Vure:



I don't know which. Honestly.
He gets really angry if I hang out with friends or go out without his knowledge.(I dont live with him) And in his anger he yells at me and almost immediately he apologizes.

He doesn't have any exes im aware of. According to him, no girl ever worth that much attention till he met me 5 years ago..

I wont resign from the Job.

LaShawn:

I'd be concerned about his possessiveness if I were you. Because one of the most telling signs is when a man is over possessive to the point of alienating you from your friends and family.
And Like Ileo said, he just might be fascinated with How to 'tame the shrew', infact that was the first thought that Came to my mind when I saw that he was fascinated with your character. Nothing sweeter to them like breaking a woman with strong spirit and Seeing her wilt before their very eyes.

However, I don't want to jump to conclusions. Within you, you have the answers you seek. I didn't need anyone to tell me when I was in an abusive situation. I just didnt have a name for it. I read a lot and I saw a book talking of seven different types of dangerous men. I knew my ex would fall under one of them. But I avoided the book like a plague Because I wasn't ready to face the truth. It was after I broke up, that I got the book.

Again, my ex told me at the honeymoon period that I was different from other girls and if another man tried snatching me, heads would roll. At the time, it felt good being the object of such adoration. But it was only a matter other time before he realised I was a fellow woman not worthy of respect. I would ask you to watch carefully and see How he treats OTHER women. Waitresses, female colleagues, girls hanging out on their own, mum, sisters. How does he view them? what are the roles he feels they should function within?

Vure: Y'all are getting it wrong.
It didnt start as dating.
My mum wouldn't take that.
It was all "my little wife, small wife" and all.. It never got serious till recently..
My dad is late and its just my mum and siblings. She couldnt do alot to train us all and seeing that he considered me a lil sis she wasn't worried.

I don't want to get married to him or anyone else at this stage of my life.

I do like him alot but I cant see me spending the rest of my life with him.
Now, how do I leave the relationship without being ungrateful?

Vure:

Thanks alot ma'am.
He doesn't stop me from seeing friends directly but from his reactions whenever I go out he really hates me being with them..
At times he just suddenly comes up with this great urgency to hang out and thats especially when Im 'sposed to be with my friends.

Vure: Y'all are getting it wrong.
It didnt start as dating.
My mum wouldn't take that.
It was all "my little wife, small wife" and all.. It never got serious till recently..
My dad is late and its just my mum and siblings. She couldnt do alot to train us all and seeing that he considered me a lil sis she wasn't worried.

I don't want to get married to him or anyone else at this stage of my life.

I do like him alot but I cant see me spending the rest of my life with him.
Now, how do I leave the relationship without being ungrateful?

jennykadry: What a coincidence. I visited Naija one time and had to attend a church we were invited to at Lagos island with my family. One of the choristers who happened to be at that time a family friend and the reason why we visited the church in the first place got the telling off of his life when he mistakenly used that "my small wife" line with me. He never tried it again, Infact the relationship went south after that.

What were their (my family )reasons? How a man can see a young girl who was 15 years and, and ever think of the word wife? Not even for play play, it wasn't allowed. "My young friend" would have been better off they said.

jumzzy448: @ vure, have you discussed your fears with him? If no, i'll advice you do that. From all what you've said it seems he's a nice person. I think it will be good you answer those questions on the article ileobatojo posted. At least with that, you'll know if you are to stay or walk away. Good luck.

Vure: Y'all are getting it wrong.
It didnt start as dating.
My mum wouldn't take that.
It was all "my little wife, small wife" and all.. It never got serious till recently..
My dad is late and its just my mum and siblings. She couldnt do alot to train us all and seeing that he considered me a lil sis she wasn't worried.

I don't want to get married to him or anyone else at this stage of my life.

I do like him alot but I cant see me spending the rest of my life with him.
Now, how do I leave the relationship without being ungrateful?

Vure: Y'all are getting it wrong.
It didnt start as dating.
My mum wouldn't take that.
It was all "my little wife, small wife" and all.. It never got serious till recently..
My dad is late and its just my mum and siblings. She couldnt do alot to train us all and seeing that he considered me a lil sis she wasn't worried.

I don't want to get married to him or anyone else at this stage of my life.

I do like him alot but I cant see me spending the rest of my life with him.
Now, how do I leave the relationship without being ungrateful?

swag queen: @ Vure,When i met my husband,the first thing he said to me was, "now that you've finished,the next thing you'll do is to enroll for your masters degree programme."

I thought he was rare as he was interested in my future! Hahaha. They do somethings just to lure you. He's prolly obsessed with you because you're a virgin.

Please DO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE!!! GIVE YOURSELF SOMETIME AND SEE AS THINGS UNFOLD.

With time,yelling may turn into verbal abuse and of course,the physical follows.

Uredaddy:

Gbam. Mine told me I'll go and study in UK after our wedding.

byvan: @Vure,your mum knew from the beginning that this guy was making an investment,this situation is tricky. Why did it take you so long to realize that you can't be with this man after letting him practically raise you from age 16?You really need to buy yourself some time because wriggling out of this won't be easy but anything is better than a failed marriage.Can you afford to pay him back?chances are, he won't make it easy for you.Whatever you decide,don't ever marry him out of pity or gratitude for his care.nkea onatabeghi kpomo,nwa guy agaghi ahapu gi easilyooooo.

bukatyne: Vure,

I am assuming that you knew he wanted to marry you that's why he trained you in the first place.

Remember that anyone who breaks an agreement will suffer it in the end.

You might want to pay the man back his 'money' but know that some things cannot be quantified. You can't measure his care, his sweat, his time etc.

Sit down and really view everything over and over again to see what you have issues with apart from the following:

Your age;
the age difference;
your exposure/his lack of;
his education etc.

While I will never support abuse of any form, some little flaws like the above listed can be worked on. If it's your age, it could be a plus for you. However, if he is abusive, then take a walk.

It is only an irresponsible mother/parent who would let another person esp. male who is undefined train her child esp. female

The man himself get im own for body... 27 to about 16?

Nogen:

And he didn't take advantage of you during the 5 years. Hmmmmmmm! This case is delicate o. I would like you to be very careful here. It practically trained you in school and in return, he wants to marry you. If he's not abusive, you may have to reconsider your stand. You should not have allowed him spend his money on you all these years.

Nogen:

And he didn't take advantage of you during the 5 years. Hmmmmmmm! This case is delicate o. I would like you to be very careful here. It practically trained you in school and in return, he wants to marry you. If he's not abusive, you may have to reconsider your stand. You should not have allowed him spend his money on you all these years.

pickabeau1:

Is the issue abuse or you want to be on your own...

Uredaddy:

Gbam. Mine told me I'll go and study in UK after our wedding.

Nashville:

Bros, I think you have asked the real question. I am not sure I see abuse here or too many red flags. I just think Vure does not want to marry this man but she feels indebted to him. The man may have obvious character flaws but may or may not be an abuser. Sending a driver to take you everywhere is not a bad thing. Getting angry when you hang out with your friends is a red flag and him yelling at you is another one. You keep saying you are scared of him, but you havent said what you are scared of. I think you are scared of telling him you dont love him and what he might do after that. May be I should ask "do you love this man?". If no then dont marry him.

The way I read this just suggest to me Vure does not really love this man and would rather not marry him. Vure the answer is simple, find a way to tell him quickly so that he knows where he stands. Let you mother be with you and also get some mens around you if possible (in case he gets violent). [b]Try get a doctor close by in case he suffers a heart attack. [/b]But, I am not sure if this one is abuse o!

Nashville:

Bros, I think you have asked the real question. I am not sure I see abuse here or too many red flags. I just think Vure does not want to marry this man but she feels indebted to him. The man may have obvious character flaws but may or may not be an abuser. Sending a driver to take you everywhere is not a bad thing. Getting angry when you hang out with your friends is a red flag and him yelling at you is another one. You keep saying you are scared of him, but you havent said what you are scared of. I think you are scared of telling him you dont love him and what he might do after that. May be I should ask "do you love this man?". If no then dont marry him.

The way I read this just suggest to me Vure does not really love this man and would rather not marry him. Vure the answer is simple, find a way to tell him quickly so that he knows where he stands. Let you mother be with you and also get some mens around you if possible (in case he gets violent). Try get a doctor close by in case he suffers a heart attack. But, I am not sure if this one is abuse o!

bukatyne:

If she does any how and the guy curses her, it will stick.

That's why some people have undefined problems in future

bukatyne:

If she does any how and the guy curses her, it will stick.

That's why some people have undefined problems in future

Ujujoan:

Please let's not confuse people here . . . .

The fact that a man is possessive doesn't make him an abuser.

Many men like to know that their women's body belong to them alone . . . My husband is on auto-hate mode for all my exes doesn't make him a ruthless brute!

It's the same way I hate the women he loved in the past . . . . No matter how good they are, I always find a way to mock them!

And I hate it when another woman compliments my husband, it pisses me off to no end . . . .

OMG, I'm a jealous b***h

LaShawn:

Yes, a man likes knowing that your body belongs to him alone. But you left out something very important which I will add again. He is so possessive that he alienated you from family and friends? That he doesn't allow you go out alone?

Also, another thing I've said before which I'll tell the girl asking this question is: How does he view other females apart from you? It's the little things which are overlooked, that end up being the major.

ileobatojo: I think it's obvious Vure doesn't not love this man. She is only with him due to feeling indebted. I think she would have gone ahead managed the marriage if he was not showing abusive signs. However no love + signs of abuse = problem magnified x 100. Throw in the indebtedness and she is carrying a mountain on her shoulders. Please don't advise this woman wrongly. The fact that he paid for her education does not mean she must marry him. So she should marry him to go and divorce 2 yrs and 2 kids later?

Lesson also to the men who try to buy their women by paying for their education. If you can't do it charitably out of the goodness of your heart and free her to leave the relationship if she ever decides to, you need to keep your money in your pocket. What kind of rubbish is that? As for this particular guy, he is a predator, end of story.