ileobatojo: I will also add that by giving them everything they want, apart from teaching them coping skills, you would also be eliminating a huge block of discipline techniques that should be applied to children. No beating and yelling (which I'm completely fine with) + no utilization of natural consequences (cause and effect) + no utilization of taking away privileges + no utilization of negative re-inforcement; does not leave you with a lot to work with in terms of discipline techniques.

I just have to agree with you.Totally.

The method of discipline has to be the privileges withdrawal method and giving all would disallow that.

I think withdrawing would send a very strong signal to a child used to having his way, making it very effective.

deols:

Actually, this is just like the stares I was talking about.

I'm sorry, did you not say this in your initial post?

deols: Do you think differently? I want honest opinion please?

If you didn't mean that, perhaps you should consider modifying your OP.

As to wanting to know why I think this way, please see my previous posts, I have explained several angles and rationales for it already.

deols:

I just have to agree with you.Totally.

The method of discipline has to be the privileges withdrawal method and giving all would disallow that.

I think withdrawing would send a very strong signal to a child used to having his way, making it very effective.

Good to know. Have a nice day.

deols: I have plans of 'spoiling' my Children.
When people hear this, they give me curious glances as if there is something wrong with it.

I just want them to have everything they want.
No one would be allowed to beat, bully, shout at or hurt them. Do these make them bad people?

I think all of these define being a good mother.

Do you think differently? I want honest opinion please?

i concur....
my children are going to be very "spoilt". i was spoilt and i cannot say it didn't work out. why settle for less with my kids. everyone's prayers/effort should be centred around giving a much more better life to the kids so they can pass it on to their own offspring as well.....

coogar:

i concur....
my children are going to be very "spoilt". i was spoilt and i cannot say it didn't work out. why settle for less with my kids. everyone's prayers/effort should be centred around giving a much more better life to the kids so they can pass it on to their own offspring as well.....

That is how I think. I usually have what I want. well, after understanding my boundaries.

But I also know what it is like to not have some things you want.

I just don't want that feeling for my children.

How confident they are, how they relate with others, etc can be affected by it.

So what do you think of the discipline part. would the withdrawal method be perfect?

jidegirl12:

This is Assassination of character part 2 what'd y'all want from me??

nothing do u

damiso:
Without the above, discpline will be verrrry hard.
E.g. No Disneyland if your grades dont improve.It just gives an incentive to want to work harder or a consequence if the work is not put in.Does not take away the fact that you can afford Disneyland either way.

You express it better.

damiso:
Without the above, discpline will be verrrry hard.
E.g. No Disneyland if your grades dont improve.It just gives an incentive to want to work harder or a consequence if the work is not put in.Does not take away the fact that you can afford Disneyland either way.

@disneyland... For children that are used to having it ALL they know its just shakara that they WILL go to Florida whether you like it or not because the tickets have been purchased since January .
--------------

This may sound funny BUT It all comes down to your genes marry a genius ( or yourself) and reproduce efiko so good grades will not be a problem, ( course with good education in place)

as per discipline: I do consequences , if you jump too high / play rough on the trampoline/ play structure , you'll break your bones and you're the one that'll get hurt not me

Home-training: Age appropriate Household chores in place and must be done without withdrawing any privilege typical threats Nah just a waste of time.

And Last but Not the least NO HITTING


Yeah let them spoil : Let's see the end product when it's time.

.

Home-training: Age appropriate Household chores in place and must be done without withdrawing any privilege typical treats Nah just a waste of time.

how is this? without hitting and without privilege removal?

Does it just become the normal daily routine without qualms?

deols: ^^

Realising that the reason they are not having what would normally have been provided for them is their fault would instil the necessary discipline.

Yeah .... they're not dumb, going thru all that trouble won't be necessary ... You know what ? Everybody should raise theirs as they like. Tats!

jidegirl12:

Yeah .... they're not dumb, going thru all that trouble won't be necessary ... You know what ? Everybody should raise theirs as they like. Tats!

actually that wasnt to you. My question to you is above.

deols: .

how is this? without hitting and without privilege removal?

Does it just become the normal daily routine without qualms?

You see, don't want to be devil's advocate on this Topic, whatever works for you may not work for me blah blah to each and his own crap

I don't Hit/spank my kids, I've tried seizing toys and all that but it didn't work for me so I don't need lectures ....... the only discipline I do is naughty corner/ timeout/go to your room and your TV& gadgets off and course Talk they are human with ears too.

Yeah...It's very Normal way of life for us. We are fine and dandy

deols:
That is how I think. I usually have what I want. well, after understanding my boundaries.

But I also know what it is like to not have some things you want.

I just don't want that feeling for my children.

How confident they are, how they relate with others, etc can be affected by it.

So what do you think of the discipline part. would the withdrawal method be perfect?

the discipline part is easy......
i would use my dad's methods. he used to sit me down like his mate and reel out what's expected of me. he provided the tools(hundreds of text books) and my task is to read and do well in school. the few times i did not do what i promised, he withdrew all the privileges(i wasn't even allowed to watch football on the TV) until i fulfilled my promise.

by age 14, i already knew he wouldn't compromise his standard for anyone so i understood him very well on that angle. he couldn't be bothered about the aspects of discipline like house chores and stuff. as long as a child is sound in school, the other stuff as far as he's concerned are irrelevant!

jidegirl12:

and your TV& gadgets off

Which = withdrawing of privileges.

I thought that was "typical treats Nah just a waste of time"?

jidegirl12:

You see, don't want to be devil's advocate on this Topic, whatever works for you may not work for me blah blah to each and his own crap

I don't Hit/spank my kids, I've tried seizing toys and all that but it didn't work for me so I don't need lectures ....... the only discipline I do is naughty corner/ timeout/go to your room and your TV& gadgets off and course Talk they are human with ears too.

Yeah...It's very Normal way of life for us. We are fine and dandy

is alright. I understand.

coogar:

the discipline part is easy......
i would use my dad's methods. he used to sit me down like his mate and reel out what's expected of me. he provided the tools(hundreds of text books) and my task is to read and do well in school. the few times i did not do what i promised, he withdrew all the privileges(i wasn't even allowed to watch football on the TV) until i fulfilled my promise.

by age 14, i already knew he wouldn't compromise his standard for anyone so i understood him very well on that angle. he couldn't be bothered about the aspects of discipline like house chores and stuff. as long as a child is sound in school, the other stuff as far as he's concerned are irrelevant!

I like the talking part. It works.

ileobatojo:

Which = withdrawing of privileges.

I thought that was "typical treats Nah just a waste of time"?

^^ 2.5 mins per calendar year I.E 2yr old X 2.5mins= 5 mins timeout compared to overboard lots??

Compared to withdrawing vacation threat , duh?

Thanks everyone, for your time

deols: Thanks everyone, for your time

My pleasure

jidegirl12:

^^ 2.5 mins per calendar year I.E 2yr old X 2.5mins= 5 mins timeout compared to overboard lots??

Compared to withdrawing vacation threat , duh?

Huh?

Withdrawing privileges is not the same as time out, is not the same as 'withdrawing vacation threat'.

The use of electronic gadgets and watching tv is a privilege. Not allowing them to use these because they have been bad is withdrawing privileges. So it is pointless knocking withdrawing privileges when you use this method yourself.

chaircover: Every single child is different. Some only need to read the expression in mummy's eye to fix themselves and some have to have the devil beaten out of them. As a parent you have to apply the right medicine to the right condition. Some kids you say NO to and they say ok mum, while some kids will throw tantrums and disgrace you on walmarts floor.


I supply both wants and needs for my children (most parents do this anyway) and at the same time letting them know that it is a privilege and they should not misuse it. IMO Parenting is an all round affair and its not just about discipline or being frugal. Its about communication, being there for them, spending time with them and being in their world too . . . these are the things that also shape a child. Its also about how you as parents are and how you behave in front of them. their brains are like sponges and they take everything in even though you may think that they are not watching.

Do I "spoil" my kids? maybe! . . . .but the major overall objective is making sure that when they step out into the real world they are well adjusted, happy, and a benefit to their community.

maybe?
CC, why are you trying to be modest?

jidegirl12:

@disneyland... For children that are used to having it ALL they know its just shakara that they WILL go to Florida whether you like it or not because the tickets have been purchased since January .
--------------

This may sound funny BUT It all comes down to your genes marry a genius ( or yourself) and reproduce efiko so good grades will not be a problem, ( course with good education in place)

as per discipline: I do consequences , if you jump too high / play rough on the trampoline/ play structure , you'll break your bones and you're the one that'll get hurt not me

Home-training: Age appropriate Household chores in place and must be done without withdrawing any privilege typical threats Nah just a waste of time.

And Last but Not the least NO HITTING


Yeah let them spoil : Let's see the end product when it's time.

Hmmm...I can't help but feel this aspect of 'spoiling' your kids is veered more towards materialism (in a good way..)

@ Deols: what about the emotional aspect of 'spoiling' your kids? You can't always give them what they want! C'mon. There is a reason why you are the adult and they, the child(ren). You the adult, are meant to direct, guide and lead the way. They are meant to look up to you for guidance. So how do you achieve this if you give in to their every wants, needs and desires?

So say for example, your teenage daughter (yes, teenager with the raging hormones), tells you she wants to spend the night at her boyfriend's home, what would your response be? Are you gonna give in to her because you want to 'spoil' her?

Or if your teenage son informs you that he wants to drop out of school because school's 'uncool'? What would you do then?

chaircover:
maybe . . . .because the kids may or may not agree with me . . .maybe

what do you think?
do you think you spoil them?

chaircover:

honest answer is I dont know. we try to keep them as comfortable as possible and at the same time draw the reigns as appropriate.

that's my answer right there....

Efemena_xy:

Hmmm...I can't help but feel this aspect of 'spoiling' your kids is veered more towards materialism (in a good way..)

Are you minding Jide, just because you can afford Sugarpova and not just baba dudu doesn't mean you should allow your kids destroy their teeth with candy everytime they want it.

ileobatojo:
Are you minding Jide, just because you can afford Sugarpova and not just baba dudu doesn't mean you should allow your kids destroy their teeth with candy everytime they want it.

i am 100% certain ileoba would be one strict mum. deploying core african methods to train 21st century kids.

chaircover:
which is

"as comfy as possible" is what most observers would consider "spoilt". i really dunno why it's criminal to spoil one's kids.

personally, i think you should have the kids first before worrying about how to raise them, but at the same time, there's nothing wrong with setting goals (same can be adjusted as necessary in future since you dont make kids by yourself).

your thread title and subsequent post started off on the wrong footing, you sound like people who see things in either black or white, ie good or bad with no in between. One dimensional thinking.

deols: I have plans of 'spoiling' my Children.


I just want them to have everything they want.
No one would be allowed to beat, bully, shout at or hurt them. Do these make them bad people?

why should you think its normal for another person to beat, bully, shout at or hurt your kids?

how does not allowing demented characters to abuse/insult your kids, amount to the kids being "bad people"?

if you dont take that kind of crap for your own self, why are you wondering if its ok for your kids?

unless you did not raise your kids well, this is not a normal mindset. And even assuming the kids werent raised well, still no excuse for every foul buffoon to dump their life frustrations on them.

I think all of these define being a good mother.

these define being human.

parenting is much more.

Do you think differently? I want honest opinion please?

i wonder if you were able to glean something?

as per kids being "spoilt", that depends on your context.

and where home training comes in.