i got dis somewhere---its so blunt and funny. So i though i should share..
Enjoy..!






LETTER to MY NEW GIRLFRIEND....

Hi Love,
Its just a month since we met, So far, we have had great fun...You'v been great, fun, interesting, loving, lovely and lovable ...And Hey, am stil in LOVE with You...BUT: You gotta accept a few FACTS and WATCH a few habits.... BEFORE You came into My life, I was a soccer fan, I used to go watch a game EVERY WEEKEND with my boys...in the pub, cheering and celebrating my team., AND You have to accept THAT FACT! You have NO right whatsoever to start pulling Me away frm football ! The FACT that I Love You doesnt mean I have startd HATING my team! Am stil the same boy, same soccer lover AND ANYTIME there is a match, I EXPECT that you wil behave yourself AND LET ME BE ME! Afterall, I will ONLY watch a match for 90 minutes AND spend the rest seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years with You! Be Fair ! I love my bottle.....I am NOT a drunkard, not an alcoholic but I love my occasional cold beer....DONT try changing Me, DONT try turning me into some Arch- Bishop... Its my beer,You met me with it...If You want to enjoy ths relationshp, BETTER let me enjoy my beer....After all, You told Me You Love Me, You didnt say You Love the SOBER Me! I have Ex- girlfriends! THATS A FACT! Better live with it darling! Quit asking how many they are because, truth is, I WILL LIE. Yes, av had a couple bitches here n there, I've banged a couple pu$$ies here and there BUT at least I stil have my heart! And my D##K! So, STOP bothering me with the "Ex" questions, YES, I had them, I did them, I banged them, I loved some of them BUT its over NOW! They are in my PAST, So STOP bringing them Up! Hey, I am NOT Father Teresa! I have friends! Crazy, weird, noisy, mouthy and sometimes annoying friends! YOU BETTER ACCEPT THEM! I met them before You, I've been through shit with them, thru hell with them! They are an extension of Me! I hang out with them, laugh with them, joke with them n share with them! Hating them WON'T make Me Love You more! Accept my friends AND be friends with them coz, whether You like it or not, those Modafuckas are here to stay!!! I DONT have to remember Everythng! I am NOT a teleprompter! I am human. I can forget dates...Birthday dates, Anniversary or any stupid date, Its called being a Man. So, stop acting up everytime I forget a date, You should thank God I haven't forgotten You! It's Your job to be neat always. NOT MINE. Finding dirty socks on my gas cooker is as normal as Harambee Stars losing a match! Live with It. I LOVE SEX. Thats Me. A Man. So, STOP pretending that you are surprised that am always Hot for You...its normal. Given a chance, I would do it anytime, anywhere...so, better STOP denying me that cookie! DON'T blame Me, trace it back to the biblical King Solomon. My D##k is my D##k! The size is my size! You either appreciate it or LEAVE me! I wont sit here n watch You complaining abt my D##k! Its NOT about how DEEP I can go in You, its about how DEEP my love 4u Is. Sometimes I cum fast, sometimes I stay longer! Its being a MAN! So,stop whining and acting up everytime I cum too quick! You should thank God I came! That means You are too awesome to delay ! After all, Its NOT about how long I can last in bed, its about how LONG ths rlshp will last!!! But Hey, DONT BE FOOLED! Sometimes I can last longer than the UHURUTO Integrity Case! Try Me! DONT EVER compare Me with Your Ex. If he was sooo good, what THE F##K are You doing with Me If am good in bed, SPREAD the word to Your girlfriends...and sisters....and female cousins.....If am poor, SPREAD the word to Me....I'll do somethng about it... Never attack me verbally in public! Never Ever! Its a crime! We are Lovers, NOT Politicians. My phone IS my phone. The stuff that goes on there is crazier than a Homabay CORD rally! Leave it alone! Oh, and NEVER answer my calls! Ever! If they wanted to talk to You, they would have called You instead! If I have the money, we'll spend it. If am broke...Sit down and pray 4 Me. Dont start Acting Up because my wallet is empty! Hey, I came into Your life to LOVE YOU, Not to bail you out! ALWAYS REMEMBER, I came to attend to Your heart affairs, NOT FINANCIAL AFFAIRS! I am Your Boyfriend! Not Bill Gates!!


Love,
Boyfriend.....
Phemmy

shuuuuuu
e too long na

You are the bomb.

Lmao love dis

Lmao love dis.

Can someone help me summarize?

E long oooo buh e make sense.

Nice