Efemena_xy: The last line of that quote was uttered on the premises that his wife was aware that he was playing around.

Dayo's confirmed that she didn't know - hence my suggestion that they book an appointment with a sex-therapist sharp-sharp.

When there's fire on the mountain, it pays to run. His marriage is a ticking time-bomb if his wife finds out what he's been up to. So they (he) best take steps to rectify it now before his indiscretions explode in his face. No woman will take such lightly from her man.

I dont know if she suspects anything At least he hasnt been caught. You know na lawyer work easy to do runs pass. Anyone can call you anytime even 3am (Its a client who just got arrested for DUI, beaten by her husband or had an accident), you can meet up with anyone anytime (client meeting)

Ihedinobi:
Excuse me but I can't help LOL. I read a novel recently with a character almost exactly like this here lady and I'm assuming all your "I think" and suppositions to be true. There's hardly anything surprising about a woman playing the perfect girlfriend or wife with what she considers the best man she can settle for.

Girls do this when they feel like the best guy, the love of their life got away and this here decent guy that they're not even attracted to is the best replacement they can find before it's too late (and too late means different things to different girls).

Now that's an interesting twist.

Marriage on the rebound - a bit deep, isn't it?

Ihedinobi:
Excuse me but I can't help LOL. I read a novel recently with a character almost exactly like this here lady and I'm assuming all your "I think" and suppositions to be true. There's hardly anything surprising about a woman playing the perfect girlfriend or wife with what she considers the best man she can settle for.

Girls do this when they feel like the best guy, the love of their life got away and this here decent guy that they're not even attracted to is the best replacement they can find before it's too late (and too late means different things to different girls).

Well they started dating when she was 19 and was V-yansh

This guy wasnt actually anything like "best man" at that time, a recent migrant working at a dollar store, living with like 5 other friends, taking the metro

IMO what she did, thats the closest you can get to true love from most women these days

Efemena_xy:

Biko, Dayo - this is really annoying!

That woman's done a lot for him ...A LOT!! And this is how he repays her? No, it's a bitter pill to swallow. Abeg, advice your friend that he and his wife should go see a sex therapist and attend a couple of intensive classes! Those classes abound like no man's business.

He better quit being selfish before he loses her. I'm just so angry, I don't even know if I'm making sense right now...

this is another issue that peeves me about nigerians. we attach sentiments to practical stuff too much. help is help, issues are issues. they should not overlap.

so i meet a girl, she sponsored me through college, puts money in my account regularly when i was struggling & then we get married. few years later, i discovered she's sleeping with my next door neighbour. according to you, because she did a lot for me, i am not supposed to leave her?

what she did for me, i appreciate of course but i wouldn't accept her offer if she had told me she was going to cheat on top of it. we should learn to separate past deeds with marriage issues. it's the recipe for marital abuse. so because i brought a girl from the village to texas, polished her, housed her and married her gives me the right to abuse her?

after all, i have done a lot for her.....i should be able to get away with anything.

IMO the guy has a right to be frustrated like any virile man would but I want this relationship to work because I love this girls commitment and dedication to her man something thats rare nowadays. Girls like that who stick with their man thru thick and thin deserves the man

dayokanu:

You think ability to get aroused is the only thing? How about a man who gets aroused and is done in few seconds? or one who isnt keen on any form of pre-intimacy. Just bam thank you snore? This ppl still get excited like the normal ones only that they cant satisfy their partner.

Sexual appetite differ. Some are much crazier than others and dont pick whats beyond you An ex rated example: I used to know a girl yada yada she likes the violent rough ones verry kinkky stuffs cuffs, chains etc. She wants to be choked pull her hair rip her clothes off . And this sint Biafra war? Thats a bit too much for me.

Another one who one day when the front was busy offered back and said she actually likes the rear entry. I know my size. if I had stayed with those ones I wont have done those extreme things anyway, she wont be satisfied and thus infidelity is just around the corner


As we speak not every Nigerian woman is even open to beejayy. Some say it makes them feel base So do you force them or the husband do wthout while some can use the Mic very well

LMAO.

Sure I get you. The first girl I ever slept with wasn't big on a lot of things. I thought it was great that she didn't "like" sex so much so I wouldn't fall into trouble. Believe me, when I say that at the rate we were going when we broke up we would be inventing whole new sex positions and creating a religiin out of it. Didn't like BJ, said she, but it didn't stop her from inventing ways to do it. LOL.

Bro, if a woman loves you, her libido will be just fine for you. She will be creative and inventive just for you. She'll find lingerie and intimacy gadgets you didn't know exist just for you. And if you love her, you'll become a professor of sex just for her. You'll learn how to make her go like a gawddamn locomotive! I do not accept extremes like BDSM as normal or even close-to-normal human sexxual behavior any.more than I accept homosexualism or necrophilia so those examples make not a whit of difference with me.

Again, bro, test-driving is utterly unnecessary.

dayokanu:

You know many ppl think going to a sex therapist is like you are already in the adult industry.

As per the oyel, This is getting interesting... Is it Olive Oyel crude or annointing

Gotchya!


Its called Zestra arousal oil for women.You can read more about it on
www.zestra.com

I got to know about it some years ago from a health and lifestyle magazine.
Heard its fire on its own.

Ihedinobi:
LMAO.

Sure I get you. The first girl I ever slept with wasn't big on a lot of things. I thought it was great that she didn't "like" sex so much so I wouldn't fall into trouble. Believe me, when I say that at the rate we were going when we broke up we would be inventing whole new sex positions and creating a religiin out of it. Didn't like BJ, said she, but it didn't stop her from inventing ways to do it. LOL.

Bro, if a woman loves you, her libido will be just fine for you. She will be creative and inventive just for you. She'll find lingerie and intimacy gadgets you didn't know exist just for you. And if you love her, you'll become a professor of sex just for her. You'll learn how to make her go like a gawddamn locomotive! I do not accept extremes like BDSM as normal or even close-to-normal human sexxual behavior any.more than I accept homosexualism or necrophilia so those examples make not a whit of difference with me.

Again, bro, test-driving is utterly unnecessary.

But according to you, if you love a woman enough you should be open to anything she likes even if its BD-Sm, anall and anything extreme she likes

carmelion: Gotchya!


Its called Zestra arousal oil for women.You can read more about it on
www.zestra.com

I got to know about it some years ago from a health and lifestyle magazine.
Heard its fire on its own.

I prefer personal experiences, How was it when you used it

dayokanu:

Thats what he told me and If sex meant a lot to him the way it is why would he go ahead with the wedding?

I think that's my question to you. Why should I believe that he married without test-driving if sex means "that much" to him as you put it?

Im sure we know some 1st class who ended up a conductor so we can say studying in school should be discouraged

Or someone who loves racing bought a Ferrari and it packed up in 3 months.

So if you love racing would you still rather buy a ferrari thats tested and trusted or just buy beetle since you know of a Ferrari last week that messed up despite good test run?

You know that works both ways, right? The same way you think that there are exceptions in the test-driving theory that should not be used to judge the theory itself, I think that there are exceptions in the non-test-driving theory that should not be used to judge it either. Only stats now will break the stand-off.

It's simple, test-driving does not guarantee that you'll end up with a "sexxually compatible" spouse. As such, it is not necessary. Still.

coogar:

this is another issue that peeves me about nigerians. we attach sentiments to practical stuff too much. help is help, issues are issues. they should not overlap.

so i meet a girl, she sponsored me through college, puts money in my account regularly when i was struggling & then we get married. few years later, i discovered she's sleeping with my next door neighbour. according to you, because she did a lot for me, i am not supposed to leave her?

what she did for me, i appreciate of course but i wouldn't accept her offer if she had told me she was going to cheat on top of it. we should learn to separate past deeds with marriage issues. it's the recipe for marital abuse. so because i brought a girl from the village to texas, polished her, housed her and married her gives me the right to abuse her?

after all, i have done a lot for her.....i should be able to get away with anything.

And what exactly is she 'getting away' with?

Her only fault here is having a very low libido, which from the sound of it, is at odds with the husband's - as his seems to be on the opposite side of the spectrum.

So no, the fault isn't hers in anyway, it's just a part of her make up which I think is rectifiable. Her man on the other hand is using that as an excuse and playing the fiddle. Now that's what I find offensive and yes, she did help him get to where he is. So what in turn is he doing for her? Afterall, isn't marriage meant to be a union of hearts where the couple share their problems and seek a solution?

Is being a cassanova helping the situation except his own selfish gratifications?

carmelion:

Gotchya!


Its called Zestra arousal oil for women.You can read more about it on
www.zestra.com

I got to know about it some years ago from a health and lifestyle magazine.
Heard its fire on its own.

You mean you haven't tried it out?

I was kinda hoping you'll share your experiences on it, if you had

dayokanu:

I prefer personal experiences, How was it when you used it

I don't need it bro....am looking for the one that reduces libido

But I have seen a colleague of mine testify to it.

carmelion:

I don't need it bro....am looking for the one that reduces libido

But I have seen a colleague of mine testify to it.

Lol!

Una go kill person on this thread!

Ihedinobi:
I think that's my question to you. Why should I believe that he married without test-driving if sex means "that much" to him as you put it?.

He probably respected the girls wish and her "No testing rule". Like some guy keep their real GF and smash others by the side Not like youve not heard it before

You know that works both ways, right? The same way you think that there are exceptions in the test-driving theory that should not be used to judge the theory itself, I think that there are exceptions in the non-test-driving theory that should not be used to judge it either. Only stats now will break the stand-off.

It's simple, test-driving does not guarantee that you'll end up with a "sexxually compatible" spouse. As such, it is not necessary. Still

Its a game of probabilities. Its possible I enter an exam blindly without proper practice and shade all C and still get 100% Im sure theres someone who has done that in the past and succeded

Also there is someone who prepared everyway still got to the exam and had a brain freeze AND FAILED

So who would you rather be, the one who went in with blind faith and hope your options are right or the one who reads and Pay particular attention to the AOC(Area of concentration) and knows what hes getting

carmelion: I don't need it bro....am looking for the one that reduces libido

But I have seen a colleague of mine testify to it.

Reduce libido ke?

Have you met my cousin Nackson Dauda, I can introduce you guys

Efemena_xy:

Lol!

Una go kill person on this thread!

Bwahahahahahahaha.....don't mind me,its under control.

dayokanu:

Reduce libido ke?

Have you met my cousin Nackson Dauda, I can introduce you guys

Abeg o.Nackson dauda?what a name!?lol

Efemena_xy:

And what exactly is she 'getting away' with?

Her only fault here is having a very low libido, which from the sound of it, is at odds with the husband's - as his seems to be on the opposite side of the spectrum.

is she doing anything to fix it or will crying fix the issue? if it was the hubby that is inadequate in the bedroom, would this woman persevere with him? if she's got a problem, let her fix it. there is female viagra or what not. her husband is cheating because she has refused to fix herself.

So no, the fault isn't hers in anyway, it's just a part of her make up which I think is rectifiable. Her man on the other hand is using that as an excuse and playing the fiddle. Now that's what I find offensive and yes, she did help him get to where he is. So what in turn is he doing for her? Afterall, isn't marriage meant to be a union of hearts where the couple share their problems and seek a solution?

so it's the man that will fix her hormonal imbalance? if the man is impotent or a one minute man, i am quite sure you wouldn't blame the wife for his inadequacy. you would ask the man to go fix himself or lose his wife. men have needs & when a man is starved in his own home, be rest assured he would get his food elsewhere.

Is being a cassanova helping the situation except his own selfish gratifications?

he didn't sign the dotted lines @ the registry to get sexually starved. if a mother does not feed her children, they will go out & find food. if any woman thinks she can hold my sex life to ransom just because she put me through primary, secondary & tertiary institutions then she's on a very long pipe dream.

Ihedinobi

Do you think this woman below too used her husband as a rebound or doesnt love him enough

MsJackson: no sensations pls help! why dnt i feel pleasurable sensations wen being kissed, caressed or made luv to? Wit ALL d men av been wit, same problem.Just starked numbness. Never ever felt it, even now dt am married. I was a virgin until my weddin nite, 3 wks ago. cud dt be reason? !I am 32 yrs old. I pretend to feel, so hubby wont feel like he is not doin well, but nw he suspects. WAT IS WRONG WIT ME?

Some ppl are just like that excellent i everyway but just low in sex drive

coogar:


there's no single benefit of no test-driving...

Really? One benefit is like that childish glee and satisfaction with which you used to open your presents on your birthday and Christmas day after the killing wait. Huge huge frickin' deal, man.

Another, a sense of freshness. It's like feeling like this is something new every darn time.

Yet another. Psychological room for sexxual growth and expansion. It's very frickin' great. The bedroom feels like a nursery where you're trying new things all the time and giggling and enjoying absurdities.

Even another. Non-test-driving means that you're more reasonably certain this person's body is all yours. Throws out all the pressure that comes from past competition and, adding in all the freshness and creativity, the pressure that comes from possible competition.

people who embrace it & are happy in marriage are very lucky and they are very few. perhaps, this is why born again christians have the highest rate of divorce. i am a practical man and it will be foolish of me to sign dotted lines with a woman for the rest of my life without knowing what she's offering.

Well, some do embrace it and end up unhappy in marriage, isn't that what you're saying? And those who do embrace it and are happy are very few according to you. Perhaps they're fewer even than the former. In which case, their happiness can hardly be said to be due to test-driving, no?

And I am yet to see the research that offered born-again Christians as the highest rate of divorces. It must define what it calls "born again Christians" very distinctly. It must describe how it sampled populations. And it must show where these born-again Christians have the highest rate of divorces and describe what factors produce divorces as well.

I am yet to be convinced that test-driving is a practical approach to picking a mate. And I have no reason to believe that you're a practical person.

So, still, test-driving.is unnecessary.

Efemena_xy:

The last line of that quote was uttered on the premises that his wife was aware that he was playing around.

Dayo's confirmed that she didn't know - hence my suggestion that they book an appointment with a sex-therapist sharp-sharp.

When there's fire on the mountain, it pays to run. His marriage is a ticking time-bomb if his wife finds out what he's been up to. So they (he) best take steps to rectify it now before his indiscretions explode in his face. No woman will take such lightly from her man.

A woman who doesn't love him and is not emotionally invested in the relationship won't give a rat's azz. And I don't think that his thinking she doesn't know means that she doesn't know. As long as she only wants her place as Lady of the Castle she might not care enough to show that she knows and is pissed off about it.

dayokanu:

Like I said things change, presidents become beggars, Lions become kittens Ferraris packup and become worse than Volkwagen

But would you take your chance with a brother thats showing signs of lifelessness before wedding because he might also change post nuptial?

Isn't that a subjective question, Dayo? Someone might take their chances because the seeming kitten may be a lion's cub and they might turn out to be.

Point is, test-driving does not guarantee what y'all insisted at the beginning that it does. If it doesn't, it is not necessary.

Hmmmmm,am learning

Ihedinobi:
A woman who doesn't love him and is not emotionally invested in the relationship won't give a rat's azz. And I don't think that his thinking she doesn't know means that she doesn't know. As long as she only wants her place as Lady of the Castle she might not care enough to show that she knows and is pissed off about it.

Maybe she does or maybe she doesn't. We'll never know if she knows or not.

If she knows, she might - for all you know, be planning to get back at him for this. A woman scorned...

Dayo, do they have any kids yet?

Ihedinobi:
Really? One benefit is like that childish glee and satisfaction with which you used to open your presents on your birthday and Christmas day after the killing wait. Huge huge frickin' deal, man.

i would rather have that feeling pre-marriage. there's plenty of time to refine & smoothen the rough edges. by the time we are married, we are already in the phase 3 of sexual enjoyment while the no-testing are still looking like a deer in the headlights.

Another, a sense of freshness. It's like feeling like this is something new every darn time.
Yet another. Psychological room for sexxual growth and expansion. It's very frickin' great. The bedroom feels like a nursery where you're trying new things all the time and giggling and enjoying absurdities.

same experience, bro.
it's just that i have had mine many moons ago before tying the nuptial knot. i already know what i am stranded with for the rest of my life. no huge surprises. little did you know some women have odd-looking factories that may require vaginoplasty. mere looking at her alone down there would destroy all your excitement & childish glee.

Even another. Non-test-driving means that you're more reasonably certain this person's body is all yours. Throws out all the pressure that comes from past competition and, adding in all the freshness and creativity, the pressure that comes from possible competition.

i think i would be surer she's all mine in test-driving than in no test-driving. that her hymen is intact does not mean she's not engaging in oräl sex or anäl sex. there have been plenty of surprises in men who thought their wives were pure & unsullied only to discover the reverse on the wedding night. what do you have to say to that? no test-driving fosters fraud(misrepresentation)

Well, some do embrace it and end up unhappy in marriage, isn't that what you're saying? And those who do embrace it and are happy are very few according to you. Perhaps they're fewer even than the former. In which case, their happiness can hardly be said to be due to test-driving, no?

there's always an exception to the rule. some people will find happiness in hell but that doesn't make it ideal. coping & thriving are 2 different things. in order to avoid surprises, i would like to know what i will be working it. i can't stand divorce.

And I am yet to see the research that offered born-again Christians as the highest rate of divorces. It must define what it calls "born again Christians" very distinctly. It must describe how it sampled populations. And it must show where these born-again Christians have the highest rate of divorces and describe what factors produce divorces as well.

a cursory glance on google will reveal this & it's quite reasonable. born again christians are told to apply faith all the time. many good wives married impotents. they never tested, how could they have known if he's functional or not. they only discover these things after marriage & by then it's already too late. divorce is imminent!

I am yet to be convinced that test-driving is a practical approach to picking a mate. And I have no reason to believe that you're a practical person. So, still, test-driving.is unnecessary.

in this day & age with many fake women on the prowl, test-driving is very necessary. fake hair, fake böobs, fake bütt, fake nails & you think these girls wouldn't do anything to ensnare an oblivious man if there's something to hide? why would i want to put myself in such risks?

coogar:

is she doing anything to fix it or will crying fix the issue? if it was the hubby that is inadequate in the bedroom, would this woman persevere with him? if she's got a problem, let her fix it. there is female viagra or what not. her husband is cheating because she has refused to fix herself.

My guess here is that as far as she's concerned, she's personally not too bothered and can live with it. However, it's her hubby who thinks differently hence the negative reaction i.e: looking outside. Do you not think that, rather than spend valuable time, money and energy chasing skirt after skirt, he'll do better by letting her know how much this affects him, how much he is unwilling to continue living a sex.ua.lly frustrated life and therefore suggest they see a sex therapist?

He's the one wearing the shoes, so he knows exactly where it hurts and should therefore try a different approach. Throwing self-help books at her, carting her off to six getaway holidays hasn't cut it yet, has it? Even if he visits the moon with her, as long as the issue of her low libido isn't addressed, he might as well be wasting his time.

Besides, we've not even addressed the real risks he's taking sleeping around - i.e STDs / STIs. For every partner he sleeps with outside, he's also sleeping with those women's partners.

coogar: so it's the man that will fix her hormonal imbalance? if the man is impotent or a one minute man, i am quite sure you wouldn't blame the wife for his inadequacy. you would ask the man to go fix himself or lose his wife. men have needs & when a man is starved in his own home, be rest assured he would get his food elsewhere.

You call it her inadequacy - but this 'inadequacy' of hers is affecting him too, isn't it?

You're simply buttressing the point I made above that she probably doesn't see it as that much of a problem. If you feel something isn't broken, will you be motivated to fix it? Why fix it if it isn't broken? but the man does so he should take the initiative here. Besides, what's the big deal if he makes the first move towards rectifying their problem? It's not a competition, is it? Neither will he be given a pat on the back for making that move.

coogar: he didn't sign the dotted lines @ the registry to get sexually starved. if a mother does not feed her children, they will go out & find food. if any woman thinks she can hold my sex life to ransom just because she put me through primary, secondary & tertiary institutions then she's on a very long pipe dream.

Neither did she sign the dotted lines to get cheated upon - and so wantonly too.

Efemena_xy:
My guess here is that as far as she's concerned, she's personally not too bothered and can live with it. However, it's her hubby who thinks differently hence the negative reaction i.e: looking outside. Do you not think that, rather than spend valuable time, money and energy chasing skirt after skirt, he'll do better by letting her know how much this affects him, how much he is unwilling to continue living a sex.ua.lly frustrated life and therefore suggest they see a sex therapist?

of course, she's bothered. she's just clueless about how to fix herself. why cry if she's not bothered? why offer pity sex if she's not bothered? men are not naturally disposed to talk & talk. i am sure they must have gone through this over & over and nothing has changed. what's he to do? if a woman is not given attention & she complains about it with no changes, she would suit herself as well.

He's the one wearing the shoes, so he knows exactly where it hurts and should therefore try a different approach. Throwing self-help books at her, carting her off to six getaway holidays hasn't cut it yet, has it? Even if he visits the moon with her, as long as the issue of her low libido isn't addressed, he might as well be wasting his time.

that ship has sailed already, i am afraid.
the man has already dipped his hands in the soup. nothing will stop him now, not even his religion. he tried to work it out but to no avail & he took the easier route. i might do the same in his shoes. scratch that, i won't even propose to any woman without test-driving never mind marrying her.

Besides, we've not even addressed the real risks he's taking sleeping around - i.e STDs / STIs. For every partner he sleeps with outside, he's also sleeping with those women's partners.

he should be smart enough to wear protection.

You call it her inadequacy - but this 'inadequacy' of hers is affecting him too, isn't it?

not anymore....
he's found refuge. i doubt he complains at home again & even if discovered, he has a genuine excuse to throw out there. he's already using that excuse to convince dayokanu & co. he will use the same excuse to explain to her in-laws. mrs madam shouldn't have let things get to this point so it's entirely her fault.

You're simply buttressing the point I made above that she probably doesn't see it as that much of a problem. If you feel something isn't broken, will you be motivated to fix it? Why fix it if it isn't broken? but the man does so he should take the initiative here. Besides, what's the big deal if he makes the first move towards rectifying their problem? It's not a competition, is it? Neither will he be given a pat on the back for making that move.

any woman who doesn't see her low libido as a major concern in her marriage must be an illiterate. in this day & age when sëx education is everywhere. even some churches preach it now that wives should step their sex game up & not starve their husbands. my partner already knows something is wrong if i come back from work & i don't demand for sex. if she checks football news & there's no sign that my team played & lost, her worries become tripled. healthy men live for sex.

Neither did she sign the dotted lines to get cheated upon - and so wantonly too.

starving her husband is always a recipe to be cheated upon. action brings reaction.

shu! abeg na ladies and gents make una gba break for this testing or no testing mata, make our thread for no sour abeg,to each their own o! i take GOD name beg una. ejor,biko nu ,

emcemayo: shu! abeg na ladies and gents make una gba break for this testing or no testing mata, make our thread for no sour abeg,to each their own o! i take GOD name beg una. ejor,biko nu ,

I'm begging too, let that no testing matter die(it's my fault, i shouldn't have started it) Let us just lay that matter to rest.

Efemena_xy:

Now that's an interesting twist.

Marriage on the rebound - a bit deep, isn't it?

For some women, it might not even be rebound. They just have never met someone that opened them up to love like that. That is fact. I can attest to it by firsthand experience too.