Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,497 members, 7,954,906 topics. Date: Saturday, 21 September 2024 at 12:10 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / My Complicated Love Story (271745 Views)
Love Story Of A Unilag Babe And Bus Conductor / A UNILAG Babe's Twitter Love Story / My Complicated Love Story With My School Mum (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) ... (57) (58) (59) (60) (61) (62) (63) ... (66) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: My Complicated Love Story by foslink(m): 11:46am On Aug 11, 2013 |
valdes00: ***walks into thread, sees chistar droppin comment**** this guy no still go church today, omo esu::::::lolz chister is it true remember u made sum new vows d other u wnt to church |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by toeyean(f): 12:21pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
chistar01: **continuation** Lol. I can very well picture d lecturer's dress sense. Just like. MR AKINYEMI,statistics department of EKITI STATE UNIVERSITY. I cnt stop laughing oooooooooooooo |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by chistar01(m): 1:05pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
@Izukwu, lmao! am flattered. @toeyean, lmao! So ekiti get thier own? @valdes, I go church oh. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by papindinho(m): 2:33pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
having read the bits on 50 pages bro, I must commend your efforts as you've done a great job so far as I see nice choice of words and a cool descriptive sense in line with good use of the flashback technique. Your tenses are quite good but needs some little brushing and you should keep an eye on the typos. Being humane, O boy,ur suspense too much na, dat Sandra and co Bday surprise got me feeling the Jumoke 2plus story as My mind just dey tong tong ontop many tns.....thumbs up and fire on........... |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by IZUKWU(m): 3:11pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Waoh! After thirteen hours am through to the last page. Waoh an entertaining read . |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by papindinho(m): 4:02pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
wow!! Am through........ I knew it would always be Sandra. When you love someone you would continue to do nothing but love the person. Where there is true love; there is no room for any other thing........... That was more of a melodrama as every character get rewarded. Bravo CHISTAR... |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by VULCAN(m): 4:47pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
I don't need to spend time on what so many others have said about ur writing. It is brilliant I must say. Plot, structure, writing style. Powerfully addictive. So let me go straight into areas that need work The correct spelling is Michael. A cardinal sin to misspell your main characters name. Loll How did Michael take a blood sample by himself? The cliffhangers were numerous and created such a powerful desire to keep reading. Someone said you should stop it and it appears u consented. I think that was wrong. Yes it can't work in a proper novel format as one or two pages can't make a chapter but it is unique so u shud maintain it for this format in future When sandra walked in on Mike and Ify. Her eyes filled with tears immediately. It doesn't work that way. First is shock then disbelief then anger before the tears come flooding down. And perfume doesn't go ahead of someone like an escort rider so how could Mike have smelt Sandra's perfume as she stood at the door ever before he looked up to see her standing dere? How did mike know the make n model of the gun that the capo pointed at him at his front door? Surprised that there were no reprisals from the cultists after their arrest. They have members in other schools and revenge is da order of da day. No reason was given for that. After being robbed he went home wid his fone. C'mon The general impression given by the story is dat uniport girls are always on heat. They seem to be just hungrily waiting for someone to ask dem for sex. Is that a true representation? If not then Remember that if ur writing about real life peoples actions have to be believable to those who have experienced such. Dats why we can learn so much about the US justice system because their soaps and movies show us what really happens. Nollywood fails in dat respect as they show us two plain clothes men walking into someones living room to arrest them (In reality, it never happens that way). Another unrealistic part is the fact that none of these girls are materialistic or even financially dependent on guys. None do runs or have sugar daddies. How many guys in nigeria can boast of sleeping with 4 girls and none asks him for money for hair or recharge card. Let's be real please. He gave his life to christ and it had absolutely no effect on his behaviour whatsoever. That doesn't sound right. At the very least it wud have slowed him down for a long while b4 he went back to his fmr ways. No explanation given for why urch doesn't have a car. Someone dat can burn that much money to celebrate Michael's birthday can surely afford a car His auntie is always sending him money when banks are closed. Does she do online banking abi how far? Tenny giving him a public bj within a few hrs of their meeting was unrealistic. U didn't explain what in her character(being a virgin especially) wud enable her do such. It ended a bit too weakly. Didn't pack a punch as we already guessed dat Urch was banging Chidinma. He forgave chidinma and urch too easily. You rushed de ending. It wasn't handled as well as the rest of da story. That ended more like the average nollywood movie. Every man dat has ever been betrayed like dat knows dat its takes a very long while to forgive. A few minutes of begging by the perpetrators and sandra doesn't cut it at all. If ur writing for mills and boon readers den all dey want is a happy ending but in real life its takes much more than the way it concluded. How do u relate the end to the beginning. At the conclusion he's dating sandra but at the origin they were just besties b4 the flashback started and the story began. Does it mean that the story ends AFTER the start of the tale when they were already besties. On the whole. Its the most addictive thing I have read in recent memory. 8 Likes |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by chistar01(m): 6:34pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by chistar01(m): 6:37pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
VULCAN:Thanks bro! I really appreciate your comment, but let me try and reply some of your questions, I.E the ones that have answers tho. 1. Lol, yea, I had a little doubt on the spelling and even MS. Word and autocorrect happens to point out Micheal as an error but on the controversial side, 'Micheal' is the spelling used by a couple of friends I have and they claim it means the same thing and its pronouced same way, so I just continued that way. But I'll try using 'Michael' since its more acceptable. 2. I didnt say he took it by himself, I didnt want to delay to write up with unnecesary 'gist', definitely, its assumed a nurse took it. 3. As a writter I try to write in a way the readers would like, so I tried to compromise where I could without spoiling my style, that way, its a win- win for both of us. But your point is highly taken, I'll resume with the high suspense in my next novel. 4. Hmm, good point I'll modify that when I make a book out of it, hopefully. 5. When you truly love someone, you take note of the weirdest and strangest of things and the perfume or on a broader sense 'her scent' is not an exception. 6. Lol, I actually knew ntn about guns until I got to that part of the story, thanks to google. But I guess I over did it there. I'll modify it. 7. Lol, well Michael is still in his 300lv so lets just imagine how it went down, I made a statement about a cult waiting for a guy to get to his final year before striking. 8. Lol, they took Michael phone nah, lets assume he had a second phone although smaller and of little value, like a nokia torchlight phone. 9. This was my major 'concern' when writting the story. Uniport girl arent cheap atall, Michael just knows how to manipulate the female mind. If he was in U.I, unilag or any other school, the same things would have happened. There are guys who are just like that and Michael is one of them. 10. Ify was a runs girl, I made enough points to show you guys that, and Micheal is financially 'ok' so I dont think it would have been nice to talk about the little 'financial help' he rendered to some female charaters in the story. But I'll add a few of in the full and complete book, maybe in a funny way, am already having Ideas.. 11. Being a christain aint easy, the devil is always tempting us and Micheal faith is not that strong. He tried avoiding Ify after the church service but that was as far as his faith could take him. 12. He eventually bought a car, didnt you notice when sandra said she and Urch are coming to pick him up from the front of ETF hall? 13. Yes, she does I.banking so can transfer money anywhere anytime any amount. 14. She had a crazy crush on Michael, and I tried to point out that fact several times. And being a virgin doesnt mean much nowadays, its just wen the hymen hasnt been broken nothing more. 15. Yea, I know. But I had to end it quickly due to reasons beyond my power, once the book is out you would get the full story in between. 16. I tried to pass a message to those who dont believe that love conquers all. The story is all about Michael stay in uniport his first two years, there were more challenges after he and Sandra reconciled but as at the time but love definitely conquered again. Lets just say Michael and Sandra were meant to be. And the flash back on how Sandra became Micheal bestfriend stopped when she caught him and Ify kissing, maybe I'll highlight that later, just thought you guys would get that the real story started after that happened. Thanks once again bro. Please point out more as it would help the 'book' to be a masterpiece. I'll be expecting in my next story that starts late this week. Peace. 3 Likes |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by VULCAN(m): 6:56pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
@chistar. Keep up the good work ur gifted indeed. I recognise the format you wrote it in presents some difficulties when it comes to character development as these are short stories. But if u read James Hadley Chase you will discover that its possible to tell us WHY a character takes a certain step within a few lines. For example Chase would have given us a tangible reason why a virgin would give a guy a public BJ within a few hours of meeting him. Having a crush is a weak motivation cos I'm sure u will agree with me that Teniola wasn't thereafter described as a lousy girl. In fact the opposite as u took time to paint a pic of a sweet girl which I'm sure all your readers wud also describe her. All in all always think of character development as that is the primary thing lacking in Nollywood scripts. Try and watch the movie End of Watch with Jake Gyllenhall. It is a classic case of spending a whole movie building up a character only for the person to end horribly. The series Game of Thrones and Breaking bad are also good egs of excellent character development. Why I'm mentioning movies and soaps is cause your writing is so good that this story can easily be turned into a screenplay and made into a movie or series. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Olygal: 7:59pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Hey Chistar if i dont comment i will be d enemy here, ur a STAR indeed. Thanks 4 this i learnt alot and im motivated to write my own complicated luv story. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by yemi2plus(m): 8:44pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Olygal: Thanks 4 this i learnt alot and im motivated to write my own complicated luv story.i can't wait to read it. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by IZUKWU(m): 8:57pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Chistar, i saw your work or atleast some part of posted on this site :codedruns.com, did you give them the go ahead to do so. 1 Like |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Elefida(f): 9:16pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
Wow! Nice one I enjoyed it most becos am familiar with most of D places you mentioned #Uniport Alumini#. We are proud of U |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by chistar01(m): 9:44pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
IZUKWU: Chistar, i saw your work or atleast some part of posted on this site :codedruns.com, did you give them the go ahead to do so.another piracy issue.. .. No I didnt give them the go ahead.. Dear Mynd where art thou? |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by yemi2plus(m): 9:47pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
chistar01: another piracy issue.. .. No I didnt give them the go ahead.. Dear Mynd where art thou?to make matter worst, you need to sign up on the website first. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by chistar01(m): 10:03pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
yemi2plus2:guy i just tire oh, I'm not taking any risk again... |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by yemi2plus(m): 10:11pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
chistar01: guy i just tire oh, I'm not taking any risk again...lol.. That's your reward for being a good writer. Them dey show their appreciation by copy and paste. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by toeyean(f): 10:52pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
chistar01: **continuation**Am sowi fr being a ghost reader all along. I must confess,ur doing a great job. there's sometin I will like 2 point out here as u might nt really av d time. 2 go. Tru d story again nd make necessary correction. D 1st time u broke a record was wen sandra was coming 2 ur lodge nd nt ify. Kindly adjust on dat. u r gifted,bro. Thumps up fr u |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by chistar01(m): 11:37pm On Aug 11, 2013 |
@yemi, lol... I'll take that as a compliment. @toeyean, thanks dear.. I'll make corrections, didnt even notice... |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by CJIDEX(m): 12:19am On Aug 12, 2013 |
Kip it up bro.. I bliv u'll always av a gud story to tell. Cheers! |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Hadeehart101(f): 1:46am On Aug 12, 2013 |
I've been a silent and ardent follower right from the start. Was actually waiting for the end of this wonderful peice. I must confess, it was indeed good reading such a lovely peice. Glad you ended up with sandra. One Can't wish for a better girlfriend/bestfriend though. Concerning Tenny, the native doctor's daughter, i can't believe you didn't even run into her at all. Considering the fact that she liked you. I thought maybe she would have visited you at home or something like that. Anyway, nice and good story you've got here. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Nobody: 5:15am On Aug 12, 2013 |
*just passing by* |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Nobody: 5:39am On Aug 12, 2013 |
ClassyGlory: @VULCAN |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Salma(f): 8:28am On Aug 12, 2013 |
Nyc 1. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by MaziOmenuko: 8:58am On Aug 12, 2013 |
@chris, your work is being plagiarised at codedruns.com I dropped an important info for you at the complaint thread. Check it out www.nairaland.com/983531/literature-writing-complaints-thread/23#17375979 |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by toeyean(f): 11:36am On Aug 12, 2013 |
chistar01: @Izukwu, lmao! am flattered.. We get o. in fact he's moi project supervisor. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Teenuolah(f): 1:08pm On Aug 12, 2013 |
Nyz piece christar |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by spaq: 7:02pm On Aug 12, 2013 |
Guess ds story's fiction... Happily ever afta is only possible in fictions.... In all, i must say u r too gud 4 a 1st timer... |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by MzOma(f): 7:30pm On Aug 12, 2013 |
chistar01: ******************************************************************************. Dear chistar,it pains me dat ur story ends here buh am happy ur back with sandra. I jst couldn't resist commenting on this beautiful piece of work that's why I went through the stress of being a registered NL member. Just promise me that u gon kip us updated when u go back to school. Cheers. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Madawaki01(m): 12:02am On Aug 13, 2013 |
If u wanna appreciate chistar,just follow mazi's advice and mail d company hostin d plagiarizin website.. |
Re: My Complicated Love Story by Nobody: 7:25am On Aug 13, 2013 |
So d story has finally ended Chei!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Christar start anoda one shaperly Plssssssssssss Wonderful job...u were awesome all d way!!! |
(1) (2) (3) ... (57) (58) (59) (60) (61) (62) (63) ... (66) (Reply)
The Reluctant Bride / First Night / Bukky Alakara
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 97 |