bukatyne:

Aluta, you are mixing so many issues here.

Exactly.

Don't assume what 'feminists' will tell someone to do until they do so.

Imagine? I wonder what incentive one would have for posting an opinion that is not truly theirs?

Common sense would dictate that a wife who wronged her hubby would apologize not so?

Say it loud! COMMON SENSE being the active words here.

I rest my case!

alutacontinua: I rest my case!

Why na?

Interesting comments

on the african male, if the western men are so perfect and share tasks 50/50, how come the divorce rate is so high

remember i asked you on the pro/con debate,.. if only one person's ideas are alway consistently more sound, will there not be resentment from the other party

bukatyne:

I am a Christian first and it should reflect in my outlook to life. The fact I am equal to a man does not mean I should be rude or maltreat him. Before doing anything to someone, I try to put myself in the shoes of that person. Infact, knowing that we are equal has helped me a lot. I know that this person feels pain the way I do, would appreciate things like I would etc. Before, I do things to/for my fiancée, I try to imagine 'if it were the other way round, would he do this? handle the situation like this? etc.' and I try to emulate where I am lacking. I am not a person to counter one's views because they are not from me. If he brings an idea/suggestion and I have no differing opinion, the decision flies. If I do, we table it and discuss the pros and cons of each suggestion and pick the best for us. It might be his, it might be mine.

Submission as defined in the Bible has never ran counter to equality. It's submission as defined by man (African since Aluta feels that the African male understands submission differently). Do you know that all Christians are expected to submit to one another? Does it mean that all Christians are not equal?

Better that than making unfounded, inflammatory assertions!

bukatyne:
I am a Christian first and it should reflect in my outlook to life.

Can one be a "Christian first" and then something that is contrary to Christianity second? That makes you neither fish nor fowl. Please think about that.

Indeed, your writing betrays the fact that you adopt procrustean means to make your Christianity fit your feminism.

You never actually answered Aluta' question on what equality meant. Further you are unable to decouple "equality" and "submission". Evidenced by your last quote below and a clear pointer of your supposed faith warring - and perhaps losing - to your ideology

bukatyne:
The fact I am equal to a man does not mean I should be rude or maltreat him. Before doing anything to someone, I try to put myself in the shoes of that person. Infact, knowing that we are equal has helped me a lot. I know that this person feels pain the way I do, would appreciate things like I would etc. Before, I do things to/for my fiancée, I try to imagine 'if it were the other way round, would he do this? handle the situation like this? etc.' and I try to emulate where I am lacking. I am not a person to counter one's views because they are not from me.

What is it that warrants rudeness however you define equality?

bukatyne:
If he brings an idea/suggestion and I have no differing opinion, the decision flies. If I do, we table it and discuss the pros and cons of each suggestion and pick the best for us. It might be his, it might be mine.

And here is the rub. Submission is not in view here is it? What's the tie-braker. Any power of veto by the male head?

bukatyne:
Submission as defined in the Bible has never ran counter to equality. It's submission as defined by man (African since Aluta feels that the African male understands submission differently). Do you know that all Christians are expected to submit to one another? Does it mean that all Christians are not equal?

Again you hit a brick wall trying to reconcile two disparate concepts, one of which you have been unable to define, the other that is anathema to your feminist ideolgy.

And finally you conclude. You are equal (whatever equality means). All Christians submit to one another, ergo you submit to no one. I won't ask you to expound on that particular scripture in context, as I fear you'd read it through your ideological lens

I am not sure what faith or ideology Aluta subscribes to, but imho she is certainly closer to the Christian truth here, and rightly rested her case. I'll wait to see if I should do likewise.

TV

biolabee: Interesting comments

on the african male, if the western men are so perfect and share tasks 50/50, how come the divorce rate is so high

remember i asked you on the pro/con debate,.. if only one idea is more sound, will there not be resentment from the other party

It was Aluta that brought African men into the jist.

She said a true feminist should not marry an African man

As for the pro/con debate, I will give a recent example...

We are planning where to live after marriage...

I so wanted Agungi bços it is relatively near my office. He said Sango tedo that houses are cheaper bla bla... I said no way! It would mean waking up so early to work and coming back very late every day.

He later said Ajah and I still wanted Agungi. We started scouting for houses and oh boy! it is expensive. I was like we would run a very tight saving plan till marriage but it would still not work. I had to see from his eyes and understand that it would make no sense getting such an expensive apartment since we both just started working. We have settled for Ajah (his decision) after viewing all sides and picking the best irrespective of whose idea it is

TV01:

Can one be a "Christian first" and then something that is contrary to Christianity second? That makes you neither fish nor fowl. Please think about that.

Indeed, your writing betrays the fact that you adopt procrustean means to make your Christianity fit your feminism.

You never actually answered Aluta' question on what equality meant. Further you are unable to decouple "equality" and "submission". Evidenced by your last quote below and a clear pointer of your supposed faith warring - and perhaps losing - to your ideology



What is it that warrants rudeness however you define equality?



And here is the rub. Submission is not in view here is it? What's the tie-braker. Any power of veto by the male head



Again you hit a brick wall trying to reconcile two disparate concepts, one of which you have been unable to define, the other that is anathema to your feminist ideolgy.

And finally you conclude. You are equal (whatever equality mean). All Christians submit to one another, ergo you submit to no one.

I am not sure what faith or ideology Aluta subscribes to, but imho she is certainly closer to the Christian truth here, and rightly rested her case.

TV

Oga Tv,

In summary, what is your post about?

very good example.... so the man won the argument

Lets assume it goes on like that for two years... what next

how does that gel with your equality beliefs

Say you have to resign due to high costs of childcare as it occurs in the West or you DO NOT want a househelp

How is this feminism compatible with your religion that says there shall be a head in marriage

bukatyne:

Oga Tv,

In summary, what is your post about?

He is referring to the inherent contradiction between your religion and the concept of feminism

bukatyne:

Oga Tv,

In summary, what is your post about?

I'm following Aluta' lead here. Case rested - especially based on your penultimate post.

TV

_{*I edited my last post slightly. but it still reads essentially the same*}

biolabee: Interesting comments

on the african male, if the western men are so perfect and share tasks 50/50, how come the divorce rate is so high

remember i asked you on the pro/con debate,.. if only one person's ideas are alway consistently more sound, will there not be resentment from the other party

Had that ^^ argument with hubby for a whole day and it nearly spoilt my vaca.

I don't know! You'll need married white folks to do that research.

biolabee: very good example.... so the man won the argument

Lets assume it goes on like that for two years... what next

how does that gel with your equality beliefs

Say you have to resign due to high costs of childcare as it occurs in the West or you DO NOT want a househelp

How is this feminism compatible with your religion that says there shall be a head in marriage

This is where your problem is...

It's not a win or lose situation, we are not in competition. It is choosing what is best for the both of us.

So we are not equal because he has a better idea than mine? I laugh in Spanish! Common sense and wisdom is extremely important in life. If a 2yr old gives me an idea that will better my life, I will grab it fast. If that makes her superior to me, fine

I don't want to go back and forth oga.

A husband being the head depends on what you both understand headship to mean.

Uruguay's Presido is the head.... he donates 90% of his salary to Charity
Nigerian's Presido is the head... He uses N1 billion for food allowance

It is all perception dear!

biolabee: Interesting comments
on the african male, if the western men are so perfect and share tasks 50/50, how come the divorce rate is so high

remember i asked you on the pro/con debate,.. if only one person's ideas are alway consistently more sound, will there not be resentment from the other party

i will play the devil's advocate for one hour....

now to your question, the divorce rate is high in the west because there's a big incentive attached to any divorce for the women. if such laws are put in place in africa, the divorce rate in nigeria would get near 100%. it's even your wife herself that would set you up with a mistress so she can get 50% of your wealth....

jidegirl12:

Had that ^^ argument with hubby for a whole day and it nearly spoilt my vaca.

I don't know! You'll need married white folks to do that research.

The truth is that Nigerian marriages are not better...

If all the women who complained their hubby was cheating on NL divorced, The stats will climb real high. Besides, divorce is a modern concept in Nigeria; it's throwing of the wife's load or marrying no 2 to displace her that reigns.

biolabee: very good example.... so the man won the argument

Lets assume it goes on like that for two years... what next

how does that gel with your equality beliefs

Say you have to resign due to high costs of childcare as it occurs in the West or you DO NOT want a househelp

How is this feminism compatible with your religion that says there shall be a head in marriage

Biolabee, you could be more insightful.

The "man" did not win the argument. His position was better - in fact hers was unworkable.

A true example here would be if both positions seemed of equal merit, who gets to make the call. Who submits? who exercises authority?

I'll give you an example; I once dated a girl and pointedly asked her "will you follow my lead". Her response was "if you make sense". You can see that was a "no" right? Red Carded instanta !


TV

bukatyne:

The truth is that Nigerian marriages are not better...

If all the women who complained their hubby was cheating on NL divorced, The stats will climb real high. Besides, divorce is a modern concept in Nigeria; it's throwing of the wife's load or marrying no 2 to displace her that reigns.

WOW!!

My parents divorced and shared assets tho ( both educated) and that was decades ago in court.... @Mordern concept you implied , are we moving forward or backwards??

Mavrick2012: Gooday folks,please i need your candid advice.
on sunday evening,while i was playing football with my two yrs old son in the sitting room,i overheard my wife making a call at the other end of our sitting room.About three minutes after the call i asked her who was on the line,she looked slightly ruffled, "uncle Amos",she said.I expected her to explain further,but she said nothing more,so i demanded who uncle amos is,she only said "you wouldnt know him".since i observed she wasnt ready to talk,i told her i was going to sleep.
The following morning she told me "uncle Amos" teaches in her sister's school,her elder sister has a school in keffi,we reside in kaduna.
The most shoking aspect of the whole drama was when i suggested she delete the number and stop all form of communications,mywife told me she doesnt like the idea,except if i want her to lie to me.she said she can guaranty its just platonic.
I try explaining but she remained adamant.folks,pleas what should i do?I detest divorce and infidelity.

This man are you possessed? Why would u demand she deletes someone's number from her phone for no reason? Abi she cannot talk to another man? You Kiki timed the call. I see you are a jobless and insecure man ba? Rubbish

jidegirl12:

WOW!!

My parents divorced and shared assets tho ( both educated) and that was decades ago in court.... @Mordern concept you implied , are we moving forward or backwards??

Believe me, it's an extreme case...

I know a lot of people separated... nothing like court o!

We like to pretend too much for Naija.

A woman her husband finished beating thoroughly will still be insulting a 30 year old for been single

Daresh:


This man are you possessed? Why would u demand she deletes someone's number from her phone for no reason? Abi she cannot talk to another man? You Kiki timed the call. I see you are a jobless and insecure man ba? Rubbish

Daresh:


This man are you possessed? Why would u demand she deletes someone's number from her phone for no reason? Abi she cannot talk to another man? You Kiki timed the call. I see you are a jobless and insecure man ba? Rubbish

Are you a new comer here?

Do you not realise that, that is more than enough proof that someone is grinding on her something??

bukatyne:

Believe me, it's an extreme case...

I know a lot of people separated... nothing like court o!

We like to pretend too much for Naija.

A woman her husband finished beating thoroughly will still be insulting a 30 year old for been single

Yeah it was extreme and dirty, fire for fire divorce.

It has a lot do with individuals involved and how selfish they are. In Nigerian concept , You don't expect a sole earner to compensate someone that stays home 24/7 doing nothing...it's a different ball game in the west esp if there's no prenup.

bukatyne:

This is where your problem is...

It's not a win or lose situation, we are not in competition. It is choosing what is best for the both of us.

So we are not equal because he has a better idea than mine? I laugh in Spanish! Common sense and wisdom is extremely important in life. If a 2yr old gives me an idea that will better my life, I will grab it fast. If that makes her superior to me, fine

I don't want to go back and forth oga.

A husband being the head depends on what you both understand headship to mean.

Uruguay's Presido is the head.... he donates 90% of his salary to Charity
Nigerian's Presido is the head... He uses N1 billion for food allowance

It is all perception dear!

I typed won cos im in a hurry n typing on my small fone
Won is a bad choice of words....

Answer the rest of the q

TV01:


Biolabee, you could be more insightful.

The "man" did not win the argument. His position was better - in fact hers was unworkable.

A true example here would be if both positions seemed of equal merit, who gets to make the call. Who submits? who exercises authority?

I'll give you an example; I once dated a girl and pointedly asked her "will you follow my lead". Her response was "if you make sense". You can see that was a "no" right? Red Carded instanta !


TV

Noted...

I asked her q where the man consistently has the better ideas or she has to resign due to childcare or no help policy

Daresh:


This man are you possessed? Why would u demand she deletes someone's number from her phone for no reason? Abi she cannot talk to another man? You Kiki timed the call. I see you are a jobless and insecure man ba? Rubbish

Hahaha.... welcome

coogar:

i will play the devil's advocate for one hour....

now to your question, the divorce rate is high in the west because there's a big incentive attached to any divorce for the women. if such laws are put in place in africa, the divorce rate in nigeria would get near 100%. it's even your wife herself that would set you up with a mistress so she can get 50% of your wealth....

It will not be so bad
Granted there is an innate power struggle between the sexes from time immemorial but it will not be as bad
All they do in the west is serial marriages

jidegirl12:
 
Had that ^^ argument with hubby for a whole day and it nearly spoilt my vaca. 
 
I don't know! You'll need married white folks to do that research.

 
Thanks for the response but i really hope buka can answer too
If whites are the model of good marriages, their statistics will be better than our own
 
 
Feminism at its core is rebellion against the status quo// how can that gel with a religion that advocates forgiveness, kindness and humility
 
Funny to me....
 
The funniest thing is that these same feminism, after they got the empowerment, they just hustle for settlement up and down, leave their partners houses to be phocking around, kill babies up n down instead of closing their legs...
 
The matter tire me sef

biolabee:
It will not be so bad
Granted there is an innate power struggle between the sexes from time immemorial but it will not be as bad
All they do in the west is serial marriages

nigeria is worse - many wives are just suffering and smiling. as long as they wear the "mrs" tag, it's good in the hood. the moment nigeria's divorce laws get near what we have in the west, you would see a drastic change!

coogar:

nigeria is worse - many wives are just suffering and smiling. as long as they wear the "mrs" tag, it's good in the hood. the moment nigeria's divorce laws get near what we have in the west, you would see a drastic change!

Still goes to the core battle between the genders preordained from the garden of eden

Women will never willingly submit to rule by men

biolabee:

Hahaha.... welcome

Exactly! Welcome. But u de vex o! Cool down and go tru d posts.

Mavrick2012: @efemena_xy tanks tanks tanks.u know,somtimes emotns deprives one of simple logic.tanks for opening my eyes.but note,i didnt say d call lasted for 3mins,i said 3mins after d call.d duratn was even one of d tins dat made me unconfortable,over 10mins.also,y couldnt she explain til d folowin monin?buy time?uptil now she doesnt even hav an xplanatn to y she couldnt xplain til nxt monin.we not just hus n wife,we also like frnds.i waited 4 almost 10mins yet she couldnt xplain

Believe me if she was cheating, she would never ever make or receive such a call in front of you. Never

Daresh:

Believe me if she was cheating, she would never ever make or receive such a call in front of you. Never

She may be using this fact as reverse psychology to fool him

do then same thing with a aunt Ada... until she get it... and go further