alutacontinua: Keep enjoying the attention and frustratinh the poor lad. I keep saying every lady knows how to tell a man off, (except you're dealing with a psychopathic stalker-then, you might need the police or a psychiatrist), we just choose to keep guys at arm's length so as to enjoy the attention and at the same tym know deep down in us nothing is gonna happen. If you were somewhere in between your early twenties, I probably might not comment on this topic cos I wldn't expect more from you. But as a woman in her thirties, YOU CAN DO BETTER! All dese excuses about not wanting to hurt him is just a cover-up for the real thing-which is the fact that you love the attention you're getting from him. Funny enough, you might have told yourself that lie soooooo much that you don't even know it's a lie again. My one cent: pull it together and save the poor lad some years of misery. Deep down in you, you know you're gonna stil do it someday, whether you like it or not. Just do it early enough and let him be, he'll move on with his life. The more you prolong it, the harder it gets.


NB: you might decide to take the above post personal or you might see the bitter truth in it. However you decide to take it, i meant no harm, just had to say it the way it is.

baralatie:

That is gud.he is only a friend.now please answer this Question:
u av said
+u are nt in luv wit him +u cant marry him

"DO U SEE URSELF NOT PICKING HIS CALS EVER AGAIN AND NOT GIVING HIM THE SLIGHTEST ATTENTION COZ U AV NO INTEREST IN HIM AT AL"

YES OR NO

iropelebe: This is my only problem with you ladies. This is a young man who has everything bright for him and he is ready to be there for you,he is aware of everything you are and yet chose to stay,the truth is you can't be that sexy enough to take him away from younger single women,this is enough to tell you that he loves you genuinely. He isn't a golddigger neither diid is potray himself as a snitch so what is your problem?
You listed two reasons: I. you are older ii. He is not of your faith.
Let me tell you dear,the summary of everything is that you do not love him and you see yourself above him and you can't bow to him.
Age isn't maturity,you can go for an older man who wouldn't be a good father figure to your child,he will have his own responsibilities as well cos there's every possibility that a man older than you are would be divorced,widowed or married with kids.
Sit yourself down and think deeply of what you actually want. A younger man who is willing to accept you for whom you are neglecting other younger women or an older man with extra responsibilities? Reason well and don't miss the opportunity it comes only once in a while. There are enough single ladies in their late twenties still searching for a man to propose to them not to talk of you who is a mother of a 14year old,widow and in your mid thirties.

LadySophie:


Dear Rigormortis, there is nothing hidden again, i have bared it all. Finance is not my problem here, not that am so rich though. I am working and he is also working. My son's upkeep has been the responsibility of his paternal family so that if i choose not to contribute to his upkeep, he lacks nothing. I want a man i can look up to, not someone whom i will always have to give corrections and control. I will want my man to always take the lead, while i follow and i will be comfortable when this man is older.

iropelebe: This is my only problem with you ladies. This is a young man who has everything bright for him and he is ready to be there for you,he is aware of everything you are and yet chose to stay,the truth is you can't be that sexy enough to take him away from younger single women,this is enough to tell you that he loves you genuinely. He isn't a golddigger neither diid is potray himself as a snitch so what is your problem?
You listed two reasons: I. you are older ii. He is not of your faith.
Let me tell you dear,the summary of everything is that you do not love him and you see yourself above him and you can't bow to him.
Age isn't maturity,you can go for an older man who wouldn't be a good father figure to your child,he will have his own responsibilities as well cos there's every possibility that a man older than you are would be divorced,widowed or married with kids.
Sit yourself down and think deeply of what you actually want. A younger man who is willing to accept you for whom you are neglecting other younger women or an older man with extra responsibilities? Reason well and don't miss the opportunity it comes only once in a while. T[b]here are enough single ladies in their late twenties still searching for a man to propose to them not to talk of you who is a mother of a 14year old,widow and in your mid thirties.

Yahoo1: you killed it .


what makes you think you can't look up to this young man? because you are older than he is? and you will control and give him corrections because he doesn't know what he is doing?

you don't want to marry him because you are older? because from your first post,you guys barely know each other that much.....so how come you know you can control and correct him?


My dear,as someone who has been married before,you should know that being more experienced and exposed has nothing to do with maturity. IMO

baralatie:
according to ur writ-up
+level of experience,amount of exposure are nt elements of maturity,
pls as a woman,how do u define maturity in concrete,unbiased terms.what are the elements of maturity in a man.if u c.an answer CLEAR,UNBIASE,DIRECT it wil help THE Op!

Yahoo1: you killed it .


what makes you think you can't look up to this young man? because you are older than he is? and you will control and give him corrections because he doesn't know what he is doing?

you don't want to marry him because you are older? because from your first post,you guys barely know each other that much.....so how come you know you can control and correct him?


My dear,as someone who has been married before,you should know that being more experienced and exposed has nothing to do with maturity. IMO

LadySophie:

We did NYSC in same place of primary assignment for 9months;,lived in military same bolck in military barracks where served, interacted, did sports together with other corpers during service year before we parted ways.

Yahoo1: Thank you.

In the context of this topic,my write-up or R/ship,maturity in a man has to deal with a man being the Leader in a relationship, a man has to know that in marriage,the WE,US,OUR...etc are just words,it doesn't hide the fact that couples are from different heritage,with different ideas and a whole lot of different things which if he can't handle crumbles a marriage,...A matured man is one who is emotionally decisive,he is clear about what he wants and what he wants from his woman,a matured man is nobody's victim,he takes full responsibilities of his action,a matured man is someone who has a purpose and if his purpose deviates from a normal one,it doesn't stop him being the man in the family,being there for them and putting his family first,a matured man is someone who can express himself,sayd what he wants;which is that which cannot make his wife uncomfortable or unsatisfied....among other things.


i might have committed a fallacy when i said being experienced and exposed has nothing to do with Maturity,because experience and exposure is what really brings about some qualities in a matured man,guess what i shuld have said is that the lady being more exposed and experienced has nothing to do with a man being matured,maybe she wants someone that is more experienced and exposed than she is,but she is wrong when she said she needs someone who will lead the way and she will follow.

LadySophie:

You got the point !

Yahoo1: Thank you.

In the context of this topic,my write-up or R/ship,maturity in a man has to deal with a man being the Leader in a relationship, a man has to know that in marriage,the WE,US,OUR...etc are just words,it doesn't hide the fact that couples are from different heritage,with different ideas and a whole lot of different things which if he can't handle crumbles a marriage,...A matured man is one who is emotionally decisive,he is clear about what he wants and what he wants from his woman,a matured man is nobody's victim,he takes full responsibilities of his action,a matured man is someone who has a purpose and if his purpose deviates from a normal one,it doesn't stop him being the man in the family,being there for them and putting his family first,a matured man is someone who can express himself,sayd what he wants;which is that which cannot make his wife uncomfortable or unsatisfied....among other things.


i might have committed a fallacy when i said being experienced and exposed has nothing to do with Maturity,because experience and exposure is what really brings about some qualities in a matured man,guess what i shuld have said is that the lady being more exposed and experienced has nothing to do with a man being matured,maybe she wants someone that is more experienced and exposed than she is,but she is wrong when she said she needs someone who will lead the way and she will follow.

baralatie:

a mature man simply put is a man who has come of age wit the ability to handle complex problems,delivering positive results in a socially,morally responsible manner wit the aim of maintaining harmony in the home & society.

What u wrote is about the QUALITIES OF A MAN(every man has dem)

n.b a man is a leader of his famijy not a leader of his girlfriend!(bf & gf relatnshp is nt marriage)
+marriage is a 2 way partnership(the Husband is Working & the wife Helping)

Op & her friend are not even dating in the 1st place.all becoz she is seeing that she is teaching him how to do & how to say(them neva live 2gether even to solve problems)

alutacontinua: Keep enjoying the attention and frustratinh the poor lad. I keep saying every lady knows how to tell a man off, (except you're dealing with a psychopathic stalker-then, you might need the police or a psychiatrist), we just choose to keep guys at arm's length so as to enjoy the attention and at the same tym know deep down in us nothing is gonna happen. If you were somewhere in between your early twenties, I probably might not comment on this topic cos I wldn't expect more from you. But as a woman in her thirties, YOU CAN DO BETTER! All dese excuses about not wanting to hurt him is just a cover-up for the real thing-which is the fact that you love the attention you're getting from him. Funny enough, you might have told yourself that lie soooooo much that you don't even know it's a lie again. My one cent: pull it together and save the poor lad some years of misery. Deep down in you, you know you're gonna stil do it someday, whether you like it or not. Just do it early enough and let him be, he'll move on with his life. The more you prolong it, the harder it gets.


NB: you might decide to take the above post personal or you might see the bitter truth in it. However you decide to take it, i meant no harm, just had to say it the way it is.

alutacontinua: Keep enjoying the attention and frustratinh the poor lad. I keep saying every lady knows how to tell a man off, (except you're dealing with a psychopathic stalker-then, you might need the police or a psychiatrist), we just choose to keep guys at arm's length so as to enjoy the attention and at the same tym know deep down in us nothing is gonna happen. If you were somewhere in between your early twenties, I probably might not comment on this topic cos I wldn't expect more from you. But as a woman in her thirties, YOU CAN DO BETTER! All dese excuses about not wanting to hurt him is just a cover-up for the real thing-which is the fact that you love the attention you're getting from him. Funny enough, you might have told yourself that lie soooooo much that you don't even know it's a lie again. My one cent: pull it together and save the poor lad some years of misery. Deep down in you, you know you're gonna stil do it someday, whether you like it or not. Just do it early enough and let him be, he'll move on with his life. The more you prolong it, the harder it gets.


NB: you might decide to take the above post personal or you might see the bitter truth in it. However you decide to take it, i meant no harm, just had to say it the way it is.

nikkykay:

This is exactly my point.
What do u want people to tell you and u have not heard alrdy. U r still here trying to counter attack every suggestion.I believe @ ur age u shld know wot u want and go for it and wot u dnt want u stay away from it.
The fact dat u r both in separate states shld help u 2 stay away from the guy forever and let him live his life
Stop leading him on by pickin his calls. For the fact dat u r older, he is still a guy and he sees some traces of interest in you dats y he believes he can still win u over. STOP GIVE HIM ATTENTION BY PICKING HIS CALLS OR REPLYING HIS MESSAGES.
Wake up woman u aint getting young. Try to get involve with guys and u will surely see the right one among them. I aint saying u shld b sleeping around.
Finally stop looking for attention here as well and go and do the right thing

Wallade: @LadySophie, 5yrs difference in age btw you and your potential man is quite much considering that you will age faster than him as time goes on. I think you have a strong feeling for him too but you just can't stand the age gap and his religious orientation.
I agree with you on the decision to avoid marriage to him. However, you need to be firm and straight in your approach. Tell him you don't want the relationship/marriage with your reasons, loose his contact details and forbid him to seek you. Get involved/married to your kind of man and let him know that you are engaged/married. He will get the message and walk away.

LadySophie:

Can you say you are too old to seek advice from people? Do i tell you i don't know what i want?Does seeking opinions/advice amount to looking for attention for you? I then deduce that your reason for being here is to seek for attention! Dear me, if u don't have something beneficial to say, please be silent forever! At least, opening this thread and getting these advices is priceless to me and has shown me a new direction to take.

LadySophie:

BEST ADVICE. THANKS MR. WALLADE. NOTED.

nikkykay:
Wot kind of advice are u looking for that u dnt knw alrdy?
That u havent said here alrdy?
Madam wake up. It is not every issue u bring to a forum to discuss.
U r old enuff to make decisions on some particular issues.
Are u saying if a younger lady came to u 4an advice on ds type of issue, u wuld tell her to come back so that u culd bring it to NL first?

Yahoo1: That's one thing i find so hard to understand...ofcourse it's ok to seek people's opinion in some issue,but some just don't need to be told,they are just weak to make a decision! smh.....

LadySophie:

Can you say you are too old to seek advice from people? Do i tell you i don't know what i want? Does seeking opinions/advice amount to looking for attention for you? I then deduce that your reason for being here is to seek for attention! Dear me, if u don't have something beneficial to
say, please be silent forever! At least, opening this thread and
getting these advices is priceless to me and has shown me a new direction to take.

LadySophie:

I love him as a friend, at a platonic level. Translating that love to erotic one is what is the bone of contention now.

nikkykay:
Wot kind of advice are u looking for that u dnt knw alrdy?
That u havent said here alrdy?
Madam wake up. It is not every issue u bring to a forum to discuss.
U r old enuff to make decisions on some particular issues.
Are u saying if a younger lady came to u 4an advice on ds type of issue, u wuld tell her to come back so that u culd bring it to NL first?


Y is wallade's advise best so far? What did he say dat tens of pple havent said earlier

LadySophie:
Pls madam, am entitled to my opinions here and to take decisions, and if it's giving headache, pls go treat urself and leave my thread alone.no one has monopoly of knowledge. Even if i have my conviction,I see nothing wrong seeking to hear voice of the people to assure myself that am taking the right decision O.K!

nikkykay:
Wot kind of advice are u looking for that u dnt knw alrdy?
That u havent said here alrdy?
Madam wake up. It is not every issue u bring to a forum to discuss.
U r old enuff to make decisions on some particular issues.
Are u saying if a younger lady came to u 4an advice on ds type of issue, u wuld tell her to come back so that u culd bring it to NL first?


Y is wallade's advise best so far? What did he say dat tens of pple havent said earlier

nikkykay:
Wot kind of advice are u looking for that u dnt knw alrdy?
That u havent said here alrdy?
Madam wake up. It is not every issue u bring to a forum to discuss.
U r old enuff to make decisions on some particular issues.
Are u saying if a younger lady came to u 4an advice on ds type of issue, u wuld tell her to come back so that u culd bring it to NL first?


Y is wallade's advise best so far? What did he say dat tens of pple havent said earlier