Only A Flame….
July 20, 2013

I sat crouched at a corner of the room… With my arms circled around my folded knees.
Another stream of tears rolled effortlessly down my cheeks as I relived the experience.

I could still feel his fingers like the gentle slithery movements of a snake as he caressed my body.
I closed my eyes.
If only I could shut out the images…

But No! They were there… Refusing to leave…
They came with such vivid clarity!
Images of flailing arms … Fighting to keep away the evil that loomed above me.

I remembered trying to scream… But I couldn’t hear the sound of my own voice.

Randomly the images came, in no defined order. I recalled a struggle to retain my underwear as groping hands determined to take them off…
The sound of a dress being torn…

Then I remembered the slap!
Like a thunderbolt, the impact had gone through my whole body shutting down every remaining resistance I had.

I had lain there passive…Like one in a daze… and watched in horror as my young and innocent body was brutally ravaged!

I could still hear the wicked but ecstatic grunts of pleasure as he forcefully entered me again and again. Beads of sweat dropped from his forehead as saliva flowed in tiny streaks from the corner of his mouth. The stench of alcohol literally exuded from the pores on his skin.

For a moment my eyes had locked with his and I cringed in disgust!

“Who is this animal?!” I remembered thinking. There was a deadness in his eyes which were filled with fiery desire and burning lust! As I looked into those eyes, I realised I was staring at a beast… For I couldn’t bring myself to call him a man.

A surge of bitter tasting bile rose in my throat as I retched under a strong wave of nausea.

But nothing came out! My stomach was probably empty… But I did not care!

There was only one word that could explain how I felt…….

VIOLATED!

That was thirteen years ago, when I was just twelve years old… and now it is happening again!

Still crouched in one corner of the room, my hands still folded around my knees, I know what is about to come as he nears me. I feel like screaming, like getting up and charging at him but I know it would be useless. He would pick me up as if I am a piece of paper and throw me hard on the bed and I would not be able to escape his grip. So I sit there, shivering, tears stinging my eyes, my heart beating wildly. I know what to expect. After all, it has happened a million times before. From that first encounter thirteen years ago, I had somehow become a vessel for him to express his depravity. It isn’t something new, yet I am still terrified as hell.

I close my eyes as he grabs my hand and yanks me off the floor and throws me to the bed.

“So you think you can leave me and follow another man abi?!” he growls, landing me a resounding slap on my arm, careful not to touch my face. I scream and try to kick him away but I know it only ignites him. He is blaming me for following another man but I am guiltless. I only visited my aunt who just came into town and she kept me fifteen minutes longer than my curfew time. Now I am being punished and called a LovePeddler in my husband’s house. The other people in the house are listening but they will do nothing, they will say nothing. I will walk out with a limp and bruises and they will greet me with a smile as if nothing happened. They will ignore the cry for help in my eyes as my own family has ignored them for thirteen years. My life will continue with no hope because the world around me has no place for me to run.

“How many times will I tell you that you belong to me?! No man will ever have you as long as I’m alive! You are mine, forever!”

“Please, don’t…” I cry but he slaps me again. He puts his hand around my neck and holds me in a choke. There is darkness in his eyes as a cackle erupts from his throat.

“Open your legs!”

“Don’t do this. Please…” I beg. Maybe today is the day he will look at me with those eyes and have mercy. Maybe, just maybe he will not force himself in today and will love me the way a man should love a woman. But why should I hope for such things? It is not my place to enjoy them. I am only a woman and have no soul, as I was told. And it seemed like just yesterday, when I was but a little girl and was told my body belonged to a man old enough to be my father. Sadly, I don’t think I have grown from that time. As a girl I have come into this pain and it has lived my life for me.

So, I lie there, unresponsive to his touch, dead at every thrust he makes, numb to my own self. I keep my eyes up at the ceiling and look at the light bulb until it fades into memories of a wonderful past I have kept secure in my heart.

I see my brother teaching me to throw stones at lizards on the fence of our house. I see my sisters and I playing suwe and fighting over whose turn it is to wash the plates. I hear my father’s hearty laughter from the parlor as he watches something on TV. I listen to the cries of my baby brother while my mother bathes him in the backyard. The air is breezy and smells of rain but the sun shines brightly, refusing to go away though the clouds enshroud it. I look up and try to take in all its brilliance but grandma says I could get blind from doing that. So I lift my hand and shield my eyes while I hear my mother calling me. But the sun breaks through stubbornly, aiming to blind me…

I blink and I am back to hell, the light bulb stinging my eyes while his sweat pours over me. How many times have I been in that position, looking at that same bulb, at the ceiling it is hanging from? How many times have I taken the pain and yet emerged and kept a happy smile when I am outside with my children?

He gives one final grunt and pulls out of me. “Go and get ready for our in-laws,” he says with an evil grin and walks into the bathroom. I pull my legs together and try to cry but I can’t. There are no more tears here. I have to do as he says.

I secure my wrapper tight and hurry out, carrying around my familiar limp, trying to hide the pain in my arms. The compound is already buzzing with activities as the maids prepare for my husband’s new wife. I have never met her but I pray she is someone I can relate with, a friend that can finally keep me company. I go about preparing the meal and making sure the maids clean her room properly. It is my former room and now that I am a senior wife, I have been moved to a different room.

I finish what I am supposed to do and ensure that everything and everyone is set. Then I retreat to my side of the house and sit silently as the wedding ceremony progresses. There is music and dancing and food and drinks. Everyone is happy and cheerful and for a while, from my prison, I forget my pain and smile. Hours pass and finally the last drum is beat and there is a cold hush in the large compound. The generator goes off and I light a candle in my new room. My bladder alerts me that I must use the toilet and I grumble. How many times must I go in an hour? The maids call me ‘Aunty Piss’ behind my back but they do not know my weak bladder is a souvenir from my battle with VVF. I am glad to be alive even though my bladder embarrasses me every so often.

I stop in my tracks as I hear the sound of someone crying in the dark. I look around me, flashing my candle in the shadowy corridor but I see nothing. The crying continues and takes me only a few more steps for me to know it is coming from my old room. I go cold. But I strain my ear to listen some more if I can hear my husband’s voice. I hear nothing.

I move forward, each step with a churning stomach and I finally come to the door. I clasped the handle tight and slowly push the door in. The crying doesn’t stop; instead it is turned up a notch as I walk in. I put the candle before me and I freeze. Lying on my bed, hugging my old pillow with eyes sketched in fear is someone’s little girl. I feel a shiver in my bones as I look at her. She can’t be older than eleven and yet her future is going to be destroyed in one night.

I cannot move. I can hardly breathe. I feel like I am looking at myself. It is happening all over again. The girl sees something in my face that beckons to her. She leaves the pillow and runs to me, falls at my feet and hugs me. She is crying, pleading, begging me to take her home.

Home? I don’t know where home is right now. Maybe it never existed; it could be all in my head, for I do not understand how a parent can give their child away to be raped and abused. They call it marriage but it is no marriage. It is rape, it is abuse, it is evil, it is death.

I look at the girl and pull her up to me, holding her tight in my embrace, telling her it will be alright as the candle burns away. But nothing will be alright. Nothing will be fine from the moment he touches her. In one night he will take her from childhood, past her youth, past her womanhood and dump her right in a dark grave. And every night after that, he will pummel her to death.

Is this what I want for her? Should she suffer as I still do?

I pull away from her but she holds me tight. She won’t let go. Together we walk to one of the windows and I peep out. I can see him emerging from his side of the compound. How many times have I looked out this window and watched with dread as he approaches me.

Something sparks in me. I look at the candle. It is just a flame but I know what power it holds.

I set the flame to the thin curtain at the window and watch as the cloth fights the heat. But it is no rival for the fire. It whorls backwards and gives in to the flame, embracing it. I do the same to the second curtain and both of us watch as they both burn. I lift the bed sheet and set the mattress ablaze also.

The girl’s eyes are wide and she moves back from the rising inferno. I see the question in her eyes. I have an answer in mine.

I will buy you another night, maybe a second night but that is all I can do.

I have wilder ideas of running away but I have children. Where will we all go? I look at the flames leaking up everything and though I know this is temporary, it gives me pleasure. It also gives me strength and courage. And I feel a tingling, a tiny tingling in me to fight for my freedom, for her freedom.

Maybe I will fight…someday soon. Maybe today!

The End

Written by Oje Valentine Ikenna and Sally Kenneth Dadzie who blogs at http://moskeda..
She is a friend, a sister and undoubtedly the best writer I know.

Both of us SAY NO to #childmarriage. The Nigerian Literati say no to #childmarriage


Please stand up against these sick senators who are pushing for child marriage. It is not enough to sit and say it is never going to happen. We should raise up our voices against it and insist that strict measures be taken to have it completely abolished in places where it is being practiced. How can a lawmaker marry a thirteen year old and we think it’s his prerogative? How many more girls will go through pain and horror in the hands of sick men who abandon them in shacks to die and still roam around the community with no one punishing them? How can we all sit and have this injustice being done to innocent children and yet expect God to come down and save us? If we keep quiet, what then is the hope for our children? Don’t think because you’re a Southerner, it has nothing to do with you. What affects one, affects all.

The Nigerian community is speaking up against this. It’s just a flame but you can help the fire spread by sharing this message, irrespective of your religion and beliefs. It may not be enough to stop these men who are comfortably playing god with the bodies and souls of little girls. But it is enough to stir something in you. We should not be known as a nation that sits down and does nothing. Stop saying our efforts can’t go anywhere. These girls have to know there is another way to live. They have to know that marriage is a contract between two consenting adults and they have nothing to do with it. They have to know that there are people who hear their cries and are fighting for them.

source: http://valentineoje./2013/07/20/only-a-flame/

I cried as i read this work. Whoever wrote it is good. I've endorse it to the front page and hope it make FP

This should be moved to d front page by whoever does that plzzz! Today we mark d "say no to child marriage" movement. We need to have sense in dis country oh! My own iz d@ thunder faya d@ Yerima(zamfara state ex governor) for violating d@ 13yr old child!

This is so touching . Front page plss!

Child molestation made legal in Nigeria. What a shame!!

I can only dream to see this thread make hope page.

Please i am new to this forum, i really want to say NO! how do i do it?

Okkkk

I honestly had to skip most of it. I just couldn't. I already had tears in my eyes from the first two paragraphs. Smh. I can't believe this is happening.

Sincere Bigot: .

Woe to you all who supports this illicit act. This is dehumanization, nd remember that each widow in any society is an evry woman!

People should mobilize and have those senators who voted for this travesty recalled. Let us go back to the constitution and make it happen. We voted them in, we can recall them. Maybe they have become too comfortable and have forgotten why they are there and they can be recalled. No need crying, we need to start acting. When they see action, they wll become more human. They now think they are untouchable. I am so angry.

God go save us...

By Ayo Turton
The social media - Twitter, Facebook, different yahoogroups and what-have-you are all buzzing, my in-boxes on all my email accounts have been busy, text messages have not been spared, it has gone spiral that the Nigerian Senate has passed a law that made it right to sexually abuse our minors through forced and premature marriages. Some say the law relating to marriageable age in our Constitution has been removed. Petitions are flying right, left and center to the United Nations, Human Rights organizations across the world and anyone that may care to listen, all requiring me to sign in on the petitions, when I could not ignore the deafening intrusions again and when the name of that guy that bought a baby girl from Egypt for a wife (I mean he is old enough to be her ancestor) keep popping up in all the messages, I decided to get off my butt and get involved and informed.

But then it took me just a few phone calls and a quick check on the content of our Constitution to discover that it is just a storm in a tea cup. It turned out that what happened on the floor of the Senate has absolutely nothing to do with a child’s right or marriageable age.

Now what really happened; a Senate Committee made recommendations for the amendment of Sections 26 and 29 of the Constitution that dealt with Citizenship and Renunciation of Citizenship respectively.

Section 26 of the 1999 Constitution states as follows:

26. (1) Subject to the provisions of section 28 of this Constitution, a person to whom the provisions of this section apply may be registered as a citizen of Nigeria, if the President is satisfied that -
(a) he is a person of good character;
(b) he has shown a clear intention of his desire to be domiciled in Nigeria; and
(c) he has taken the Oath of Allegiance prescribed in the Seventh Schedule to this Constitution.
(2) the provisions of this section shall apply to-
(a) any woman who is or has been married to a citizen of Nigeria; or
(b) every person of full age and capacity born outside Nigeria any of whose grandparents is a citizen of Nigeria.

For gender balance, the word “woman” @ section 26 (2) (a) was recommended for removal to cover “men” as well, the amendment passed without an incident.

It was recommended that Section 29 (4) (b) of the Constitution be removed as infringing the right of a child because it purportedly remove the maturity age for a child to marry, I do not think so.

Here is what Section 29 of the Constitution says:
(1) Any citizen of Nigeria of full age who wishes to renounce his Nigerian citizenship shall make a declaration in the prescribed manner for the renunciation.

(2) The President shall cause the declaration made under subsection (1) of this section to be registered and upon such registration, the person who made the declaration shall cease to be a citizen of Nigeria.

(3) The President may withhold the registration of any declaration made under subsection (1) of this section if-
(a) the declaration is made during any war in which Nigeria is physically involved; or
(b) in his opinion, it is otherwise contrary to public policy.
(4) For the purposes of subsection (1) of this section.
(a) "full age" means the age of eighteen years and above;
(b) any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age.

The clause that is really causing this unnecessary hullabaloo is Section 29 (4) (b). That clause has always been part of our laws, but the Senate moved to remove it as infringing on child's right by making every married woman an adult. At the taking of the vote for the first time, they got two-third to remove it from the Constitution. But Yerima stood up and whipped up religious sentiment by galvanizing his Muslim brothers who ignorantly believed him into action. When the peace was threatened, David Mark, the Senate President capitulates and asked that the vote be taken again, at this point they were no longer able to garner two-third votes to remove the provision from the Constitution, so it remains.

Now to the legal issue:

Section 29 (4) CLEARLY states: "for the purposes of subsection 1"

Section 29 subsection (1) CLEARLY states: "Any citizen of Nigeria of full age WHO WISHES TO RENOUNCE HIS NIGERIAN CITIZENSHIP (emphasis mine) shall make a declaration in the prescribed manner for the renunciation".

This is called "narrow definition” Subsection (1) narrowly defined under what circumstances the definitions stated at clauses (a) and (b) would be applicable.

Therefore clauses (a) and (b) of section 29 (4) are only relevant to "renunciation of citizenship" alone.

What made this clearer and should leave no one in doubt is the fact that clause 29 (4) (a) re-emphasized that “full age” shall be 18, but if you are already married, for the purposes of renunciation of citizenship you shall be automatically qualified to do so even if you are not 18 yet. Because you are deemed of "full age" for renunciation reason based on the unambiguous definition given by subsection 29 (1) In any case S. 29 (4) (b) is referring to someone already married not about-to-marry.

As a matter of fact, if you ask me, the Constitution as it is, threatens Yerima status than support it. He is married to a baby-girl from Egypt. If that girl suddenly realizes that she has been forced into a marriage with a man old enough to be her ancestor, she can independently renounce her citizenship and take the next train to Egypt.

But then, we should seize on this opportunity to pressurize our Senators to make express laws against child’s marriage and abuses. The statistics with regards to cases of Vesico-Vagina Fistula (VVF) in the part of the country where childhood marriage is practiced is not encouraging at all. Let us properly redirect our anger to achieve the desired result, because it is apparent that even the Senate is lost on this, if they think that removing S.29 (4) (b) would take care of a child’s right, they have got another think coming, they need to consult their lawyers more.
That section is more useful for a foreign child that has been forced into a marriage than it can benefit anybody when removed."

I AM MUAMI and I approve this message!

In all of this, it is very important for Nigerians to know the constitution. That is the only power we have to even change it.

I see nothing bad with a guy of 17 married to 16 its not badt if there is love..

I'm sorry but what type of men are these that seek to marry children who do yet fully understand themselves or the world around them. Its a step backward imo and i really weep for these children who are being freely offered up like this.

brb

cant stp weeping afta reading dis post.
Its only God dt cn jugde us all

Very touching piece.
Please, religion aside, let's do what is morally right and stop shielding our sick minds with religion. These girls are suffering and they know it wont end. By the time they are matured enough to summon up courage, they are emotionally damaged and won't have anywhere to go.

Pieces of rubbish

Codedrock: I see nothing bad with a guy of 17 married to 16 its not badt if there is love..

At 17 and 16? when you should be in school? Pls marriage is not like nursery school o.

I reject Child marrage.No to Child marage & molestation

What does a man know of rape? I wonder....

Holding myself from weeping on reading this.
Sounds like Nawoj's story: the Yemeni girl who at 12 had already married and divorced.
How can change come when the culprits insist their religion supports it?

This is the time for journalist and well meaning nigerians to fight against this and make sure they reverse it. Shame to Yerima and his accomplice

Why are you guys taking panadol for other people headache??

Why is NL poisoning the mind of people, indirectly?? Abi its all part of traffic?

People die everyday of hunger, theres corruption to the worst level, no electricity, very bad roads, health care is terrible.. This are things that affect the common man daily but we dont care to fight that, its something that does not concern you and have no effect on your lives that your killing yourselves over.

Hmmm..She just a child not a bride..She needs pen not penis..She needs fatherly love not husbands lust..She needs mothers care not husbands dare..She needs protection not in-laws brutalization..She needs child's play for God's sake not pre-intimacy.

Follow me on twitter @Iam_Nuvally..Let's make endless trends.........For our girls please

EbonyBlond: Child molestation made legal in Nigeria. What a shame!!

Really shameful! But Who legalised it?

EbonyBlond: Only A Flame….
July 20, 2013


[b]The Nigerian community is speaking up against this. [/b]It’s just a flame but you can help the fire spread by sharing this message, irrespective of your religion and beliefs. It may not be enough to stop these men who are comfortably playing god with the bodies and souls of little girls. But it is enough to stir something in you. We should not be known as a nation that sits down and does nothing. Stop saying our efforts can’t go anywhere. These girls have to know there is another way to live. They have to know that marriage is a contract between two consenting adults and they have nothing to do with it. They have to know that there are people who hear their cries and are fighting for them.

source: http://valentineoje./2013/07/20/only-a-flame/

Thats all the Nigerian community ever dose is talk talk talk. If they're not talking then their talking to themselves via prayers. Nigeria dose not nee people talking we need actions. Organise a demonstration in which the masses can show how they feel about this and the outside world will hear about the nonsense going on here. Actions speak louder than words.