Hello Nairalanders,

Please I need to hear your opinions on this thing they call "Marriage"

For most people, it just comes naturally, I mean it's as easy as just meeting someone, falling in love, pushing everything aside and just get married and damn the consequences,

But for some(like yours truly), it's not that easy, never has been and I'm getting a little worried, I get worried and apprehensive about the slightest thing I see in a potential partner ( I know i'm not even near perfect myself),

I mean, how can one be SO sure that you're getting together with the right person, that's my biggest fear,

I mean all this courtship of a thing, it's not really 'real', most of it is just pretence, the guy trying to appear as the best person possible and the same for the girl, But once you start living together as a couple, reality sets in,

I'm a graduate, 27, good looking(i'm not blowing my horn here), proudn nigerian from the north, with a decent enough job to get married but I'm scared, or what some would call "cold feet", i've ICY feet, if u ask me,

I'm still young I know, but I'm tired of all this club hopping, stay out late at nite and waka about, I wan settle down abeg, I don tire jare,

As a result of my commitment-phobia, I've lost so many wonderful girls, most of whom want to get commitment, too soon into the courtship,

What do women wantI'm at a loss,

Please all the successfully married women out there, And the guys to can chip in, excluding the so called "players",

Help ur brother out, Please,

@ Poster,

At 27, you are a tad young to be thinking about commitment.
When you are ready to marry, a bride will def'ly show up somewhere.
Thats the rule to the game but for now. . . . .THUG ON!!!!

Dont listen to hannibal. it is okay that you are thinking about settling down. you know you are trying move past a life of being a bachelor. What women want is a hard question to answer. me, if im in a relationship it is mostly about trust and honesty. if i feel i can trust you with any thing with out being judge or you being disappointed then im good. but keep your head up, and dont worry because your rightful wife will come to you when God feels you are ready.

Hannibal,

What I'm trying to say exactly is that I'm tired of "thuggin on", I mean, one can only do it for so long, u'll definitely burn out and get tired,

All the clubbing thing doesn't really appeal to me anymore, not like before at least, I think thre's more to life,

Like just earlier on today, I saw this amazing young couple eating out, with their cute little daughter, it was so nice watching them, I said to myself, "that ought to be more, right thre",

Maybe I shud just wait for my time like Onyinye says, But man, I've been waiting, and waiting and waiting some more,

you should listen to what i say. your time will come. soon you will be taking your son to football games and romancing your wife with fine wine and dining. so dont fret your soul mate is out there and when you find her, you will know she was the one who was put on this earth to be with you.

@ poster

I can tell u that this is the agony evry bachelor or spinster out there go thru. Be that as it may be, i must also add that there aint anything like a perfect partner. The institution of marriage is not built succesfully by finding the right partner but being the right partner. This is a herculean task for everyone. Commitment comes in when ur pretty sure u can be judged as a good partner  

made.n.9ja:

Hannibal,

What I'm trying to say exactly is that I'm tired of "thuggin on", I mean, one can only do it for so long, u'll definitely burn out and get tired,

All the clubbing thing doesn't really appeal to me anymore, not like before at least, I think thre's more to life,

Like just earlier on today, I saw this amazing young couple eating out, with their cute little daughter, it was so nice watching them, I said to myself, "that ought to be more, right thre",

Maybe I should just wait for my time like Onyinye says, But man, I've been waiting, and waiting and waiting some more,

Senor, If u are tired of "clubbing" then i suggest you try other activities like swimming, skiing and climbing mountains.
Of course, one gets tired chasing women up n down the city but that ain't reason enough to get married just like that.
90% of the peops that rushed into marriage seperated after few years. . . . . .

Marriage ain't that easy. . . .The thunk of putting a woman in one's house for the rest of one's life is a huge task.
At 27, you should be thinking of stashing enough cheddarz in a Swiss account. . . . leave marriage o'utta the situation now.
Be patient and wait for the right time to marry. . . .

hannibal is right about some things. this being one of them. you shouldnt try to rush into marriage. it is more than knowing you have someone to love you for life but also being able to really get through the good and bad times. especially the bad. i suggest you do some soul searching and really think about why you want to rush into marriage.

@Hannibal, of course I have hobbies, who doesn't. I'm an active basketball player, in fact that's what I do with most of my time. I simply love the game and I dont' even know what I'd do with out it. I watch the NBA alot and play all the the time.

Abt making money, I don't mean to blow my horn but I feel like at this point in my life, I've attained a reasonable level of success, I'm an engineer, been working with a multinatinational oil company for a couple of years now, lots of trips to europe , US during the holidays and I got lots of girls around(not sounding cocky again), I've a master's degree, always wanted to get a PhD, later in life, maybe I shud start it now sef,

But at the end of the day, I still feel like there's something missing,

@LonelyPal, what taht kind of name, I prefer not to heed ur advice, not until u change that name to something more encouraging, lol,
Just playing wit u man, what u said is true, But u shud really change that name tho'

@Onyinye, How cud u tell when u met ur own 'soulmate', give me a hint, and please not cliches,

All i'm trying to say is that I want to have some more meaning in life, not just some trip abroad, or some lucrative pay check,

i dont want this to sound like a cliche but you will know when you meet her. i mean you will really know. you will have a feeling for this girl that you havent experienced with any other. she will make you feel like the king of the earth and also make you feel below it also. just let God lay his path for you and your wife shall be given on to you.

made.n.9ja:

@Hannibal, of course I have hobbies, who doesn't. I'm an active basketball player, in fact that's what I do with most of my time. I simply love the game and I don't' even know what I'd do with out it. I watch the NBA alot and play all the the time.

Abt making money, I don't mean to blow my horn but I feel like at this point in my life, I've attained a reasonable level of success, I'm an engineer, been working with a multinatinational oil company for a couple of years now, lots of trips to europe , US during the holidays and I got lots of girls around(not sounding cocky again), I've a master's degree, always wanted to get a PhD, later in life, maybe I should start it now sef,

But at the end of the day, I still feel like there's something missing

Nuthing is missing.
Human beings are naturally insatiable so we always feel something is missing every single minute.
Granted, you are educated, successful with a lot of hobbies but is marriage the next step? At 27??
Slow ur roll, hombre.

U got a lot of gurls around? Get busy with em until you are fully matured to handle marriage.
Go for the kill when you are ready to marry. . . . .
These days, it's not sumthing u plan 5 years in advance. . . .a lot of em sisters out there are phoney.

This guy is lying jo.

How many Gambari do you knw with all this kain acoomplishments'

Shior

onyinye2:

i don't want this to sound like a cliche but you will know when you meet her. i mean you will really know. you will have a feeling for this girl that you havent experienced with any other. she will make you feel like the king of the earth and also make you feel below it also. just let God lay his path for you and your wife shall be given on to you.

Is that how to tell one's flesh and bone??
What if i tell u i have met over a dozen chics that made me feel this way??

r u pple saying that @27 i'm rushing into marriage I dont think so o, not necessarily,

anyway, u pple shud know that for someone that is as scared as getting into the bad situation(commitment/marriage wise) as me, i wont rush into it,

i'm jst at a loss, sometimes i even feel like i'm not cut out for it, i don't even know what i want,

and to add insult to injury, i'm getting all this pressure from home to 'settle down', can u imagine

Like I said, I'm from the North, and they keep telling me at home, don't go and bring one of those 'sissy lagos' girls for us, can u imagine
LIke all of them girls in lagos are like that, but trust me, thre are FLY girls in lagos,

I wonder how all the married man manage to stay faithful, If  eventually tie the knot, I think i'll go with my wife everywhere, cos I don't think i have the willpower to resist all those girls,

Hannibal:

Is that how to tell one's flesh and bone??
What if i tell u i have met over a dozen chics that made me feel this way??

then i would say you have been listening to 2pac's "i get around" song way too much

27 is old enough to get married.

@made.n.9ja

i truly feel that you should do some soul searching because im getting the sense that this is more than you just getting married. or settling down. and why do you only mess with lagos girls. not saying they are bad or anything but try something different. go to enugu state and see the women there.

@Hannibal, u are one funny fellow, have u really met so many that made u feel that way, lucky u, i haven't even met one,

@doyin, ouch, I feel insulted, not only do u call me a liar, but u also use derogatory terms to insult my people, i thot we're all supposed to be civilized here,
what's Gambari supposed to mean let me guess, an ignorant, no good northerner, abi?? well what can i say, Na u get ur mouth, say what u want,

Aren't u the Doyin in the NBA posts?, If u are then, what a shame we cud have blended a lot more, since  u and I are both basketball/NBA FANS,

onyinye2:

then i would say you have been listening to 2pac's "i get around" song way too much

Nah. . . . . . . . . .
I listen to 50's "get in my car" way too much.

made.n.9ja:

@Hannibal, u are one funny fellow, have u really met so many that made u feel that way, lucky u, i haven't even met one,

Just kidding. . . . . .
All i was tryna say to Onyinye was. . . . Chics that makes one feel special is just a myth.
People say that on wedding days to massage the ego of their spouses . . . What can one possibly say on such day??

Hannibal:

Nah. . . . . . . . . .
I listen to 50's "get in my car" way too much.

Just kidding. . . . . .
All i was trying to say to Onyinye was. . . . Chics that makes one feel special is just a myth.
People say that on wedding days to massage the ego of their spouses . . . What can one possibly say on such day??

romance killer. it is so not at myth. i feel that when i meet the person i was suppose to be with that it would be more than special. more on the grounds of magical.

@Onyinye, I work in Lagos, and by 'Lagos girls' i mean the girls IN Lagos, not necessarily girls FROM Lagos,

Ah, why Enugu, are u from thre, i've never even been thre, Don't mind Hannibal, brother, trust me, u'll soon lose the zeal for all that 'adventure'

@ Davidylan, true that, let them know, cos they all thnk otherwise,

@studentetc, i'm not ur traditional player, i mean that's not the plan, but it just happens, sometimes., it is what it is ma, but i'm always honest with them, so i'm not a bad guy,

made.n.Nigeria:

@Onyinye, I work in Lagos, and by 'Lagos girls' i mean the girls IN Lagos, not necessarily girls FROM Lagos,

Ah, why Enugu, are u from thre, i've never even been thre, Don't mind Hannibal, brother, trust me, u'll soon lose the zeal for all that 'adventure'

@ Davidylan, true that, let them know, because they all thnk otherwise,

@studentetc, i'm not your traditional player, i mean that's not the plan, but it just happens, sometimes., it is what it is ma, but i'm always honest with them, so i'm not a bad guy,

yes im from enugu state. straight from the best.

onyinye2:

romance killer. it is so not at myth. i feel that when i meet the person i was suppose to be with that it would be more than special. more on the grounds of magical.

Puhleeeeaze, spare me!!!!

Every guy a gurl got involved with in a relationship made her feel "super special" . . . . Thatz the myth.
If a gurl had been with 6 men before her marriage, any of those 6 guyz could have been named flesh of ma flesh, blood of ma blood. .
Geddit??

@hannibal

oka i have dated here and there and to tell you the truth none of them made me feel "special" the way i knew it was suppose to feel. but your soul mate will give you a feeling that no other can give. you are denying this because you have yet to meet your soul mate. but come holla at me when you do. watch your responses change.

too many romance books - there is no such 'special feeling' it is a myth and nothing more - ask people who are married.

You COMMIT, not because of a 'special feeling' but because of a RATIONAL DECISION.

One more thing though, if you have not personally felt it, why should we take your word for it?

well debosky because i just know that is why you should take my word for it. and you guys might feel romance no longer exist but im going to bring it back from extinction. it does exist and it has nothing to do with no romance book.

@Onyinye,

don't know abt enugu gals but i do know abt PH girls, i've seen so many lovely gals down there, i swear,
but most of the ones i saw just wanted to have fun, nothing else,

@Hannibal, I am laughing so hard at wat u said,
but come on man, at least if someone has been with several pple, thre must've been that one person that stood out,
even u, i'm sure u've taht 'one person' that u liked the most, out of all of the rest, be honest,

onyinye2:

@hannibal

oka i have dated here and there and to tell you the truth none of them made me feel "special" the way i knew it was suppose to feel. but your soul mate will give you a feeling that no other can give. you are denying this because you have yet to meet your soul mate. but come holla at me when you do. watch your responses change.

It's a MYTH.
There's nuthing like "feel special".
How are we supposed to believe u didn't feel tipsy in the arms of your dates. . . . U better start fessing up.

@made.n.Nigeria

hannibal has no emotions when it comes to relationships so don't bother asking.
also go to enugu state for vacation one week. i bet you will find one girl who is fit to your liking.

@hannibal

oka i never felt tipsy with anyone so yeah.

onyinye2:

well debosky because i just know that is why you should take my word for it. and you guys might feel romance no longer exist but im going to bring it back from extinction. it does exist and it has nothing to do with no romance book.

Until you experience it there is nothing like "i just know". The most attractive chic out there that you like may not be the most rational mate for you . . . i agree with Debosky's position 100%.

excellent point debosky,

I think i feel more comfortable wit wat u said,
it's more of a rational decision and not a non existing or at best ephermeral 'special feeling',

Don't get me wrong, there might be romance (whatever you define as that) but to think some 'special feeling' comes and takes over you when you meet this mythical soul mate is self deception. A person can make you feel good, but what matters in the end is the DECISION you make.

Feelings are notoriously unreliable in case you forgot/didn't know. You can only rely on the clear eyed rational decisions you make. The truth is that there are many 'soul mates' out there - more than one person you can be compatible/have a productive married life with. The key is which one you choose. The mythical expectation that one person will come along like no other is just a mirage, maybe as you get older you'll realise that. You decide someone is your special one and WORK at it, if you're expecting that special feeling. . . .you'll learn by experience.