I don’t know how it works for men but long courtship is bad business for a woman, a right thinking woman. And this is not about lack of patience on a girl’s part. It’s simply and totally about common sense. Letting a man dangle you on his key strings is dumb and dangerous and a bloody waste of time, and time is what a woman doesn’t have and that goes beyond biological clock.

Sure a short courtship has its own draw-backs , it is the real reason why long courtship is bad. Before you come up with the aged argument of how a woman needs to study a man, show me a wife who can swear that she absolutely knew her man before she said ‘ I do’. Men are closed books and you can’t judge them by their macho covers. It takes time to know a man. Okay, and a woman too. So? Short courtship is not good for anybody. Neither is long courtship. The sane thing is to stay in the middle of the long and the short courtship.

Find a middle road. It’s either a relationship is serious or it is not. You are either heading for the altar or the rocks. If you are dating a man and in all of the 52 weeks that make a year, you don’t smell seriousness, you’ve been had. Cut your losses and take a walk. The earlier the better. Hanging on to nothing is foolhardy and you know what is most saddening; most women in relationships that are going nowhere are actually aware of the fact. They are just too afraid to cut loose; you know all that nonsense about ‘where do I start from’ bla bla bla. If you don’t end a bad affair while time is still on your side, you are liable to end up a lonely touchy old maid.

A long courtship going nowhere strips a woman of her dignity and self-esteem. Because she is hoping that tomorrow will persuade him to make an honest woman of her, she shoos off other eligible males. Because she thinks he’d propose at the next valentine dinner, she discourages the real Mr Right. She reads stupid meanings into everything he says or does even when the bloke means nothing. For instance, she mistakes his presence at her mother’s 60th birthday for commitment of an acting son-in-law. Nonsense, it’s just another party for him.

So what if he attended with his friends? Did he not attend parties the previous weekend? What are you doing in a three-year relationship that is about eateries, Chinese restaurants and you acting like a wife every weekend? You do his laundry, warm his bed and cook his meals every week, yet he won’t buy a ring. Naah, you are either a fool or a sucker for pain. He makes love to you without protection but starts fretting if you are three days late. You have overheard him tell his friends that he’s not in a hurry to settle down. What else do you need to convince you that marriage is not on the cards? Now, his bad manners shouldn’t make you lose faith in yourself.

That he won’t propose does not mean you are not a wife material. He’s just not the groom meant for you. You can’t remain his plaything forever while he enjoys the best of both worlds – you play wifey at weekends, he plays the field all week. What insult! Chalk his attitude up as a vote of no-confidence in his upbringing. A man who leads a young woman on, knowing he would not marry her was badly brought up by his mother and his father taught him nothing. Above all, he’s sowing evil seeds for his daughters to reap later. Leave him to his reprobate heart and move on. LADIES,BE WISE.

Nice write up. I don't like long courtship anyway.

Temi 23: Nice write up. I don't like long courtship anyway.

And what duration would you classify as a long courtship? 5yrs+

I reckon it could work if both knew each other well after the first year and the rest of the duration was just to put in place necessary things to make the union fruitful.

Atheist:-D:


And what duration would you classify as a long courtship? 5yrs+

I reckon it could work if both knew each other well after the first year and the rest of the duration was just to put in place necessary things to make the union fruitful.

In my own point of view, long courtship start from 4years and above

Temi 23:

In my own point of view, long courtship start from 4years and above

Ok. So after the first year they got to know each other. The second and third years they used to position themselves in their respective careers and make enough cash for some future plans. The fourth year is to save enough finances for the marriage. How does that sound?

Atheist:-D:


Ok. So after the first year they got to know each other. The second and third years they used to position themselves in their respective careers and make enough cash for some future plans. The fourth year is to save enough finances for the marriage. How does that sound?

It sounds wow.... You can't start courting without friendship at first then relationship will be second level after then courtship will follow. And to my definition, courtship is a period during which couple develop a romantic relationship and a behavior to persuade someone to marry you. So for a courtship to be 4 yrs is even too long if you don't count the friendship level and relationship stage.

@ OP, let me site an example, i have this aunt that courted his hubby for 13 years. During this period they have aborted several times which resulted to them having child issue when they later got married. If not for God,that the bride mum was a strong woman they wouldn't have married in the first instance because the guy was already tired of her. So for me i dont entertain Long courtship...

Obviously, they get stucked in the relationship.

What do you call long courtship?

There is no blanket for all cases.

I meant my fiancé when we were in 100L,

Whether we like it or not, we must date for at least 5yrs (4yrs in school and 1yr NYSC)

let's say we are extremely lucky and we get jobs the day we get our NYSC discharge certificate. Then, we would work at least for a year b/4 we can get married... that's 6yrs. (If there is a delay for one or more year b/4 getting jobs, it increases our courtship years more.)

We were lucky and got jobs 1year after service... We are currently in year 7 and will get married in year 8 by God's grace.

There are however some obvious time wasters especially when both or the man has started working before they meet.

Its kul bt pls wht abt those who started datin frm their tender age of Girl:17 n Boy: 21 till date bt dnt hv money to get married or raise a family...?

Clazzik: Its kul bt pls wht abt those who started datin frm their tender age of Girl:17 n Boy: 21 till date bt dnt hv money to get married or raise a family...?

Why are you exposing me?

@ op , 9ce write up,but to my opinion, wht works 4 u might nt work 4 some1 else. I had a neighbor dt he&his wife court 4 9yrs b4 getting married & up till nw, dey are happily married with kids. Me&my Gf is nw going to 5yrs relationship nw yet we still luv eachoda dearly & I still hv to 2-3yrs b4 settling down, because I hv to put tinz in place. Mind u, if I make money 2day,I'll marry her months after.
To business, 4 ur polo shirt, round neck,v-neck, sportwears 4 kids&adults . Call 07031122496 BB: 220DC3e9. Tanks.

long relationship should be encourage for both partner to really know themselves, though, it could be boring but it pays on the long run & things dat are hidden are unearth.

long relationship is bulsh.it. if you say u like a long relationship in order to him or her well. am sowie to tel u cant knw a person fully i am stil sometimes surprise at some of the tins my broda does

onyeahams: ...you play wifey at weekends, he plays the field all week. What insult! Chalk his attitude up as a vote of no-confidence in his upbringing. A man who leads a young woman on, knowing he would not marry her was badly brought up by his mother and his father taught him nothing. Above all, he’s sowing evil seeds for his daughters to reap later. Leave him to his reprobate heart and move on. LADIES,BE WISE.

please what's the difference between courtship and relationship because all of my girlfriends have been doing all that she termed 'wifey duties' even when i was still in school?

Blame a man who promises to marry you but didn't at the end of the day but my girlfriend seeing herself as my future wife when i've not even told her anything like that, is what i envisage as folly.

My advice to men is : Never make promise when you are not sure or still having financial constraints. If she tries to ask you if you will marry her (cuz most naija babe does), just tell her that you can't promise her a marriage right now cuz you are not sure of what tomorrow may bring and also that, if she's trying you are staying. Shikina!!

if he is stable n d relationship getn ova a yr.u beta ask him his plans.if nt as long as ur pinky is stil greasy enuf, he wud always take his free flight 2 heavn.imagin who kno like free tings

If only Nigerian ladies could believe this heart to heart from another Nigerian lady who knows how our society works

During long courtship you consume the time meant to enjoy marriage. But the good thing is that when u date for so long u become very close and eliminate every vent of suprises that may spring up later. There's one thing I wnt to discourage while in school (uni) as a guy or girl never date an age mate or someone with the same level. U will face problems when trying to start ur life and plan marriage. For instance am 25 my girlfriend is 25 am not prepared to marry now cus as a guy I feel am too young but my gf thinks she's growing too old. Now I don't know what to do. How I got into this problem is what I discouraged earlier on.

In my own view, marriage is not just wot someone can just jump into like dat

in a case where by u met ur spouse while still in skul, u av to wait for him
to gather some resources,get a secured job. by den d relationship would b like 5-6yrs oo
it is just all about time nd patience.......

Anoda case is to find someone dat is readymade,dat has all wot it takes to b a responsible man
den u can say 1-2yrs relationship. MAY GOD HELP UE ALL

Very Nigerian way of looking at things. By that I mean, Nigerians can be very businesslike about everything

It's difficult to say what the author means by 'long courtship'. What the heck is 'courtship'? We're not in Victorian times, and it takes two to tango.

The progression is usually two people meeting, agreeing to see each other socially, transiting over time into a committed relationship, before the parameters relating to marriage are set. At some point during the interactions, expectations are set, and continue to be renewed. Not all relationships are meant to end in marriage. Why can't women (and men) be more open-minded about these things? Set your own personal boundaries if you want. But don't draw a line in the sand from Day 1.

1yr maximum. Ka ja wo lapon ti o yo!

Hmmm,this post is very direct o! The thing touch me. I think i agree. In my opinion, our ladies are losing an important female gift-discernment. They've become to emotional and have throw good old logic out the window. Allowing a guy unlimited downloads and you expect him to take you seriously? Follow your heart,but use your head.

GraceBestowed: In courtship, anything more than a year is something else, abeg! If dude cannot make it official after then (by proposing), my dear sisters, walk away!

It's not about being in a fifteen year relationship, with two children, calling some guy 'partner', instead of 'hubby'. I reject nonsense!

SMH just one year?

it all depends on the couple. but what I am certain of is that you can understand a person within a month when honesty is involved so why go tempt yourselves with 3,4 or more years in a relationship. the op is on point. if after 52 weeks the man still does not know if you are his type or wifey material or he neglects taking a positive step when he is obviously financially buoyant,pls waka sharply.....

Atheist:-D:


Ok. So after the first year they got to know each other. The second and third years they used to position themselves in their respective careers and make enough cash for some future plans. The fourth year is to save enough finances for the marriage. How does that sound?

...dnt mind them...it sounds very lame..ladies should be nice n more importantly wise enough to give young guys lil time to put things in shape before marriage...its not about d guy testing diff waters, its about preparing (saving/investing) towards giving d best of financial attention/support to the home (wife n kids).

GraceBestowed:
Yes oh! If both parties are serious about getting to know each other, a year is even long! You can never anticipate what married life is going to be like until you're in it!!

Some people get married after knowing each other for 4 months, and stay together, while others get married after 27 years of 'courtship', and break up shortly afterwards (true story).

Quite honestly, it makes sense to just be reasonable, people will get away with what they're allowed to get away with; if you mollycoddle a man, waiting for him to marry you, he might keep stalling!

[size=14pt]i just dont know what to say to u....just 1 year....as in 12 months?? sincerely i cant even tell in 12 months if i love a gal enuf to spend d rest of ma life with her....am i weird or something?[/size]

bukatyne:

Why are you exposing me?

i lyk ur courage.

[size=15pt]i courted for 10yrs really didn't worth it ...[/size]

adeyak83:
i lyk ur courage.

Courage as in?

Thanks for the compliment anyways

My dear, i'll only tell U that wen Ur not on any side of d fence, every stone will hit U. Beta 2 break courtship than marriage