Hello my family member kindly put me through in case i am wrong. I am in a relationship for over 4 years now ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ if based on my fiance's plan we should have been married by now but somethings are not really so clear to me hence this thread. i observe that my finace is so stingy.let me be briefed,i was robbed in may last year in which i lost almost 80k including my phone of 20k.this man just pet me ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ leave me to myself after which he bought his own BB.i have to buy a BB torch 1 by myself ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ when i challenged him he gave flimsy excuses. Now a month after my new BB was also stolen ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ i was forced to still go for another one without his dime again but today i saw my guy with a new i-pad worth 40k ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ since then i have been crying cos i feel so cheated. My annoyance is that his salary is abt 8 times mine. I have decided not to tell him my grievinces again because it might be termed as being nagging. Pls What do i do again.

Nothing worse than a guy who is oblivious to his woman's needs both with the big things and the small ones. Good thing you make a salary and can do for yourself. Let him know how you feel. Most selfish people dont know they sell fish.

Simply put, he would NEVER make a good husband. Flee from him now before it becomes almost impossible to do so...
A breakup is better than a divorce...

Madam CC, thanks, i thought im d only one who reason like this. Why must one use a BB, if one cant afford it, why will i feel cheated when my money in not taken trickly from me......it is his money, he can spend it d way he feels like, until you are both married, i dont see any reason why you have to feel cheated for not spending or buying things for you, even within marriage sef, it has to get limitation on how you demand from men your own personal things, else, you loose d respect he has for you.
Well, as for me, once a man is responsible for his fatherly roles in d house as much as he can afford, then, my own personal needs are not forced on him.
From another angle, he may even be saving towards your so-called wedding that is on d way, he may even be having a wonderful plan towards what will be beneficial to both of you in d future, which he is yet to tell you.
In conclusion,If you see prudency in him, dont feel cheated......hes only being conservative, and he would surprise you in no time, if you two ended up marrying each other.
May God help us all.

Insensitive man or one who couldn't care less for you even in necessary situations or an obvious need despite being able to afford it.
Who needs a stingy man?
...or the spirits wills but the hand says NO kind..
Who needs a figure-head man?
It isn't wrong to want a man who can show support financially or otherwise occassionally(even if its to indulge yourself) and/or when necessary especially not after fours years.
There might be underlying issues you didn't mention but if you say your man is stingy after four years relationship,then he is and its reason enough to walk because he might not change!
My dear,find your level.
You sound like you can take care of yourself already so you don't NEED him.

He only becomes responsible to you and your needs once he puts a ring on ya finger.

jay bee: He only becomes responsible to you and your needs once he puts a ring on ya finger.

BIG LIE!!

Some men are just naturally stingy.
Inasmuchas madam CC had some points, a man should be able to spend for a Woman he claims to Love, now imagine a Woman he intends spending the rest of his Life with.

If he doesn't find it in his heart to spend for You now that it is hot, is it when things get cold in marriage and he's not so crazy about you?

I'm a Man, I know what I'm saying. When a Man Loves a Woman, you'll practically know by his doings, else he's Stingy! PRONTO!!!

What is with these women and phones? If you are prone to losing your phone, shouldn't you stick to cheap phones Don't you know what you could do with the amount of money you spend on those phones you keep losing?

He's insensitive,very.

Its not really about BB but heck!, your babe was robbed her phone inclusive and all you could do was say sorry then rush to buy yourself a new phone?

Dunno about you poster but if it were me, I'm not just dumping him but would suspect him of masterminding those robberies

What's next?you'll lose your job and he'll throw a "survival" party?
Babez, you can tell the quality of shyte from the fart. Dude doesn't give a Fvck about you.

Yo threadstarter, is your grieviance towards him because of his insensitivity or the gadgets he bought himself?

Be honest ma'am

greatgod2012: Madam CC, thanks, i thought im d only one who reason like this. Why must one use a BB, if one cant afford it, why will i feel cheated when my money in not taken trickly from me......it is his money, he can spend it d way he feels like, until you are both married, i dont see any reason why you have to feel cheated for not spending or buying things for you, even within marriage sef, it has to get limitation on how you demand from men your own personal things, else, you loose d respect he has for you.
Well, as for me, once a man is responsible for his fatherly roles in d house as much as he can afford, then, my own personal needs are not forced on him.
From another angle, he may even be saving towards your so-called wedding that is on d way, he may even be having a wonderful plan towards what will be beneficial to both of you in d future, which he is yet to tell you.
In conclusion,If you see prudency in him, dont feel cheated......hes only being conservative, and he would surprise you in no time, if you two ended up marrying each other.
May God help us all.

Agegi jor, leave stori for story book. . .when you truly love you will give. . .If you earn 8 times more than your babe whom you are in love with and she is in need it is your duty to give her even when you are not married. . .Some men are just STINGY and will never change. After marriage it will only get worse. . .

chaircover: A N40K Ipad?? Please where can I get one? Ive been scammed

On a serious note, I see where you are coming from however I am concerned that you are only citing not so relevant instances such a blackberry. If you had said that with his times 8 salary he still borrows money from you and doesn't return it or you had an illness and he hadn't helped towards the hospital bills, or you had an important professional exam to take and you were short of money and the closing date was approaching . . . . then that is a different matter and you should be worried if these kinds of things were happening.

I am not a man and dont live in Nigeria, but I know that many babes expect their boyfriends to buy them expensive phones and top up the credit on it & they then turn round and call the man mugu, so men cant be blamed for keeping their wallets tightly shut when it comes to blackberrys.

You also haven't explained how you alone lost 2 phones in such a sort period of time. Maybe he has warned you against being so careless and his not replacing the phone is his way of teaching you to be more careful . . .im just saying.

It may sound as if I am against you and siding your boyfriend, but I am all for women empowerment and self respect. You are working, so buy a phone that you can afford with your salary. That way you can hold your head high and not be held to ransom by anyone.

Apart from him not replacing your phone is he loving and caring? Is he reliable? Does he treat you with respect? Is he God fearing? does he carry out his other financial obligations? Does he overspend on irrelevant things or is he just prudent with money? Does he care about your wellbeing in other areas apart from the phone issue? Please think very carefully about all this before making any decision. I wish you all the best.

@madam cc, well said..wud like to have ur email pls.

can you not buy your own ipad and blackberry,

granted my husband bought me a blackberry but honestly ur post sounds annoying - small girls of today are something else - honestly if you were dating my brother and i heard this complaint i personally would chase you from my family.

yes i'm annoyed

Let's get real abeg, This isn't some side chick or black berry babe he is dating its who he intends to marry.
When we were dating I lost my phone my then fiance now husband immediately removed his sim from his better phone and gave me to use while he managed his second phone till he got me one some days later.
Mind you I was earning more than him.
It may not have been a blackberry but she lost her phone and money, let's be real abeg.

Its not about being demanding its about being caring and unselfish.

I don't have brothers but I haave cousins, when you are serious with a girl it is obvious where your treasure is that's where your heart is.

Poster, This is not good, I don't see you as a leech, I see your fiance as someone who loves himself a little too much and may be unable to make space for you, talk to him and sort that out before you get married.
Money is very important and how it is spent, else he will be changing cars while you are struggling from Okada to Okada

cotton101: can you not buy your own ipad and blackberry,

granted my husband bought me a blackberry but honestly ur post sounds annoying - small girls of today are something else - honestly if you were dating my brother and i heard this complaint i personally would chase you from my family.

yes i'm annoyed

Hehehe....and your brother will allow you chase away his love?
On a serious note....I think poster is doing well on her own! Why lose a blackberry with 80k and you still can afford to buy another one of 40k? You should be happy you can take care of yourself. Am sure you believe cos he earns 8 times ur salary he must share it with you abi? Wrong!!!
Wait until you marry, sit down and draw a plan together how u want to run ur house. Right now its a bit hard but true...his money is his money and u can't force him to share it with you.
However, if u ain't okay with it then walk away. Maybe u meet a yahoo yahoo man who will spend all his money on you & his friends in just one week. Good luck!!!

cotton101: can you not buy your own ipad and blackberry,

granted my husband bought me a blackberry but honestly ur post sounds annoying - small girls of today are something else - honestly if you were dating my brother and i heard this complaint i personally would chase you from my family.

yes i'm annoyed

Husband bought blackberry! You want to chase the babe because she complained about your brother not buying her blackberry...

Nigerians!

At OP, as for being stingy, yes the guy is stingy and insensitive...

Can you live with that? Up to you, your call!

Me even when I can provide for myself, I don't do stingy people.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Lemme play you a song then. . .


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ3JjZav5dM

I think I prefer this wan!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmBuxe-eW5A

a man is not only stingy with his money.

Your fiance is very stingy.

At least a small contribution would have quelled all this.

When you people now marry, to collect money for household items would become wahala.

Four years of relationship is not beans and he is still insensitive

ok maybe i was pis**d off when i posted earlier but in all honesty this is not something to start a topic about - u have been with this guy how long and its now u realise he is stingy.

anyway sit the man down and tell him how you feel, cos i don't want to hear that you decided to marry someone else cos he bought you an iphone and ipad

OMO IBO: Yo threadstarter, is your grieviance towards him because of his insensitivity or the gadgets he bought himself?

Be honest ma'am

Exactly.

Ma'am, come and answer this in addition to the wise questions raised in Chaircover's post!!!

Losing 2 phones within months (expensive ones), but expecting him to replace them?

Apart from these gadgets, does he do other things for you financially?

There are no two ways to the fact that your man is very stingy kinda guy.common!this is not about some blackberry babe seeking a BB,is more like a woman expecting some level of assistance and sensitivity from her man.Love naturally comes with giving,you don't force yourself to give,you just give.

@Op,why did it take 4yrs for you to realise thisIs this the only few instances where he did not offer any assistance??is he usually self centered??are you very demanding??in as much as I don't suscribe to over dependency,it is not wrong that you expected assistance from a man you plan to marry.

Don't ever think that he will change,you either accept him wax and all,or let him go for good.Your case is similar to that of a BB friend who is now opting for divorce because her hubby contributes nothing to the house welfare.The man has been very self centered during their courtship days but at 31,she was desperate to settle down.She hoped on change,which never came.After 5yrs of marriage and three kids,she wants to call it Quit.

My point remains that you either be ready to care for your kids alone or let go now that you can.Don't think you can manage because forever is a long time.A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

byvan: There are no two ways to the fact that your man is very stingy kinda guy.common!this is not about some blackberry babe seeking a BB,is more like a woman expecting some level of assistance and sensitivity from her man.Love naturally comes with giving,you don't force yourself to give,you just give.

@Op,why did it take 4yrs for you to realise thisIs this the only few instances where he did not offer any assistance??is he usually self centered??are you very demanding??in as much as I don't suscribe to over dependency,it is not wrong that you expected assistance from a man you plan to marry.

Don't ever think that he will change,you either accept him wax and all,or let him go for good.Your case is similar to that of a BB friend who is now opting for divorce because her hubby contributes nothing to the house welfare.The man has been very self centered during their courtship days but at 31,she was desperate to settle down.She hoped on change,which never came.After 5yrs of marriage and three kids,she wants to call it Quit.

My point remains that you either be ready to care for your kids alone or let go now that you can.Don't think you can manage because forever is a long time.A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Right, on point..! True words.

Oh puleeezzz... wts with all dis women empowerment stuff?? im all for women empowerment, i agree dat women should be independent but lets be realistic here, inasmuch as i can take care of me, der is dis trill and happiness i ve wen my better half knowing fully well dat im equal to d task still insists on taking care of me. dats wat d op is missing and she is ryt to be concerned!!!

how can anyone say he is responsible for her only after d wedding? he is her fiance for Godsake!! if he won't do it now, wt makes u think he ll later??

its not about d bb, its d fact dat d man isn't caring,and he should be, yes he should be !!!

op, im glad dis issue came up now. it makes u unhappy, talk to him!! tell him wat u think!! it may seem petty but things lyk dis causes wear and tear in marriage. coz no matter how much u love him, if he dosent go all out to please u attimes, if he doesn't pamper u attimes, u lk feel cheated and betrayed and u ll feel so many oda tins.. and it ll mk u unhappy and it ll affect ur marriage. u should trash it now!!

i don't lyk it wen ple give advises they demselves won't follow. no matter how strong and independent u r, u still need someone to take care of those tins u can take care of. its called showing care to ple u love, its one of the tins dat ensures d longevity of love!!!

Some Empowered women here are always screaming, they don't need a man's money, they can take care of themselves, while dating.. All na lie.. For how long, will u continue to always buy things with your money without him, giving u anything.. His job is to have s3x , eat your food, smile a toothless smile, saying u r the best of them all, then dust yansh waka... Story. .. Some women should stop fooling themselves. Op , if the guy is stingy.. Pls drop him, cos u will be the only one caring for yurself, even after marriage.. Av bn in a stingy relationship before. I was carried away by love, saying but I earn my own cash, y depend on him. Few weeks to finalise our marriage plans , I asked him a simple question.. That, dear u know av never asked u for money since we have been dating and uv not given me a dime since we started dating. Lets assume, am broke during our years of marriage, will u assist me? Will u help me out? He told me , with a straight face, No I won't... I was so shocked.. I asked why? He said because I have a job, that's better than his, so why shud he give me money, if am down. Can u imagine?
I angrily told him its over between us, to he'll with his marriage plans, am out. I cried throughout that nite sha o. But
Thank God , I made that choice... Am married to another guy , who is among the best of them .. Nice, caring.. Doesn't care abt my money, and sure takes care of me ,,our home financially....
Op, he is not worth the stress..and also be very careful on how u handle yur phones.

victorian: Some Empowered women here are always screaming, they don't need a man's money, they can take care of themselves, while dating.. All na lie.. For how long, will u continue to always buy things with your money without him, giving u anything.. His job is to have s3x , eat your food, smile a toothless smile, saying u r the best of them all, then dust yansh waka... Story. .. Some women should stop fooling themselves. Op , if the guy is stingy.. Pls drop him, cos u will be the only one caring for yurself, even after marriage.. Av bn in a stingy relationship before. I was carried away by love, saying but I earn my own cash, y depend on him. Few weeks to finalise our marriage plans , I asked him a simple question.. That, dear u know av never asked u for money since we have been dating and uv not given me a dime since we started dating. Lets assume, am broke during our years of marriage, will u assist me? Will u help me out? He told me , with a straight face, No I won't... I was so shocked.. I asked why? He said because I have a job, that's better than his, so why shud he give me money, if am down. Can u imagine?
I angrily told him its over between us, to he'll with his marriage plans, am out. I cried throughout that nite sha o. But
Thank God , I made that choice... Am married to another guy , who is among the best of them .. Nice, caring.. Doesn't care abt my money, and sure takes care of me ,,our home financially....
Op, he is not worth the stress..and also be very careful on how u handle yur phones.

And what if they're not having sezz?

come no one is saying one should shoulder all financial burdens themselves or that a we should take independence to the extreme level but if ur fiance/boyfriend is not bringing the cash and gifts either buy it yourself or leave or quit complaining - what exactly am i working for? na wah o

when i was disturbing my then fiance for a tablet and he was too slow to act i just jeje went to currys and bought my tablet for myself - does it stop him from doing what he is meant to do and giving me gifts.

anyway each to their own biko - i am going shopping right now and need a clear head to attack the shops

Holier than thou people too plenty for this section..and all na lie.
This man na correct aka-gum.
His type is well known.
Money for essentials go hard am because his wife is independent.
Na she go suffer am.
His money go be his own money and her money will be theirs!
If it was some random babe demanding or expecting some responsibilty,she can be thrashed for being a long throat but not a fiancee or gf of four years.
She deserves better!!

bizgirl: Hello my family member kindly put me through in case i am wrong. I am in a relationship for over 4 years now ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ if based on my fiance's plan we should have been married by now but somethings are not really so clear to me hence this thread. i observe that my finace is so stingy.let me be briefed,i was robbed in may last year in which i lost almost 80k including my phone of 20k.this man just pet me ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ leave me to myself after which he bought his own BB.i have to buy a BB torch 1 by myself ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ when i challenged him he gave flimsy excuses. Now a month after my new BB was also stolen ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ i was forced to still go for another one without his dime again but today i saw my guy with a new i-pad worth 40k ãn̶̲̥̅̊đ since then i have been crying cos i feel so cheated. My annoyance is that his salary is abt 8 times mine. I have decided not to tell him my grievinces again because it might be termed as being nagging. Pls What do i do again.

Madam your BF is not your father!! So let's be clear on that. He is NOT RESPONSIBLE to replace your fone and all that. If he chooses to do it that's fine if not fine too. Yes a man should take care of a woman but the Nigerian Mentality that a man has to foot all of a womans bill is just annoying for crying out loud you are not his wife if u become his wife then u automatically become his responsibility. That is when your post is relevant but sofar you peeps are still doing bf and gf please dnt get it twisted you are not his responsibility. If he chosses to help fine if not fine he has no fault

He still has to care for her... It's not abt sezz or no sezz... The issue is, yur dating someone , u both love each other.. Both of you should be there for each other, when its rough and gloomy. I have female frnds that means the world to me. Why? Because they are always there for me financially, and otherwise... Likewise me too.. Am there for them too.. If am broke tmrw, at least one of them will help me out either with the full amount of money I need or almost all of my frnds will give me some cash , differently that will add up to what I need... At least we don't have sezz , we are friends, more like sisters that knows when someone cud be down. Not every day is Christmas . That's what am saying..because if in a relationship, no partner is helping each other, when the other is down financially, what kind of relationship Is that?

I will say, A Cold fake relationship.