This is a sensitive story, mature and sincere opinions please. Thank you.

What does it mean to FORGET after forgiving? How can you forgive and forget? This is the story:

"A pastor was supposed to go to church directly from work (as he usually does), but he decided to stop by at the house to pick a vital document he needs for the evening service. On arriving at home, he found his wife and his own assistant pastor on his matrimonial bed making love!

He just quietly picked his document without saying a word and left the house for church. He saw them and the pair saw him as well but he didn't react as he left in shock.

He conducted the church service as normal without creating any suspicions, knowing what impact it would have on the church and members! He never mentioned it to anyone. He forgave the wife and continued all his fatherly and husbandly responsibilities except that, he refused to make love to her!

After seven years, yes seven years!!!!!! of denying the woman love-making, she could not hold on any longer, she had to confess all that happened to the church authorities. The pastor was sent for and was pleaded with to forgive the woman and his response was: I already forgave her long ago, but can't make love to her!"

FYI, he wasn't having any affair outside marriage!

Now, the question is: Has he really forgiven her? or Is it that he has not forgotten?

What does it really mean to forgive and forget?!

is this not making sense to anyone?

otooro: is this not making sense to anyone?

Wrong section. Move to romance section. A lot of people with like minds there.

Family and Romance section would have been more appropriate. How ever my small contribution goes thus:

For the fact that he continued his fatherly and husbandly responsibilities shows he has forgiven her. However I believe the trauma he went thru informed his decision not to make love to his wife again. I think if he is still in love with her, he should try to let go (he could seek a psycologist) and by prayer be fully reunited to his wife. If on the other hand he can't, he should let madam go (divorce her if she is ok with this) so he does not create room for mire temptation.

He has not fully forgiven her. I can understand his heartbreak, pain and suffering but he needs to resume his 'husbandly duties'. God does not withold his blessings from us just because we sin against him once or severally. He continues to bless us even before we repent most times. He should not let this unforgiveness rob him of heaven or cause his wife to commit adultery again.

chiteny: Family and Romance section would have been more appropriate. How ever my small contribution goes thus:

For the fact that he continued his fatherly and husbandly responsibilities shows he has forgiven her. However I believe the trauma he went thru informed his decision not to make love to his wife again. I think if he is still in love with her, he should try to let go (he could seek a psycologist) and by prayer be fully reunited to his wife. If on the other hand he can't, he should let madam go (divorce her if she is ok with this) so he does not create room for mire temptation.

even if he divorces her, none of them can have sex or re-marry.....until death do them part.

seyibrown: He has not fully forgiven her. I can understand his heartbreak, pain and suffering but he needs to resume his 'husbandly duties'. God does not withold his blessings from us just because we sin against him once or severally. He continues to bless us even before we repent most times. He should not let this unforgiveness rob him of heaven or cause his wife to commit adultery again.

hmmnn.... u're very correct tho'. but what if it is a 'ministerial instruction' not to touch her

He has forgiven but hasn't forgotten. The images are what he cannot get out of his mind. How does he sleep with the devil? He may live with her but to sleep with her? That is asking too much. It is one thing to hear about cheating, another thing to see it happen, and even on your matrimonial bed. It will take an angel to wave aside such. With a fellow pastor and most likely a good friend who he could trust his wife with. That is the utmost betrayal, I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of the person sef. It is good for me to hear of you from afar. Seeing you alone will bring floods of images right back. If the woman has any shred of dignity left she will seek for a divorce and release the man to find love, and a woman that deserves him. A woman that can do such to a man that can stay 7yrs without sex, is sick. You know how many women are wailing and crying for such a good man? She should pack her load and leave the guy abeg. No pastor can force him to sleep with her. Imagine, they couldn't even wait for the dust to settle from his car tires. Shior!

this is a very difficult case to judge oooo...because it involves a bit of spirituality!

albeit, i think he has forgiven.!
besides, how do you forget such an incident? if you forget an event like this, how do you learn from it?

forgetting means 'not using the event to react subsequently'...hence, he has forgotten. the spirituality aspect may be the reason for the abstinence from sex.

He has forgiven d woman of course, but it will be very difficult for him to forget such a thing, d man can only forget if he suffers from "memory loss".......i dont know d medical term.

greatgod2012: He has forgiven d woman of course, but it will be very difficult for him to forget such a thing, d man can only forget if he suffers from "memory loss".......i dont know d medical term.

couldn't agree more...

He hasn't forgotten

Only someone who has gone through this kind of pain is qualified to comment.

This is something that can "kill" you spiritually , physically , emotionally and mentally.

Forgiveness does not equate to forget .

Only God can help you forget. Forgiveness is an individual choice. You cannot forgive if you continue to harbour bitterness in your heart.

Forgive and forget is a hoax.

People forgive, YES, but we rarely forget especially when yo comes to matters of the heart.

I always believe people should also be made to live with the consequences of their actions.

The woman should have left the marriage immediately she was caught ( this is not a BF/GF relationship ).

Forgeting in this case is telling the man to go back and act exactly the way he was acting before he caught the wife. Common guys, that is totally impossible.

Is always hard to forgive a compromised punny

greatgod2012: He has forgiven d woman of course, but it will be very difficult for him to forget such a thing, d man can only forget if he suffers from "memory loss".......i dont know d medical term.

Amnesia.

Forgive the sin, forget the person.

He s thnkn of wat to do wt her next!

By picking d lessons in d incident n forgetting d details. Takes time though!

[color=#990000][/color] I am no Gad, hence I dont 4giv! Isin't it what makes me human?

I swear, i dislike introverts with passion. U just wont know wat they're thinking, they can kill with silence .

@op. He has already forgiven her but dont blame him for not forgetting, who would forget such anyway? His 'wife' is even lucky to still be in his house.

otooro:

even if he divorces her, none of them can have sex or re-marry.....until death do them part.

Not when its on the basis of adultery.

He has clearly forgiven her na but how does one forget such thing?

Quite frankly forgiving is easy but to forget na wash.

We can forgive but Can we truly forget ? To forget dn the person must format is brain

Forgiveness is noble. Forgetfulness means I have refused to learn from what happened - and my parents didn't bring me up to be that foolish!

He has forgiven her but its quite difficult to forget such,
but i hope they dont live in that same house anymore..

i think the pastor is a good man.if it were me,she wud die mysteriously after like seven weeks.

He has not forgiven her.

The only to forgive and forget is to have a brain transplant.