Underage marriage things!

That's what u get!

Uncle Amos things!

just scanning to see if anyone advised him to ask if the son is his, yet.

after all, he did include that information, and nlers love to query paternity.

Na wa o!

All these invitations to a stranger for dinner!

What if it's a simple case of his wife's sister calling to complain about her employee at her school (Mr Amos), say maybe, wifey's sister can't even afford to pay him for this month? So wifey was on the phone trying to placate Mr Amos on behalf of her sister, OR, trying to see if she could pay him his salary (on the agreement that her sister refunds her back?)

So maybe, just maybe, that's what the discussion was all about and that the reason the telephone conversation took so long was because Mr Amos still dey vex or was giving @OP's wifey his bank account details or something?

I think it's best for @OP to find out exactly what the 'ish' is with Mr Amos from wifey first. Her response should then determine whether or not this stranger (Mr Amos) is invited to dinner.

@OP, abeg don't go compromise the security of your family by inviting a stranger round to your home. Na Naija you dey. Not obodo Oyinbo where you fit dial 999 for emergency services...

Just be careful, okay?

Mavrick2012: Hmm,anoda beautiful one.tanks senior.
i observ guys see it d way i see it but ladies are making me feel somhw wrong.well,am getin encoraged to meet her so dat we totalyy resolv it.THATS WHY I LV NL.am stil listening...

Senior? I doubt.

Don't mind the ladies, they know its wrong too. Hopefully, you can resolve it amicably. Many people don't quickly grasp the concept of "being married". Hence, they need to be guided. Your wife seems to be one of such people.

armyofone: I don't like it when ladies call another guy 'uncle' when he is not related to you. Just say Amos, a friend of mine.

OP, you don't speak to your female friends?

You should have said, who is Amos? Let's invite him to dinner.
I think you should apologize to your wife. I'm sorry Alleri for what happened yesterday. Please let's invite him over for dinner.

I tink i need to clerify somtin here.when we were about to marry,i and my wife actualy agreed no opposit-sex-friend,ie i willnt keep female friends and mywife willnt keep male friends.my concience can confirm it that i have no female friend

tpia@:
just scanning to see if anyone advised him to ask if the son is his, yet.

after all, he did include that information, and nlers love to query paternity.

You just did.

maclatunji:

You just did.

the op did.

Mavrick2012: I tink i need to clerify somtin here.when we were about to marry,i and my wife actualy agreed no opposit-sex-friend,ie i willnt keep female friends and mywife willnt keep male friends.my concience can confirm it that i have no female friend

Remind your wife of this agreement, watch her reaction to it.

Na wa oo! So some people are really supporting a married woman who made a 10mins call and have refused to tell her husband the details of the call, only for her to tell the hubby in the morning that it she spoke with one uncle Amos that is strange to the hubby. She will come back in the night and now give the hubby the explanations of the 10mins call when she have planned and perfected the story that will make up for such a 10mins call. OP, if you listen to some women here who are masters in this game especially those already assuming your wife's sister is owing the so-called strange uncle Amos then you might end up regreting the rest of your life. She is your wife and you deserve to know who that uncle Amos is. You are not paranoid anything, you are both husband and wife.

Efe, you are right but they can do that at some eatery, not in their home.
Nobody knows what madam and Amos chatted about and I doubt madam would want to go into it now that Mav already came off as "possessive"
He should let it go or get to know who Amos is.

Alrighty, Try reminding her of the agreement- if it was signed by both of you, bring the paper to refresh her memories.

Mavrick2012: I tink i need to clerify somtin here.when we were about to marry,i and my wife actualy agreed no opposit-sex-friend,ie i willnt keep female friends and mywife willnt keep male friends.my concience can confirm it that i have no female friend

armyofone: Efe, you are right but they can do that at some eatery, not in their home.
Nobody knows what madam and Amos chatted about and I doubt madam would want to go into it now that Mav already came off as "possessive"
He should let it go or get to know who Amos is.

Aye, you're right. Didnt' think of that one.

I also agree with what you've posted.

@OP: All I'm saying is contrary to what some people might claim to be advice or rather hidden agenda's here, don't go in there with your guns blazing. None of us here really know what's going on here, but can only make assumptions based on what you've posted.

Have that discussion with wifey with an open mind. Hear what she has to say, then take it up from there. For all you know, it may be just a storm in a teacup.

Nonetheless, all the best sha.

Your wife may be innocent, but I'm not comfortable with the fact that she didn't freely say who Uncle Amos was. If there isn't any big deal between them, she should have freely and openly explained who he was and what their conversation entailed, moreso, when you guys agreed not to keep opposite sex friends.

Anyway, wait till the dust settles and calmly ask her for details. If it aint satisfactory or she's being defensive, pretend that there is no probelm while watching closely. With time, u will be able to decipher what's up.

Please, do not ridicule yourself by going the "dinner" way. That might never give her away. If they are really up to something, it will even make it difficult for you to find out, cos the said man will then become a "family friend" and that makes him "unsuspecting". The man will be forming family friend to you and you will be smiling from cheek to cheek while he is busy poking your wife.

Never go the gra gra way with this issue. If u do and it turns out she's innocent, everything will backfire and she will despise u and believe me, that is the last thing you want. Your marriage is still young, so handle it maturely. Donot give your wife the impression that u are watching closely.

Goodluck.

Mavrick2012: Gooday folks,please i need your candid advice.
on sunday evening,while i was playing football with my two yrs old son in the sitting room,i overheard my wife making a call at the other end of our sitting room.About three minutes after the call i asked her who was on the line,she looked slightly ruffled, "uncle Amos",she said.I expected her to explain further,but she said nothing more,so i demanded who uncle amos is,she only said "you wouldnt know him".since i observed she wasnt ready to talk,i told her i was going to sleep.
The following morning she told me "uncle Amos" teaches in her sister's school,her elder sister has a school in keffi,we reside in kaduna.
The most shoking aspect of the whole drama was when i suggested she delete the number and stop all form of communications,mywife told me she doesnt like the idea,except if i want her to lie to me.she said she can guaranty its just platonic.
I try explaining but she remained adamant.folks,pleas what should i do?I detest divorce and infidelity.

I'll be candid with you Mavrick 2012.

Firstly, whilst there is nothing wrong coming to nl for opinion, please be careful whose opinion you listen too. Further, do not feel compelled to respond to those who willfully or ignorantly misread you. I hear you on your hatred of divorce and infidelity. There are some here who see nothing wrong with divorce and others with agendas other than harmonious homes, which is possibly a reflection of their own situations.

The one good thing about these half-baked, blowsy or unconsidered responses, is that you'll soon learn whom to ignore.

So to your post proper;

With marriage comes a sacrificing of some privacy for both partners. And it's important that both have sight of who the other is interacting with - if it's anything other than day to day business - even if this is only in passing. Moreso the agreement you had with you wife regards opposite sex friends is something that should imho be taken as read in marriage. OSF should be the exception and should certainly be known to the spouse.

You have done nothing wrong in querying your wife. You have every right and further, if it makes you uncomfortable or causes you to query it, your wife - or yourself if positions are reversed - should take steps to reassure you.

Some are suggesting you meet this Amos person. What for? For what? If he's platonic there is no need, if the relationship is illicit, either he'll refuse to show or something will be staged to throw you off the scent.

Your business is firstly with your wife. I don't know of the dynamic in your home or the past histories of either yourself or your wife, but please sit her down at an appropriate time and in an appropriate manner and discuss this with her.

Some of the things you wrote made me wonder about your wife, but she is your wife, so I'll trust you be measured in your approach.

Remind her of both your vows and commitment to your union, and further your role and desire to keep her and your home secure. Let her know why you find this disturbing and your expectations of her.

I won't say more than this for now unless you have anything further to add. You sound mature and humble. Accusations of rigidity aside, men need to be somewhat sober.

I wish you peace in your home. Please seek God if you fear Him.

TV

bettymafy:
Anyway, wait till the dust settles and calmly ask her for details. If it aint satisfactory or she's being defensive, pretend that there is no probelm while watching closely. With time, u will be able to decipher what's up.

Exactly!! You both handled the situation poorly, just stop obsessing over it for now and give it time.

Never go the gra gra way with this issue.

Again, spot on! If she's cheating, your gra gra won't make a difference. If she's not, it may cause more friction. Calm the heck down for now, have a mature, non threatening conversation later.

Interesting!

Still meticulously going through the various advices,i really apreciate evry body,nagode!!!.am still here...

TV01:

I'll be candid with you Mavrick 2012.

Firstly, whilst there is nothing wrong coming to nl for opinion, please be careful whose opinion you listen too. Further, do not feel compelled to respond to those who willfully or ignorantly misread you. I hear you on your hatred of divorce and infidelity. There are some here who see nothing wrong with divorce and others with agendas other than harmonious homes, which is possibly a reflection of their own situations.

The one good thing about these half-baked, blowsy or unconsidered responses, is that you'll soon learn whom to ignore.

So to your post proper;

With marriage comes a sacrificing of some privacy for both partners. And it's important that both have sight of who the other is interacting with - if it's anything other than day to day business - even if this is only in passing. Moreso the agreement you had with you wife regards opposite sex friends is something that should imho be taken as read in marriage. OSF should be the exception and should certainly be known to the spouse.

You have done nothing wrong in querying your wife. You have every right and further, if it makes you uncomfortable or causes you to query it, your wife - or yourself if positions are reversed - should take steps to reassure you.

Some are suggesting you meet this Amos person. What for? For what? If he's platonic there is no need, if the relationship is illicit, either he'll refuse to show or something will be staged to throw you off the scent.

Your business is firstly with your wife. I don't know of the dynamic in your home or the past histories of either yourself or your wife, but please sit her down at an appropriate time and in an appropriate manner and discuss this with her.

Some of the things you wrote made me wonder about your wife, but she is your wife, so I'll trust you be measured in your approach.

Remind her of both your vows and commitment to your union, and further your role and desire to keep her and your home secure. Let her know why you find this disturbing and your expectations of her.

I won't say more than this for now unless you have anything further to add. You sound mature and humble. Accusations of rigidity aside, men need to be somewhat sober.

I wish you peace in your home. Please seek God if you fear Him.

TV

God bless you jare. I still stand on my first post op that the call your wifey made is fishy to me and for her not explaining to you that night cause she isn't comfortable with you questioning her is more fishy. I am not saying she is cheating or might be cheating on you o,but that's how it starts. Abeg what kind of platonic male friend calls a married woman for 10min if he dosnt have anything up his sleeves What the hell are they discussing Why is your wifey referring to him as UNCLE Abeg make I hear word jare,uncle my foot.
Even a colleague at work shouldn't be referred to as uncle,as a married woman you address men that you ain't related to and not your in-law by their names or you add a MR. As far as am concerned,calling him uncle is even flirty sef. Wetin you no go chop,don't bother perceiving it.

I am a married woman and I tell you if my hubby makes or receive such call to a female friend am not aware of for 10min, I will wonder what sort of female friend will call a married man for dat long...

What "uncle Amos" will madam be talking to and looking guilty/alarmed when caught. I don't blame poster for been suspicious. He is only human. Were the case be reversed, madam will not be taking it lightly I am sure.

Poster, either your wife has given you enough reason not to trust her or you personally have trust issues.
If she said the relationship with Uncle Amos is platonic, you are going to have to take her words for it unless you have more evidence. Do you have more evidence of this alleged infidelity?

Rule of thumb in most marriages, there is nothing like personal friend or my uncle, it is FAMILY friend and OUR uncle. Try and merge both your friends into one so the line become blurred on whose friend he/she was initially!

taryour:

God bless you jare. I still stand on my first post op that the call your wifey made is fishy to me and for her not explaining to you that night cause she isn't comfortable with you questioning her is more fishy. I am not saying she is cheating or might be cheating on you o,but that's how it starts. Abeg what kind of platonic male friend calls a married woman for 10min if he dosnt have anything up his sleeves What the hell are they discussing Why is your wifey referring to him as UNCLE Abeg make I hear word jare,uncle my foot.
Even a colleague at work shouldn't be referred to as uncle,as a married woman you address men that you ain't related to and not your in-law by their names or you add a MR. As far as am concerned,calling him uncle is even flirty sef. Wetin you no go chop,don't bother perceiving it.

I am a married woman and I tell you if my hubby makes or receive such call to a female friend am not aware of for 10min, I will wonder what sort of female friend will call a married man for dat long...

Let me understand you. . . A married person can not and should not ocassionaly talk to an opposite sex friend for up to 10mins? Says who? Really? Seriously?

If the couple do not have a "no opposite sex friend" rule, there is nothing that stops one from speaking for up to 10mins with a friend of the opposite sex! If they haven't spoken in awhile and need to catch up on events, business, career, name it. . . Sofar the partner knows who this friend is, is comfortable with the said friend and knows for sure that it is not more than what it is-friendship.

Lastly, each couple should do what works for them. If a "no opposite sex friend" rule works for them, then so be it and both of them should make sure they keep to the rule. Whether the rule is healthy or not is not up for discourse.

Married women and male friends.= Taboo

I dey laugh.

Jide! You know more than this na. This is not about married women and male friends. Are you saying it is appropraite for the lady not to tell her husband that she was talking with uncle Amos. I mean for good 10mins. Your talking with an uncle Amos for 10mins and your hubby dont even know the uncle Amos. She only told him the next morning when she had thought of what to say. Still she cant tell details of the discussion. Jide, if your hubby talks with a so-called aunt rita that you dont even know for such time, how will you feel? Will you be saying women and married men? I mean they are husband and wife. Madam jidegirl nobody dey see you again for nairaland. Long time.

jidegirl12: Married women and male friends.= Taboo

I dey laugh.

bettymafy:

Let me understand you. . . A married person can not and should not ocassionaly talk to an opposite sex friend for up to 10mins? Says who? Really? Seriously?

If the couple do not have a "no opposite sex friend" rule, there is nothing that stops one from speaking for up to 10mins with a friend of the opposite sex! If they haven't spoken in awhile and need to catch up on events, business, career, name it. . . Sofar the partner knows who this friend is, is comfortable with the said friend and knows for sure that it is not more than what it is-friendship.

Lastly, each couple should do what works for them. If a "no opposite sex friend" rule works for them, then so be it and both of them should make sure they keep to the rule. Whether the rule is healthy or not is not up for discourse.

Did you understand my post at all A friend of the opposite sex that the hubby knows as his wife friend is very different from who he dosnt know at all,same goes to the wifey. And when the hubby asked her why wait till the next morning before giving an explanation

We women get more hot blood than men oo. If it was her hubby that made or received such call,am sure the story would have been different. Abeg be realistic

I am just thinking if it was a female poster that posted that her husband called a certain "Sisi Jane for like 10mins" and after the call the wife asked who that was and she was told its none of her business.

Later told Jane is just a platonic friend She asks he deletes the number he says a firm NO..

I wonder if the responses would have been the same here like invite Sisi Jane for dinner or even invite her to live with them like we have heard here.

Mind you in their previous discussions this Sisi Jane has not come up anywhere as a colleague or friend

ileobatojo:

Exactly!! You both handled the situation poorly, just stop obsessing over it for now and give it time.

If it was a wife who caught her husband in the same situation would you also tell her she is obsessing over it and give it some time before knowing who and what relationship her husband has with this mystery lady

taryour:

Did you understand my post at all A friend of the opposite sex that the hubby knows as his wife friend is very different from who he dosnt know at all,same goes to the wifey. And when the hubby asked her why wait till the next morning before giving an explanation

Oh, my apologies. I thought u meant that a married person should not on any account talk to a friend of the opposite sex (even if the partner knows this friend and is comfortable with the friendship) for up to 10mins.

Dayo I just spat my drink on the dash.

@your hypothesis ...... Lemme just say Trust is the main issue here,

the day I doubt my hubby's judgement / movements will be the day our vows becomes null and invalid.

I dunno how marriage is practised in Nigeria oh but I get calls from people my husband don't even know nor met before, there's place and time for everything, meddling in irrelevant issues shows how less busy some people are.

He will die of heart attack if he's like OP oh, I know a whole lot of people esp from opposite sex and gender orientation.


@donchris, I dey oh just busy these days jare. You nko?

Let OP chill first, his insecurities and thots about his wife cheating alone is a big turn off. Can't someone have a breathing space for crying out loud?

Chillisauce: Underage marriage things!

That's what u get!

Uncle Amos things!

Kolo baba...

Something fishy about uncle amos sha

Y would u want to knw what ur wife discusses on phone? Male or female?

In my opinion its show u have security n trust issue

If she decides to tell u the content of her conversation, good. If she doesnt its still not a problem.

If ur wife is anythig like me, then am almost sure if u had just closed ur mouth and waited she would have told u abbt it when u guys a gisting maybe that day or anyoda day.

Anytime anybody starts questioning me like, who was dat? What were u pple talking abt. I just zip it. nd i feel thats excatly what she did.

And again it also depends on the tone u used.

Bottom line, leave it alone. And stop timing and monitoring her calls, and on her own she wil gist u abt her calls. Without u even asking

jidegirl12: Dayo I just spat my drink on the dash.

@your hypothesis ...... Lemme just say Trust is the main issue here,

the day I doubt my hubby's judgement / movements will be the day our vows becomes null and invalid.

I dunno how marriage is practised in Nigeria oh but I get calls from people my husband don't even know nor met before, there's place and time for everything, meddling in irrelevant issues shows how less busy some people are.

He will die of heart attack if he's like OP oh, I know a whole lot of people esp from opposite sex and gender orientation.


@donchris, I dey oh just busy these days jare. You nko?

Let OP chill first, his insecurities and thots about his wife cheating alone is a big turn off. Can't someone have a breathing space for crying out loud?

Bolded statement smacks of idealism..

A real marriage without doubt well........

But different strokes for different folks

Op.. ask pointedly who is uncle amos

dayokanu:

If it was a wife who caught her husband in the same situation would you also tell her she is obsessing over it and give it some time before knowing who and what relationship her husband has with this mystery lady

What situation? We are all together in the living room and he decides to call and talk to someone right there where I can hear everything they are saying? No, I definitely won't jump to infidelity as the first answer without other supporting evidence.