Nene,

If breaking up with your BF has brought peace to your mind, all well and good.

But I don't see why you should abandon your marriage plans just because one unhappy woman is supposedly threatening your life. She's just dry raking - making empty threats in her hurt, anger and disappointment. Men and women disappoint each other all the time and tend to utter dire threats when disappointed. I have trader uncles who sponsored girls through university only to be dumped when the girls graduated. Of course, they huffed and puffed and swore to kill the girls but at the end, none of them was willing to hang for one ungrateful biatch. They eventually moved on and married other women. This girl will eventually get over Nelson disappointing her and marry someone else.

I also have some realistic advice to offer. Compared with many or most Nigerian men, your BF is even good to have had jus one other girl. Most naija guys will usually date several girls at a time until they decide which to marry and then discharge the rest. I suspect that is what Nelson did or - it could have been as Teriba suggested above [good points Teriba].

By all means, punish Nelson for creating this mess. But I think you were too hasty in cancelling the wedding. Its not your fault that Nelson loves you more than the other girl.

blacklion:

Nene,
I have trader uncles who sponsored girls through university only to be dumped when the girls graduated. Of course, they huffed and puffed and swore to kill the girls but at the end, none of them was willing to hang for one ungrateful biatch. They eventually moved on and married other women. This girl will eventually get over Nelson disappointing her and marry someone else.

I also have some realistic advice to offer. Compared with many or most Nigerian men, your BF is even good to have had jus one other girl. Most naija guys will usually date several girls at a time until they decide which to marry and then discharge the rest. I suspect that is what Nelson did or - it could have been as Teriba suggested above [good points Teriba].

By all means, punish Nelson for creating this mess. But I think you were too hasty in cancelling the wedding. Its not your fault that Nelson loves you more than the other girl.

You are a piece of work. And what kind of punishment would you suggest she use on Nelson?

He's a cheat, and he's using emotional blackmail to keep you with him, threatening to jump off a bridge?

Jeeze! Left to me, I'd call his bluff! I bet you he's a coward, and would NOT jump! Hell, I'd even offer to drive him to the bridge myself, and give him a push!

What a guy. You're better off without him, dump his cheating ass, and find a guy who'll appreciate you, and not cheat! You deserve better.

she suppose shakara the nelson guy small - make am sweat and beg well, well. make e fear small sey she go break up with am

na im be the punishment wey fit am

laudate:

Please when you have a younger sister or your own daughter, give her this kind of advice. Tell her that it is okay for a man to cheat on her and lie (to her), while double-dating another girl, despite being in a relationship with her. . . . .then wait and see what she says.

I have seen women date two-timing men, who they knew were also involved with other babes. After the wedding, the man became worse, and continued his game without showing any respect for the woman he married. In one case, the guy even brought his girl-friend home, and introduced her to his wife as a cousin. The poor wife waited on the so-called cousin hand & foot, entertained her and cooked for her. It was the following month, when another relative came visiting, that the cat was let out of the bag.

You asked: "the first question you need to ask yourself is, how easy is it to find a man that is better than your current boyfriend? Well, let me just say that MOST men are worse than him- regardless of the claim to the contrary!" Well, maybe we should ask you - are you saying there are NO other men better than her current boyfriend? Is this Nelson a saint, whose behaviour we must use as a yardstick to measure the conduct of other men? Please give me a break!

Like a friend once told me: "a man that cannot be faithful in small things, can never be faithful in big things. And marriage is a big thing."

A man of honour would end a previous relationship properly, before jumping into another or before starting a new one with a different babe. Any man who is involved in a relationship with two women, often ends up[i] telling lies [/i] to sustain both affairs. He would either lie to one of the girls to cover his tracks, or[i] lie to both [/i] of them to prevent them from knowing the real truth, about what is going on. Later, he would even end up lying to himself to justify the affair. Do such lies breed good fruits? I'm yet to see any man conduct two affairs simultaneously, without engaging in any form of deceit. To the best of my knowledge, there is nothing that kills a man's reputation as well as his relationship as fast as deceit and lies.

He didn't even respect Nenenwa enough to drop the other lady, when he met her. Does 'stringing' her along, while having a 2nd affair with his previous girl (at the same time), show that he had any respect for her or for her feelings?

Only a self-centred man would offer an excuse like - he wants to be sure he is not exchanging "like for like", that is why he is stringing both of those girls along! Are those girls machines, merchandise or inanimate objects? Put yourself in those girls' shoes. If a babe you were dating, was also dating another guy alongside you, in order to compare both of you to make sure she wasn't exchanging "like for like," how would you feel?

The man dated both of them simultaneously, because he was greedy! That's all. He wanted to eat his cake and have it. He used the other girl, then dumped her when he had his fill, because Nenenwa was there to service his needs as well. Using the word 'transition' to describe what the guy did, is just crap! Is dating a political programme? Maybe OBJ too, was also engaged in a transition, that was why he had all those affairs with the numerous women he met! What a pity!

As for the other girl finding a boyfriend later, are you the one going to dash her a new guy? Do you even know what emotional scars have been left in her mind, as a result of how Nelson deceived her?

The bobo simply had no honour, no decency and no integrity. Otherwise, he wouldn't have decided to string both of them along, date them simultaneously, enjoy them sequentially, and spin false stories to them intermittently, thinking he was smart. Period! Anyway, karma will eventually take its' course. No doubt about that!

You are advising her to "go ahead with your marriage, but not until you`ve let your boyfriend know that you see his antics as a big betrayal. It`s not that that is going to change him, but just to plant some guilt on his conscience. Good luck!". Will that guilt STOP him, or prevent him from cheating on her after the wedding? What if it happens again after they have exchanged wedding vows? What would you advise?

You displayed a lot of emotions in your reply, laudate. The only reason why I decided to contribute to this thread is to let nana know that sweet-talking men like you exist all over the world, but that what we have in reality are the Nelsons. The man of honour you described above has something in common with Osama Bin Laden in that they are very difficult to find! Nene needs to see this reality. And knowing full well that whoever eventually marries her would turn out to be a relative the following days, I think she shouldn`t allow internet tittle-tattle to poison her mind.
So you really think that I wouldn`t give my sister the same advice? Trust me, whatever views I express here come from the heart, so it would never be different with my sister or whoever. Most of the men that are playing to the gallery here are going to be worse than Nelson in real life! Yours sincerely doesn`t advise in order to please or displease, just the way I see it. I have a question for you though.
Let`s say you have a 27 year-old sister that has been dating a 32 year-old Nigerian for some months, and that man has now decided to go abroad in search of a better life. Your sister then calls you a couple of months after the man has left to share her anxieties with you. She is of the opinion that, based on what she has seen and heard , she should start another relationship so that if things don`t work out with the one abroad, she wouldn`t have put all her eggs in one basket. Do you want to share with me what your advice would be to this your sister, laudate?
I gave the example of a friend in my first contribution because he happened to be the only one among my numerous friends that did what I couldn`t do when I was in my 20s. Before we met, I was thinking that I should be one of the best around for being able to stick to one girl at any point in time. Then I met this guy and I was truly impressed by what I saw! But which of these two would I want my sister to go out with- the friend that stuck to one girl before marriage and became a mess afterwards or someone that has seen it all before his marriage? I would surely prefer the latter. It was obvious from my interaction with my friend, when he started his infidelity, that playing the field was still appealing to him because he never did that before. Oh yes! That is one of the things people talk about when they mention transition. My friend didn`t have a proper transition from boyhood to adulthood otherwise jumping to bed all over the place wouldn`t have held any attraction for him again, because he has seen it all! So I may not need much moral lessons from you as a person, but this is all about nene. It`s about knowing that where fantasy ends, reality begins. People like you mislead these guys into believing the exact opposite of what is going on in the dating world.
I would echo what blacklion said that nene must not give Nelson the impression that this is a trivial issue. But to now go to the extent of leaving him?
I just don`t think so!

@all

I thank you all for your sincere contributions, please, pray along with me for I am just looking up to God as it is, asking for His divine intervention.

Teriba:

You displayed a lot of emotions in your reply, laudate. The only reason why I decided to contribute to this thread is to let nana know that sweet-talking men like you exist all over the world, but that what we have in reality are the Nelsons. The man of honour you described above has something in common with Osama Bin Laden in that they are very difficult to find! Nene needs to see this reality. And knowing full well that whoever eventually marries her would turn out to be a relative the following days, I think she shouldn`t allow internet tittle-tattle to poison her mind.

No, I didn't display a lot of emotions in my reply. I merely replayed the hard facts for her to see. No one is saying that Nelson has to be a saint. But for goodness sake, there are some basic rules of engagement that all individuals need to adopt, in their dealings with others. It doesn't matter if those dealings are a business relationship or a romantic one.

Men of honour exist all over the world. They are not saints. They are merely people who[i] say [/i] what they mean, and mean what they say. They are folks who treat others, the way they would like to be treated. Would you like it if someone decided to string you along, lie to you, deceive you and pretend that all was well, when in reality they were just taking you for a ride? Please give me a simple YES or NO. It would help me to understand why you are so eager to condone Nelson's deceitful acts? If what he had with the other girl was just a one-night stand or just a one-off thing that happened in a moment of weakness, I would have said she should find a way to work things out with him. But no. It was a premeditated, planned, sustained saga of deceit that went on for a long while. Like I said earlier, a man who cannot be faithful in small things, cannot be faithful in big things. And omo, marriage is a BIG thing. Let no one kid you or tell you otherwise.

One problem a lot of folks have is that they are so ready to apply lower standards of conduct in their dealings with others, yet they expect other folks to exhibit a higher standard of integrity when dealing with them. Why?

As people, we have become so used to certain distasteful acts and unethical modes of behaviour that we are willing to turn a blind eye, as long as we are not on the receiving end of such distasteful acts. Why?

This is not internet tittle-tattle. Just because you are willing to condone such a distasteful act, doesn't mean others should also dance to the same tune. Nenenwa needs to sit down and decide the kind of future she wants for herslf, knowing that this man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, has such a character flaw.

Teriba:

Let`s say you have a 27 year-old sister that has been dating a 32 year-old Nigerian for some months, and that man has now decided to go abroad in search of a better life. Your sister then calls you a couple of months after the man has left to share her anxieties with you. She is of the opinion that, based on what she has seen and heard , she should start another relationship so that if things don`t work out with the one abroad, she wouldn`t have put all her eggs in one basket. Do you want to share with me what your advice would be to this your sister, laudate?

The advice I would give to my sister would not be different. It would depend on how long the guy has been abroad, the kind of relationship they had before he left, how much communication they have had since he left, as well as how quickly she can process her papers to join him there. If that relationship was heading nowhere before he left and there was no firm commitment, I would advise her to call him up and end the relationship on a clean slate, before even looking in the direction of someone else.

If she has valid travelling documents, I would advise her to join him there and seal their relationship, if he had proposed to her before leaving. I know too many women who have wasted their lives and their child-bearing years waiting for some guy abroad, who never showed up because he ended up marrying a foreign citizen in order to get a residence permit.

If she is unable to join him there, and he eventually returns to find out she is still single, and both of them want a reunion, then hey, it's a free world. But I would never advice her to play around behind his back. Call him, tell him the whole truth about how you cannot predict the future so you can't hang around waiting, then cut him loose before you move on with someone else, is what I'd tell her. That way, you have shown him that you are a woman of integrity, if nothing else.

Teriba:

I gave the example of a friend in my first contribution because he happened to be the only one among my numerous friends that did what I couldn`t do when I was in my 20s. Before we met, I was thinking that I should be one of the best around for being able to stick to one girl at any point in time. Then I met this guy and I was truly impressed by what I saw! But which of these two would I want my sister to go out with- the friend that stuck to one girl before marriage and became a mess afterwards or someone that has seen it all before his marriage? I would surely prefer the latter. It was obvious from my interaction with my friend, when he started his infidelity, that playing the field was still appealing to him because he never did that before. Oh yes! That is one of the things people talk about when they mention transition. My friend didn`t have a proper transition from boyhood to adulthood otherwise jumping to bed all over the place wouldn`t have held any attraction for him again, because he has seen it all! So I may not need much moral lessons from you as a person, but this is all about nene. It`s about knowing that where fantasy ends, reality begins. People like you mislead these guys into believing the exact opposite of what is going on in the dating world.
I would echo what blacklion said that nene must not give Nelson the impression that this is a trivial issue. But to now go to the extent of leaving him?
I just don`t think so!

So because your friend never sowed his wild oats before marriage, you feel that was the sole reason why his behaviour changed after marriage? I don't think so. There is definitely more to his actions, than meets the eye. You cannot use ONE man's experience to judge what all other men would do in similar circumstances

I know guys who were faithful to their babes before marriage, and continued being faithful after the wedding. I know those who fooled around with anything in skirts before settling down in wedlock, and have STILL continued to fool around, even after signing the dotted lines.   

You say Nenenwa should not leave him? Alright, no sweat. I hope you will stick around long enough to give her more advice after the wedding, when his infidelity takes on a higher dimension. Obviously, you do not know how many women have grown wrinkles, grey hair and hypertension due to their husband's infidelity and sexual exploits. Do you know how many men have secretly married 2nd wives, or had children out of wedlock without their legitimate wives' knowledge? In some cases, such secrets come to light only after the man's death. I guess such men were too busy comparing the women in their lives, because[i] they wanted to be absolutely sure that they was not leaving "like for like", [/i] until they died. I guess their own transition, never ended, until death came calling. Abeg, we should stop making excuses for infidelity and men who are actually wolves in sheep's clothing, whose sole ambition is to use people for their own selfish ends.

I am yet to see how a philanderer will suddenly become a man of integrity, or a faithful husband overnight simply because he has signed the dotted lines. Anyway, you are free to hold on to your own opinions, while I'm free to hang on to mine. That is why it is called cyberspace. 

Siena:

He's a cheat, and he's using emotional blackmail to keep you with him, threatening to jump off a bridge?

Jeeze! Left to me, I'd call his bluff! I bet you he's a coward, and would NOT jump! Hell, I'd even offer to drive him to the bridge myself, and give him a push!

What a guy. You're better off without him, dump his cheating ass, and find a guy who'll appreciate you, and not cheat! You deserve better.

Ah! At last!   A voice of reason. Thank you Siena, for telling it like it is.

Jump ko, crawl ni. Nonsense!

The guy not only cheated on her, he is now using reverse psychology to lay a guilt trip on her. The bobo na real mumu.  May da law of karma deal with him squarely! Over and over and over again!

When he was dating both girls simultaneously, and sampling their carnal delights in turn, he did not think of jumping off a bridge o! 

I think you should go ahead and prepare for your wedding.Im sure your fiance ex is just rendering empty threats.People who are capable of doing the things she is saying won't talk.She is just trying to scare you off

$ammy:

I think you should go ahead and prepare for your wedding.I'm sure your fiance ex is just rendering empty threats.People who are capable of doing the things she is saying won't talk.She is just trying to scare you off

She should go ahead and prepare for the wedding? Without resolving the issue at hand? Yikes!

What was that Fela's song, again? "Trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am, wetin e dey find oh oh o. . . .?? Palaver im dey find. . ." 

Laudate, do you mind telling me a little bit about your own love life so that I can be sure that you practise what you preach here? I observe that you have been speaking in general terms with fantastic rhetorics. Who knows, a day may come when a nairalander would be in a position to link laudate to his rhetorics and see whether the two are the same. So just paraphrase your love life for the record, if you don`t mind- at least you have an idea of mine.
We all know the answer to the rhetorical question you asked above.
But I think your answer to my question really confirms to me that you are a great man of theory. I`ve never failed to advise whoever has a boyfriend abroad to look for `an insurance policy` at home. You want to tell your 27yr-old sister to put all her eggs in one basket by doing away with the one abroad? How are you sure that that new relationship is going to lead to marriage? In fact, no intelligent sister would take that type of advice from you. Please there is a difference between a man and a woman. Of course, if we are talking of a young man in Nigeria with a girlfriend abroad, the right thing would be to call the girl abroad and tell her that he`s ending the relationship, but I would never advise a girl to do the same until she has 99% assurance that her relationship at home shall lead to marriage. She just need to tell the one she`s starting that new relationship with about the one abroad, that is the sensible thing to do. It`s very easy to quote The Holy Bible on how we should relate to fellow human beings, but I think experience is the best teacher on this one
I also think you should stop worrying yourself about nene because all the issues bothering her have been dealt with by nairalanders. The time has now come for her to decide whether to go with someone that has decided to do the right thing or go shadow-chasing. Here is a guy that is so sure of who he wants to spend the rest of his life with that he has decided to leave the person he has known long before meeting nana, yet you and a couple of others continue to blow Nelson`s mistake out of proportion. Let`s leave them alone!

Teriba:

Laudate, do you mind telling me a little bit about your own love life so that I can be sure that you practise what you preach here? I observe that you have been speaking in general terms with fantastic rhetorics. Who knows, a day may come when a nairalander would be in a position to link laudate to his rhetorics and see whether the two are the same. So just paraphrase your love life for the record, if you don`t mind- at least you have an idea of mine.

Hehehe. . . . .na wetin you wan take my love life do? Was it my love life that the original poster brought to nairaland for advice? I beg, go siddon[i] jare.[/i]

There is no fantastic rhetoric in my posts. Everything I wrote, deals with reality and real-life situations. Just because some folks choose to do 'mago-mago' in their relationships, does not mean ALL folks would follow in their footsteps. I dey suspect you, as you dey support this Nelson guy. E be like say you sef don two-time babe before. . . . .or maybe you be dey do player moves, for one corner. God dey! Be careful sha o! Awoof dey run belle.

Teriba:

But I think your answer to my question really confirms to me that you are a great man of theory. I`ve never failed to advise whoever has a boyfriend abroad to look for `an insurance policy` at home. You want to tell your 27yr-old sister to put all her eggs in one basket by doing away with the one abroad? How are you sure that that new relationship is going to lead to marriage? In fact, no intelligent sister would take that type of advice from you. Please there is a difference between a man and a woman. Of course, if we are talking of a young man in Nigeria with a girlfriend abroad, the right thing would be to call the girl abroad and tell her that he`s ending the relationship, but I would never advise a girl to do the same until she has 99% assurance that her relationship at home shall lead to marriage. She just need to tell the one she`s starting that new relationship with about the one abroad, that is the sensible thing to do. It`s very easy to quote The Holy Bible on how we should relate to fellow human beings, but I think experience is the best teacher on this one

I also think you should stop worrying yourself about nene because all the issues bothering her have been dealt with by nairalanders. The time has now come for her to decide whether to go with someone that has decided to do the right thing or go shadow-chasing. Here is a guy that is so sure of who he wants to spend the rest of his life with that he has decided to leave the person he has known long before meeting nana, yet you and a couple of others continue to blow Nelson`s mistake out of proportion. Let`s leave them alone!

Again, there is nothing thereotical about my posts. I'm a great believer in 'do unto others, as you would like them to do unto you.' That principle has worked well for me all these years, and am not about to change it now. It gets me mad when people try to use me or cheat on me, so I wouldn't do the same to others no matter how shaky the realationship happens to be. Even when people end up cheating on me, the law of Karma is always there to deal with them, because what every man sows, he definitely shall reap. So forget all this gist about trying to use two-timing moves as an insurance policy, because it often backfires at the end of the day. You cannot eat your cake & have it.

If the 27 year old sister tells the new guy about the boyfriend abroad, don't you think the new guy is not going to be serious with her, because he feels she is just killing time pending the other guy's return from abroad? He may also see her as someone that is capable of betraying a lover, once his back is turned, or someone who can dabble into all sorts of tricks once her bloke is out of town. Does that action of hers, suggest loyalty or fidelity? Please tell me. I wouldn't take such a girl as a serious person. In fact, some of my male collegues just see such girls as someone that can be used to while away time.

I don't know how a man can sow lies, infidelity, distrust and two-timing moves in his relationship with a girl, and expect to reap loyalty, devotion and sincerity at the end of the day.

Maybe you can explain it to me o, Mr Theoretical Analysis!

laudate:

Hehehe. . . . .na wetin you wan take my love life do? Was it my love life that the original poster brought to nairaland for advice? I beg, go siddon[i] jare.[/i]

There is no fantastic rhetoric in my posts. Everything I wrote, deals with reality and real-life situations. Just because some folks choose to do 'mago-mago' in their relationships, does not mean ALL folks would follow in their footsteps. I dey suspect you, as you dey support this Nelson guy. E be like say you sef don two-time babe before. . . . .or maybe you be dey do player moves, for one corner. God dey! Be careful sha o! Awoof dey run belle.

Again, there is nothing thereotical about my posts. I'm a great believer in 'do unto others, as you would like them to do unto you.' That principle has worked well for me all these years, and am not about to change it now. It gets me mad when people try to use me or cheat on me, so I wouldn't
do the same to others no matter how shaky the realationship happens to be. Even when people end up cheating on me, the law of Karma is always there to deal with them, because what every man sows, he definitely shall reap. So forget all this gist about trying to use two-timing moves as an insurance policy, because it often backfires at the end of the day. You cannot eat your cake & have it.

If the 27 year old sister tells the new guy about the boyfriend abroad, don't you think the new guy is not going to be serious with her, because he feels she is just killing time pending the other guy's return from abroad? He may also see her as someone that is capable of betraying a lover, once his back is turned, or someone who can dabble into all sorts of tricks once her bloke is out of town. Does that action of hers, suggest loyalty or fidelity? Please tell me. I wouldn't take such a girl as a serious person. In fact, some of my male collegues just see such girls as someone that can be used to while away time.

I don't know how a man can sow lies, infidelity, distrust and two-timing moves in his relationship with a girl, and expect to reap loyalty, devotion and sincerity at the end of the day.

Maybe you can explain it to me o, Mr Theoretical Analysis!

See how easy it`s to find out the real laudate. This last post shows that the real laudate is dodgy and secretive. Won`t be surprised if he turned out to be worse than Nelson!!! I rest my case.

Teriba:

It was obvious from my interaction with my friend, when he started his infidelity, that playing the field was still appealing to him because he never did that before. Oh yes! That is one of the things people talk about when they mention transition. My friend didn`t have a proper transition from boyhood to adulthood otherwise jumping to bed all over the place wouldn`t have held any attraction for him again, because he has seen it all!

Are you saying its natural to cheat? so when a person doesent do it early in life, he ends up doing it later? Like growing beard or seeing your mensuration?

I disagree with you. Infact, I think its the other way round. Once you start it, forget it man, it only takes the grace of God for you to stop. If she wants to forgive Nelson now, she should be ready to forgive subsequent infidelities (because they'll definitely come!!). Once you compromise your standard, be ready to face the consequences for the rest of your life.

Poster, I think you should make this decision yourself, there must be something about this Nelson guy that made u say yes to him in the first plase, you should be able to take a risk for someone. personally I think he's ex's just making an empty threat, she cant do anything to you without getting herself into trouble. Dont worry youself about her, worry yourself about the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. Is he worth the risk??

Teriba:

See how easy it`s to find out the real laudate. This last post shows that the real laudate is dodgy and secretive. Won`t be surprised if he turned out to be worse than Nelson!!! I rest my case.

Chei! Come and see case of pot calling the kettle, black. No be yah fault, you hear? Na Nenenwa matter wey we dey discuss cause am. Otherwise na wetin wan bring this kind thing?

As for someone turning out to be worse than Nelson, ah omo, na you go collect the medal for that one o! See as you dey take style defend all the moves wey Nelson dey make for here. You even bring example from abroad come join am, when the original matter wey Nenenwa bring come here, no even get any abroad angle for inside.

Come o, talk true. Abi, the bobo pay you extra 'kudi' to plead im case for here?

Nenenwa just disappeared, without giving us an update.

As for the ex-girlfriend who was making threats, what eventually happened to her at the end of the day?

Quite frankly, I believe that the ex-girlfriend should see the break-up ,as a big favour.

What is the joy in getting hitched to a philanderer, who lacks any degree of personal integrity?

@poster
ur fiancee lied to u, come to me and i'll show u how love supposed to be

wow that is soo soo sad, that guy is evil evil evi, i know its going to be hard to face the truth but i think u should break up with him. he doesnt deserved someone as sweet as u. and as for his exgirlfriend, well to hell with her opinion. I think if u are goin to break up with him do it because he is useless, a liar and a cheat not because of his silly girlfriend.

Just last week I went to see him in his office when i saw him with another girl, he asked me to give him 10 mins, i agreed and went to stay at the their reception room till he sent for me,

I'm sorry. . .I stopped reading after this line and it didn't help that the topic said. . .

She Is Threatening To Make Life Miserable For Me

What are you waiting for? Like our maiguard will say. . .there are many fises in the osean. Next time line your hook well, well.

Gurl hold your ground, dont let one silly person scare you outta what you want. . . .If you really love the guy and not that you're only looking for somewhere to hook your self, I'll say you hold on to what you love.

Btw what really caused the break up btw your guy and his ex,from there I guess you should what's good for you,abi na?

I can't believe this is even a big debate. Do you really think a man who cheats on your before marriage won't do it after? You get down on your knees and thank your lucky starts you found out now before getting saddled with his 101 children and ayou have no choice but to stay.


Sometimes sef, it's not the men that are to blame for somethings. . .some women play a HUGE part in how they are treated.

Girl hold your ground, don't let one silly person scare you out of what you want. . . .If you really love the guy and not that you're only looking for somewhere to hook your self  I'll say you hold on to what you love

Oh my freaking God! Only a guy will say this. . .

So her man cheats on her. . .yet she's the one who has to prove herself by staying while a maniac threatens her life. On the other hand, if she let's self preservation take over yeye love, she'll be accused of only trying to hook him. . .because as we all know all women want to hook themselves somewhere. Yikes!!!!

Instinctively,when I read this kind of tale,my initial reaction is to say,"dump him".However,infidelity is epidemical amongst men,especially African men.

Probably every single one of the female respondents to this thread has a male partner who is either currently cheating,has cheated or will cheat on her.Short of becoming lesbians,most women will either have to cope with cheating male partners,stay asexual or join the "cheating game".

That is one of the biggest dilemmas in relationships. . . . . .how women can strike a balance between not tolerating infidelity and maintaining a long term relationship.

Some ladies can be so blind sha Will you keep dumping every guy that makes a silly mistake just because he's trying not to loose what he adores. . . exactly what makes most of them grow old without a guy to marry. . . . . .every guy haz he's own fault oneway or the other. The guy ended up confessing, what about if he didnt?

Sisikill:

Oh my freaking God! Only a guy will say this. . .

So her man cheats on her. . .yet she's the one who has to prove herself by staying while a maniac threatens her life. On the other hand, if she let's self preservation take over yeye love, she'll be accused of only trying to hook him. . .because as we all know all women want to hook themselves somewhere. Yikes!!!!

And as for you sisqo or what did you call yourself, do you want to tell this thread now that your man never lied to you?
And the guy you are currently married to has never for once lied and later on confessed to you ( that is if you are married, if not - just hold your peace and dont reply)


And remember - - - -For every good thing in life, theres always a threat against it.

And as for you sisqo or what did you call yourself, do you want to tell this thread now that your man never lied to you?
And the guy you are currently married to has never for once lied and later on confessed to you ( that is if you are married, if not - just hold your peace and don't reply)

ROTFLMAO. . .Sisqo? I love it! Just don’t expect me to start singing the thong song.

No I won’t sit here and tell you I’ve never been lied to. . .I’m not with Jesus and I am not that naïve.

There are things in life you make accommodations for. . .
A man lying . . .you make accommodations for.
A man constantly cheating on you. . .you ask yourself if you can live with it.
The girl he cheated on trying to pull a fatal attraction on your behind. . .I think it’s time to say bye bye bye.

And remember - - - -For every good thing in life, theres always a threat against it.

Who are you reminding? The girl whose guy cheated on her and now has a Psycho threatening her or the guy who cheated on his girl with a psycho who is now threatening his girl?

For every good thing in life, there’s always a threat against it. . . Lmao, how you can say that with a straight face is completely beyond me, sir. There are threats that are out of your control and then there are threats that you use your hand, leg, body and even your soul to cause. So please save the pep talk for the silly nitwits you’re used to shoving your brand of “Fi ori gbe” talk at.

And pray tell what my marital status has got to do with me answering your question?

Sisikill:

ROTFLMAO. . .Sisqo? I love it! Just don’t expect me to start singing the thong song.

No I won’t sit here and tell you I’ve never been lied to. . .I’m not with Jesus and I am not that naïve.

There are things in life you make accommodations for. . .
A man lying . . .you make accommodations for.
A man constantly cheating on you. . .you ask yourself if you can live with it.
The girl he cheated on trying to pull a fatal attraction on your behind. . .I think it’s time to say bye bye bye.

Well, guess thats just tha same way you being saying buh bye to all your suitors, not astonished to have gotten such reply from you. Cos its like you never read the whole story with understanding. In quote you said "A man constantly cheating on you. . .you ask yourself if you can live with it." She never said the guy was constantly cheating on her, the guy had a fight with his ex and moved on with her. . .and later confessed. BTW do you know what an ex really means, someone who belongs in the past. Mayb you need to look that up.

Sisikill:


Who are you reminding? The girl whose guy cheated on her and now has a Psycho threatening her or the guy who cheated on his girl with a psycho who is now threatening his girl?

Reminding you again cos its like you never get stuff the first time. The guy never cheated on any of the ladies. He moved on. Dont you get it?

Sisikill:


For every good thing in life, there’s always a threat against it. . . Lmao, how you can say that with a straight face is completely beyond me, sir. There are threats that are out of your control and then there are threats that you use your hand, leg, body and even your soul to cause. So please save the pep talk for the silly nitwits you’re used to shoving your brand of “Fi ori gbe” talk at.

And pray tell what my marital status has got to do with me answering your question?

what are you chatting about?
Can you please shed more light on this. . . . .There are threats that are out of your control and then there are threats that you use your hand, leg, body and even your soul to cause.. . . . .Cos its like a blab to me. . . . .and about the nitwits you mentioned, I dont think there's anyone who ought to listen to ma pep talk other than someone who cant explain themselves clearly enough for a "Fi ori gbe" guy like me.

And about your marital status, its just a way to find out if you are talking out of experience or out of what some dumbo also told you.

4Play, are you saying women shouldnt have standards?

As I wait for that answer, the OP said she has dumped Nelson. Now if this Nelson person is truly serious about his intentions with the OP, he would straighten out the whole mess with his ex and all that crap THEN do whatever he can to try to get back with her, that's when you know dude is for real but if he has taken her departure as "win some, lose some", then he was always full of shit and she's better off.

Well, guess thats just tha same way you being saying buh bye to all your suitors, not astonished to have gotten such reply from you

Tee hee hee! You found me out. Oh you smart one you. . .can't put anything past you can I?

Anyhoo, that is all besides the point because this line of yours  . .

If you really love the guy and not that you're only looking for somewhere to hook your self I'll say you hold on to what you love

is what I was responding to. The girl says some psycho is threatening her and your advice is to tell her that if she loves him, she should stay and if she doesn't stay. . .it means she was only looking for somewhere to hook herself.  You don't even make allowances for the fact that she does love him but she does not want or refuses to be threatened. Please, Read that sentence of yours again and this time try to process carefully and try to tell me what sense that makes? 

There are threats that are out of your control and then there are threats that you use your hand, leg, body and even your soul to cause,  . . . .Cos its like a blab to me. . . . .

Well of course it makes no sense to you, I hear common sense is not so common. Oh Shoot! I shouldn't have said that . . .it's obvious if we argue from today till tomorrow, we'll never see eye to eye and it has absolutely nothing to do with your sense or lack there of. So my apologies on that last sentence.

And about your marital status, its just a way to find out if you are talking out of experience or out of what some dumbo also told you.

LOL. . .oh come on! I'm sure it's pretty obvious to you now that I really don't listen to dumbos.   

@D-R

As a matter of principle,women shouldn't tolerate infidelity.However,from a pragmatic perspective,its always very likely that the next male partner will be a cheat and the next after that,e.t.c.

That's not condoning cheating by any stretch of the imagination but simply acknowledging reality.

I always say the woman should leave her cheating partner not because it guarantees her the fidelity of a future partner-most likely,it won't-but as a matter of principle

4-play have you ever cheated?

@stillwater

I haven't.

You sound like "ohhh, all men cheat". Hope you are not lying.