babyosisi:

Gbam
Any man that gives such a condition should be kicked to the curb by an intelligent woman
That is a shadow of what to expect in the so called marriage
You will spend a lifetime trying to fulfill his endless demands
Who wants to live that way
That is a sure test to know the man you shouldn't be marrying

exactly.
But unfortunately,we have more desperate ladies than intelligent ones out there.infact the intelligent ones most times let their desperation take control.most of us ladies are so desperate to get married,due to societal pressure that we'd just about take any nonsense and even condone silly conditions from men just to answer Mrs. I thank God that we still have some reasonable ladies in the house

I wonder why so many people lack the fear of God and act like they have the final say.its painful and shameful and pitiful. If only everyone obeys Gods instructions this conversation/thread wouldn't have existed.

Op, you're a victim, Aren't you?

dayokanu:

The first case you lose your dignity and reputation

In the second case what do you lose?

In a relationship anyone is allowed to make any demand. I can ask my partner to stand on her head when serving me food

If she agrees then whats the big deal, How is she a victim

Unless that action is part of her own erotic fantasies, she is your victim because of the power differential that exists in your relationship. You would be an abusive, controlling man and she would be your victim. Also you hold the power as to whether you will marry her or not. Because of the societal pressures that put her in a position where she needs to have a man or else, she finds herself in a vulnerable position...Yes, she is a victim of her own vulnerability and stupidity for agreeing to it, but it doesn't change the fact that she is still your victim. It takes a woman with a sound gumption to say no to that kind of bs, unless that is something she equally desires.

If a girl says come and meet my parents, get 6 packs, Join my church, wear Versace, braid your hair etc before We can marry, If its not okay by me then I walk away. If I agree how am I a victim?

I'm sorry, what's the risk to you if she doesn't marry you after you do all that? You'd be ripped, stylish, sexy and heaven bound. Boo hoo...What's the risk to her if you don't marry her after impregnating her? ........ See the difference?

For someone to do something that comes with very high personal risk when it's not something they want to do but is being forced upon them by the person they love. I don't know what else to call it.

jmoore: 1- The lady got pregnant for the man. After six months the man died in a car accident, she was left devastated.

2-The lady got pregnant for the man. They got married but the woman had a miscarriage after the wedding. She never got pregnant again and the man left her and married another woman after 6 years of marriage.

3-The lady got pregnant for him. After five months the man told her the marriage will no longer take place. Reason? There is another woman pregnant for him and that is the one his mother wants to be his wife


Ladies beware of “you must get pregnant or no marriage” men. A man that loves you will never give you such a condition. A man that truly loves you will stand by you whether you get pregnant after marriage or not.

In most cases these guys have been sleeping around with many girls but they will not propose to them. How foolish it is for them to see a good girl and issue such a condition.

I know most that of you ladies will write in favour of this post. Simply because you have aborted your life and Even your Womb through your careless past,now you want the Man that will marry Man like himself?..... Tufiaka...... That Condition Remain the Best option in this generation we are as far as am concern because I cannot afford to mary a Man like myself. Guys shine your eye , don't allow any lady to deceive you under the pretence of any religion whatsoever.

Someguy just dey sleep with a babe for free and she dey there dey talk of pregnacy. Babes open ur eyes and stop making urselves victims.

segzyj:

I know most that of you ladies will write in favour of this post. Simply because you have aborted your life and Even your Womb through your careless past,now you want the Man that will marry Man like himself?..... Tufiaka...... That Condition Remain the Best option in this generation we are as far as am concern because I cannot afford to mary a Man like myself. Guys shine your eye , don't allow any lady to deceive you under the pretence of any religion whatsoever.

So you would go against God for your own selfish curiosity.

ileobatojo:


It is blackmail as long as it is not equally desired by both partners. If someone says I will not marry you until you get pregnant after you have been dating for 3 yrs and are already envisioning yourself as his Mrs, there are not very many good options. Of course, the smart lady should immediately kick him to the curb but what's she left with 3 wasted years in a relationship, age is not on her side. For the woman in this situation that decides to do this, she made this very risky decision under duress, under a feeling of limited options. He is playing on her emotions to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. As far as I'm concerned, that's blackmail. All the more so because in our society, she bears nearly 100% the risk if anything should go wrong while the guy has pretty much nothing to lose.

Of course if it does end well, good for them. It's still quite distasteful, but at least she got lucky.

you're always honest and straight-forward in your posts,unlike the average nairaland dude who'll always try to justify evil as long as it's carried out by a man.your mama did a good job of raising you.God bless you

lorretta u: exactly.
But unfortunately,we have more desperate ladies than intelligent ones out there.infact the intelligent ones most times let their desperation take control.most of us ladies are so desperate to get married,due to societal pressure that we'd just about take any nonsense and even condone silly conditions from men just to answer Mrs. I thank God that we still have some reasonable ladies in the house

Exactly, the men here saying that the woman is not a victim are deliberately trying to ignore this simple fact of societal pressure which immediately puts the woman at a disadvantage.

lovelydoll:

Please i am engaged to my lovely fiance. No one had to search for me. Even aunts and uncles search for their nephews and sons,and that does not mean women are scarce.

Men are not scarce they are everyhwere,they are not rare.once you dump one guy theres always a better one coming.

yes men are not scarce.
There are over a billion different kinds of men out there.
Great men are the scare commodity though,as they are reserved for God's children.

D numba of kids in a family does nt determine d happiness.it is jst an african mentality.

lorretta u: you're always honest and straight-forward in your posts,unlike the average nairaland dude who'll always try to justify evil as long as it's carried out by a man.your mama did a good job of raising you.God bless you

Lol! I'm female.

segzyj:

I know most that of you ladies will write in favour of this post. Simply because you have aborted your life and Even your Womb through your careless past,now you want the Man that will marry Man like himself?..... Tufiaka...... That Condition Remain the Best option in this generation we are as far as am concern because I cannot afford to mary a Man like myself. Guys shine your eye , don't allow any lady to deceive you under the pretence of any religion whatsoever.

if you've ever impregnated a lady and told her you're not ready to be a father,thereby causing her to go for an abortion,you really have no right posting this.it'll only favour you,if you're innocent.but if you're not,dude please go and sit down one corner.you'll only reap what u sow.cos last time I checked there are two people involved in a pregnancy.and last time I also checked,karma is still a very active force.so typical of u men to think u can eat ur cake and have it.

ileobatojo:


Lol! I'm female.

ok dear.still you're on point

lorretta u: ok dear.still you're on point

Thanks! So are you! And not only in this thread!

ladies keep yourself from pre-marital sex if you can.

ileobatojo:

Thanks! So are you! And not only in this thread!

thanks

vision2050: ladies keep yourself from pre-marital sex if you can.

sound advice

Na waaah for woman human being self.

ileobatojo:
Exactly, the men here saying that the woman is not a victim are deliberately trying to ignore this simple fact of societal pressure which immediately puts the woman at a disadvantage.

i still don't see how the woman is a victim when she can also be luring an innocent man into marriage without the full disclosure of her own status!

women can rant, bark or scream like rhesus monkeys....i have to be sure the woman i am spending the rest of my life is not damaged goods.....if that makes me self-centred then i would wear my selfishness with a badge of honour....

if women have not been deceiving men in the past, men wouldn't have the chutzpah to test-run before paying bride-price. at the end of the day, each party is just trying to protect his/her own interest. only a complete fool would blindly go into marriage without examining the merchandise in this day and age of lie and deceit!

In as much as those scenarios in original post could also happen if pregnancy occured after marriage,i still think its distasteful to make that a condition for marriage.Yeah having children is one of the reasons for marriage but in this case it just shows that having children is the Main reason for the guy.


Like seriously,does this really still happen in 2013 .Oh well,

Na waah for this boys men who wants to father a child at no cost. Anywell, every one has his/her life to live.

solomon111: yes men are not scarce.
There are over a billion different kinds of men out there.
Great men are the scare commodity though,as they are reserved for God's children.

great ppl man or women in general are scarce on this earth

jmoore: 1- The lady got pregnant for the man. After six months the man died in a car accident, she was left devastated.

2-The lady got pregnant for the man. They got married but the woman had a miscarriage after the wedding. She never got pregnant again and the man left her and married another woman after 6 years of marriage.

3-The lady got pregnant for him. After five months the man told her the marriage will no longer take place. Reason? There is another woman pregnant for him and that is the one his mother wants to be his wife


Ladies beware of “you must get pregnant or no marriage” men. A man that loves you will never give you such a condition. A man that truly loves you will stand by you whether you get pregnant after marriage or not.

In most cases these guys have been sleeping around with many girls but they will not propose to them. How foolish it is for them to see a good girl and issue such a condition.

@op, your points are valid but you can't blame the men considering the rate@ which Some ladies take postinor. Who go buy no 'testing'?

SamConquer: Op have you Finish making noise.am coming Let me Answer you***Lit My Expensive Cuban Cigar,and Puffing it seriously.***Now Let Me Answer You...Op I am an African.In Africa Children are Like ''Riches''.If You Get Them,You get mouth...Before marriage at least go for fertility test, for the both of You and still do the ''Practical'.' Once she Is pregnant.MARRY HER.........all those miscariage Trash,am an African and I dont beleive in Negative Ish................Though Love Is Necessary,Children are Important.

GBAM

SamConquer: Op have you Finish making noise.am coming Let me Answer you***Lit My Expensive Cuban Cigar,and Puffing it seriously.***Now Let Me Answer You...Op I am an African.In Africa Children are Like ''Riches''.If You Get Them,You get mouth...Before marriage at least go for fertility test, for the both of You and still do the ''Practical'.' Once she Is pregnant.MARRY HER.........all those miscariage Trash,am an African and I dont beleive in Negative Ish................Though Love Is Necessary,Children are Important.

GBAM

coogar:

i still don't see how the woman is a victim when she can also be luring an innocent man into marriage without the full disclosure of her own status!

Well, that's deceitful and the man who falls into her trap is a victim of her deceit.

What about people who married as virgins but couldn't get pregnant. By your test driving logic, such people don't deserve to get married right? How many people should she have allowed to test drive her?

All I see are teenagers and whites claiming african on this thread. Any guy that gives a lady such condition must have seen things to warrant it.
I for one have experienced first hand my friend who is late now who took a shortcut to wealth and part of his requirement was to sleep with a different new girl everyday.only God knows where the wombs of those girls go to.Any dude that gives that condition has his reasons.
Same reasons apply to some ladies too.they want to know if the guy is fertile too.
and for people saying husbands are not scarce,I pity spinsters you advise.
You people should stop forcing western culture down our throats.very soon,america and europe will implode.the timebomb is ticking

jmoore: Why is the word "victim" a problem ?

A microfinance bank manager disappears with the deposits of his customers.

Are the customers not victims?

Were the customers forced to make a deposit?

Are the customers not over 18 years of age?


This not for debate please...

,did the bank manager tell the depositors that he was going 2 run away with their money?

flexshop:
You people should stop forcing western culture down our throats.very soon,america and europe will implode.the timebomb is ticking

Matter of fact, most marriages in the West occur after the bride is heavy with child or even delivered sef!

VALENCI: THIS SORT OF NEW FOUND LIFESTYLE IS PREVALENT IN THE SOUTHEAST OF NIGERIA.LACK OF KNOWLEDGE IS THE BANE.

Don't you think you are sick and too tribalist to be in this modern age.
Please go back to your cave...

@topic
No one is a victim... No one was forced to accept or reject.
No time for childless marriage jor.
Again anyone can give such condition. It can be the babe sef that gave the guy that condition so let's not b it on the dude only

Mind your business..

It isn't right but if u can fornicate before marriage then getting pregnant b4 marriage dsnt make a difference? Except u guys are really abstaining cos some peeps are bringing religion in2 d matter as if dey are saints, Morover d lady has a choice in the matter, isn't by force nd a guy giving dat condition doesn't mean he dsnt love u, he might have his genuine reasons... Is it not better than a man dat keeps telling a gal to abort and wait till marriage?