Sometimes my heart becomes heavy with a burden that ireally can't bottle up but share the weight of what i feel inside, so that whosoever around can listen and help me heal. In times like this I opt for my keyboard to pen down my feelings
I will start by painting a picture of who I am and my personality.

I am a young man gradually climbing up the ladder in my career. This is a piece about my feelings and the emotion battles I am facing .
Truth be told I am not good with the ladies. Not because of am shy , ugly or un-cool. I am the opposite I am bold, good looking and quite cool, I love to take charge. But I think it's because I am always seen as been too serious, am more of the career and business focused type , plus I am not very emotional at all (the little emotion I have, I do a good job of concealing it). I am not very good at "small talk " my friends do complain that I easily turn our casual discussion into business and professional discussions. For example the other day a female friend called me telling me she's sick and just wanted to talk with me, I ended up turning the conversation to how lucrative the heath care business is and some ideas that if implemented can disrupt Nigeria's health care industry. The fact is that they mostly complain and see me as boring, but the weird thing is that I don't see myself as that, it's just that I see the world from a very unique perspective and it's always fun for me to share that perspective with whoever lends me their ear even for a second.

I can hardly keep or start a discussion with a women on any topic aside my career, projects am working on, technology or science. So I don't bother starting one. Most ladies many think am shy. But far from it I can speak to any woman stunning or average looking without flinching or showing any signs of tension in as much we share the same interest, but when small talk creeps in I fell very uncomfortable in the conversation and in most cases I start giving the wrong responses and therefore recluse into my shell.

I have never been in a relationship not because of failure of trying or not meeting someone I fancy, in-fact of on several occasions I have been toasted by seemingly beautiful and attractive ladies and I in turn have met ladies I fancy. I think the main reason is that deep down in me I know I was not ready for a relationship.
But to amuse you this is a list of reasons or barriers I put up from allowing anything of such from happening.

1. My most strongest reason is that I take been in relationships very serious, In fact I even see it as been married. Right from my teenage years I have this rule of thumb when it comes to ladies which is "if I can't see her in my future, there is no need of us relating or even just been friends except on professional grounds or as an acquaintance" With this ideology even if am attracted to lady I dare not ask her out because I know I'll break her heart which I do not want to do.

2. I really get bored with women even having them as friends (not sexually), but with their drama, their constant need for attention, and their penchant for small talk. most of them are of shallow mind and have the mindset of taking value and not adding any at all (NB: Not all ladies fit this stereotype, cos the smart one's still exist) and thus cannot engage my mind in deep and intellectual conversations therefore boring my curious mind. And the annoying thing is that the ones who can engage me intellectually are not attractive enough to engage me sexual. The ones that i can engage on both grounds I hardly see them in my future mainly due to one character defect or the other. Overtime I have discovered a pattern which is "all the ladies I have ever fancied or liked are all older than me the lowest been 3years older".

Few years back everything changed I met this lady on a job, my guess 3years older, I wouldn't classify her as very attractive, but she's quite good looking, most importantly she challenges my mind, She's very brilliant. The first time I saw , I knew I might like her. Bit given the fact that I don't believe in love at first sight, I tried to get to know her. I made her my friend to be precise " a professional colleague" and thus related to her as such. But after getting to know her, I have seen her strengths and weakness, I have witnessed her in highs and low. Even tho I know I don't know all about her the little I know has made me really fall in love with her. Truth be told she do really like me (at least from my perspective). Not just her words but her actions have told me so, she's given me signals which I have intentionally ignored.
Because am yet to make up my mind.

I am still unable to commit or ask her out Because.

I think I am afraid.

I am afraid of the feeling of not be in control that love leaves me, it make me feel weak and helpless. it make me feel vulnerable.

I really do not know how to tell her. what if she says NO, how will it affect our professional relationship.

My mind tells me she is a distraction toward my goals, but the irony is that she's been very useful on my part to achieving my vision, I feel very comfortable telling her about my ideas and she's really given me some useful suggestions.

I am afraid she doesn't know the real me, the me I want her to know before she say yes.
The fact that she is from a well to do family is not helping matters for me given that I am from a struggling background. Which I know she doesn't know, not because I pretend or "form" But because with the little I have I take care of myself and I am opportune to work in a place that helps pay for my currently lifestyle and also helps me send money to support my family.

I am afraid l will not be able to treat her and financially support her dreams the way I really want to . I feel her lifestyle which is okay given her background is not something I can't afford even tho she is not the demanding type. I want to be able to provide for her. I want to invest in her emotionally, financially and anyhow possible.

it pains me that she doesn't know I love her. I have never felt this way for anybody .
I am quite in a confused state.

NB: Forgive any existing typos and thanks for your meaningful and well thought-out replys in advance.

Dear OP, as e dey pain u dt she no knw say u don fall, na so e dey pain me say i no fit read this novel finish.
But as u claim say e dey pain u, na get well soon be my humble comment. Ok?

KINGwax: Dear OP, as e dey pain u dt she no knw say u don fall, na so e dey pain me say i no fit read this novel finish.
But as u claim say e dey pain u, na get well soon be my humble comment. Ok?

U amazed me with this ur funny reponsed..

Dis ting is too long joor... Hw dyu xpect us to read dis....

Talk to her. I was exactly like you at that age.
Same mentality to dating as well. It kept me from having some useful experiences with women.

Even if its just for the experience, do something.
Talking to her is much better than the painful, self-sustained feeling in your heart right now. You can stop the pain.
If you think its bad now, you don't want to know how it will be when another guy collects her from you as a result of your dulling....

...That would be the end of your emotional innocence.

Everything in life is a risk. If you don't try you'll never know what would happen. When a good opportunity presents itself to you, seize it. Don't let your different backgrounds deter nor discourage you. To the right person, it wouldn't mean a thing. If you let her know you're interested, the worst that could happen is she'll say no, then you would learn from it and do your best to move on. Take things one day at a time and don't be so future-oriented. It's awesome to look ahead, but it's much more rewarding to live in the present.

Hi Mathew!
U sound like a serious focus guy..l love that,base on what u said l ill only advice you to suspend taken this relationship to serious level for now just maintain a platonic friendship with her..u know allow things to flow naturally..Reason:it's will help u to be on track line on ur carrier while also been just a friend with her...You even stated that she's do come up with good suggestions any time u confront her on some issues that nice! just maintain it like that ok?..Note: At ur age now it's possible in 4 - 5yrs ahead ur choice of ladies may be different from what you criterically base on today..so u see..as Brother kindly withdraw that emotional move for ur own good..but if at all u want to go ahead.. honestly l won't be cabinet of that considering ur background as u said bros.

chikeorji123: Hi Mathew!
U sound like a serious focus guy..l love that,base on what u said l ill only advice you to suspend taken this relationship to serious level for now just maintain a platonic friendship with her..u know allow things to flow naturally..Reason:it's will help u to be on track line on ur carrier while also been just a friend with her...You even stated that she's do come up with good suggestions any time u confront her on some issues that nice! just maintain it like that ok?..Note: At ur age now it's possible in 4 - 5yrs ahead ur choice of ladies may be different from what you criterically base on today..so u see..as Brother kindly withdraw that emotional move for ur own good..but if at all u want to go ahead.. honestly l won't be cabinet of that considering ur background as u said bros.

Note: u may pm me if u want us to dialogue further personally. coex123@gmail.com *soon remove*..

Not helpful.
He needs to start learning to be true to his heart as well and taking emotional risks.
Losing something that could have been good is a 100 times worse than ending something that is bad.

I speak from experience. It is like he was recounting my history. I and the OP have the same mentality.

How would you know if you don't tell her how you feel? Don't you think she might be thinking or wishing you ask her out? You never can tell until you try bro. Go on and break the ice

2buff: Talk to her. I was exactly like you at that age.
Same mentality to dating as well. It kept me from having some useful experiences with women.

Even if its just for the experience, do something.
Talking to her is much better than the painful, self-sustained feeling in your heart right now. You can stop the pain.
If you think its bad now, you don't want to know how it will be when another guy collects her from you as a result of your dulling....

...That would be the end of your emotional innocence.

Seconded!!!!

Son you need to gain emotional experience,I recommend you go for her and see how it goes,be bold disregard the age difference or financial background,be natural and truthful and you will be glad I advised you.

I totally agreed with others who commented that you should go ahead and ask her.
Am also hoping she will say no to you coz it will be good for your ego and it will also makes u to be realistic about life.

Life is too short for all these rubbish!!!!

190: Nigerian boys can Phuck up these days - Look at Apostle matthew crying for punny love *smh*

Jeeeez what the heck happened to Nigerian boys and their game

This OP must be yoruba cos na yoruba boys nor sabi anything like this

Anybody can portray this cahracter of the OP,,he is just a *ne*r*d*....I can tell u on relationship issue he has little or no experience,,and this will really affect him @ the long run,,cos WOMEN,WOMEN,WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.God save us from them...go ahead and marry ur vision,work,focus or anything u call it.da OP has PHD in work issue but still in secondary school on love related issue...BTW,,yoruba guyz no dey dull,,I rep yoruba to da fullest...we are da bomb...ask ur sista!!!!!

bros.ar u a SCOPIO BY ZODIAC SIGN..?

At First, you were searching who ll be able to support your dreams and engage in intellectual discussion with you, now you find one and still scared to make your intention know to her. From your post, You belong to the set of peoples who probably judge themselves for almost everything( both actions and inactions). STOP judging yourself from today on and be happy for the rest of your life.

Abeg go meet this gurl and tell her how what you are feeling about you two.... Life is short oO*
Btw, me sef dey meet one gurl 2day after lyk about 2yrs of ordinary friendshp. #but I go burst the speaker 2day!#

jeffp: bros.ar u a SCOPIO BY ZODIAC SIGN..?

And so? What does zodiac sign have to do with the OP's situation?

skoloppy31:
Anybody can portray this cahracter of the OP,,he is just a *ne*r*d*....I can tell u on relationship issue he has little or no experience,,and this will really affect him @ the long run,,cos WOMEN,WOMEN,WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.God save us from them...go ahead and marry ur vision,work,focus or anything u call it.da OP has PHD in work issue but still in secondary school on love related issue...BTW,,yoruba guyz no dey dull,,I rep yoruba to da fullest...we are da bomb...ask ur sista!!!!!

I love u man. If u are talking of mumu boys, Yoruba boyz no dey there. Yeah, he cud ask his sistas.

Well Mathew, the thing is to ask her, and the worst she can do is to say NO, which might be a blassing in disguise; making u learn in the process more about relationship. I bet if she says yes to u; in few months down the road, you wud wish she never said yes to u. Lack of enough knowledge of some people make us desire them.

@ op

You are intelligent plus a very focused person.
Well, its really not a crime to love, but the issue I have with this ur love is that:

-you have a goal you are pursuing, and u are still working towards it.

-the lady is three years older than you who is inexperienced.

Hmm, I don't know if u both are Nigerians or not. Plus I do not know the lady, so I really can't judge, but one thing I know about you having read your post is that you might be an emotional person and you may be the type of person who would love with all your heart. And if peradventure your emotions are toyed with or your heart is broken, it would take a whole while for u to heal and it would make you further withdraw into ur shell.
Hence my advice to you is this : if u do decide to approach her, do not rush. Do this slow and steady. Do not give her your heart too quickly. Let everything build up gradually. The main reason am hitting on this particular point is becos u are inexperienced and dis is something any sharp babe can quickly pick and use seriously as an advantage against and you may not even know what's up. If u give all too quickly, it may not turn out too nice. Let the love flow gradually.

@Ambeautiful
You are beautifully indeed!! infact 1000likes..for the dude this might be his first emotional feeling toward a lady any errow it's will affect him badly..if u read my response l only adice him to aleast reach a mature age while also upgrading on his carrier before embarking on this spartacus journey call love..

Now that you have found sm1 that engages you both emotionally and intellectually,what are you still waiting for?
You cannt conclude untill you give it a try, take the risk and face the consequences.

If u don't talk to this girl,u really have failed. See,the epistle we read is nt meant 4 us alone. Tell dis girl hw u feel, the risk is worth taken. D journey of a thousand miles starts with a bold step. U wil definately learn 2 or 3 things about emotions from this girl. It is beta 2 try and fail than nt to try at all. If u dnt learn the rope now,u wil definately messup when u meet d right girl. No mata d category of girls u meet even if they dnt fit ur "class" wit an open mind u wil pick 1 or 2 frm them. I was in ur shoe, had dis same mentality bt thank God d whole thing changed when i heard it's beta 2 see females as friends 1st. The result was, i became less shy, have more female friends, they easily confide in me and so on. Try it guy,their is no harm in trying.

why is this issue still lingering GOSh!!!!! oga mathew please get yourself a stunning and kinkily beautiful nerd just like yaself who shares the same interests whom you have mutual attraction for.

tpacalipse: I love u man. If u are talking of mumu boys, Yoruba boyz no dey there. Yeah, he cud ask his sistas.

Don't mind him,,,,I wanna let him/her knw that,,if you are not dating a yoruba boy,,,please raise ur standard cos they rocks,,he just want cheap attention.....YORUBA to da bone,,,,if u neva date a southwest boyz,,u dting journey neva complete ooooooo.....tell him ASK his/her broda,sista,p*rent

190:

na yoruba nigerian boys dey quick beg woman like this

Do ur stat,,,yoruba guyz no dey dull,,how many of ur tribe dn jilt or mesmarise us,,ur parents knw abt us,,,giv us an inch,,we dn go a MILE....

Over the years, you have honed your IQ....
now its time to hone up your EQ in relationship terms.

Go with the flow
Go easy with the intense attitude!!!!
Keep a careful watch on things
And be prayerful if you're into such.

Identify ways both your career goals and emotional goals can be attained whilst having this relationship and guide along as such.
Place your cards on the table, so she doesn't think you're stingy.

And have a great time while at it.

Step 1: ask her out for lunch.... and then take it from there.

Keep us updated...............

Thanks guy i really appreciate the fact you were able to read my lengthy post and in-turn provided valuable response that is very useful not only to me, but also to people reading this thread who are facing the same situation as i am.

@ AmBeautiful, doe-eyed, Aggrippa(m), beylinko(m),Roseey0(f),chikeorji123(m),tpacalipse(m),skoloppy31,Walexz02, indoorlove,jeffp, luvmijeje(f),ifihearam,2goodbobo,chikeorji123(m),Yield(f),2buff(m)

YOU GUYS ARE INDEED AWESOME. YOU HAVE INDEED REDUCED MY PAIN.

Moreover given your valid points and well thought out responses.

I will ask her out (it will only cost me my ego if she says NO, and at least i will have closure and move on). But on the other hand i will start by first taking things very slow and letting things flow natural, i will ask her out for lunch then the movies, i will gradually open my self up to her, letting her get to know me better, letting her know my background, and if she still likes and believes in my potential great, if she doesn't i will surely move on. I will take this leap of faith, knowing that their is no 100% assurance i will land with my heart still intact.

Like you guys stated it will indeed be a very useful learning process for me as i build my emotional intelligence, which is very crucial i do so now, Cos when i reach the pinnacle of my career the stakes will be much higher and the possibility i will be surround by trolls will definitely increase. It's gonna be a bumpy ride for sure but the earlier the better.

in response to some questions.
I am a virgio (i really don't believe in zodiac signs tho.)
I am not from the yoruba tribe ( Truth be told i really respect the Yorubas they are very educated and intelligent, i have a couple of them as friends and professional contacts).
She is a Nigerian, Brilliant and beautiful. She has a nice personality plus she has told me how she admires and respects on several occasions, plus she trust my sense of judgement and really believes in me.
i will indeed keep you guys updated as requested.

Once again i thank you all for you co-operation and contribution, wish you a great year ahead and mostly importantly a bliss filled love life.
Thanks.

After I finish reading ur Novel in 3 days time, I will comment. For now I just finished chapter 1.

Go Bro.....
Go get gold!!!!
We're cheering u on!!!!!

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