flow weldone n api bufdai in advance btw my own bufdai na 21st of dis mnth

Wow.........................am home alone and av been laughing my heart out .......i hope my neighbours av nt started calling lasambus to come and take me to yaba left

Flow u be my man, I still dey wait for update oooo.

i dn wait tire xef #NoUpdate

"make we enter Ilya du Neked wire na, e don tay wey i drink Pammy oh" Man said in the evening of the next day as we sat at Big boys cutz.

"i go follow una go drink oh" Brainbox said.

"na which leg you go use waka go? Abi you go enter Aeroplane go?" I said.

"Una go carry me for back go na" Brainbox said.

"who go carry you for back?" I needed to know.

"na you na" He answered.

"me? Carry you? Make i carry you for back make people think say i wan use you go do sacrifice, abi you no know say you resemble wetin them wan use do sacrifice" I said what made customers at Big boys cutz laughed.

Brainbox looked not like a sacrificial Lamb but like a sacrificial Goat. With Plaster of Paris on his swollen leg and Bandage tied around his broken wrist, he looked like a survivor of a plane crash.


"next time if you see gym you go run" Man said.

"no mind Brainbox, make we dey go drink jor" Tupac said.

We had barely taken Seven steps when we saw a Toyota spider car drove into our compound.

The two persons i saw in the car were Tochi and his elder sister Kate.

"so this Tochi get motor?" I asked.

"him get na, you no know say him be Yahoo boy" Bigie answered.

"so this kin small boy get motor, nawa oh" I said.

"Tochi no be small boy oh, him just get baby face" Bigie stated.

"abeg make we hear word, the boy na small boy jor" Tupac said almost immediately.

"no dey talk wetin, you no know abeg, i know the guy pass you, i say him no be small boy" Bigie attacked.

"boy wey no fit pass 22years nahim you say no be small boy, you no get sense oh" Tupac raised his voice.

"na you no get sense, i dey tell you about person wey i know you dey talk r'ubbish" they were arguing. Just like they always argued about their late role models; Lasane Paris Crooks and Cristopher Wallace.

To me, Tochi was a "small boy".

If him be small boy, why you com dey fear am? You would ask.

Why i no go fear am, he was a cultist for pity's sake.

You nkor you no be cultist? You would further ask.

I was a retired Cultist, while he was a point 1 of Buccaneer.

Him no be man like you? You would still further ask.

Him no be one man oh, only him na "mans".

Oo Yes, "mans" is the plural of "man". Oyibo people go just dey decieve us, if the plural of "mango" is not "mengo", then why wouldn't the plural of "man" be "mans".

On a more serious note, one could hardly find Tochi alone without atleast two "mans" with him, because he was a cult leader.

If i was to Luckily find him alone without his "mans", i would surely beat the hell out of him like his elder i was. After beating Tochi the Leader of Buccaneer, the next and best thing for me to do would be to pack my bags and leave Owerri, or better still leave Nigeria, infact leave the World, because Buccaneer Confraternity is a Worldwide cult. So many "mans" worldwide would surely chase me to Planet Mars.


"wetin i know be say Tochi na small boy" They were still arguing.

"make una stop to dey drag jor, una never hear tori for town" I brought the argument to a stop.

The word "drag" isn't a mistake, it is the Pidgin interpretation of the English word "argue".

"wetin be the tori?" Bigie curiously asked.

"Police don arrest Chief Livinus" I announced.

"why dem arrest am na?" Tupac asked.

"dem say na him send dem Ade make dem kill Chief Ogbonna" Man said.

"ehennn! Why him kill am na?" Bigie inquired.

"him and Chief Ogbonna wan contest for Local government Chairman election, and him know say Chief Ogbonna go win the election nahim make him kill am" I told the story. I told it how i heard it, without missing words.

"nawa oh! People wicked oh! But who tell una this things sef?" Tupac asked.

"na Baba jay and Snoop, you know say na them dey dey house na" Man said.

"who tell two of them sef" Bigie asked. "when you reach house make you ask them" Man answered.


We had barely drank for 2minutes at Ilya du Neked wire when i saw two Police Vans suddenly parked. My dull brain initially thought the Policemen came to drink Pammy.

Some guys ran, i tried running also, but when i needed my legs the most, it failed me.


The next place i saw myself was in one of the vans.

I wept.

I looked left, i looked right, and i saw none of my friends amongst the guys that were with me in the first van. I guessed their legs saved them, while mine failed me.

I wept bitterly like bitterleaf.

I noticed that amongst the guys in the first van, i was the only person not putting on Kegite regalia. I looked to the other van and saw that about five guys were also not putting on the regalia.

Amongst the guys not putting on Kegite regalia, i saw a familiar face, but i wasn't seeing clearly, my eyes too were failing me.

I opened my eyes wide like the eyes of a Frog to see that the familiar face i saw was the face of my friend Man. Man wey dey reason.

No worries nah! Jaz go carry una reach house nah

Oga flow. I dey gbadun u. I was really behind for 6 weeks, Good to know this story eventually made front page. My private jet took me from Indian ocean to the land of the Green and white, where I lost touch with Nairaland and your story. Now connecting from the desert. carry go!

Jesos ehhh! Finally I don reach here.. Mehn flow I follow u bfore come stop for page na because of my exams..I almost forgot abt this tori oo til d tin come front page again I started following from page 9 it tuk me 3dayz to get here...onetin u guys won't know is that all these beefing for this thread here dey make sense wella... I don laff I ma intestine don skip tire by now dem dey sag...anyways broda flowey u re too much



Still I follow!

[color=#000099][ sighs# finally am here, a big tanx to d guys dat agitated for dis post to enter front page, cos if it wasnt that, my eva gloomy face in d jungle wey NYSC put me for no c smiles, i never knew hw long ago av laughed so well, mr. flow wey dey reason

alfablondy: Oga flow. I dey gbadun u. I was really behind for 6 weeks, Good to know this story eventually made front page. My private jet took me from Indian ocean to the land of the Green and white, where I lost touch with Nairaland and your story. Now connecting from the desert. carry go!

alfablondy welcome back. We missed you.

flow nwanne'm nwoke.

I'm addicted to ya writings, do make sure you start another thread after your buffdae.


#team flow

valboy20: flow nwanne'm nwoke.

I'm addicted to ya writings, do make sure you start another thread after your buffdae.


#team flow

[color=#990000][/color]
guy dat FLOW dope walai.

flow na only 4 ribs left where i go buy anoda one?

Thumps up

I still maintian my stand! Flow, because of your Compos Mentis, you are E Pluribus Unum.

Eyah! Man wey dey reason. Police don com arrest una dem Ilya du Neked waya joint.

FLOW! FLOWEY, me na newbiez 4 here bt as i see d post on monday na im i don dey read til i get here 2day abeg tori us wetin happen next o, a new silent fan and follower, In fact a die hard fan: Me noni

Wow i finally made it tuday,av been ur silent fan 4 d past 6days,i gbadu ur story die.GOD WILL REWARD U.more sparm to ur scrotum.

Man wey don scata race since

pcaliphate: I still maintian my stand! Flow, because of your Compos Mentis, you are E Pluribus Unum.

Thank you. I will never disappoint you. I promise.

ooh my... Now i don join league of beggers courtesy Flowey, wen i dey rush readin frm page 1 since june4, i saw 'beggers' posts n i felt for dem, shey me now go beg 4 update ni, no i wont. Flow, i giv u 6hrs, if u no gv us 3 updates b4 dis sunday runs out, i go command MAN make he talli u make u pick nylon come ibadan cos i be wan c u, or so i tot

Keep it up bro

Flowey nwane biko kowaramu akukoa ooo ! Happy sunday nwane.....







Still u flow n
Still I follow!

By the power of taley, i command you flow to update 32 post without stop.
I wish it work, so i tot.
STILL I FOLLOW........

LOL...make I try am? Last time I did he updated.
Fowey? Where you dey?

I don dey addicted to ur tread,i beg con update us naw tuday na sunday hooo.

Abeg more beggers...we bring am

Nice one flow.God bless you.

flow u 2 much u no go kill me my ribs dey pain me o.

[color=#770077][/color]Hahahahahahahahahahahaha................i can't stop Laughing.............flow u no go kill person o

I fasted for two days.

Fasting without prayers.

I broke my fast by 6pm with the Urine soaked Bread we were given.

Although the Bread smelled of Urine, it tasted nice. Maybe what i percieved wasn't Urine but Jam.

That meant we ate Jam and Bread.

But i was sure those loaves of Bread were soaked in Urine and dried before they were given to us.

That was less a problem, the Sun stayed in the cell with us.

The cell was hot. Pipping hot.

The cell was crowded, so crowded that i could barely breathe.

That was less a problem, Mosquito chop my body like Suya.

Mosquitoes feasted on me like Bee to Nectar, they saw my skin as a Nightclub to club on.

That was less a problem, the cell smelled nice.

Fragrance of poo made the cell smelled heavenly.

That was less a problem, my back was a seat althrough. A seat for a guy named Commando.

Commando was the direct opposite of the Actor Arnold Swanchneiger(e be like say i no spell am well). He was Lanky, unkept, bushy hair, skinny, charcoal black teeth, burgundy red eyes, Elephant trunk-like Nose, Kpormor lips, Coke and Fanta skin. Thats all.

Thats not all oh, his fart was a Time bomb. It came within every 30seconds interval, and it came poco a poco.

Poco a poco means little by little. And don't you ask me what Language it is, because me sef no know.

For two days, my back was Commando's Cushion. Leather Cushion, because my back was gradually turning Leather.

Commando was an inmate that took leadership of the cell upon himself because he was there before us.

Why my back became his Leather Cushion was because i insulted him for stepping on me when we first came. Man supported me to insult him, so his punishment was to fan Commando the Commander.

I was his Cushion while my friend Man was his standing fan.

I woke up the third morning speaking in tongues. Not speaking in tongues because i was praying, but speaking in tongues because i was Cold. The combination of my shivering and gnashing of teeth sounded like i was speaking in tongues.

I gnashed my teeth because our release wasn't forthcoming.


"why you dey pray? We no need noise here oh" Commando yelled at me that cold morning, i guessed that was his "good morning".

"i no dey pray oh" I replied.

"wetin you com dey do so?" He yelled more shivers into my Lungs.

"i dey sing" I thought someone else said that. But when i knew i actually said it was when he said; "so you sabi sing sef".

"i just dey praise God" I was saying all these without my brain, or rather with my brain shut down.

Why wouldn't my brain shut down? When i could feel my spinal cord almost breaking to pieces.

Why wouldn't my brain shut down? When i was dead famished.

"oh! So you dey praise God" He slapped me on my head. As he did that, i started hearing a tick-tock sound as if the World clock was in my head.

"make i no praise my God again?" I said with heavy lips.

I really needed to praise God so He would take me from "behind bars" to "in front of bars" just the way He did in the Bible to Paul and Silas, i think.

As Man continued fanning Commando, my eyes went to his fingers, what i saw shocked me. He wasn't wearing his ring. He wasn't wearing his magical Talley.

"so them those policemen remove Man ring and them no turn to Rat?" I asked myself.

"abi the Talley no dey work again? Why Man no disappear comot for here na? Abi them the policemen dey use Talley sef? Abi na Man remove the ring by himself? Abi Man no wan just disappear?" I asked myself uncountable questions.


I was still lost in my thoughts when i felt something penetrating into my a'.sshole. I turned and saw that it was a finger of one of the inmates. My boxers was torn and he passed his finger through the hole to my a'.sshole.

"guy stop that thing, abi you dey mad" I left where i was standing to stand elsewhere.

"but wetin tear my boxers for nyash sef?" I asked myself. The answer to that question was that i had farted about 200times since i came behind bars.

"nna mehn! Na my mess tear my boxers oh" I concluded because my boxers tore directly opposite my a'.sshole.

Why wouldn't my fart tear my boxers? When my stomach was running because of the urine soaked bread i ate.

I continued shivering and gnashing my teeth or rather speaking in tongues, when i heard two Policemen walked to our cell and one of them said; "those boys wey be cultist, if una hear una name make una dey comot one by one" He opened the cell.

That was when it dawned on me that they arrested us because they thought we were cultist.

He mentioned Seven names, and i didn't hear mine. He kept repeating a particular name; Ugochukwu Eke. My mind told me the name sounded familiar.

"present Oga officer!! na my name sir!!" I cried out.