lorretta u: of course that's what mama taught me.feel good about yourself.
As for obadiah777,he knows my comment wasn't prideful.rather it was one against another which I previously thought was prideful.but I understand,he felt bad cause I took a jab at the lady who was supporting his views.I'd have done the same. I forgive him.as for my hair,u guyz funny.what do you knw about hair?
That is synthetic hair.never meant to be passed of as real hair.I use fake hair a lot.so do many white women and more especially black women too.I leave my hair natural too when I please.though it makes me look like a baby.like I'm sixteen.but do I need to apologize to him for my hair?I don't think so.I really don't care about what he thinks of my appearance.just as long as we are objective on our contributions to NL.we can worry about our beauty or lack of it when we are with people who can actually see us.and not our picture of years or months ago.

Carry on jare.I think you know what you want.Even though you would have been more appealing and less wasteful with your natural hair,but i think wigs and attachments are things of the time that could be overlooked.And could be overcome with proper guidance.

it all depends,you can forgive her if she commited spiritual adultery but natural adultery is gonna be hard for me but she's gat to be caught in the act naturally this why when the spirit of jealousy comes upon him,he takes her to the priest for "judgement"

obadiah777: I RESPECT YOUR COMMAND OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A VERY INTELLIGENT AND ARTICULATE PERSON. VERY RARE QUALITY IN NIGERIA THESE DAYS.

thank you

jeffizy: @Plaetton ,
Marriage is not like eating yam where you drop the yam when it's too hot to chew!
Where else will i as a "Nigerian" put sentiments if not in my marriage? If it's about pegs and holes, we will all be "happily" divorced.

When you say divorce is the only option, have you thought about the thread that goes beyond the needle?
I mean kids, documents binding ,ventures you both share, years put into the marriage, etc!

While it's not a worthy act, there are still various options open to be explored. Corrective and punitive measures of course.

May i ask you this question. If you as a man got caught, will you suggest your wife divorce you?

the bible even says in d case of infidelity dats d only time divorce is acceptable so u see ,d wise book says this cuz dez no point staying in the marriage

@ op i will just let her go cos d truth is i cant live wif it i just cant deal with it i caught my fiancee doing it with his own blood brother frm d same mother who knw,s how how many years dath has been going on remembring her now makes me hate her more. soo wish i cud erase her frm my memory forever

This is my understanding of the Christian perspective on this topic
1. Marriage is designed to be monogamous
2. Adultery is a grievous sin. It carries the same weight whether done by a man or a woman. It violates the sanctity and exclusiveness of the relationship
3. Divorce is permitted on the grounds of adultery but you can't marry another. The marital bond is only severed at the death of one spouse. So those who're screaming to divorce should know that you caNnot marry again after divorcing. So a better option is to make up
4. Marriage is not to be entered lightly. Great thought would've taken place.

Nobody enters marriage hoping to be adulterous so pray Lead us not into temptation

obadiah777: CHEATING IS DIFFERENT WITH MEN AND WOMEN. SEE THE WOMAN IS A RECIEVER. SHE IS GETTING FOREIGN MATTER INTRODUCED INTO HER BODY. THE SPERMATOZOA IS A FOREIGN BODY AND IT CHANGES THE COMPOSITION OF HER AND THEN SHE CREATES ANTIGENS TO THE GUYS SPERMATOZOA SO THE GUY IS WITH HER FOREVER. EVERY GUY A WOMAN HAS EVER SLEPT WITH REMAINS WITH HER FOREVER. SHE HAS ANTIGENS OF ALL THE MEN SHE HAS EVER HAD SE-X WITH. THATS WHY A WOMAN LOOKS HAGGARD THE MORE PARTNERS SHE HAS. HER IMMUNE SYSTEM GETS JACKED UP FROM ALL THE ANTIGENS CREATED IN HER. EVERY MAN A WOMAN HAS YANSHED IS IN HER FOREVER. FOR MEN ITS DIFFERENT. FOR MEN IT IS MORE OF A SPIRITUAL WEAKENING. FOR WOMEN ITS BOTH PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL

Lord Obadiah 777, na you biko.
Tell them jare.

if you aren't spiritual israel you are an adulteress

Forgiveness is important, no matter how a fellow human hurt our feelings we should always forgive. You saying you cannot forgive, do you how often you offend God? yet He forgives us when we beg for mercy.
Remember, if you don't forgive those who wrong you, don't think you will be forgiven too. This is clearly stated in the Lord's prayer

The jab at the hair was uncalled for and does not show class

@oyin50 I guess does not support male infidelity but was trying to explain why it occurs.

We all know it's bad but people still engage in it

Ish

dealslip:
Oh please shut up. Whether a woman thinks deeply or a man was impulsive. Adultery is adultery.the bottom line is as a human can you forgive your spouse. What is all that story about gods. Are those women who forgave their erring husbands God. When a woman cheats it is a grave offence but when men do its considered impulsive, catching fun and all sorts of lame excuses. God has not lowered his stance on Adultery and no seperate judgement for men

You shut up!.
Do you have comprehension problems?
You need to retake your Waec english.

In all my posts on this thread, I have never advocated, supported or indrectly implied that it was okay for men to cheat or that men should be held to a different standard.
I am simply addressing the issue based on the facts presented by the OP.
Comprendo?

Hexzy: Forgiveness is important, no matter how a fellow human hurt our feelings we should always forgive. You saying you cannot forgive, do you how often you offend God? yet He forgives us when we beg for mercy.
Remember, if you don't forgive those who wrong you, don't think you will be forgiven too. This is clearly stated in the Lord's prayer

Lie lie lie.
God does not forgive.
We are still suffering for Adam and Eve's transgressions after 500,000 yrs.
Read your bible man.

Uyi Iredia: Someone has imported poor reasoning from the Religion section.



Agreed.



Errant kids are flogged, thieves (at least phone thieves as reported in this forum) are sentenced and murderers and looters are jailed. Of course, this doesn't excuse the fact that the nation's justice system is tedious and sometimes (if not most times) partial. Bottom line: People are still held accountable. And what does humanism or your atheism have to offer ? Unambiguous morality, kuo. Maybe you forget that the kind of sexual permissiveness that promotes adultery are upheld by BOTH atheists and religionists. I SURMISE that a larger percentage of atheists a sexually permissive.



It is.



What makes it sacred ? I ask since the usual reason is div
ine injuction. You are an atheist, so state your basis for implying that marital vows are the most sacred.



The above is a recipe for marital disaster. Possibly, in some cases, the spouse may, surprisingly, forgive the adulteress.



As if that is the only possible case. There could be the case of rape, blackmail or a one-time misadventure. Assuming however, that this is true nothing prevents the OP from divorcing her or finding the courage to stick it out with the intent of making her change.



Okay.

Old boy,
You de stalk me?
Which one you dey?
You agree with most of my points, but for the fact that they are coming from an atheist somehow diminishes their validity?
HHMM.
That is what is called bigotry.

Male, female, atheists or the religilous, everyone is expected to comport themselves within the moral and ethical thresholds of our society.

Take your time o.

all4naija: [i[b]]I can forgive if she can give reasons why she did it,[/b] promise and guarantee she will never do it again. That I can forgive without even looking back at what happened before, as in forget.[/i]

Reasons for doing it?
Welcome to earth . Did you just arrive ?

plaetton:

Reasons for doing it?
Welcome to earth . Did you just arrive ?

Lol... . Life is as simple as that if you have the brain to reason it that way. It is when you take it out of the ordinary it becomes difficult and dangerous.

You are too old on earth .I just came to see if you have something new that I can learn from. I am not seeing anything new yet.

lorretta u: my character is such that I can be unpleasantly blunt if the situation needs.so I'm not going to sugar coat this.
I THINK YOU'RE A BIG HYPOCRITE.
I hope I'm wrong.for the sake of the unfortunate woman who is or will end up as your wife.
Come to our health centre,I'll show you priviledged statistics of women who have been infected with the deadly HIV virus from their philandering husbands because they think God gave them a divine right to fvck any woman that catches their fancy.I just keep wondering why he didn't give them divine protection against std's too.did you knw that there's no shade of grey in God's word?it's either white or black.anD he won't bend his laws to satisfy your randy d*ck
Adultery is bad.Man or Woman.
Pls get that into your twisted mind.

Huh?
I have absolutely no idea what you are ranting about like a drunken parrot.

Where in my post have I made, directly or indirectly, any excuses for male infidelity?

The issue here is about a particular woman's infidelity, and that is what I have focused on.
I think you should be addressing god and not me.
lol.

all4naija: Lol... . Life is as simple as that if you have the brain to reason it that way. It is when you take it out of the ordinary it becomes difficult and dangerous.

You are too old on earth .I just came to see if you have something new that I can learn from. I am not seeing anything new yet.

Sorry man, I just found it too funny to ignore.

/
One thing I don't understand about sex.

Guys spend a lot of money to get a chick.

Then they throw a bag over their d1ck, stick it into a whole.

Continue rocking back and forth till the d1ck throws up. Then it is all over.

The wife finds out the d1ck threw up in another hole and asks for the husbands head.

What a mystery!

Where is the crime?

//

No definitely

obadiah777: CHEATING IS DIFFERENT WITH MEN AND WOMEN. SEE THE WOMAN IS A RECIEVER. SHE IS GETTING FOREIGN MATTER INTRODUCED INTO HER BODY. THE SPERMATOZOA IS A FOREIGN BODY AND IT CHANGES THE COMPOSITION OF HER AND THEN SHE CREATES ANTIGENS TO THE GUYS SPERMATOZOA SO THE GUY IS WITH HER FOREVER. EVERY GUY A WOMAN HAS EVER SLEPT WITH REMAINS WITH HER FOREVER. SHE HAS ANTIGENS OF ALL THE MEN SHE HAS EVER HAD SE-X WITH. THATS WHY A WOMAN LOOKS HAGGARD THE MORE PARTNERS SHE HAS. HER IMMUNE SYSTEM GETS JACKED UP FROM ALL THE ANTIGENS CREATED IN HER. EVERY MAN A WOMAN HAS YANSHED IS IN HER FOREVER. FOR MEN ITS DIFFERENT. FOR MEN IT IS MORE OF A SPIRITUAL WEAKENING. FOR WOMEN ITS BOTH PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL

spiritual weakening....lmao

armyofone: Yes, forgive.

The good book said: He who hath no sin should first cast the stone and the pharises left one by one.

and what if I don't??

as for me i cant 4 give oooooohhhhh

plaetton:

Remorseful?
Big laugh. Would you not be if you were caught red handed?
Are armed robbers not remorseful when they are caught?
C'mon man.
The problem with we Africans, perhaps especially Nigerians, is the we always put sentiments where they do not belong.
We always put the square peg in the round hole.
For a woman to commit adultery requires long serious forethought. Before a woman contemplates such actions, she has to mentally damn her husband and convince herself that her husband deserved the damnation and humiliation.
Secondly, by the time the husband had discovered, she would have been doing it for a very long time.
Thirdly, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Fourth, if you ever ever forgive a cheating wife, you are forever doomed.
You will drop to minus zero in her eyes.
You would have given her all the powers she only dreamed of. She will completely emasculate you and turn you into a vegetable of your former self.

Let god do the forgiving for that kind of stuff. You are not god. You are human.

WELL SAID!

plaetton:

Remorseful?
Big laugh. Would you not be if you were caught red handed?
Are armed robbers not remorseful when they are caught?
C'mon man.
The problem with we Africans, perhaps especially Nigerians, is the we always put sentiments where they do not belong.
We always put the square peg in the round hole.
For a woman to commit adultery requires long serious forethought. Before a woman contemplates such actions, she has to mentally damn her husband and convince herself that her husband deserved the damnation and humiliation.
Secondly, by the time the husband had discovered, she would have been doing it for a very long time.
Thirdly, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Fourth, if you ever ever forgive a cheating wife, you are forever doomed.
You will drop to minus zero in her eyes.
You would have given her all the powers she only dreamed of. She will completely emasculate you and turn you into a vegetable of your former self.

Let god do the forgiving for that kind of stuff. You are not god. You are human.

WELL SAID!

/
Maybe, he should...must he?

//

When the pharases brought a woman that committed adultery for Jesus to judge her by stoning, Jesus look at those pharases and said, If there among you who have NO SIN, be the first to cast the stone everewhere was quiet they begin to drop the stone, starting from the oldest to the youngest because they all realized that they have sinned in one way or the other.

before qe start concluding, do we knw mayb d man as nt being sexually satisfying her on d bed? som may say dats shudnt b a good reason for her to cheat on her hubby. fyn, remember no one is perfect and we ar dealin wif blood and water and nt sand and wood! dis can happen to u & i! if truly d man luvs her, he should regard her misdeed as er part past deed, and forgiv her, he shud make er c d reason y he choose to forgive and nt sendin her packin if nt for a genuine love! honestly is hard to practice bt with God intervention al seems possible!
the woman shud ask forgivnes frm God and make a firm decision that no man on earth wil eva c er unclothedness again! as the bible stipulated, dat 1. submission to ur husband both body and soul 2. forsakin al others and clench as one!....finally, the man shud knws that we ladies are like baby, wen we messes up, the man takes up the baby and clean it up! thanks

plaetton:

Huh?
I have absolutely no idea what you are ranting about like a drunken parrot.

Where in my post have I made, directly or indirectly, any excuses for male infidelity?

The issue here is about a particular woman's infidelity, and that is what I have focused on.
I think you should be addressing god and not me.
lol.

from all your posts here,it's evident that you'd expect to be forgiven,even tolerated when you cheat.but cannot even for a moment entertain the idea of forgiving your wife if she does the same.if that's not hypocrisy,I don't know what is.even trying to justify why a man cheating is better than a woman cheating(by supporting obadiah's post)ok let's put the anatomy And antigen,bal bla issues aside.I don't even want to start analysing that.if I do both of you will see how wrong you're.BUT
How about your wife's feelings that you're gonna hurt,isn't that enough reason to consider absolute faithfulness the way you expect from her as well?if the hypocrisy in your arguement isn't clear to you,I doubt if anyone can make you see it.
Suffice is to say that whatever you give,is what you gonna get.SIMPLE.

lorretta u: of course that's what mama taught me.feel good about yourself.
As for obadiah777,he knows my comment wasn't prideful.rather it was one against another which I previously thought was prideful.but I understand,he felt bad cause I took a jab at the lady who was supporting his views. I'd have done the same. I forgive him.as for my hair,u guyz funny.what do you knw about hair?
That is synthetic hair.never meant to be passed of as real hair.I use fake hair a lot.so do many white women and more especially black women too.I leave my hair natural too when I please.though it makes me look like a baby.like I'm sixteen.but do I need to apologize to him for my hair?I don't think so.I really don't care about what he thinks of my appearance.just as long as we are objective on our contributions to NL.we can worry about our beauty or lack of it when we are with people who can actually see us.and not our picture of years or months ago.

nairaland is a very funny place. i am sometimes amazed at the level of comprehension of some people here. lorretta did you even take the time to read oyin50 comments before concluding that she supported obadiah's views? i understand you are a woman and you may want to support your own, but what oyin was simply saying is adultery is disgusting from her point of view especially being a woman. she never said it was ok for men to commit adultery. lets call a spade a spade here. if something is disgusting, then its simply disgusting irrespective of gender.

all you peeps are trying to do is make it a gender issue and it is not. you see, when you try to twist simple issues like this into a gender equality stuff, unknowing to you, you are subtly supporting it. that is why i prefer oyin's view. she said paraphrased 'is it then an excuse for me to be filthy cos men are filthy?' we have to be careful what we say and support cos it may come back to hunt us. what is wrong is wrong. afterall men who cheat dont cheat with themselves, they do it with women. so the women they do it with what do we then label the women? victims? or cheats? the answer is very simple, the women men cheat with are also cheats. so we have about an equal number of cheats between men and women, so dont for once pretend women are victims here.

coming back to the OP, i may forgive, it will be very hard and it will take a lot of divine strength. but i think its more likely i will send her packing, its not something i pray for anyone to experience, its a difficult situation.

plaetton:

Let me say it again, I think you are a smart person who is just pretending to be dumb or it's just plain hypocrisy.
First the op made his situation quite clear. There were no ambiguities. You and other took a position which I attacked.
But rather than advance any sincere arguments to buttress your views, you introduced a hypothetical situation that was not part of the op case.
In your perverse way of thinking, whether I would ask for forgiveness in a hypothetical scenario becomes, for you, your strongest argument and your trump card.

There are no systems of morality or measured justice that are predicated on hypothetical situations.

Ignoring the real life situation to thump your chest on a hypothetical situation is very very dumb.
Sooo silly. Sooooo cowardly. Soooo Uniquely Nigerian.

And that's our national Cancer-...this tendency to run and avoid dealing with real situations. Our inability to cultivate and hold steady a consistent system of reward and punishment.
Our inability to face issues squarely and deal with them without using useless religious or other sentiments as escape hatchets.

I shake my head in disgust.

Anyway, at this point, only the op knows what he is going through.
And I can tell you, no bible abracadabra is going to heal him until he deals with the matter as he rightly should.

@Op.
A stitch in time saves nine.

[size=15pt]You're a legend. God bless you. You've said it all

1 million likes !!!![/size]

Ugooluwa: I'm sick and tired of all dis Gender Equality Stuff. In naija its a Man's world and I would definitely nt stay in d same house talk more of room wiv an adulterous wife. GOD FORBID!

You dey mind all these deluded internet feminists? Let them leave their so-called cheating husbands and return to ther parents' house na. Even her own mother would flog her back to her husband's house if her only flimsy excuse for running away is that she caught him with another woman (who he doesn't even intend to marry as a second wife). Even battered women hang on to their marriages because of the shame associated with returning to their father's house after a failed marriage, let alone the inconsequential and expected matter of a well to do and desirable man keeping concubines. These confused kids MUST deal with the fact that it is culturally permissible for a man to keep as many partners as his resources allow, just as it is a painful cultural norm in Nigeria that men have to do all the chasing and spending in a relationship.

If this cultural reality is too inbearable for you, then go find an oyinbo man somewhere in Norway to marry. Call me a chauvinist if you want, the truth remains what it is. If you think this entitles you to also cheat, you are on your own. Gender equality my foot.