Please, call both families together and open up as this is a serious issue as maybe both might think you and your friend is bi-se=x-ual

StateOfMind:


Did I just see "you married her but she dint marry you"

Sorry to say bros, but please do us a favour and return to the cave you came from.

You all talk as if ladies don't have goals too. These same girlfriends you talk about don't have lives ? They don't have friends whom they share aspiration too? Friends that have helped them grow to become better people? This Op here is married and you are not. Your friend can come first in you relationship but when marriage is concerned, your family comes first.

Why am I even wasting my time sef? Someone who already believes in 'I married you and not the other way round'. Someone who thinks no woman can add value to his life but chase value adding people away from him.

Shiorrr.

Don't mind the ignorant fellow. What's more disturbing is d fact that the OP identified most with this guy who has such a low opinion about women. This gives a an indication of the OP's own opinion of his wife.

dayokanu: Thats the thing when you are married

You cant talk or hang out with your friends that must mean you are sleeping with them. You must not talk too much with your family too much else it means you are phoccking your parents, you must not talk too much with your neighbors else you are nyanshing them, must not watch TV too much not use phone too much, not use computer too much else you are cheating, if you go to work too much you are phocking your oga or colleague

Try adjust your life, Just sleep wake up go to work and look her in the face 24hrs daily at least that would make her happy

Marriage is for men to make women happy without consideration for whatever makes the man happy. You wonder why men still die before women

All your friends contribution to her passing the PLAB is inconsequential, Maybe she should have rejected the help and banned the friendship when she was getting those help

Egbon e lo joko jor!
Why should a married man be talking to another man for 2 hours everyday...what kind of business plan or ideas are they talking about?
I can still understand if it's the wife that does that.

He is married...his priorities should focus on his marriage, wife and family.
The fact that he is not even willing to share or spend some quality time with his wife already indicates where the problem lies.
Things should be done with common sense and balance.

Dude is already talking about choosing his friend over his wife...kilagbe kileju

OP, you and your wife have different ideologies about the institution of marriage. You got married solely to procreate not to become one, whereas your wife wants the latter.

Women throw their brains in the dust-bin when they are eager to get married forgetting to address the danger that lie ahead; risking marrying a potential flaming faggöt all because of aso-ebi.

It's always cute to know your partner before jumping into a marriage. This issue should have been adressed during courtship.

I know Saturdays are for my man and football, and that ain't gonna change in 20 years' time.... it may actually get worse... question now is, am I willing to deal with that?

The best way to teach this op a lesson is to give him a dose of his own medicine. You can't have your cake and eat it too, marriage is about sacrifices and compromise. If you can't make certain sacrifices for your significant other, then you have no businesss getting married in the first place. Have you been to the link sisi_kill posted btw?

Chamo baba na your face be dis? I dey hail o!

I am so happy with individual comments and contributions. Its nice seeing peoples personal view on this issue & sincerely, I have been able 2 pick out useful ideas which would be of a good step 2 handle the situation.

However, I have concluded in holding a meeting tomorrow after church service, which would bring both families together for a reasonable solution.

I hinted my wife about the meeting but shows no sign of interest. So am still doubting if she would make herself available for reconciliation.

@lovemejeje. Thanks so much for all the blunders, I don't have to exchange words with u. U even made mention of how stupid I was 2 have open up my personal affairs on an open forum.

What you don't know is that, a forum like this help individuals to know & understand the happenings around us. I don't see talking on my personal issue here as an act of stupidity. We learn everyday & I feel the best idea for me is 2 open up & seek peoples opinion so as 2 see how 2 correct things I see as being right which is wrong.

In conclusion, I must declare am so glad to read all comments & I hope this serve as a turning point to a change in all the areas that seems cloudy for a stability in my marriage.

Please, expect an update tomorrow by 7pm naija time cos we plan 2 hold the meeting after church service tomorrow.

Thanks a lot.

zeefa: I don't really know how to handle this case cos its becoming a huge problem between me & my wife. I have tried to play it to the best of my knowledge but the situation is not getting in anyway better.

I & dayo have been friends for more than 15yrs. We grew up together those days in Ibadan and fortunately, we attended the same university to study different courses. We were in the same faculty of Engineering but different department.

The university I attended is without school accommodation, so we got an apartment close to eachother & sometimes he comes to my place & I go there too.

He loves Beans a lot back then and he happens 2 b a good cook. So most times, I visited him cos of the beans, laced up with Gari egba @ night.

However, we graduated & I was posted to delta state while he went to IMo state. Even at that, he comes to my place. I served in an oil & Gas company and we had enough money to spend.

I used to give him enough money those days cos he was given just a small allawe which cnt take care of all his needs.

After our youth service, I was retained & he moved to the uk for his masters courtesy of the little money I made during my service year.

After 3yrs, I moved too curtesy of him & he helped with part of the bills cos he was working and studying then.

He got married and after about a year I got to uk and I did mine too almost immediately.

But lately, I have been having issues with my wife over the closeness between me & dayo. we have a free calls to ourselves on O2 network. So we talk virtually everyday for more than two hour after work. And weekends,like saturdays, we move from weekend free landline to landline call to skype.

Just yesterday my wife warned me to desist from such altitude or face divorce.

Please, I need decent people in the house to advise me. I can't ask him to stop calling me or visiting me. He once told me about his wife having similar problem with our friendship too. We are just normal friends with no string attached.

Do I call both families together to resolve it or ignore the threat from my wife.

Thanks so much for taken your time to read.

this is a hard one to call but.......

talking 2 hours everyday with your friend is excessive but if this is the way it has always been even during the courtship with your wife then she's got no excuses to complain. i get particularly peeved with women who just think they can walk in and change the status quo. if she was not happy about the bond between you and your friend, where was her voice before she married you?

the fact that she's threatened divorce also says a lot about her than the bond between you and your friend. if she wants to go, let her go. don't let anyone use any cheap emotional blackmail to destroy you. women? if the going gets rough tomorrow, she would be the first person to pack her bags and leave you. don't let any woman come between you and your friend. if my woman does not like my closeness to any of my friends from the onset, then she should not marry me!

^^ The same friend closeness was what helped her in her exams, It was what helped the husband settle down in the UK

2hours might be too much but I get irritated when people start giving me ultimatum, And once the ultimatums start coming you never know what next. Maybe stop spending time calling your parents or I would divorce, stop staying long at work or I would divorce, Stop watching football or I would divorce. If she wan divorce let her go ahead and divorce

He was that way when they were dating if she went ahead to marry him like that why insist he changes now?

Soon now the guy go begin avoid coming home or staying late at work just to avoid such scenarios

coogar:

this is a hard one to call but.......

talking 2 hours everyday with your friend is excessive but if this is the way it has always been even durint the courtship with your wife then she's got no excuses to complain. i get particularly peeved with women who just think they can walk in and change the status quo. if she was not happy about the bond between you and your friend, where was her voice before she married you?

the fact that she's threatened divorce also says a lot about her than the bond between you and your friend. if she wants to go, let her go. don't let anyone use any cheap emotional blackmail to destroy you. women? if the going gets rough tomorrow, she would be the first person to pack her bags and leave you. don't let any woman come between you and your friend. if my woman does not like my closeness to any of my friends from the onset, then she should not marry me!

It has been like that even before we got married. I met her here &
Our courtship lasted for like 8months before we finally got married.
What baffles me is the fact that during our courtship, she never mentioned or complain about us. But I noticed sometimes, she jokingly challenged me of it but later dropped it. But I didn't bother about that then not until she made her intention known now.
Well, I op 2 play maturity on this & if she can't bend her rules, then...

dayokanu: ^^ The same friend closeness was what helped her in her exams, It was what helped the husband settle down in the UK

2hours might be too much but I get irritated when people start giving me ultimatum, And once the ultimatums start coming you never know what next. Maybe stop spending time calling your parents or I would divorce, stop staying long at work or I would divorce, Stop watching football or I would divorce. If she wan divorce let her go ahead and divorce

He was that way when they were dating if she went ahead to marry him like that why insist he changes now?

Soon now the guy go begin avoid coming home or staying late at work just to avoid such scenarios

that's women for you -
they want a slim guy but they would gladly marry a fat man and then complain after marriage that he should lose the weight or divorce. why not take the time and marry the slim one from the word go?

zeefa:
It has been like that even before we got married. I met her here &
Our courtship lasted for like 8months before we finally got married.
What baffles me is the fact that during our courtship, she never mentioned or complain about us. But I noticed sometimes, she jokingly challenged me of it but later dropped it. But I didn't bother about that then not until she made her intention known now.
Well, I op 2 play maturity on this & if she can't bend her rules, then...

if it's always been like that then it's not even a matter i would welcome to discuss. if she wants to leave i would hire a removal van and 2 good men to quicken her exit! good riddance to bad rubbish! let her go and find a man with no friends and no family to interfere in her marriage. good luck to her........

zeefa:
But I noticed sometimes, she jokingly challenged me of it but later dropped it.

I don talk am. All because dem won pick out aso-ebi....

Zeefa, if you end up divorcing this one, make sure you let the next woman (if there's gonna be one) know what she's getting into. Women, sometimes, need to the reminded. Shake her out of her fantasy world; tell her things are not gonna change between you and your man friend even after marriage.

Now, what of when kids come in? Hope you won't be depriving them of the fatherly love they deserve because of your man friend.
The kids won't even mind, you're Nigerian., kids can't complain over such; how dare them.

Goodluck.

dominique: The best way to teach this op a lesson is to give him a dose of his own medicine. You can't have your cake and eat it too, marriage is about sacrifices and compromise. If you can't make certain sacrifices for your significant other, then you have no businesss getting married in the first place. Have you been to the link sisi_kill posted btw?

Chamo baba na your face be dis? I dey hail o!

How have you been?

OP, take your time and handle this issue very well and carry God along. It's kind of hard but I know you will pull through. Be courageous and try to first discuss with your friend today so that both of you could find means to resolve the issue by Sunday when both families comes together. But try to reduce the time you talk with your guy because it is not normal as both of you are married now.

chamotex:

How have you been?

I just dey there. We no too dey see your brakelight outside the epl section.

.

Oga Zeefa, dis Ur family meeting no go work sam-sam!!

If Ur wife complained 2U abt Ur friend, it is expected U will resolve it quietly. Do U thnk any woman in her right senses will tell Ur friend 2 his face dat She is uncomfortable wt d level friendship btw U 2?

Don't even bring such issue up in d presence of Ur friend and his wife. D 2 women will just keep mute!!

Instead, get d 2 families 2bond. If U and Ur friend are so close, I wud expect dat Ur wives shld be close too.

My advice: Do something fun together as 2 families instead of dis Ur boring meeting dat is bound 2fail.

Anyway, I will wait 4 Ur update.

What is wrong with spending two hours a day with his friend out of 24? People just talking like a day has only 2 hours. That's just a little above length of a footaball match. Can't she make do with the other hours left in the day?

Women don't understand Men's friendship at all especially when its such a deep bond that it almost transcends brotherhood. Its different from the friendship's women form where the back bite, backstab, gossip and compete with one another.

And to the ones moaning "I don't know what two men will be talking about for two hours everyday" , you think the Op and his friend are stupid? They just pick up the phone and move their lips to make cooing noise. Ofcourse they have something to talk about. That you don't have close friends mean more than brothers to you doesn't give you the justification to put down the poster.

OP a wise man once said, A Girlfriend is for a while, A wife is for Life, but a Friend is for eternity. That's why its advisable to primarily be friends first before marriage.

Things are heating up ooO! The whole stuff is actually getting out of hand. I can't really type now but will give the house the update soon. So many people will find this unbelievable BUT its just to real to believe......hmmmmmmmmm! Still tinkn oooO!

zeefa:

Things are heating up ooO! The whole stuff is actually getting out of hand. I can't really type now but will give the house the update soon. So many people will find this unbelievable BUT its just to real to believe......hmmmmmmmmm! Still tinkn oooO!

Things are heating up oh ! you are supposedly in a meeting sorting out your marital issues and you still have time to update your thread on NL. Abegi !! I doubt this your story and if it is true then I'd say you are not ready for the ups and downs that come with marriage.

steph7: Things are heating up oh ! you are supposedly in a meeting sorting out your marital issues and you still have time to update your thread on NL. Abegi !! I doubt this your story and if it is true then I'd say you are not ready for the ups and downs that come with marriage.

It's past 7 p.m Nigerian time since o

alutacontinua: Maybe u shld move dis to the family section. But then, seems lyk she might av her reasons. You come back from work, let's assume by 6.00pm and spend 2 hours with ur friend on phone. Let's assume u call ur parents and oda pple too for about about 1 hour too. Dt leaves about an hour or two with ur wife and children before u go to bed. Don't u think u might actually be putting ur friendship before ur family


Also, let's even assume u're ready to give up ut marriage for ur friendship, are u ready to sacrifice ur friend's fanily too since he said his wyf is complaining

I think u know u av a bit of fault, u just don't want to be told what to do bu ur wyf.

If u face ur wyf and give her attention, i doubt she actually would want to come in between u and ur best friend. U're both married now and dt means ur friendship has become secondary.

I quite concur. I just learnt something important, women want to hear "security" in all your communications to them. I believe like the poster I quoted that your communication to your friend Dayo has threatened the "security" of your communication with your wife. You are most likely not showing as much devotion to your wife as you show to your friend.

You do not need to abandon your friendship with Dayo but you certainly need to prove to your wife that she is more important to you than he is. Just as you have a 2 hour phone time period with him you must create an even more exclusive time period for her. I would go as far as suggesting you make that "Dayo-time" a my wife time and move Dayo to a less noticeable time period.

You may also need to take her out more; find romantic activities outside of the home you can do during which you switch off your mobile/dont answer calls unless its about your kids.

While I think your wife's ultimatum is ridiculous I also think she's frustrated enough to threaten you. You need to think very deeply about remedying the situation lest she turns the threat to reality.

The meeting scheduled for the families couldn't hold cos Morenike denied being in a round table with dayo's family to resolve the matter. She insisted and gave me 3weeks to decide between her & dayo. She is a worker in the church we attend here,So I was thinking of calling our pastor about the issue before my mother inlaw call came in.

With all she told me on phone. I got to realize Morenike was acting on the advice from her mum.

Now the situation is getting out of hand! One, I hate the attitude of mother inlaws poke nosing in2 my. Own family affairs. I got to know that, she has been giving her mum an updates on the relationship between dayo & I. But instead of her mum 2 atleast advise her to sort it with me. She also insist her daughter would leave if I fail to sort out that undue bond with my friend.

As I said earlier, things are really heating up cos Morenike's mum isn't helping matters. I still don't understand why some mother inlaw create fun in the affairs of their daughter after marriage.

Morenike has given me a 3 weeks ultimatum to either be with her or face the consequence. I haven't given dayo the reason for the meeting cancellation. Right now, am still on a look out of the possible ways to go about the whole situation.

Now even if I finally decided to follow Morenike's wish, I still have other problem ahead, which will be that of Morenike's mum. I know if I allowed it now, it might result in2 a problem I might not be able to fix again for life.

Please what do I do to resolve this double crisis! Now, I have Morenike's mother backing her up, and even saying it with boldness that her daughter would leave......

I have not told dayo about the new development, but right now things are not really going good at all...I feel like given up!

zeefa: The meeting scheduled for the families couldn't hold cos Morenike denied being in a round table with dayo's family to resolve the matter. She insisted and gave me 3weeks to decide between her & dayo. She is a worker in the church we attend here,So I was thinking of calling our pastor about the issue before my mother inlaw call came in.

With all she told me on phone. I got to realize Morenike was acting on the advice from her mum.

Now the situation is getting out of hand! One, I hate the attitude of mother inlaws poke nosing in2 my. Own family affairs. I got to know that, she has been giving her mum an updates on the relationship between dayo & I. But instead of her mum 2 atleast advise her to sort it with me. She also insist her daughter would leave if I fail to sort out that undue bond with my friend.

As I said earlier, things are really heating up cos Morenike's mum isn't helping matters. I still don't understand why some mother inlaw create fun in the affairs of their daughter after marriage.

Morenike has given me a 3 weeks ultimatum to either be with her or face the consequence. I haven't given dayo the reason for the meeting cancellation. Right now, am still on a look out of the possible ways to go about the whole situation.

Now even if I finally decided to follow Morenike's wish, I still have other problem ahead, which will be that of Morenike's mum. I know if I allowed it now, it might result in2 a problem I might not be able to fix again for life.

Please what do I do to resolve this double crisis! Now, I have Morenike's mother backing her up, and even saying it with boldness that her daughter would leave......

I have not told dayo about the new development, but right now things are not really going good at all...I feel like given up!

Waoh! Looks lyk dis issue is going beyond normal oo. But den, it's starting to look lyk a story to me.
Let's assume it's not a story, den, d first thing you should decide is who you wanna be with: DAYO OR YOUR WIFE
Your wife went too far by inviting her mother but u were also planning on inviting your pastor, anywayz and you already told Dayo, so, it's a 2-way thing that you pple invite 3rd parties into your family.

I think after you decide who you love more, if it happens to be your wife(i hope so), then, you need to sit her down and have a veeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyyyyyy looooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg talk with her. I'm not married but you two seem to be taking marriage too lightly from the way this story is going.
Hope people wld give you good advices!
All the best!

Even people with two wives don't have this much wahala

Your mother in law calling the shots in this matter is quite ridiculous especially with her hard-nosed stance. She should have just advised her daughter and butted out.

That being said, I'm not surprised your wife didn't attend the meeting. I've been scratching my head about this meeting idea all this while. Isn't this something that should be resolved between the two of you? At least the first step is to come to a mutual agreement between the two of you before having a meeting all together with Dayo, that is if you must have one at all. I don't see why the decision making between you and your wife must be 'overseen' by Dayo.

I would suggest excluding everyone else for now and just resolving it with your wife one to one. Just seek to find a compromise that will be acceptable to both of you. You can't maintain the status quo and hope for a successful marriage. Just because Dayo's wife has been gagged doesn't mean your wife has to tow the same line. They are different human beings. By the way, how sure are you that Dayo will be willing to leave his own wife because of you?

Sisi_Kill: Even people with two wives don't have this much wahala

I taya oh!!

Can you imagine? Calling yeye meeting? Actually I will tell my daughter Not to show up!

I don't blame iya Morenike oh..... I would do the same if one knucklehead son in law ( God forbid!) rubbed by kid the wrong way.

Rubbish & nonsense!!

zeefa, if she wants to go let her go......
boot out the wife and her mum - you are just giving yourself unnecessary headache. i won't even pay attention to their threats. i mean, what next? mother in law would probably draw a roster now on the days you are permitted to sleëp with her daughter.

coogar: zeefa, if she wants to go let her go......
boot out the wife and her mum - you are just giving yourself unnecessary headache. i won't even pay attention to their threats. i mean, what next? mother in law would probably draw a roster now on the days you are permitted to sleëp with her daughter.

I think it's going beyond threats. Unless he's ready to ruin his marriage, he should start paying attention. Seriously, what would they give as an explanation for their divorce Their reason is going to be like the most stupid reason in town and if Dayo himself is wise and matured enough, he would start backing off!

He brought this upon himself, he should have dealt with it long ago but as madam CC said, he has opened up a crack in the wall and if he doesn't build it up soon, the whole building might come down crumbling.

Although, I agree that he needs to make it clear to his wife that taking their issues to her mother is not welcomed by him.

@aluta you crack me up! What do you men take women for? Really? So being married means we are Nobody and worthless?

It's okay for Dayo to call the shots in OP 's home but not okay for MIL to have her daughter's back?

Like really, has it really come to this all in name of MRS?? Nauseating!