I found this article very interesting, I thought I should share. You can never tell, it might help someone out there. It might look quite lengthy, but it will be worthwhile reading through. I noticed Nairaland has been assembly (consoling) ground for broken hearts, exs


Are you coming off a bad relationship? Are you still feeling the emotional wounds from your ex? Do you have old deeply buried wounds from previously failed relationships? Well if you've answered yes to any one of these then I can guarantee that these scars will, whether you like it or not, assist in undermining your current relationship at some point. To find out why and how read on.

Scars of old failed relationships are often associated with negative feelings about relationships, about future potential partners, about one's self and one's ability to be in relationships, one's ability to fully trust others again, the ability to fully open one's self and one's heart and so on. In the end these scars promote a very defensive approach to relationships that can be anything from complete withdrawal to what many resort to, "game playing".

Unfortunately, the latter is where most find themselves. Clearly, if you stop for a moment and recognize this simple fact it may begin to bring up feelings of sadness that one's dreams for a truly fulfilling relationship will never be achieved.

If you feel such feelings, that's actually a good sign, even though the feelings themselves don't feel so good. In order to see this you may wish to do the following:

Place one hand over your Heart and simply admit to yourself, as if you are speaking to yourself through your Heart, that you recognize that you do feel sad about this situation.

Once you've done that then simply notice how you feel inside.

Strangely, many will feel better after doing this. You may experience a sense of inner peace, contentment, hopefulness, have a sense of possibility, may feel uplifted or more empowered.

The reason you are feeling better is because you have chosen to be honest with your feelings about what you "don't want". Let me explain.

The sadness, you see represents more than just a feeling. It is a signal or message from your Heart, where your deep inner Truth lives, that you are not being honest with yourself in choosing to adopt this game playing approach to relationships.

By being honest in this way you have begun to align yourself with what you really want and that is the deeper Truth that you do want a fulfilling relationship. You see without being honest about what you want how will you ever achieve it? Well simply you won't.

Now here is the next step in personal honesty.

Those emotional scars are fed or generated by the memories of disappointment from your previously failed relationships which you have stored within your subconscious mind and body. Unless and until you can completely clear (and here I actually mean "erase" such memories from within you will always be at risk of trying to defend yourself from re-experiencing the pain they are associated with.

Essentially they behave like what I have termed "emotional landmines" that re-erupt whenever something in your current relationship triggers them. When this happens your reactions to the trigger will always be exaggerated or out of proportion to what happened.

It is these reactions that are perceived as unattractive to your partner and therefore will tend to undermine any intimacy, love or connection you may wish to create.

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