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Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? - Romance - Nairaland

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Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by vivianc(f): 11:54am On Apr 19, 2013
Good day all.

I just want us to talk about ultimatums in relationships and how we handle them.
Ultimatum is a final, uncompromising demand or set of terms issued by a party to a dispute, the rejection of which may lead to a severance of relationship. This is a strategy used by many of us which can make or mar our relationships.
Often times when we are given ultimatum, it paralyses us, and we fight back for the wrong reasons. Maybe to show that we are in control, to prove that we are not weak, etc.
Personally I believe ultimatum mars a relationship more than it makes it. So many relationship break ups can be attributed to ultimatums, either the we you give or the ones we receive.
I also personally think that if we understand how to handle ultimatums by sharing ideas, it will help us a great deal in our various relationships. This relationship is not restricted to that of man/woman only, no, it cuts across every aspect.

So ladies and gentlemen, how do you handle ultimatums in your various relationships? Do you give ultimatums? If yes, why? Do you think it is the best strategy? Do you fight back when given ultimatum? What impact does fighting/rejecting ultimatum have on your relationship?

Let's live and learn.

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Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by hrmkz: 11:56am On Apr 19, 2013
Am coming back.

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Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 12:17pm On Apr 19, 2013
ultimatum is meant for kids in a relationship.

just like having a roommate and you set some terms in the room, don't touch my towel, don't use my toothpaste blah blah. those roommates decided to live in the same room not because they're comfortable and okay with each other or that they care for another but just that they're putting up with the other for the day he/she gets to leave the room

setting terms and deals for your half to follow means you don't wanna reveal the whole you, you just wanna contribute your own quota to the relationship.that part of deal remains secret to you and you only need a part of her too for the relationship to go smooth sail

Is that a relationship? FAIL!!!

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Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by vivianc(f): 12:23pm On Apr 19, 2013
joeydozzy: ultimatum is meant for kids in a relationship.

just like having a roommate and you set some terms in the room, don't touch my towel, don't use my toothpaste blah blah. those roommates decided to live in the same room not because they're comfortable and okay with each other or that they care for another but just that they're putting up with the other for the day he/she gets to leave the room

setting terms and deals for your half to follow means you don't wanna reveal the whole you, you just wanna contribute your own quota to the relationship.that part of deal remains secret to you and you only need a part of her too for the relationship to go smooth sail

Is that a relationship? FAIL!!!

Ok. Thank you.

Permit me to rephrase, may I?
What is someone, let's say your babe tells you "Joe, if you don't do this, its over between us." How would you react to that?
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 12:54pm On Apr 19, 2013
Just like what the other person said, it is men't for kids. What is the essense of ultimatum when mutual understanding exist? the reason why two different people can come together, live together and so on is simply because they have what i call mutual understanding. Like he said, ultimatum is for Children and not for real being.

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Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 1:22pm On Apr 19, 2013
I hate ultimatum!!Giving me an ultimatum is like intentionally luring me to defile you,because I ll.I can't give an ultimatum,it mares relationships.Once you give me an ultimatum,my Oga at the top will make me do another.

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Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by butta(m): 1:29pm On Apr 19, 2013
To hell wit whoever gives ultimatum in a relationship . Is it by force ?

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Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 1:38pm On Apr 19, 2013
.

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Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by freecocoa(f): 1:43pm On Apr 19, 2013
Who da fuq gives ultimatums in a relationship?

Duh!
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by ednut1(m): 1:44pm On Apr 19, 2013
i only give ultimatium whwn am datin u, ur not a virgin, ur choppin my money, but dont wanna give me punny, i go jst tell u d real fact, if u no give me am leaving hahahahahahahaha

1 Like

Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 1:47pm On Apr 19, 2013
vivian chinaza:

Ok. Thank you.

Permit me to rephrase, may I?
What is someone, let's say your babe tells you "Joe, if you don't do this, its over between us." How would you react to that?

any girl that puts me in this condition shouldn't be in a relationship with me in the first place
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by babadey(m): 1:59pm On Apr 19, 2013
Babe,seriously,they are for kids. When given an ultimatum from anybady,I don't do it deliberately. How to handle it,you ask?.. There is nothing there to handle,it must be stopped even if it takes you 99 years for you to stop it from that fellow but with lovesmiley cos "Hatred paralyzes life but love releases it. Hatred confuses life but love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life but love illuminates it".

*sitting on ma chair,waiting for chikk babe*grin
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by vivianc(f): 2:06pm On Apr 19, 2013
sanb: @Op hope you’re cool!!!

IMHO, having ultimatum/s in a relationship is/are wrong. It won't make any sense and I don’t think it should be done. It can create big issues, havoc and unnecessary distractions. There shouldn’t be a case whereby ultimatums are used to signify love/commitments as that won’t be right…..I won’t expect my partner to give me ultimatums and neither would I do that to him; we're both adults with our thinking caps on.....

I’ll answer your questions as follows:

Do you give ultimatums? No

Do you think it is the best strategy? YES

Do you fight back when given ultimatum? We don’t give ultimatums hence, N/A

What impact does fighting/rejecting ultimatum have on your relationship? We don’t give ultimatums hence, N/A as well


Babe I'm cool, how are ya?
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 2:07pm On Apr 19, 2013
I'm cool and fine deary....
vivian chinaza:

Babe I'm cool, how are ya?
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by vivianc(f): 2:08pm On Apr 19, 2013
freecocoa: Who da fuq gives ultimatums in a relationship?

Duh!


Babe, you dey provoke? Its just a discuss na. *pours ice water on her* chill babe.
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by xynerise(m): 2:12pm On Apr 19, 2013
Two wrongs dont make a right
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by vivianc(f): 2:17pm On Apr 19, 2013
byvan: I hate ultimatum!!Giving me an ultimatum is like intentionally luring me to defile you,because I ll.I can't give an ultimatum,it mares relationships.Once you give me an ultimatum,my Oga at the top will make me do another.

Exactly!

I remember when a friend gave me an ultimatum and that severed our friendship.

My friend and her bf were fighting, and she left the house to cool of at my place. Around 11:30pm the guy called and wanted to know where she was. She told the guy she was at my place and the guy told her if she didn't come home that night, she should consider the relationship over. Wow! I didn't know what to make of it and it was late for her to be on the road that night.
She was faced with risking her life going home and saving her relationship. She had to choose one. And she chose saving her relationship.

Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if I found myself in such situation.
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 2:41pm On Apr 19, 2013
@Naza,I don't know how some became so docile and gullible,giving me an ultimatum is like flickering a life wire in my brain,I won't have to think before yelling "Go to hell".I think more reasonably when issues are deliberated on like reasonable adults.How some manage to fall for this,I can't tell.I see it as a weaklings desperate effort towards effecting a change,hence I can't fall for it.Its a sort of manipulation,the moment I hear"If you don't do this,I ll leave you",better be gone because I won't look back,the person that gave the ultimatum will be the one to beg lol!.

This your friend fit wind up in an abusive marriage if she doesn't watch it.Its bad to give people such control over you.If I were her,I did choose my safety over his ultimatum,unless he comes to pick me himself.

1 Like

Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by freecocoa(f): 2:43pm On Apr 19, 2013
vivian chinaza:

Babe, you dey provoke? Its just a discuss na. *pours ice water on her* chill babe.
lol grin

No be say I dey provoke sha but the thought of someone giving ultimatums wan nearly vex me.
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by greatgod2012(f): 2:43pm On Apr 19, 2013
The person who gives ultimatum in relationships is looking for an excuse from the other partner to break/cut the relationship. Shikena.

3 Likes

Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 2:52pm On Apr 19, 2013
greatgod2012: The person who gives ultimatum in relationships is looking for an excuse from the other partner to break/cut the relationship. Shikena.

she shoots, she scores

1 Like

Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by chikk(f): 3:18pm On Apr 19, 2013
baba dey: Babe,seriously,they are for kids. When given an ultimatum from anybady,I don't do it deliberately. How to handle it,you ask?.. There is nothing there to handle,it must be stopped even if it takes you 99 years for you to stop it from that fellow but with lovesmiley cos "Hatred paralyzes life but love releases it. Hatred confuses life but love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life but love illuminates it".

*sitting on ma chair,waiting for chikk babe*grin
grin grin I see ya bro! just passing-by grin grin
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by AdeniyiA(m): 3:46pm On Apr 19, 2013
it's wat i'll call conditional relp or love,anyone who engages in such is self-centred,inconsiderate,,immature,inexperienced n has a warped upbringing....etc.
a relp wea true love rules,not d misconceived one rampant nowadays o, multitude of sins n imperfections are covered or corrected wt love knowin fully well dt relp involves two individuals from difft backgrd,wt difft mentality,upbringing,relp enlightenment n orientation, ego....etc
if u av a partner who came from a peaceful,loving n Godly home, giving ultimatums/conditions wch wen disregarded attract negative comments and acts of violence will never be part of him/her.
i can say that d role ego plays in dis is much n has contributed to the collapse of many marriages esp that of our celebrities when they talk about irreconcileable diffrcs.
the prob wt many ppl is that we can spend yrs studying about rats n lizards,but wen it comes to knowin their partner n their roles n fns in d relp, they find it inconsequential, whereas human beings are d most complex creatures to study. coupled wt one's upbringing on relp,reading nothing less than 15 books on relp/marriage have bn advised.
Finally,i want to say dt relp is a course(20units...lol)- RLP, wch many ppl av failed,are failing n many av passed. d lectures start from homes n anybody from broken home needs a lot to learn b4 going into a relp...
oops! i don turn an epistler ni? DN here i come....lol
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 5:01pm On Apr 19, 2013
When I have a Girlfriend probably then i can answer this Question.
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by didicold(f): 5:06pm On Apr 19, 2013
I can take orders from a superior but i don't respond well to ultimatums esp in a relatnship, to me its like waving a red flag in front of a bull, i dig in my heels and all hell is let loose...lol
normally am an even tempered person, some would say sanguine, but to me ultimatums are like power play and d moment i give, i feel d scales just tipped in my partenr's favour, dats is not a good adress to live @
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Rooneyboy(m): 5:07pm On Apr 19, 2013
vivian chinaza: Good day all.

This is a strategy used by many of us which can make or mar our relationships.


Vivian, u again, how many ultimatums have u given all ur men

Na u dey use ur hand chase potential suitors away ooo.
grin

"IRON lady", its a man's world , they don't give US ultimatums , get that into ur head , the earlier u do that the better for u grin
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by dammytosh: 5:07pm On Apr 19, 2013
Ultimatum to who ? undecided undecided undecided

May be to the hopeless guy She might meet in the future.


I don't give her ultimatum for ANY reason and will take any useless Ultimatum as if it is already over. angry angry angry
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by indianin9ja(m): 5:10pm On Apr 19, 2013
Relationship is about compromises and understanding. Ultimatum means "no negotiation." So it's an automatic no for me. If my SO gives me an ultimatum, the relationship is over.
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by Nobody: 5:12pm On Apr 19, 2013
I rep south south

Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by djeezy(m): 5:14pm On Apr 19, 2013
He who loves less controls the relationship and it's usually the party who sets the ultimatum. Well for me if my girlfriend sets an ultimatum for me and I decipher it's for the best interest of the relationship, I'll accept it in good faith but if it's for her own selfish interest, it's never gonna work.
Re: Ultimatum In Relationship; How Do You Handle It? by mirob(f): 5:17pm On Apr 19, 2013
What of if the guy gives you an ultimatum not †̥☹ touch his phone or go through it, how will you feel in that relationship?

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