@ Phemmy and eddiebruk u guys re makin so much sense I wish I cld hug u guys ryt now. Many persons here re just been greedy,u can take away from ur family but u can't hold on a lil to give back and even if d guy got a scholarship wat is wrong in holding off ur own desires a lil to assist family,my dear where I come from such a thing is called sacrifice. Some persons re just selfish.Even if he paid his way tru skul so the younger ones should suffer the same fate forgetting that neither him or any of his siblings bargained for this.D situatioon is messy as it is but he has to help out because he is better placed than anyone else in d family and from d rxn of many ladies here sth tells me its d fiance putting ds marital pressure on him

okpanachil: @ Phemmy and eddiebruk u guys re makin so much sense I wish I cld hug u guys ryt now. Many persons here re just been greedy,u can take away from ur family but u can't hold on a lil to give back and even if d guy got a scholarship wat is wrong in holding off ur own desires a lil to assist family,my dear where I come from such a thing is called sacrifice. Some persons re just selfish.Even if he paid his way tru skul so the younger ones should suffer the same fate forgetting that neither him or any of his siblings bargained for this.D situatioon is messy as it is but he has to help out because he is better placed than anyone else in d family and from d rxn of many ladies here sth tells me its d fiance putting ds marital pressure on him

There is one factor that is a dangerous element in any Human relationship and that is Uncontrolled Emotions. Ordinarily most children are born on the basis of uncontrolled emotions, passionate sentiments and divine reason will cause parents to have children ignoring the realities of the economy and their financial position within the already harsh economy (children are a blessing from God as they blissfully say). Yes parents make sacrifices to bring up the child but the point is that those are not sacrifices, you brought the child into this world, he owes you nada by obligation. you (the parent) owe him everything. you are responsible for his direction, growth and ultimately becoming an adult. so peeps should get the Reality of the Situation and stop thinking with their Emotions and Sentiments.

No one is saying a grown man should not look after his siblings and parents, but to ask him to delay his progression in life so his parents and siblings can catch-up is poor reasoning. the truth is they will never catch-up. look around you, opportunities in this country are fleeting. if you think it will still be there when you are ready, you are just as dumb as they make you out to be.

The circle of dependence, laziness and hopelessness must be broken. I recall helping a cleaner pay for his WAEC and JAMB exams and as promised i deposited N150k into his account for lesson fees, feeding and exam forms and transportation for 3 months. He came back a month and some weeks later to say he could not cope because he sent N100k to his mother and younger brother and sisters in the village up north because they were suffering and it was his responsibility to help. guess what. His younger brother got married to his second wife. (mean while my guy no even get girl-friend). most of the money was spent on the wedding and that was it.. his future dashed by his parents and siblings. I could not help but ignore him since then.

A popular rescue advise is that "You cannot save a drowning man if you cannot swim" Have you all asked the OP if he can rescue his parents and siblings by considering their request? Can they not also put effort into rescuing their own predicament? another curios question I always ask my self in these circumstances is why old people prefer to live in expensive Lagos rather than the village. I pay rent and upkeep for my inlaws in lagos and they have refused to consider going back to the village to relax for the rest of their lives. the money spent in a year is enough to build a comfortable house in the village.. but they still refuse and want assistance every other week. what if I was not in a position to help.

voltron:

There is one factor that is a dangerous element in any Human relationship and that is Uncontrolled Emotions. Ordinarily most children are born on the basis of uncontrolled emotions, passionate sentiments and divine reason will cause parents to have children ignoring the realities of the economy and their financial position within the already harsh economy (children are a blessing from God as they blissfully say). Yes parents make sacrifices to bring up the child but the point is that those are not sacrifices, you brought the child into this world, he owes you nada by obligation. you (the parent) owe him everything. you are responsible for his direction, growth and ultimately becoming an adult. so peeps should get the Reality of the Situation and stop thinking with their Emotions and Sentiments.

No one is saying a grown man should not look after his siblings and parents, but to ask him to delay his progression in life so his parents and siblings can catch-up is poor reasoning. the truth is they will never catch-up. look around you, opportunities in this country are fleeting. if you think it will still be there when you are ready, you are just as dumb as they make you out to be.

The circle of dependence, laziness and hopelessness must be broken. I recall helping a cleaner pay for his WAEC and JAMB exams and as promised i deposited N150k into his account for lesson fees, feeding and exam forms and transportation for 3 months. He came back a month and some weeks later to say he could not cope because he sent N100k to his mother and younger brother and sisters in the village up north because they were suffering and it was his responsibility to help. guess what. His younger brother got married to his second wife. (mean while my guy no even get girl-friend). most of the money was spent on the wedding and that was it.. his future dashed by his parents and siblings. I could not help but ignore him since then.

A popular rescue advise is that "You cannot save a drowning man if you cannot swim" Have you all asked the OP if he can rescue his parents and siblings by considering their request? Can they not also put effort into rescuing their own predicament? another curios question I always ask my self in these circumstances is why old people prefer to live in expensive Lagos rather than the village. I pay rent and upkeep for my inlaws in lagos and they have refused to consider going back to the village to relax for the rest of their lives. the money spent in a year is enough to build a comfortable house in the village.. but they still refuse and want assistance every other week. what if I was not in a position to help.

Very well said! You addressed multiple key issues all in this post. Parents responsibility towards their children, standing in the path of their progress for your own material gain, the cycle of dependence and the need to suddenly live above their means as soon as the child receives their first paycheck. Kudos!

As for this excellent statement, "The circle of dependence, laziness and hopelessness must be broken.", based on this thread, we can just as well forget it ever happening. This thread is crawling with people that will sit on top their DIL's neck watching how she spends every kobo of their son's money and making sure they don't get a penny less than what they 'deserve'. The cycle will not be broken, they like it the way it is and will ensure it stays the same way....

Afterall, this is Africa.

Hello Peeps,
I have been an avid reader on this section of nairaland (althogu as a guest) for sometime but have never made contributions untill today.With regards to the subject matter I wish to share a story;my story with the house.
I come from a family that makes almost a football team and I am the last but one.My dad who was a very hardworking man especially during his younger days (like I heard) could not at the twilight of his life cater for the family that much and even though he never came out publicly to sound his regret on the number of kids he gave birth to,am sure if he had a second chance he would never do such again.
Well we had an eldest brother who was doing very well at the time and this same issue came up when he wanted to marry,Daddy asked him to hold on a little for one of my siblings who was in school then to graduate but of course he was in love and he refused so he went ahead and got married with my dads blessings.At that point the second born (who is a lady) had just secured a job and although the pay wasnt great (to tell you the truth I dont even know how she did it) she was helping out little by little. I still have very very good memories of the many menial jobs my elder sisters did then(including fetching and selling firewood) to make ends meet for me and the other ones of course I was very young then.You need to meet my sisters now they think like men,heavy strategists that what they are.Note that at this point Big brother had stopped coming home.Through all of this we persevered and now the last of us just graduated from the university.


Fast forward a few years later my brother lost his job and of course he couldnt even tell us. Shortly after that the same wife who he married and abandoned the family left him with two kids to cater for.At some point it got so bad one of my siblings had to take up the school fees of the kids until recently when he started doing ok again.Currently we have 7 graduates in the family and looking back where we are coming from its not been easy.

You need to see the kind of bond that exists in my family because of the sacrifices we have made for each other in the past.At times when we come home for family functions he seems like the odd one out although we have all forgiven him because our dad had to mediate.
It may sound like super story right but its a true story.

My advice is that people should learn to prioritize. Yes old man and old woman have made this mistakes (they may not have been opportune d to have the quality of information we have in this age) but if you are sensible and sensitive you would do as much as you can to alleviate the sufferings of those around you.


May God bless us all.

^^^

Thanks for sharing your story... bro

You guys will achieve your parents' dreams