meyri: Unfortunately many set themselves up for long courtship, like dating a person who still in school or while you are in school. You automatically enter in the waiting game approximately 4-7 years bc u or the person has to finish school, find a job, and set themselves up. Then pray that years from now that you or this person still like each other, not that either of you have done something wrong, but because people change. You not the same person at 25 that you were at 18. Uni days should be for forming friendships, connections, and finding out who you are.Finish school, find a job, and enjoy being single. Then dating/courting and marriage will fall in place. By then you should be mature, know what you want, and secure. You don't find yourself stuck in relationships because of uncertainties or insecurities,if need be you know how to find a exit. You know what you want in marriage mate and you go looking till u find him/her. Yeah it easier said then done, but it makes sense.

Cherechy: It baffles me when I hear guys say they are trying to put one or two things together before getting married. In d case of those still in school or studying it's understandable but in d case of a grown ass man, working and lives on his own I don't get.
This in my opinion is jst a useless excuse to buy time. A guy that is ready for marriage will get married, regardless of financial status. After all, shoemakers and okada pple marry everyday.
Like my sis will always say, no story has ever been told of a couple dt got married and now died of hunger. Once there's life, there's hope.
The money u spend on Mr Biggs chicken can buy one pampers, the money you use to hang out with ur buddies over d weekend, can make soup and stew, its all a matter of priority.
Some guys are working, their girlfriends too, yet they'll see they are not ready to settle down. I wonder the mansion they want to acquire or the car they want to buy!
Start small and move on from there. U want to write ICAN, who says marriage will inhibit you? What pple don't know is that there's a blessing that comes with marriage. U get married and all of a sudden, things start falling into place.
Please and please this long courtship of a thing should not be encouraged.
*drops mic

bukatyne:

So you mean if you met someone you loved back in school you wouldn't date the person?

How do you know that finishing school and getting a job equals been matured? or that 18yr olds are not matured to know what they want? What gives you the impression that people dating in school don't enjoy their singleness?

Is it all short courtships that end in marriages or happy marriages?

I have seen work (mature) relationships that fail woefully. I would however agree that some school relationships were destined for doom from the very beginning.

adconline:

It does not make sense in this day and age to get married and bequeath your kids with little or nothing. The circle of hustling or living paycheck to paycheck continues. " to be born poor is destiny, but leaving your kids poor or poorer is selfishness and wickedness. Most women want to get married without thinking of how to pay for it while guys want to pay for it before getting married.

fresh_dude: They are usually ready because all they have to do when married is sit on their arsses and spend the guy's money(if they wanted to). Any sensible man will be fully confident of ability to, at least, provide before he begins to make moves as per starting a family.

meyri: \

Then don't have kids. I don't see how people can immediately start having kids soon after marriage. Children should be planned. It should be marriage...years...then kids.

meyri:

U don't automatically love a person then date that person..... I avoid dating while in school, if my intention of dating is to eventually marry someone why get into a relationship if you cant see that person as a marriage mate or marriage in the near future. Time wasting

meyri: You should be matured doesn't mean you will be mature...finishing school, getting a job, and being independent are big responsibilities u must have a level of maturity to be successful in these areas. An 18 year can be "mature" but is inexperienced, and is bound to change. I dont see how you can be in relationship and be considered single. Unless dating is considered hanging out w/ friends

myeri: I don't agree with either long or short courtships. Now whether that turn into a marriage or a happy marriage depends on the two individuals it not a time factor. That notwithstanding, within a short amount of time you should easily be able to decide whether or not a person is right for you. Your relationships continue to grow and you continue to fall in love while married. So I don't see why courting should take years.

Any relationship is bound to fail it a given. It depends on the persons involve.

meyri: \

Then don't have kids. I don't see how people can immediately start having kids soon after marriage. Children should be planned. It should be marriage...years...then kids.

bukatyne:

Don't make blanket statements...

A woman marries at 33yrs,

How many years should she wait?

2? 3? 4?

Even Omotola that got married very early still had her kids

Why should a person plan for his/her kids AFTER marriage?

GraceBestowed: No, uncle! It's not every woman that just want a guy's money. Most responsible women, ready to settle, are ready to work hard, and build a home with a man.

meyri:

Hopefully at age 33 you should be financially stable to be able to support children.
Whether or not you plan before or after marriage the time to have kids is not the point. It not always necessary to have kids immediately after marriage..it good to wait to there is financial stability. A lot of people marry w/o being where they want to be financial, but work together as a couple to get there. So during this time they will put off having kids.

bukatyne: .

I don't understand the bolded...
What's the probability that you will meet the man you love when you start work or you are 'matured' to marry?
What if the man destined for you was in your university?
What if you see the man you love in the university?



I see single here to mean unmarried.

I disagree that one must always attain a level of maturity to achieve those things. I have seen very immature people attain them



True the length of courtship doesn't always determine a happy home.
Married people always surprise each other so you can't know if a person is right for you or not within a short time.

GraceBestowed:
In courtship, anything more than a year is something else, abeg! If dude cannot make it official after then (by proposing), my dear sisters, walk away!

It's not about being in a fifteen year relationship, with two children, calling some guy 'partner', instead of 'hubby'. I reject nonsense!