I met this guy on the month of march 2007 and we started going out since then, last valentine's day he proposed marriage to me and i accepted and we have fixed our wedding day which is 14th June this year which is my birthday.

Before we started this relationship, I asked him about his relationship status and he told me he broke up with his girl because she slept with his close friend, I accepted what he told me to be true and accepted to date him.

Just last week I went to see him in his office when i saw him with another girl, he asked me to give him 10 mins, i agreed and went to stay at the their reception room till he sent for me, when I came in, he held my hand and told me he wanted to confess and apologize to me and i told him to go right ahead then he said to me:

"I once told you i broke up with my last girl friend, I lied, we just had a misunderstanding before i met you, she and I later made up and I continued dating the 2 of you but I have come to love you more, I saw some qualities in you that no other woman possess, I have decided to spend the rest of my life with you, the lady you just saw me talking with is the girl I ve been telling you about, I just told her its over between she and I because I am getting married soon, though she is angry with me, but I promise to sort things out as soon as possible"

I was dissappointed at him for telling me lies when I asked him but I forgave him for telling me the truth after all.

Now, my fiance's ex-girl friend is heartbroken and has sworn to make life misrable for both of us, she is threatening my life, she wants me to tell my fiance I won't marry him, she confronted me and told me my marriage with Nelson will hold over her dead body.

I am both confused and worried over this whole thing, Nelson is telling me not to panic that everything is going to be alright, that she won't do a thing as long as he lives.
What can I do? its not my fault that I'm in love with her ex-boyfriend, if I had known he was in a relationship I wouldn't have gone out with him in the first place because am a very quiet person who doesn't want trouble at all.

my uncle is asking me to quit the relationship, Nelson vowed to kill himself if I call it off, his ex-girl is threatening my life, Please people what do I do am loosing my mind?

How can you be in a serious relationship for close to one year and you never knew your man was cheating on you steady with another girl??

My dear, its means you are either too cool (you need to smarten up girl) or your man has serious polygamous tendencies.

Put yourself in the other girl's shoes, how would you feel? That your Nelson should be dealt with honestly. Its really wrong to play with and mess up people's emotions.

Anyway, i will advice you to think it through thoroughly before you say 'I do' to this man. A man like him after marriage can have another wife with kids at Zamfara state which you might not know of until you are over 50years old.

Babe you're taking too much panadol.

This is a battle your 'boyfriend' should be fighting and not you. He did not respect you enough to sort his life out b4 dragging you into it. Now he's dumped his baggage in your lap and you're crying.

Omo wake up and smell da coffee. You were too stupid and your 'boyfriend' knew that which was why he took the p*ss. Stop  behaving like he's the only man alive simply because he asked you marry him _{long hisssssssssssssssssssssssssss}

Its up to you to leave this nonsense to the both of them. Until the EX actually comes to your face and says blah blah blah . . . . . . . .  this is not your problem. Let him stand his ground and sort it out . . . . . OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOU!!!!!

Until its ova . . . . you are single and free      tell him that . . .  that should make him sit up. _{that's if you're strong enough to make this decision}

@Poster

You have forgiven him and accepted him back into your life.  You say you love him and are ready to marry him. No wahala then. Just go to the police station if any is functioning around your neighbourhood and make a statement. Notify your family members, his family members and the ex's family members about her threats and get on with your life, just for the records. Nelson should not threaten you with his anticipated suicide either. You are being blackmailed by 2 people and that concerns me.

Never give in to blackmail or threats. He who runs away, lives to fight another day. This is not about Nelson as such. A fellow woman like you cannot just threaten you because she feels she has been "sampled and scorned". What if it were your child? I may have issues with this your Nelson, but as you have made peace with him, you need to have back up plan to protect yourself from this love triangle.

You do not have to live in fear of anybody. Those who plan evil and dig pits for others to fall into, usually end up falling into the very same pits they have dug up for others. The jobless ex will soon suffer a severe heart attack sent from the Devil himself, as a result of all the mischief she is all about. So you do not have to worry too much about that.  She will soon meet her waterloo.

People will always tell lies and apologize for the deceit afterwards,  . . . .it is your choice how you choose to handle such things.

Goodluck with your Nelson!

Suspend the wedding right now and seriously seek the face of the Almighty God. I have seen such cases where they ended up in tragedy and I pray it wouldn't be your portion. Ask God to reveal to you all about the whole thing. Don't weep over this incident cos if he is not your mr right, God will surely give you your rightful guy.

funkybaby:

How can you be in a serious relationship for close to one year and you never knew your man was cheating on you steady with another girl??

My dear, its means you are either too cool (you need to smarten up girl) or your man has serious polygamous tendencies.

Put yourself in the other girl's shoes, how would you feel? That your Nelson should be dealt with honestly. Its really wrong to play with and mess up people's emotions.

Anyway, i will advice you to think it through thoroughly before you say 'I do' to this man. A man like him after marriage can have another wife with kids at Zamfara state which you might not know of until you are over 50years old.

These points are real correct.
But just asit has been said, u know him better than anyone else and u need to realise that this is really his battle that should be sorted out.
Think about it, if u were the girl, what would u do?
She is just a woman scorned and she is just acting up - but pray hard that this doesnt end up in tragedy but seriously, ur man has done her wrong. Why waste her time for all those years and then come out and dump her.

But if i was in ur position, i would really question the reason why he wanted me (if he knows that he could get away with murder with me and couldnt do so with the other girl).

Good luck girl.

hmnnnnnnnnn!
*speechless*

I'm in the same position with your husband to be. don't mind the lady some people don't know how to take defeat. i respect your man for being man enough. she can't do anything, go ahead and marry your man.

@poster

I had the similiar situation you have right now with two young Nigerians unmarried couple (bf/gf) few weeks ago because I am older, experienced and wiser plus understand Nigeria culture. A  Nigerian guy from NL sought my advise and requested me as mediator between two people via YIM with my webcam.

After I explained to Nigerian guy's gal situation, a guy had great mistake getting involved two girls just like Nelson you mentioned. This guy has already arranged marriage by his family and has seen his wife-to-be frequently at the same time seeing this girl who comes to his house. This guy wants ending his relationship with this girl in order to encourage her to find someone new. But this girl refuses to let him go- - -wants him---threatens his wife-to-be. What a mess!!!

Unfortunately i have not heard both of them so far. I don't know what was their outcome? This girl is fresh college student at 19, and this guy is very much older---"pre-middle age". I don't remember his wife-to-be's age. Age difference does not affect to each other. That's all!!!

@ poster

It is not ur battle. It is his. Leave the man alone, let him put his house together, then he can approach u, but until then don't limit urself. He has absolutely no respect for u trust me. If he did he wouldn't have carried on. Am not even sure how u can continue to trust him. Please leave this man alone.

Don't give urself unnecessary wahala, he's not the only man on this earth, let God send u ur own man

See drama biko nu? Na wa oh. Pls be careful

@Poster

Your case look like a drunk man who sees a lion in the bush and he walks right over to the lion and begins to poke him in the eye with sticks. You see trouble dey lie jeje relaxing and you wan wake am up. Men is not that hard to find, this man is a player and even if you marry him he will continue his rendezvous with the other girl, and the other girl will do all she can to destroy your home. Think about it, pumpkin.

i will advice u to pray to god and seek his own wisdom,ask him to take absolutly control
over this matter.as for ur the guy if he realy loves u, he knows what to do.
BUT if he has previously hadawedding arrangement with the lady
forget the marriage.

sweet Tai:

this man is a player and even if you marry him he will continue his rendezvous with the other girl, and the other girl will do all she can to destroy your home. Think about it, pumpkin.

WORD!! Even if he doesn't continue his rendezvous with the other girl, he could still cheat on you with a totally different woman, behind your back. Nenenwa, please take a good hard look at your guy, before you decide to take a leap into the future with him.

You met him in March 2007 and he has lied to you all along, deceived you and played you like a wheel, in addition to two-timing you, while dating the other girl. This other girl feels hurt (and rightly too!) because she has been played for a fool, and in her pain she is lashing out at him. She feels betrayed that he has deceived her, and I bet you would feel the same way too if you were in her shoes or if the guy treated you in the same manner.

Do you know what promises he made to her while they were dating? Do you know what time, effort and sacrifices she made for the relationship to succeed? Do you know if she even aborted a pregnancy for him, while they were dating? Do you know what he collected from her in cash and kind, while the going was good? So don't blame her for feeling the way she is feeling right now. She is only human. Maybe, she has chosen the wrong mode to express her pain, but hey, we can't all react the same way. He may have even told her that you were the one who seduced him, until he couldn't resist your charms. How do you even know, what he has said about you?

What method did your guy even use to tell her it was over? Was he polite and remorseful while doing it? Or was he nonchalant, rude, aggressive and dismissive? That can also add to her pain, especially if he didn't apologise deeply enough to soothe her hurt.  

If I were you, I would leave this guy alone. He is a cheat and a two-timer. There is no telling what he would turn round to do to you too, two or more years down the line. Do not build your future and your marriage on another person's pain.

Show that you are a woman with principles by leaving him alone. Until he has sorted out this mess with the other lady, do not go back to him or you would be showing him you are a cheap lady without any principles or standards. Don't stoop so low, by allowing him get away with making you a part of an unholy triangle.

Let  me leave you with this story. A guy who was dating two ladies decided to leave one, for the other. Unfortunately, the one who was dumped had suffered with him when things were bad for him. So she felt he was being unfair. She had also terminated a pregnancy for him. Anyway, she said nothing when he decided to get married to the other lady. She did not cry or shout or wail in disappointment. She only told him: "You will see!" To cut the long story short, two weeks to the wedding the guy slumped and died. People have been pointing accusing fingers at the lady, but no one can prove anything.  

In another similar case, the guy went ahead to marry the other lady after dropping the first one in favour of the 2nd, but till today, five years after that wedding, they are yet to be blessed with a child. They have already had one miscarriage, and doctors have said the wife is unlikely to be able to give birth to a child. Meanwhile, the lady who was dumped in favour of the wife, got married to another man and has two kids of her own now, as we speak.

Think hard, Nenenwa. And think deeply. May God give you wisdom to deal with this case.

You girls in here are just blaming me, its not all my fault can't you guys see? Nelson is the one to blame in all these probs. "Someone asked me how can i be in a relationship without knowing the guy was double dating", don't you people know how decietful most men can be? all the while i ve been with him, i ve never seen him with anyother girl, i read his text messages each time am with him, i mean how else am i supposed to know he was cheating on me?

Well, I've made up mind and I ve told him its over between us, I can't suffer for what I know nothing about, I ve canceled the wedding, though it was not easy but thank God its all over, at least i can have peace of mind once again.

This is the kinda drama that I hate in ma life.
1. is this the kinda man that u wanna spend the rest of ur life with? Cheating on u?
2. Why do you do not need to slave or pay for his sins.
3. U need to talk to ur fiancée, let go and sort out all theis mess with his ex . . . especially the fact that she is threatening u.
4. love comes and goes but marriage is something u gotta consider real hard before u venture into it. You guys met and been dating barely a year and he already proposed? Do u really think that is enuff time to know a guy like him enuff to walk down the aisle with him? That was just too fast!

Think hard girl. Unless maybe u are desperate to get married so sooooooon.

. . . think wt ya head not emotions!

My prob with this issue is that he will cheat on  you later in future_{though most ppl do dat 1}.Since u even so quiet n shy.
I hope he respects you a lil while he is at it.
Good luck n i pray she doesnt hurt you

Nne m, sorry eh. I know exactly what you're passing through. It could take years to recover if care is not taken.

I don't actually think you made the decision at the right time. What happens if his ex calms down and let's you guys be?(though hard but possible) You'll regret calling off the wedding and the rest of it? It's not good to make decisions when 'mad'.

Love marra just deh too complicated most of the time."He loves me, he loves me not"

Very easy to say dump him, go your way, forget him blah blah but seriously when you truly love someone, to let go is like telling a newborn to walk. Especially, when they've started planning their wedding. Ha! I don't pray to be in your shoes darlyn

What's the guarantee that the next man will be better/faithful? May God help us all in this life.

What's the guarantee that the next man will be better/faithful? May God help us all in this life.

Yea,
My words too,We jus need God's help

@poster,

sweetheart, coming to nairaland to seek advice or solution is usually the worst thing one can ever think of because, all these St.michaelsz and Hholy Maryz will only bad mouth and leave u heartbroken.

Let me tell you what, "prayer" is the best solution you need at this point, pray and tell God to have his way in your life then relax and keep ur peace, if that Nelson guy is your husband, I tell you he will definitely come back but if he doesn't come back, God will send you your Mr. right.

So stop crying and 4get st.michaels and holy marys who always do the right things and blame others for making mistakes

my own is that i hope you are praying? pluz left tome i will advice you not to marry him. Nigeria is not America.

call it quit

Dnt call it quit yet, it could be u are missing out on what God has destined for u (ur right husband) Nelson didnt do well to conceal, but if u ask me,listen to the word of
@nightnurse

i conqour with her. Thats the much i can say

Nene is unfortunate, but the truth is that no matter what,someone must be hurt
Nelson was scared of losing you both, in that case he is wrong. The other girl is hurt
cos she is losing, but you are suffering cos you are in love (In between) pls resolve
to prayer that God will take control.

Calling it a quit was not the best to be sincere cos (who know's)?

The most irritating thing about the whole story is that the same guy that had the 'hard-deceitful' heart to cheat on someone for such a long time is also threatening to jump off the 'Verrazano Bridge'. What nonsense.

@ poster, if u think your breaking up with the cheat restored your piece of mind then thats cool. Pray that God gives u your own man and a peace of mind. God will do His part while u should do yours. You really gutta be careful about matters of the heart u know .

My dear, the first question you need to ask yourself is, how easy is it to find a man that is better than your current boyfriend? Well, let me just say that MOST men are worse than him- regardless of the claim to the contrary! Let me give reasons for my advice. Most decent women would ask the question some have asked here that if he could do this now, why won`t he cheat in the future after your marriage. This is a logical thing to say except that there is nothing logical about the behaviuoral pattern of human beings. I once had a very close friend who spent 7 years dating a single girl without ever cheating on her! What I was never able to understand was how this guy could change dramatically after marriage. What I learnt from him was that we should avoid setting anything in stone when discussing the future, because many factors influence what we do at any point in time.
To me, your boyfriend hasn`t done much wrong! He had one girlfriend before meeting you, but was not satisfied with that girlfriend, then made up his mind that, unless he couldn`t find a better girl, she was not going to marry her. Should he have left her at that point, before looking for another person? Maybe maybe not. Should he have left her when the relationship with you started? Probably not, because he wanted to be absolutely sure that he was not leaving like for like. The time frame you gave suggests that this was the case; he made commitment to you when he was sure that the difference between you and the other girl is massive. Generally speaking, I always show understanding to a guy that is going through this type of transition, it`s always a difficult juncture to navigate
The other girlfriend is right to be angry. The major mistake that your boyfriend made was to let her know that he was breaking up that relationship in order to get married to you- that was a huge blunder on his part! But you need to understand that everything the other girl said when she heard that was said in anger. The moment she finds another boyfriend, she is likely to become less bitter and move on with her life.
How are we to know that your next relationship is going to be free from issues such as this? Is there anyone out there that you will date that would not give you something to moan about? As far as pre-marital controversies go, I`ve seen far worse stuff in my life
I think you should go ahead with your marriage, but not until you`ve let your boyfriend know that you see his antics as a big betrayal. It`s not that that is going to change him, but just to plant some guilt on his conscience. Good luck!

This stuff isn't for me.

do u have the name of the oda chick?
gimme sharp sharp
i know one baba like that
when he finish with am, she no go remember her name again.


just pray my dear, just pray,
God is still in the job of doing miracles.

leave him.

Teriba:

My dear, the first question you need to ask yourself is, how easy is it to find a man that is better than your current boyfriend? Well, let me just say that MOST men are worse than him- regardless of the claim to the contrary! Let me give reasons for my advice. Most decent women would ask the question some have asked here that if he could do this now, why won`t he cheat in the future after your marriage. This is a logical thing to say except that there is nothing logical about the behaviuoral pattern of human beings. I once had a very close friend who spent 7 years dating a single girl without ever cheating on her! What I was never able to understand was how this guy could change dramatically after marriage. What I learnt from him was that we should avoid setting anything in stone when discussing the future, because many factors influence what we do at any point in time.
To me, your boyfriend hasn`t done much wrong! He had one girlfriend before meeting you, but was not satisfied with that girlfriend, then made up his mind that, unless he couldn`t find a better girl, she was not going to marry her. Should he have left her at that point, before looking for another person? Maybe maybe not. Should he have left her when the relationship with you started? Probably not, because he wanted to be absolutely sure that he was not leaving like for like. The time frame you gave suggests that this was the case; he made commitment to you when he was sure that the difference between you and the other girl is massive. Generally speaking, I always show understanding to a guy that is going through this type of transition, it`s always a difficult juncture to navigate
The other girlfriend is right to be angry. The major mistake that your boyfriend made was to let her know that he was breaking up that relationship in order to get married to you- that was a huge blunder on his part! But you need to understand that everything the other girl said when she heard that was said in anger. The moment she finds another boyfriend, she is likely to become less bitter and move on with her life.
How are we to know that your next relationship is going to be free from issues such as this? Is there anyone out there that you will date that would not give you something to moan about? As far as pre-marital controversies go, I`ve seen far worse stuff in my life
I think you should go ahead with your marriage, but not until you`ve let your boyfriend know that you see his antics as a big betrayal. It`s not that that is going to change him, but just to plant some guilt on his conscience. Good luck!

Please when you have a younger sister or your own daughter, give her this kind of advice. Tell her that it is okay for a man to cheat on her and lie (to her), while double-dating another girl, despite being in a relationship with her. . . . .then wait and see what she says.

I have seen women date two-timing men, who they knew were also involved with other babes. After the wedding, the man became worse, and continued his game without showing any respect for the woman he married. In one case, the guy even brought his girl-friend home, and introduced her to his wife as a cousin. The poor wife waited on the so-called cousin hand & foot, entertained her and cooked for her. It was the following month, when another relative came visiting, that the cat was let out of the bag.

You asked: "the first question you need to ask yourself is, how easy is it to find a man that is better than your current boyfriend? Well, let me just say that MOST men are worse than him- regardless of the claim to the contrary!" Well, maybe we should ask you - are you saying there are NO other men better than her current boyfriend? Is this Nelson a saint, whose behaviour we must use as a yardstick to measure the conduct of other men? Please give me a break!

Like a friend once told me: "a man that cannot be faithful in small things, can never be faithful in big things. And marriage is a big thing."

A man of honour would end a previous relationship properly, before jumping into another or before starting a new one with a different babe. Any man who is involved in a relationship with two women, often ends up[i] telling lies [/i] to sustain both affairs. He would either lie to one of the girls to cover his tracks, or[i] lie to both [/i] of them to prevent them from knowing the real truth, about what is going on. Later, he would even end up lying to himself to justify the affair. Do such lies breed good fruits? I'm yet to see any man conduct two affairs simultaneously, without engaging in any form of deceit. To the best of my knowledge, there is nothing that kills a man's reputation as well as his relationship as fast as deceit and lies.

He didn't even respect Nenenwa enough to drop the other lady, when he met her. Does 'stringing' her along, while having a 2nd affair with his previous girl (at the same time), show that he had any respect for her or for her feelings?

Only a self-centred man would offer an excuse like - he wants to be sure he is not exchanging "like for like", that is why he is stringing both of those girls along! Are those girls machines, merchandise or inanimate objects? Put yourself in those girls' shoes. If a babe you were dating, was also dating another guy alongside you, in order to compare both of you to make sure she wasn't exchanging "like for like," how would you feel? 

The man dated both of them simultaneously, because he was greedy! That's all. He wanted to eat his cake and have it. He used the other girl, then dumped her when he had his fill, because Nenenwa was there to service his needs as well. Using the word 'transition' to describe what the guy did, is just crap! Is dating a political programme? Maybe OBJ too, was also engaged in a transition, that was why he had all those affairs with the numerous women he met! What a pity!

As for the other girl finding a boyfriend later, are you the one going to dash her a new guy? Do you even know what emotional scars have been left in her mind, as a result of how Nelson deceived her? 

The bobo simply had no honour, no decency and no integrity. Otherwise, he wouldn't have decided to string both of them along, date them simultaneously, enjoy them sequentially, and spin false stories to them intermittently, thinking he was smart. Period! Anyway, karma will eventually take its' course. No doubt about that!

You are advising her to "go ahead with your marriage, but not until you`ve let your boyfriend know that you see his antics as a big betrayal. It`s not that that is going to change him, but just to plant some guilt on his conscience. Good luck!". Will that guilt STOP him, or prevent him from cheating on her after the wedding? What if it happens again after they have exchanged wedding vows? What would you advise?