ypzilanti: One peculiar thing about men's relationship with old buddies is that we do not necessarily need constant contact. Your guy is not your babe that needs everyday reassurance of your love via many phone calls and text messages. I have many close male friends that I have not spoken to in a month...but I can always call up for anything in the world, and it would still be like we just spoke last night.

I have a couple of really close friends that I have known for years. We do not spend 2 hours on the phone everyday na. Haba! We may spend that amount of time once in a while when we have serious gist to dissect, but not every single day! A married man on the phone for two hours everyday with an old friend does not have his priorities right.

indie22:


End of. There's no way as a married man you would spend hours on the phone, EVERYDAY, with a friend close or far. That is not a healthy friendship. you might need to re analyse your feelings for your friend.

mentorken05: From what I read...I can say that he is more than a brother to you.let ur wife get dat into her head.Ask her why she hates him around and if there is no good reason from her,den don't listen to her.am sorry but as for me,I can't loose my brother from another mother special thanks to unmeaningless request from my wife... Meanwhile 1st to comment...dancing azonto

zeefa: I don't really know how to handle this case cos its becoming a huge problem between me & my wife. I have tried to play it to the best of my knowledge but the situation is not getting in anyway better.

I & dayo have been friends for more than 15yrs. We grew up together those days in Ibadan and fortunately, we attended the same university to study different courses. We were in the same faculty of Engineering but different department.

The university I attended is without school accommodation, so we got an apartment close to eachother & sometimes he comes to my place & I go there too.

He loves Beans a lot back then and he happens 2 b a good cook. So most times, I visited him cos of the beans, laced up with Gari egba @ night.

However, we graduated & I was posted to delta state while he went to IMo state. Even at that, he comes to my place. I served in an oil & Gas company and we had enough money to spend.

I used to give him enough money those days cos he was given just a small allawe which cnt take care of all his needs.

After our youth service, I was retained & he moved to the uk for his masters courtesy of the little money I made during my service year.

After 3yrs, I moved too curtesy of him & he helped with part of the bills cos he was working and studying then.

He got married and after about a year I got to uk and I did mine too almost immediately.

But lately, I have been having issues with my wife over the closeness between me & dayo. we have a free calls to ourselves on O2 network. So we talk virtually everyday for more than two hour after work. And weekends,like saturdays, we move from weekend free landline to landline call to skype.

Just yesterday my wife warned me to desist from such altitude or face divorce.

Please, I need decent people in the house to advise me. I can't ask him to stop calling me or visiting me. He once told me about his wife having similar problem with our friendship too. We are just normal friends with no string attached.

Do I call both families together to resolve it or ignore the threat from my wife.

Thanks so much for taken your time to read.

clintwine: @poster, In this, both parties are wrong
Your wife threatening you with divorce is naive. This is some of the harsh realities of marrying someone from a broken home, especially if her advisor is from such.

From your side, you should know that your wife is feeling jealous, and thinks that her place has been displaced by your friend.
You should simply sit down and tell your wife that you will reduce the calls, but won't stop as he is your best friend and probably the only family you have around.
Just the way you can't stop her from relating with her mum.

You don't have to call your friend for 2 hrs everyday, cut that drastically to around 30mins, you are now married .
Every married man will tell you that once they got married, no more everyday nights out, as madam is in the house. She becomes your priority.
You don't loose your friendship , reducing the hours of talk doesn't reduce friendship.

steph7: You are wasting your time, do you know how many people on this forum have told him to cut down his calls to his friend to save his marriage. Just leave him alone, at the end of the day I see dayo cutting down his friendship with him. after the divorce, everyone will say zeefa and dayo are gay. Dayo will cut down the friendship with zeefa to save face.
Its the children I pity sef, Imagine them hearing their father left their mother for another man

adconline: When she's done kicking ur friend away, she might turn to ur mom/dad/siblings, after that, it could be u next.

dayokanu:

So if he stops calling Dayo and starts calling his parents fr those 2 hrs Would it also be because he is sleeping with his own parents?

If he spends those 2 extra hours at work talking to his work colleagues it would also be because he is sleeping with his boss at work?

If he spends those 2 hours at the local pub, bar or eatery it would be because he is sleeping with the bartender too?

dayokanu:

That is the possesive nature of some women, Today its the friend thats the enemy, next time it would be his parents, His siblings his colleagues etc. I have heard of a woman who complained her husband spends too much time with their own son playing PS3

steph7: I never said he should stop calling Dayo, he should cut down on his calls(reduce his calls), from what the Op says, he does all this at home. Dayo this is a very simple issue, cut down the calls simple!!
Dayo, answer this question if u start calling your parents everyday for 2 hours, gist no go finish at a point in time, your folks will start asking you is all well, don't you have other friends to talk to.

vislabraye:

PS3 again? She dey jealous

dayokanu:

Is calling Dayo the problem?
If he calls Dayo for 30mins and spend the rest 1hr 30min sleeping, Going to the gym alone, Reading newspaper, browsing the internet, watching football would she be ok? Or it would be because he is fuccking a girl in his sleep, the Trainer at the Gym, The columnist in the newspaper the Internet people or even the presenter on TV

2buff:

Yes it is, because after talking to Dayo for 2 hours, he would STILL want to read newspaper, browse internet, watch football, etc. Making for another whole day without spending some quality time re-toasting his wife

2buff:

Yes it is, because after talking to Dayo for 2 hours, he would STILL want to read newspaper, browse internet, watch football, etc. Making for another whole day without spending some quality time re-toasting his wife

steph7: Thank you, at least with these activities , she can even interrupt and have some "we" time together, but if she tries it when he is with dayo, it is shuush she'll get.
@Op how long do you discuss with your own wife everyday ?

dayokanu:

So if he stops calling Dayo but spends that time in the office, Gym, bar, on TV, Internet or Newspaper she would be Okay?

Kgdavid: grown men shuld not spend so much time talkin to each other on the phone, your wife probably feels ignored and neglected during that period!

zeefa:

Well, I don't kw what to say as per your comment. I feel she is just getting jealous unnecessarily. As regards your suggestion, if she decided to pick up calls from any of her female friends too. Franklyspeaking, I won't mind if that will make her happy.
The person in question help her get the materials for her PLAB exams & other stuffz. This person is not just a friend but a brother from another woman ready to do anything for us as a family.

My dear, I can't be given u details of my family on NL. But he has done a lot for her too especially when she was pregnant. His wife don't really complain cos he told me he has warned her never to pokenose into our affair.

But my own wife seems to be strong headed that won't just listen or understand but all she intend to do is 2 dish out the threat of a divorce.

As I said, I will call both party to a meeting on sunday, then I will give the house details on our conclusion. I pray it works, but if things go wrong, I have no choice than to let her go. I respect her a lot & I love her and I don't expect such from a woman that care & love her husband.

Besides, am so grateful for all your advise & suggestions.