" if he needs a break from kids or parenting or home keeping he gets it. If he doesn't have kids or can't have, his woman(Nigerian),is blamed hardly him. If he doesn't marry by 35 he is not called old cargo and mocked by people,if he is fat or heavy no big deal. He makes the rules around him in his personal life and they get followed by wife and kids or girlfriends and at an age, even parents. The same cannot be said of women. So stress builds up, a stressed person can be jealous, bitter, and bitchy. Nigerian women are stressed.

sarutobie:
From your unbiased observation,are the men wrong from their assertions?

If the woman is intellectually immature, of course her success is going to get to her head and she would likely be a control freak but if she is a discerning/wise woman, she would understand that a successful marriage is built on cooperation and working together with one's spouse and it is not built by trying to lord it over whoever you married.
(This is something men also need to understand).

And so whether the men are wrong or not all boils down to the amount of intelligence the woman in question possesses. A wise woman will not let her success turn her into a bossy condescending person because she knows that behavior like that destroys marriages.
A foolish one would do the opposite.

I think its stress caused by societal responsibility and expectations of the woman. Women through the ages have been expected to play their roles without complain or break. Many are in bad relationships or marriages the whole turnout of their environment be it home, career, church etc is kind of blamed on them. Even the women lib ones know in their hearts they are not free. If a man has bitching wife, he steps out and has a fling, if he gets tired of staying at home he can leave wife and kids and go on "weekend meetings" if he needs a break from kids or parenting or home keeping he gets it. If he doesn't have kids or can't have, his woman(Nigerian),is blamed hardly him. If he doesn't marry by 35 he is not called old cargo and mocked by people,if he is fat or heavy no big deal. He makes the rules around him in his personal life and they get followed by wife and kids or girlfriends and at an age, even parents. The same cannot be said of women. So stress builds up, a stressed person can be jealous, bitter, and bitch.

Oh God...... The truthfulness of this post makes me tremendously unhappy

fluffybaby:

I think its stress caused by societal responsibility and expectations of the woman. Women through the ages have been expected to play their roles without complain or break. Many are in bad relationships or marriages the whole turnout of their environment be it home, career, church etc is kind of blamed on them. Even the women lib ones know in their hearts they are not free. If a man has bitching wife, he steps out and has a fling, if he gets tired of staying at home he can leave wife and kids and go on "weekend meetings" if he needs a break from kids or parenting or home keeping he gets it. If he doesn't have kids or can't have, his woman(Nigerian),is blamed hardly him. If he doesn't marry by 35 he is not called old cargo and mocked by people,if he is fat or heavy no big deal. He makes the rules around him in his personal life and they get followed by wife and kids or girlfriends and at an age, even parents. The same cannot be said of women. So stress builds up, a stressed person can be jealous, bitter, and bitchy. Nigerian women are stressed.

You might have a point here but Women should still have other womens back.If there's anyone to be bitter and jealous and calllous and judgemental to,its the men.

J12: What of men? They kill themselves over women, kill themselves (in multitudes) in wars etc. Men don't complain about that at all, but when a woman is not nice to another woman, it becomes a topic.

I know what the poster is talking about. Its bad belleism. Men fight for a reason; which is survival.
Women's fight are more complex.
Four men can stay in a room and not quarrel. But two women can't stay in a flat and be at peace ( a little exageration there).

deols: I'd rather see it as an individual thing.

Like some folks before me have opined, i don't think the crabs-in-in-a-bucket thingy is a uniquely feminine phenomenon. I'm not sure if it would be accurate to attribute it to humans in general, but it is definitely noticeable in the everyday lives of Nigerians in particular.

Have you ever heard of soldiers stationed at a checkpoint making guys perform 'frog jumps' simply to humiliate them FOR walking by in the company of a stunning chic? Wasn't there a story here of a male boss who threw a glass of water at his subordinate (a nairalander) by way of a peacock show for the benefit of a lady he had with him?

I read somewhere in one of your replies, Virgo, that you've got great female friends who are in fact supportive. I also know a good number of guys who are decidedly vile, and can be driven to atrocious acts by an emotion as unproductive (this is really a euphemism for stup¡d) as envy.

So i think it's less of a gender thing and really more of an individual affair. Jealousy and bitter, baseless envy will continue to be evidenced by vindictive and often impulsive acts of wickedness by the person whom these emotions have consumed, against the persons who innocently triggered said emotions.

dabrake: why one would believe GEJ or Atiku represented better candidates than Jubril is a story for another day. One thing we can't overrule is the fact that the female delegates were bribed to vote GEJ/ATIKU and that they will rather drink conc. H₂SO₄ than allow a fellow woman rule/govern them. For the fact that women could collect temporal 'gifts' just to humiliate their 'own' is enough reasons why I will continue mocking all these women stupeed 'committees/groups/NGOs'.
My only disappointment is that I will also have a daughter.

my point in all of these is d fact that some women think we shld hv voted her because shes a woman and not because she convinced us she cn do a good job.

fellis:

If the woman is intellectually immature, of course her success is going to get to her head and she would likely be a control freak but if she is a discerning/wise woman, she would understand that a successful marriage is built on cooperation and working together with one's spouse and it is not built by trying to lord it over whoever you married.
(This is something men also need to understand).

And so whether the men are wrong or not all boils down to the amount of intelligence the woman in question possesses. A wise woman will not let her success turn her into a bossy condescending person because she knows that behavior like that destroys marriages.
A foolish one would do the opposite.

You are indeed a wise woman!..I can also say with a first hand experience that the making or breaking of a family depends on the wisdom or foolishness of a woman..a man who has a wise and virtous woman as a wife fears absolutely nothing in life..

fluffybaby:

I think its stress caused by societal responsibility and expectations of the woman. Women through the ages have been expected to play their roles without complain or break. Many are in bad relationships or marriages the whole turnout of their environment be it home, career, church etc is kind of blamed on them. Even the women lib ones know in their hearts they are not free. If a man has bitching wife, he steps out and has a fling, if he gets tired of staying at home he can leave wife and kids and go on "weekend meetings" if he needs a break from kids or parenting or home keeping he gets it. If he doesn't have kids or can't have, his woman(Nigerian),is blamed hardly him. If he doesn't marry by 35 he is not called old cargo and mocked by people,if he is fat or heavy no big deal. He makes the rules around him in his personal life and they get followed by wife and kids or girlfriends and at an age, even parents. The same cannot be said of women. So stress builds up, a stressed person can be jealous, bitter, and bitchy. Nigerian women are stressed.

Nicely put, but I think there is more to it than stress. I have seen very pampered females who are so catty, it is difficult to want to have anything to do with them. Thank you for your insightful post though.

fellis:

If the woman is intellectually immature, of course her success is going to get to her head and she would likely be a control freak but if she is a discerning/wise woman, she would understand that a successful marriage is built on cooperation and working together with one's spouse and it is not built by trying to lord it over whoever you married.
(This is something men also need to understand).

And so whether the men are wrong or not all boils down to the amount of intelligence the woman in question possesses. A wise woman will not let her success turn her into a bossy condescending person because she knows that behavior like that destroys marriages.
A foolish one would do the opposite.

True. Intellectual maturity is important.

interesting......

*Kails*:
@topic: I honestly haven't the slightest idea why some women are so petty and crabby.
I can only assume that it is a result of low self esteem mixed with the usual changes in hormones. We women are emotional creatures and if you add that characteristic with feeling as though everyone is out to get you or you are inadequate in some way, the it's easy to understand why some are like that.

I see myself as one of a kind (which is partly why you don't see an (f) by my name) .
I don't have a problem helping out other women, giving them advice, complimenting them; etc cetera, but I find the same women I may advise or console, turn a blinds eye when I am in need of some comfort. This "better that b-tch than me" attitude is prevalent in the female psyche - ugh! . This is why 90 percent of my "road dogs" (friends) are MALE!

Some women act as if being kind to one another is taboo. You may have what they feel to be a "better shape" and they'd hate you for it. Might be pleasant and lovable and they'd claim you "think you're all that" ; etc. Next thing you know they'd make you an enemy just because of their insecurities. It's all about competition...which often times is ONLY IN THEIR MINDS.

I've given up on women and this "sisterhood alliance" long ago.
Women are quick to receive but hardly give generally speaking - with the exception of me of course!

kails my man. how far dont give me that friend thing now. i cant be friends with a lady.