davidylan:

There are many non-feminists who bear their father's name or compound names.

depends on the culture and society.but in America, there are very very few. most who bear compound names are either feminists or divorced.

can you give me examples of married non-feminists who bear their father/ compound names?

biolabee:

Nice one.... seems feminism is all about the right to make ur hubby take your name

Laughable......

You have comprehension problems

Miscellanous:

Truth be told feminism struggle must continue. The marginalization by men like toshmann,davidylan etc against single mothers and parenthood is hideous.Tomorrow you will see them in dark corners bedding single helpless mothers.

Now this is really comical.......

Who really are you

99cent:


this is what people mean when they say that a woman (or black) has beat the odds and risen above. clearly she must have MUCH MORE leadership skill than you if she can be a leader despite the fact that she wasn't given the same opportunity as you were due to the sexist misogynist society.

women are oppressed in society and you yourself have just admitted it. right from a young age, society tells them to take a subordinate position and all their leadership potential is being snuffed out of them.

I don't know how you plan on raising your daughters [if you (will) have any] but if you want to do them a favor, raise them to be leaders.

If feminism means taking the control of my household, my family. Then fuc-k you, fuc-k feminist but I doubt that is what it stands for.

99cent:

depends on the culture and society.but in America, there are very very few. most who bear compound names are either feminists or divorced.

can you give me examples of married non-feminists who bear their father/ compound names?

I work with one... she still goes by her maiden name. Another guy i worked with chose to combine his and his wife's maiden name into one compound surname for them both. Both women are as far from feminism as you can get.

fellis:

Where the hell did I say the whole concept of marriage is about having authority over your spouse?




Abeg rest jor! You know very well that women are expected to take up their husband's names after marriage simply because majority of people believe that the default role of leadership in the home should be the husband's.
Many people, Africans especially consider it shameful for a woman to head her family, regardless of whether she has more sense than her husband or whether she has better leadership skills than him.
Attitudes like this is part of what feminists are trying to fight, the belief that women should always be subordinate and inferior to men. Fine there are laws prohibiting gender discrimination but have people's attitudes changed because of those laws? Do you want to tell me that an average African man sees his fellow woman as equally intelligent as he is or deserving of the same opportunities as him?

Example of such attitudes?

If you prove yourself to be equally intelligent! An african man will support and respect you!

biolabee:

Now this is really comical.......

Who really are you

My brother please ignore her. Obviously a coward hiding behind an anonymous screen name to make noise. It is obvious she has issues that hit home on this thread. What can one do but shake his head?

druid06:

If feminism means taking the control of my household, my family. Then fuc-k you, fuc-k feminism.

no. you would be divorced in that case. fu-ck yourself.
just pray that your wife never gets a job where she makes more money than you. then clearly u might end up pouring acid on her and spending life in jail.

nigerian men killing their wives in america. they think they are still married to slaves
https://www.nairaland.com/154540/nigerian-man-kills-wife-st
https://www.nairaland.com/157765/nigerian-man-murders-wife-america
https://www.nairaland.com/1299965/nigerian-men-killing-wives
https://www.nairaland.com/178516/why-nigerian-men-killing-american
https://www.nairaland.com/614888/nigerian-man-shoots-wife-five
https://www.nairaland.com/485379/nigerian-americans-killing-spouses-us-1

druid06:

I find it hard to believe there is a woman that has more "leadership" skill than I do except she's a dude (LOL). I was trained to be the head of the family from a very young age as I followed my father's footstep and learned grately from him so I find it hard to believe that there would be a woman with more guardian skills than I do and head the home better than I do except I am an invalid.

Jesus christ! And you actually got two likes from the men that claim to believe in gender equality.
SMH
The fact that you were trained to be the head of the family does not mean that a woman can never do the job better than you. What if she was also trained to be the head of the family since childhood? What if shhe got better training than you? Hmm?

I can not take the name of my wife because adopting her name would mean I am adopting her fathers name. I am not getting married into her family, she's the one getting married into mine though if she want's to keep her father's name, I am cool with it so far our children keeps mine.

What do you mean by 'she is the one getting married into your family'? Marriage is marriage, It is two people coming together to form their own family, it isn't one person getting married into another person's family or any such nonsense.

fellis:

Please stop it with the pretending,just stop.
If you are the head of your family you would have absolutely no problems announcing it to your friends and family, screw privacy. If your wife heads your home you know very well that you will never tell anyone because of the shame and ridicule you will face as a result. You will carry thats ecret to the grave

d'you know what love means? If I love my wife we live together. We do things together. Don't you go for marriage counselling? The two become one. I don't understand this whole leader follower thing I'm serious.

She cooks I do dishes
She cleans the house I clean the bathrooms
We share the work, we love each other. Wetin concern outsider inside am? What matters is we live in peace.

If I love her, I would tolerate a lot from her and I won't berate her in public no matter how bad she is. Pls what exactly are you talking about.? I honestly don't get it.

@bold, Why can't you bear her name?

Bc I don't want to.
I've been brought up to understand that the woman bears the man's name. Even the person I married was brought up to understand that the woman bears the man's name and is not complaining. Why are you drinking panadol for somebody else's non existent headache?

I really don't understand you.

fellis:

What do you mean by 'she is the one getting married into your family'? Marriage is marriage, It is two people coming together to form their own family, it isn't one person getting married into another person's family or any such nonsense.

So the concept of marriage as a union of two families is now nonsense...

Tragic

I.Joan:


Example of such attitudes?

Please tell your husband you want the children to bear your name and not his. No, don't just tell him, insist on it. Since African men believe that men and women are equal.

fellis:

Jesus christ! And you actually got two likes from the men that claim to believe in gender equality.
SMH
The fact that you were trained to be the head of the family does not mean that a woman can never do the job better than you. What if she was also trained to be the head of the family since childhood? What if shhe got better training than you? Hmm?


What do you mean by 'she is the one getting married into your family'? Marriage is marriage, It is two people coming together to form their own family, it isn't one person getting married into another person's family or any such nonsense.

And you think both would be attracted enough to each other to marry?

fellis:

Jesus christ! And you actually got two likes from the men that claim to believe in gender equality.
SMH
The fact that you were trained to be the head of the family does not mean that a woman can never do the job better than you.

did you hear him?
he actually believes that he has a right to control his wife because he has been "trained from childhood to be head of household" hahahahahah I laugh in pidgin
that's the kind of husband that will come to america and kill his wife out of frustration when she doesn't behave like a submissive puppy

Miscellanous:

Truth be told feminism struggle must continue. The marginalization by men like toshmann,davidylan etc against single mothers and parenthood is hideous.Tomorrow you will see them in dark corners bedding single helpless mothers.

Haaa! This is serious

Wahala dey o

Abeg could you give me one point where I denied women their rights except the right to kill unborn babies for which I DO NOT apologize

fellis:

Please tell your husband you want the children to bear your name and not his. No, don't just tell him, insist on it. Since African men believe that men and women are equal.

What exactly would be my gain if I do this?
I would leave that as a choice my child would make when he is old enough!
But for the mean time... I want him to bear my husband's name because my husband and I would want that

toshmann: d'you know what love means? If I love my wife we live together. We do things together. Don't you go for marriage counselling? The two become one. I don't understand this whole leader follower thing I'm serious.
She cooks I do dishes
She cleans the house I clean the bathrooms
We share the work, we love each other. Wetin concern outsider inside am? What matters is we live in peace.
If I love her, I would tolerate a lot from her and I won't berate her in public no matter how bad she is. Pls what exactly are you talking about.? I honestly don't get it.

How will you get it before? Mtshew.
The point I was trying to make is that women are still regarded as inferior to men by majority of Africans; men and women. A man that is lead by his wife in the home will be rdiculed by his peers, a man leading his wife will not get any such ridicule.

Bc I don't want to.
I've been brought up to understand that the woman bears the man's name. Even the person I married was brought up to understand that the woman bears the man's name and is not complaining. Why are you drinking panadol for somebody else's non existent headache?

Have you ever asked yourself why women are the ones that are supposed to bear men's name and not the other way round?

fellis:

Please tell your husband you want the children to bear your name and not his. No, don't just tell him, insist on it. Since African men believe that men and women are equal.

And what is the point? She doesn't want to, her husband doesn't want to, they live in peace, why are you upset?

davidylan:

My brother please ignore her. Obviously a coward hiding behind an anonymous screen name to make noise. It is obvious she has issues that hit home on this thread. What can one do but shake his head?

Who is more coward than you.Sad african black deceitful and hideous people like you will receive your karma. You rant about and against african american, ghetto, single mums and poor people without considering that they are human. When you bed single mums what goes through your damned skull? Women should be respected and deserve respect.

I.Joan:


And you think both would be attracted enough to each other to marry?

some women marry out of desperation u know that. then in d marriage, a woman with a strong personality will show her color.
yes society says she must be submissive to marry. women can pretend to be submissive. but in d marriage, u cannot hide ur real personality forever.
men do not have monopoly over assertiveness. a woman can be just as powerful if she has the opportunity to be.society denies women of this opportunity.

this is why feminists are real. they don't pretend just to save face. right up front u know that feminists are not going to be the submissive partner.
i'm sure chimanada;s husband married her knowing he married a genuine woman,

99cent ignore the hideous deceitful males here. They are sore losers.

99cent:

no. you would be divorced in that case. fu-ck yourself.
just pray that your wife never gets a job where she makes more money than you. then clearly u might end up pouring acid on her and spending life in jail.

nigerian men killing their wives in america. they think they are still married to slaves
https://www.nairaland.com/154540/nigerian-man-kills-wife-st
https://www.nairaland.com/157765/nigerian-man-murders-wife-america
https://www.nairaland.com/1299965/nigerian-men-killing-wives
https://www.nairaland.com/178516/why-nigerian-men-killing-american
https://www.nairaland.com/614888/nigerian-man-shoots-wife-five
https://www.nairaland.com/485379/nigerian-americans-killing-spouses-us-1

This miscellaneous is one some kinky ish..

Im geting intrigued

I.Joan:

What exactly would be my gain if I do this?
I would leave that as a choice my child would make when he is old enough!
But for the mean time... I want him to bear my husband's name because my husband and I would want that

@bold, why would you want that? for what reason? Is it simply because that is what you see others doing?
Abeg I am tired of all these excuses,
Typically, what is regarded as acceptable, as the norm in Africa is for kids to bear their father's names.
How many times have you seen a child grow up and decide to bear his mother's name after bearing his father's name for years? Infact please, give me some examples of such a thing happening.

99cent:

no. you would be divorced in that case. fu-ck yourself.
just pray that your wife never gets a job where she makes more money than you. then clearly u might end up pouring acid on her and spending life in jail.

nigerian men killing their wives in america. they think they are still married to slaves
https://www.nairaland.com/154540/nigerian-man-kills-wife-st
https://www.nairaland.com/157765/nigerian-man-murders-wife-america

You're just going on in circle, you do not have a definite point and hence I can deduce you don't even know what feminism stands for. I bet you're one of those women who just read the article somewhere or a book talking about feminism and you thought it would be cool if you became one while failing to realize what it actually means and what their values actually stands for.

If God so willing I have a more successful wife than I do then that means more blessing to my family and more means to create opportunities for our children. Your idea about feminism is totally different from what it actually stands for and so I would not label you one. You're an imposter. I just think you have a problem with authority and you don't believe anyone is above you or should be the one giving orders. You think you're better than everyone. Your problem is not a woman thing but your own personal problem. Probably, you grew up with a single parent most likely with your mother and you got bitter without having a father figure around.

So you grew up bitter thinking, if my mother could do this alone I could this too hating on all men and wanting to conquer us all. Babe, you need to go get professional help. Since the dawn of time, the male is usually the head, same with animals in the jungle and all that. If there's a GOD, HE created us and he gave us specific duties especially in the home. A man is always the head in the home and the wife his companion ( helper, assistant ) just like a vice-president to his president. The woman is not below the man but like a subordinate, a helper so a woman wanting to change the circle of things either is deluding or have psyche problems.

davidylan:

I work with one... she still goes by her maiden name. Another guy i worked with chose to combine his and his wife's maiden name into one compound surname for them both. Both women are as far from feminism as you can get.

give me a public example. I cannot believe ur anecdote. u are making stuff up as far as I know.
I on the other hand can give you many examples of public feminists who keep their maiden name or combine names.

i am yet to meet an anti-feminist male who will marry a woman and allow her to keep her name. or yet let the kids use a combined name or the mother's name.

toshmann:

And what is the point? She doesn't want to, her husband doesn't want to, they live in peace, why are you upset?

I am not upset, I wabt to draw your attention to the fact that women are still expected to be subordinate and subjugated to their husbands in every situation, because the prevalent belief in Africa is that women are inferior to men. Feminists are seeking to eliminate beliefs like this from people's minds.

99cent:

give me a public example. I cannot believe ur anecdote. u are making stuff up as far as I know.
I on the other hand can give you many examples of public feminists who keep their maiden name or combine names.

i am yet to meet an anti-feminist male who will marry a woman and allow her to keep her name. or yet let the kids use a combined name or the mother's name.

you dont have to believe. Its your choice.
Just to save time... ask hispanic ladies who names they bear after marriage.

fellis:

How will you get it before? Mtshew.
The point I was trying to make is that women are still regarded as inferior to men by majority of Africans; men and women. A man that is lead by his wife in the home will be rdiculed by his peers, a man leading his wife will not get any such ridicule.

You know how my parents lived? They took decisions together. They loved each other till death. The only thing you can say is that my dad provided money for our education while our mother bought our clothes and food. Let me ask you, who is leading in that marriage?
Lets just say, your ideas of marriage is different from mine. But there's no static model for marriage. If your plan works for you, hallelujah. All we want is a peaceful marriage.

Have you ever asked yourself why women are the ones that are supposed to bear men's name and not the other way round?
I really don't understand you.

No I've not asked myself that question. And the reason is that there are better things to do with my time and resources.

I've asked myself why there is OSU caste system in igboland, I've asked myself why bad things happen to good people. I've asked myself why Nigeria is such mess, I've asked myself why some people are poor. I've asked myself many questions that I find more relevant to human existence and suffering.

And I make bold to tell you this; if the only problem you have is that men don't answer women's names after marrige, then you are one of the luckiest people on the planet.

fellis:

How will you get it before? Mtshew.
The point I was trying to make is that women are still regarded as inferior to men by majority of Africans; men and women. A man that is lead by his wife in the home will be rdiculed by his peers, a man leading his wife will not get any such ridicule.


Have you ever asked yourself why women are the ones that are supposed to bear men's name and not the other way round?
I really don't understand you.

If you act inferior...you would be treated as such!
That's why I'm no feminist... you claim to fight for equal rights when you are actually fighting for superior rights!

You don't want your father or husband's name! Change it!!!
Nothing is stopping you!

druid06:

You're just going on in circle, you do not have a definite point and hence I can deduce you don't even know what feminism stands for. I bet you're one of those women who just read the article somewhere or a book talking about feminism and you thought it would be cool if you become one while not realising what it actually means and their values actually is.

If God so willing I have a more successful wife than I do then that means more blessing to my family and more means to create opportunities for our children. Your idea about feminism is totally different from what it actually stands for and so I would not label you one. I just think you have a problem with authority and you don't believe anyone is above you or should be on the receiving end on orders. You think you're better than everyone. Your problem is not a woman thing but your own personal problem. Probably, you grew up with a single parent most likely with your mother and you got bitter without having your father figure around.

So you grew up bitter thinking, if my mother could do this alone I could this too hating on all men and wanting to conquer us all. Babe, you need to go get professional help. Since the dawn of time, the male is usually the head, same with animals in the jungle and all that. If there's a GOD, HE created us and he gave us specific duties especially in the home. A man is always the head in the home and the wife his companion ( helper, assistant ). The woman is not below the man but like a subordinate, a helper so a woman wanting to change the circle of things either is deluding or have psyche problems.

Busted!

fellis:

I am not upset, I wabt to draw your attention to the fact that women are still expected to be subordinate and subjugated to their husbands in every situation, because the prevalent belief in Africa is that women are inferior to men. Feminists are seeking to eliminate beliefs like this from people's minds.

Well you cant. Just the same way you cant change the color of your skin even if you joined the NAACP

I.Joan:


And you think both would be attracted enough to each other to marry?

WTF is your point?