PocketEconomist: I guess you did not understand me. I'm saying that if a man pressures a girl to have sex AGAINST their will, such man is selfish. But if they both agree, they are botg adults and there is no problem about that, as long as they both agreed to it. Anyway let us not spoil this thread, to each his own. Let us lay the matter to rest so as not to spoil the thread.

PocketEconomist: Good morning to you too. I guess i was misunderstood. Let me explain again. , i said that if a man pressures and blackmail his girlfriend/fianceé into sleeping with him AGAINST her wish, meaning that she's not comfortable with it, doesn't want to do it, and you force/trick/cajole her into doing it, i repeat is selfishness. 1 Corithians 13:4-7 defines love in a remarkable way. Please check that scripturd out and tell us whether it makes sense or not. Good day my brother.

Seems like you're being misunderstood a lot - yes?

Who's pressurising girls / women to have sex against their will with their fiancées? What about men being 'pressurised' into having sex when they too aren't ready for it before taking their wedding vows? This isn't an abuse thread. We're all having open and frank discussions. You state your views, give your experiences and move on. You listen to what others have to say and if you have something useful to contribute - something we all will learn from then you air them out. It's not a do-or-die-affair for you to respond to every post on this thread.

And neither is this thread a religious crusade where you quote bible verses or impose your religious views (unless specifically asked to). This is meant to be a light-hearted, drop-in clinic aimed at reaching EVERYONE irrespective of your religious background, so kindly refrain from turning this thread into what it isn't.

Efemena_xy:



Seems like you're being misunderstood a lot - yes?

Who's pressurising girls / women to have sex against their will with their fiances? What about men being 'pressurised' into having sex when they too aren't ready for it before taking their wedding vows? This isn't an abuse thread. We're all having open and frank discussions. You state your views, give your experiences and move on. You listen to what others have to say and if you have something useful to contribute - something we all will learn from then you air them out. It's not a do-or-die-affair for you to respond to every post on this thread.

And neither is this thread a religious crusade where you quote bible verses or impose your religious views (unless specifically asked to). This is meant to be a light-hearted, drop-in clinic aimed at reaching EVERYONE irrespective of your religious background, so kindly refrain from turning this thread into what it isn't.

Okay. MY APOLOGIES. Thank you for the points raised.

chaircover: Good morning everyone . . .early housework start for me so I can relax for the rest of the day

My take on keeping friends of the opposite sex.

I have a number of male friends. Due to the nature of my job and my biz I meet new people all the time, but my husband knows every single one of my male friends/acquaintances. . . .every single on of them. I keep him in the loop and I make sure that he is always respected and always comes first. So If I am talking to you on the phone and my husband walks through the front door, I immediately excuse myself and see to my husbands needs first.

In many cases these friends have become good family friends & the husbands are friends and the wives are friends.

He has some female friends too, many he was friends with even before he met me and we all get along. I guess the bottom line is trust, respect and good judgment. He had a life before he met me. He is not in prison. He is generally a people person and I trust him so I have no issues with female friends.

My only advise is that if you are going through rough times in your marriage, do not have a close friend of the opposite sex or as an agony uncle/aunty because you are opening a door for temptation.

As for the "toasting" I just laugh it off. Some people are just funny. Thrice I have been toasted in front of my kids. These people dont even mind that I have a son who is taller than me walking with me. One even got out of his car on a busy road to give me his card . . .funny people.

Housework...cleaning...emptying the cupboards...scrubbing...bleaching...disinfecting...

Why do I find those activities therapeutic? I've trained my sons to cook, clean and even look after their baby sister (i.e feed her and change her soiled nappies) and yet I feel there's always a lot more to do. Once upon a time (pre-marriage and kids), I could wake as early as 5:00 a.m. and scrub the family home from top-to-bottom non-stop till 2 or 3:00 p.m. It kinda eased off when the kids started coming but now they're much older, I find I'm falling back into old habits.

Watched a series sometime ago about folks diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Cleaning Disorder) and hubby jokingly said I'm dangerously close to being like that - thing is, I suspect I might be I just can't stand dirt, dust and disorder...

Anyway, back to the topic at hand - having male friends while married. Tough one this is.

I actually had to go through my entire list of friends on my phone's contact list and the few male 'friends' I have are colleagues / ex-colleagues from work and one or two from Uni. Yep, I might get the odd call once in a blue moon asking generally about health and family, but it quickly digresses to work related stuff.

I've made and even received these calls in hubby's presence - so I guess the important thing here is that as a married woman, if you do have male 'friends', you should be able to sit comfortably in the presence of your hubby while discussing with them. It shows you are open and have nothing to hide. Funny thing is, if we've got a question, we find it easier to place a call rather than send text / email messages. I prefer having an open conversation anyway as it's much quicker and a lot can be said in a short while.

Other male numbers are my Catholic parish priest [s]wanting to know why I'm slacking in my sunday activities or when I'll turn up for confessions[/s] (does that count? ), my sons' private tutor (he teaches them in our home anyway), or in-laws (okay, those are family members so they don't count).

I think what really happens is that when most of us get married we tend to lose many of our friends - not on purpose though, it's just that family life takes up a huge chunk of your time. I struggle even, to keep in touch with my fellow married, female friends and might not even speak to them for months on end. It's not deliberate, but then it is what it is - family comes first...

So this 2013 there are people who still marry without testing . Ok o.

Smetimes I ask my self who is a virgin? Is it one who self service, one who does oral etc.

I believe anyway that virginity has to do with not even touching your precious part in any pleasurable way.

What's the difference between the sports girl who lost her hymen by the sports activities she does and the slut who performs hand job, oral and self service but hymen still intact.

Hi guys! Good morning everyone

Been following in the background. Lovely thread, Baby Mama. Thanks for putting it out. It's changing lives positively.

About friendship with the opposite sex, I have the following to say. Women tend to be rather naive about men. I don't mean to be insulting at all, I hope y'all understand. The first and most obvious factor that affects relationship across genders is sexual difference. If women tend to be not very aware of it, men are acutely aware of it.

That does not mean that platonic friendship is impossible. It isn't. It means that platonic friendship remains possible only as long as the adulta involved do not fool themselves into thinking "we're friends, nothing can happen." Something sure as nails can happen. Unless you appreciate that, you'll get into trouble. It's as simple as that. Like the drive to find nourishmenf, men possess a powerful drive to mate. And that drive is not very discriminatory. Women too possess a drive to find emotional security. And if friends offer anything at all, they most certainly offer emotional security. That is why it is quite common that adultery occurs with friends.

Therefore, I advise that those who keep friends of the opposite sex use their spouses as some sort of chaperone. Men are smarter in this, I daresay so they usually don't keep close female friends. For women, they can be really self-deceiving, by the time they realize what's happening, the friend has become a security net when the marriage is having difficult times and a lot of times, the security net becomes an escape from the marriage.

About test-driving, it is morally wrong. For those who don't care about morality, I guess the questions are "What do you mean by sexxual compatibility?" and "Is that compatibility constant? Is it affected by any factors? If it is, would you leave the marriage when any of those factors show up?" I think it is manifest that men and women are ordinarily compatible sexxually. But various things affect sexxual relationship. As long as a couple develop working ways of handling those factors, the house will need insulating from the bedroom because of the heat. So test-driving is not necessary.

Ihedinobi: About test-driving, it is morally wrong. For those who don't care about morality, I guess the questions are "What do you mean by sexxual compatibility?" and "Is that compatibility constant? Is it affected by any factors? If it is, would you leave the marriage when any of those factors show up?" I think it is manifest that men and women are ordinarily compatible sexxually. But various things affect sexxual relationship. As long as a couple develop working ways of handling those factors, the house will need insulating from the bedroom because of the heat. So test-driving is not necessary.

Sexual incompatibility is something like this

"my marriage is just 8 months old and am just not feeling it any longer
first of all, we didnt really court before marriage(no intimate meetings), although we've known each other for a year plus before marriage
after marriage, i found out that we are just so different
yes, he is all i wanted in a man, but our sex life is nothing to write home about
he was my first, but i know there is something about sex am missing
it's so bad now that i dont enjoy it any longer. he too is not a sex freak either
we can stay for a whole week without sex.

He is a good man though, but this was not what i bargained for.
still praying for a change."

or this

I am a 31 year old married woman wit a son less than a year,my marriage is almost 2 years. I noticed my husband don't really like making love from d 1st week of our marriage,he responded to my complaints by saying he's fratigued from d wedding stress.....but it has lingered until now, we barely have sex 2 times in a month,anytime I complain he will laugh and say it's because am a self employed woman and I have a lot of time to think about sex,so am so tired of complaining and feeling like a slut...but I feel so deprived,am a Christian,I can't ,cheat on him,sometimes I self-service just to get satisfied,but I always feel guilty and dirty afterwards, this is not a topic I can easily walk to anyone to discuss,am really frustrated,pls I need as many advice and ideas I can get........

Like you said if a variety of things affect sexual relationship why not take care of the ones within your control.

Its like saying variety of things can stop a car from working so why bother fix the ones I can see?

chaircover: Good morning everyone . . .early housework start for me so I can relax for the rest of the day

My take on keeping friends of the opposite sex.

I have a number of male friends. Due to the nature of my job and my biz I meet new people all the time, but my husband knows every single one of my male friends/acquaintances. . . .every single on of them. I keep him in the loop and I make sure that he is always respected and always comes first. So If I am talking to you on the phone and my husband walks through the front door, I immediately excuse myself and see to my husbands needs first.

In many cases these friends have become good family friends & the husbands are friends and the wives are friends.

He has some female friends too, many he was friends with even before he met me and we all get along. I guess the bottom line is trust, respect and good judgment. He had a life before he met me. He is not in prison. He is generally a people person and I trust him so I have no issues with female friends.

My only advise is that if you are going through rough times in your marriage, do not have a close friend of the opposite sex or as an agony uncle/aunty because you are opening a door for temptation.

As for the "toasting" I just laugh it off. Some people are just funny. Thrice I have been toasted in front of my kids. These people dont even mind that I have a son who is taller than me walking with me. One even got out of his car on a busy road to give me his card . . .funny people.

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about. I would have saved myself some energy if I saw this post before I posted but I was a long time in typing my own comment so I didn't.

In our society when anyone is missing something sexual from marriage its a ticking time bomb thats waiting to explode. Its either divorce, cheating or simple frustration

I mentioned about my guy who now cheats to our knowledge and when we say Chairman how far with this behaviour now, He always respond that Its only those getting sex once in 2 months like him that should even dare condemn him. And when most of his friends think about it we too know inside us we cant cope with that regimen. He has tried everything, bought her books, gone for a getaway. Last week he voiced in anger that he is just travelling to all these places to sleep in hotel beds and still nothing dey happen for night. Without the sexual part you are almost like respctful flatmates

For women who the society is less forgiving to when they cheat what should they do? Just forget that aspect of their lives? Especially in our culture when women are not even allowed to talk about it too much else she be tagged a prostitute. One of the major reasons for getting married is to have sex regularly and this reduces with age, How do you now explain when a 60yr old couple are getting it more than a 30yr old warm blooded one?

dayokanu: In our society when anyone is missing something sexual from marriage its a ticking time bomb thats waiting to explode. Its either divorce, cheating or simple frustration

I mentioned about my guy who now cheats to our knowledge and when we say Chairman how far with this behaviour now, He always respond that Its only those getting sex once in 2 months like him that should even dare condemn him. And when most of his friends think about it we too know inside us we cant cope with that regimen. He has tried everything, bought her books, gone for a getaway. Last week he voiced in anger that he is just travelling to all these places to sleep in hotel beds and still nothing dey happen for night. Without the sexual part you are almost like respctful flatmates

For women who the society is less forgiving to when they cheat what should they do? Just forget that aspect of their lives? Especially in our culture when women are not even allowed to talk about it too much else she be tagged a prostitute. One of the major reasons for getting married is to have sex regularly and this reduces with age, How do you now explain when a 60yr old couple are getting it more than a 30yr old warm blooded one?

Spot on (again) Dayo.

My question is this: how does this woman, your friend's wife react to the knowledge that her man is 'getting it' outside because she's not upping her game? Does she even care about him? Does she love him at all? I think your friend needs to do some serious soul searching because we women are very emotional.

First sign every man should be aware of that there is something seriously wrong with his union, is when his wife / woman / girl switches off him to the point that infidelity rubbed in her face sparks no emotion or concern.

Re the bolded part of your post - men's sex.u@l activities decline with age, while it increases for women. Men peak in their twenties and gradually decline while women peak in their 40's.

I'll share this with you lot: A few nights ago, hubby was reading an inter-active bedtime story to our 1 year-old daughter. An animal book it was with pictures of different animals and the sounds they make. The test was for the child to match the animal with the sound it makes. Anyway, my daughter was keen on the lion's growl and hubby joked saying..."that's what your mum sounds like in the morning, especially after a good &**&% session"

Now really!

As for keeping friends of the opposite sex, well let me add this... For those who have married friends of the opposite sex, my opinion is that we should be considerate. For example, calling such friends frequently at late hours especially when it's not urgent is not advisable. Please let us be mindful of this.

PocketEconomist: As for keeping friends of the opposite sex, well let me add this... For those who have married friends of the opposite sex, my opinion is that we should be considerate. For example, [b]calling such friends frequently at late hours especially when it's not urgent is not advisable. [/b]Please let us be mindful of this.

For goodness sake!

Where do you get your facts from? So you're saying every married man / woman who'se got (married) friends of the opposite sex call each other late at night??

No. That isn't the case and speaking for myself, if I decide to call up any of my colleagues / ex-colleagues / priest / sons's tutors or even married in-laws, I do that during the day and vice versa. So please don't make inflammatory statements. Many will find them offensive.

Efemena_xy:

he bolded part of your post - men's sex.u@l activities decline with age, while it increases for women. Men peak in their twenties and gradually decline while women peak in their 40's.

Really?I thought it was the opposite

Efemena_xy: Spot on (again) Dayo.

My question is this: how does this woman, your friend's wife react to the knowledge that her man is 'getting it' outside because she's not upping her game? Does she even care about him? Does she love him at all? I think your friend needs to do some serious soul searching because we women are very emotional.

First sign every man should be aware of that there is something seriously wrong with his union, is when his wife / woman / girl switches off him to the point that infidelity rubbed in her face sparks no emotion or concern.

Re the bolded part of your post - men's sex.u@l activities decline with age, while it increases for women. Men peak in their twenties and gradually decline while women peak in their 40's.

Of course she doesnt know he is doing anything outside but we the friends know. And honestly only a few can really blame him. One of us now asked him point blank why did you marry a girl that wasnt giving you any to start with. He couldnt say to others that it was "No testing". Cos everyone would call him a fool. WHen they were dating the girl was an effiko, spiritual babe

I think the girl likes him but has a really low libido, She does a lot for him that only a woman who cares would. And I was one of those who encouraged him to marry her because of her excellent behavior which my friend acknowledges but my guy says WHAT OF THE SEX!!


Examples of what the girl did. When the guy just came to US and was working at a retail store earning minimum wage, this girl was already working corporate. When they are going out she would withdraw money give to the guy to pay and act like he owns the money.

This guy is an attorney when he was just starting his practice. This girl would go with him to all African and carribean clubs and share his cards even when it appears like you are hustling and everyone is forming. This girl has followed him to strip clubs to distribute his business cards(Ppl who get DUI going home from clubs) even to jails to distrbute biz card

WHen he wanted to take the New York bar. This girl paid from her own pocket for the guy to go for tutorials in NY even when the guy said he wanted to study alone because he had no money.

I think she really does but just seem she cant help herself with the sex part. This guy tells me Atimes when he brings it up and it becomes a heated argument. She would started crying(atimes thinking its because she is from a different culture he wants an excuse to go marry someone of his culture) and be like he should come do, But who wan do Pity sex?

When this guy laments you cant help but pity him

Efemena_xy:

For goodness sake!

Where do you get your facts from? So you're saying every married man / woman who'se got (married) friends of the opposite sex call each other late at night??

No. That isn't the case and speaking for myself, if I decide to call up any of my colleagues / ex-colleagues / priest / sons's tutors or even married in-laws, I do that during the day and vice versa. So please don't make inflammatory statements. Many will find them offensive.

You still misunderstand me. I mean as a single guy, calling married people at say 11pm on a regular basis. If that single guy used to call the married woman during that period, now that she is married, it will show tactfulness on the single guy's side to cut down on such calls. But as for relatives, family friemds, etc, no problems at all. Please don't misunderstand me. Thank you.

dayokanu:

Of course she doesnt know he is doing anything outside but we the friends know. And honestly only a few can really blame him. One of us now asked him point blank why did you marry a girl that wasnt giving you any to start with. He couldnt say to others that it was "No testing".

I think the girl likes him but has a really low libido, She does a lot for him that only a woman who cares would. And I was one of those who encouraged him to marry her because of her excellent behavior which my friend acknowledges but my guy says WHAT OF THE SEX!!

Examples of what the girl did. When the guy just came to US and was working at a retail store earning minimum wage, this girl was already working corporate. When they are going out she would withdraw money give to the guy to pay and act like he owns the money.

This guy is an attorney when he was just starting his practice. This girl would go with him to all African and carribean clubs and share his cards even when it appears like you are hustling and everyone is forming

WHen he wanted to take the New York bar. This girl paid from her own pocket for the guy to go for tutorials in NY even when the guy said he wanted to study alone because he had no money.

I think she really does but just seem she cant help herself with the sex part. This guy tells me Atimes when he brings it up and it becomes a heated argument. She would started crying and be like he should come do, But who wan do Pity sex?

When this guy laments you cant help but pity him

Biko, Dayo - this is really annoying!

That woman's done a lot for him...A LOT!! And this is how he repays her? No, it's a bitter pill to swallow. Abeg, advice your friend that he and his wife should go see a sex therapist and attend a couple of intensive classes! Those classes abound like no man's business.

He better quit being selfish before he loses her. I'm just so angry, I don't even know if I'm making sense right now...

PocketEconomist: You still misunderstand me. I mean as a single guy, calling married people at say 11pm on a regular basis. If that single guy used to call the married woman during that period, now that she is married, it will show tactfulness on the single guy's side to cut down on such calls. But as for relatives, family friemds, etc, no problems at all. Please don't misunderstand me. Thank you.

Okay then - but the onus is on you to make your posts clearer to avoid misunderstanding(s).

dayokanu:

Sexual incompatibility is something like this


or this



Like you said if a variety of things affect sexual relationship why not take care of the ones within your control.

Its like saying variety of things can stop a car from working so why bother fix the ones I can see?

From those two examples, you define sexxual incompatibility as difference in libido. I'll grant that difference in libido is a substantial factor in sexxual relationship but I do not see at all how it is beyond a spouse's ability to handle as you appear to insinuate.

Lemme draw a scenario for you. I meet a girl. First thing draws me is her sexual beauty or attractiveness. I get close, I talk with her. We soon find we relax a lot with each other and are comfortable. Sexxual tension is present. I think a lot about getting sexxual with her. Soon we stealing kisses and fooling around but we try to keep our clothes on. Would I be surprised if the bedroom is a furnace after we get married?

Here's another one. Same situation except that she always pulls away from any remotely sexxual situation giving all kinds of reasons. She shrinks from every possibility of physical contact. Would I be surprised if the bedroom is a furnace after we get married?

Here's yet another. Same situation but clothes come off and we do a lot of silly things and go the nine yards. Would I be surprised if the bedroom turns frosty five years down the line?

Finally, is any of the three an impossible situation? Some people have a low sex drive. And it shows in their courtship behavior. There's a difference between hesitation and reluctance due to respect for moral standards and a complete absence of interest. It only takes a focus on the person rather than on immediate sexxual need to see it. Other people have a decent sex drive but even that is not enough to keep the bedroom blazing throughout the long years of marriage.

Here's what makes it work: two people who're crazy about each other. Doesn't matter if you're a sex maniac, when your marriage isn't doing too hot, your libido may take an early Christmas break. Libido is not the only thing, bro. If two people are physically attracted to each other, they'll be just fine in the bedroom. And physical attraction shows itself in subtle behaviors. In marriage, it waxes and wanes. If it starts out on the low, it can be fanned into flames. If it starts out high, it can fall into deep freeze. Thus test-driving makes not a damn difference.

Efemena_xy: Biko, Dayo - this is really annoying!

That woman's done a lot for him...A LOT!! And this is how he repays her? No, it's a bitter pill to swallow. Abeg, advice your friend that he and his wife should go see a sex therapist and attend a couple of intensive classes! Those classes abound like no man's business.

He better quit being selfish before he loses her. I'm just so angry, I don't even know if I'm making sense right now...

I was one of her major advocate because I know very few women would do that for you.

They havent seen a sex therapist but in July they saw a marriage counsellor. they have taken 6 getaways in this yr alone from Florida to Niagara falls still na once in 2 months oo

While some ppl sit down in their one bedroom face me I face you without light or fan getting it like 8 times a week

Another one

MsJackson: no sensations pls help! why dnt i feel pleasurable sensations wen being kissed, caressed or made luv to? Wit ALL d men av been wit, same problem.Just starked numbness. Never ever felt it, even now dt am married. I was a virgin until my weddin nite, 3 wks ago. cud dt be reason? !I am 32 yrs old. I pretend to feel, so hubby wont feel like he is not doin well, but nw he suspects. WAT IS WRONG WIT ME?

On this family section alone I have quoted 3 posts in recent times, and given how African women dont like to even mention sex That shows many whom seem to be normal are actually suffering below

J

Baby mama: Keeping friends of the opposite sex

Many men are very uncomfortable with this,I know mine was and I can't say he is too thrilled about it now but I know he trusts my judgements.
men think it's too dangerous and I have actually heard men say that a man cannot be friends with a woman without wanting something from her.
I believe it is possible to have male friends with no strings attached but if your spouse is uncomfortable with it,it would be wise to curtail the communication.
It's hard for me to say cut it off completely because I value friendship and I have good male friends
Don't talk with them daily or even monthly but just people that will call and say hi once in a while ,how have u been doing,longest time
Infact the first time my husband invited me over to his house,I had told a dearest friend of mine a guy about it and he warned me not to go
He said,"you and I know what he wants ,don't put yourself in that position"
He was watching out for me as his Christian sister
I promised him I wouldn't go
I lied
Many years later we spoke and he got to know I married the man he warned me about


What are your opinion people about having friends of the opposite sex , ladies and gents?

Before marriage, i had plenty of them but I had to cut them off completely after marriage. We work with the" no friends of the opposite sex policy",it suits us just fine.When there are no alternatives,its hard to keep malice. It eliminates suspicion and insecurity to its barest minimum,there is pretty much no iota of privacy in our dealings.However,to each his own.

dayokanu: In our society when anyone is missing something sexual from marriage its a ticking time bomb thats waiting to explode. Its either divorce, cheating or simple frustration

I mentioned about my guy who now cheats to our knowledge and when we say Chairman how far with this behaviour now, He always respond that Its only those getting sex once in 2 months like him that should even dare condemn him. And when most of his friends think about it we too know inside us we cant cope with that regimen. He has tried everything, bought her books, gone for a getaway. Last week he voiced in anger that he is just travelling to all these places to sleep in hotel beds and still nothing dey happen for night. Without the sexual part you are almost like respctful flatmates

For women who the society is less forgiving to when they cheat what should they do? Just forget that aspect of their lives? Especially in our culture when women are not even allowed to talk about it too much else she be tagged a prostitute. One of the major reasons for getting married is to have sex regularly and this reduces with age, How do you now explain when a 60yr old couple are getting it more than a 30yr old warm blooded one?

You leave us to assume that your friend did not test-drive his eventual wife. Are you sure that he did not?

Secondly, the above does not prove that test-driving is necessary because there are also examples of people who had strong sex lives with their partners before marriage but whose sex life degenerated after nuptials. You do know that, right? What good did test-driving do them?

Ihedinobi:
From those two examples, you define sexxual incompatibility as difference in libido. I'll grant that difference in libido is a substantial factor in sexxual relationship but I do not see at all how it is beyond a spouse's ability to handle as you appear to insinuate.

Lemme draw a scenario for you. I meet a girl. First thing draws me is her sexual beauty or attractiveness. I get close, I talk with her. We soon find we relax a lot with each other and are comfortable. Sexxual tension is present. I think a lot about getting sexxual with her. Soon we stealing kisses and fooling around but we try to keep our clothes on. Would I be surprised if the bedroom is a furnace after we get married?

Here's another one. Same situation except that she always pulls away from any remotely sexxual situation giving all kinds of reasons. She shrinks from every possibility of physical contact. Would I be surprised if the bedroom is a furnace after we get married?

Here's yet another. Same situation but clothes come off and we do a lot of silly things and go the nine yards. Would I be surprised if the bedroom turns frosty five years down the line?

Finally, is any of the three an impossible situation? Some people have a low sex drive. And it shows in their courtship behavior. There's a difference between hesitation and reluctance due to respect for moral standards and a complete absence of interest. It only takes a focus on the person rather than on immediate sexxual need to see it. Other people have a decent sex drive but even that is not enough to keep the bedroom blazing throughout the long years of marriage.

Here's what makes it work: two people who're crazy about each other. Doesn't matter if you're a sex maniac, when your marriage isn't doing too hot, your libido may take an early Christmas break. Libido is not the only thing, bro. If two people are physically attracted to each other, they'll be just fine in the bedroom. And physical attraction shows itself in subtle behaviors. In marriage, it waxes and wanes. If it starts out on the low, it can be fanned into flames. If it starts out high, it can fall into deep freeze. Thus test-driving makes not a damn difference.

You think ability to get aroused is the only thing? How about a man who gets aroused and is done in few seconds? or one who isnt keen on any form of pre-intimacy. Just bam thank you snore? This ppl still get excited like the normal ones only that they cant satisfy their partner.

Sexual appetite differ. Some are much crazier than others and dont pick whats beyond you An ex rated example: I used to know a girl yada yada she likes the violent rough ones verry kinkky stuffs cuffs, chains etc. She wants to be choked pull her hair rip her clothes off . And this sint Biafra war? Thats a bit too much for me.

Another one who one day when the front was busy offered back and said she actually likes the rear entry. I know my size. if I had stayed with those ones I wont have done those extreme things anyway, she wont be satisfied and thus infidelity is just around the corner


As we speak not every Nigerian woman is even open to beejayy. Some say it makes them feel base So do you force them or the husband do wthout while some can use the Mic very well

dayokanu:

I was one of her major advocate because I know very few women would do that for you.

They havent seen a sex therapist but in July they saw a marriage counsellor. they have taken 6 getaways in this yr alone from Florida to Niagara falls still na once in 2 months oo

While some ppl sit down in their one bedroom face me I face you without light or fan getting it like 8 times a week

Another one




On this family section alone I have quoted 3 posts in recent times, and given how African women dont like to even mention sex That shows many whom seem to be normal are actually suffering below

They don't need a marriage counsellor.I think they need. A sex therapist or an expert.

The sex therapist to work on the lady's psyche and the expert to guide them through.

Men do take some aid to boost their sex drive.Women have theirs too.I heard their one oil like that(I have forgotten the name,if I remember I will let you know).its for women.All she needs to do is to apply it down there.

She will rape her husband that day,he will not even have strength for other women,that is if he does not faint

*let me see if I can get the name of that oil*

Efemena_xy: My question is this: how does this woman, your friend's wife react to the knowledge that her man is 'getting it' outside because she's not upping her game? Does she even care about him? Does she love him at all? I think your friend needs to do some serious soul searching because we women are very emotional.

First sign every man should be aware of that there is something seriously wrong with his union, is when his wife / woman / girl switches off him to the point that infidelity rubbed in her face sparks no emotion or concern.

Good.

Ihedinobi:
You leave us to assume that your friend did not test-drive his eventual wife. Are you sure that he did not?

Thats what he told me and If sex meant a lot to him the way it is why would he go ahead with the wedding?

Secondly, the above does not prove that test-driving is necessary because there are also examples of people who had strong sex lives with their partners before marriage but whose sex life degenerated after nuptials. You do know that, right? What good did test-driving do them?

Im sure we know some 1st class who ended up a conductor so we can say studying in school should be discouraged

Or someone who loves racing bought a Ferrari and it packed up in 3 months.

So if you love racing would you still rather buy a ferrari thats tested and trusted or just buy beetle since you know of a Ferrari last week that messed up despite good test run?

Ihedinobi:
You leave us to assume that your friend did not test-drive his eventual wife. Are you sure that he did not?

Secondly, the above does not prove that test-driving is necessary because there are also examples of people who had strong sex lives with their partners before marriage but whose sex life degenerated after nuptials. You do know that, right? What good did test-driving do them?

there's no single benefit of no test-driving...


people who embrace it & are happy in marriage are very lucky and they are very few. perhaps, this is why born again christians have the highest rate of divorce. i am a practical man and it will be foolish of me to sign dotted lines with a woman for the rest of my life without knowing what she's offering.

@dayokanu....I understand everybit of view about sexual compatibility.But alos know that change is a constant thing in life.

That one that you choose because she likes it exactly the way you like might just become the opposite after some years.


I have seen threads of men complaining avout the libido of their wife,especailly after childbirth.What will you now do in such scenario?

carmelion: They don't need a marriage counsellor.I think they need. A sex therapist or an expert.

The sex therapist to work on the lady's psyche and the expert to guide them through.

Men do take some aid to boost their sex drive.Women have theirs too.I heard their one oil like that(I have forgotten the name,if I remember I will let you know).its for women.All she needs to do is to apply it down there.

She will rape her husband that day,he will not even have strength for other women,that is if he does not faint

*let me see if I can get the name of that oil*

You know many ppl think going to a sex therapist is like you are already in the adult industry.

As per the oyel, This is getting interesting... Is it Olive Oyel crude or annointing

Ihedinobi:
Good.

The last line of that quote was uttered on the premises that his wife was aware that he was playing around.

Dayo's confirmed that she didn't know - hence my suggestion that they book an appointment with a sex-therapist sharp-sharp.

When there's fire on the mountain, it pays to run. His marriage is a ticking time-bomb if his wife finds out what he's been up to. So they (he) best take steps to rectify it now before his indiscretions explode in his face. No woman will take such lightly from her man.

carmelion: @dayokanu....I understand everybit of view about sexual compatibility.But alos know that change is a constant thing in life.
That one that you choose because she likes it exactly the way you like might just become the opposite after some years.

I have seen threads of men complaining avout the libido of their wife,especailly after childbirth.What will you now do in such scenario?

Like I said things change, presidents become beggars, Lions become kittens Ferraris packup and become worse than Volkwagen

But would you take your chance with a brother thats showing signs of lifelessness before wedding because he might also change post nuptial?

dayokanu:

Of course she doesnt know he is doing anything outside but we the friends know. And honestly only a few can really blame him. One of us now asked him point blank why did you marry a girl that wasnt giving you any to start with. He couldnt say to others that it was "No testing". Cos everyone would call him a fool. WHen they were dating the girl was an effiko, spiritual babe

I think the girl likes him but has a really low libido, She does a lot for him that only a woman who cares would. And I was one of those who encouraged him to marry her because of her excellent behavior which my friend acknowledges but my guy says WHAT OF THE SEX!!


Examples of what the girl did. When the guy just came to US and was working at a retail store earning minimum wage, this girl was already working corporate. When they are going out she would withdraw money give to the guy to pay and act like he owns the money.

This guy is an attorney when he was just starting his practice. This girl would go with him to all African and carribean clubs and share his cards even when it appears like you are hustling and everyone is forming. This girl has followed him to strip clubs to distribute his business cards(Ppl who get DUI going home from clubs) even to jails to distrbute biz card

WHen he wanted to take the New York bar. This girl paid from her own pocket for the guy to go for tutorials in NY even when the guy said he wanted to study alone because he had no money.

I think she really does but just seem she cant help herself with the sex part. This guy tells me Atimes when he brings it up and it becomes a heated argument. She would started crying(atimes thinking its because she is from a different culture he wants an excuse to go marry someone of his culture) and be like he should come do, But who wan do Pity sex?

When this guy laments you cant help but pity him

Excuse me but I can't help LOL. I read a novel recently with a character almost exactly like this here lady and I'm assuming all your "I think" and suppositions to be true. There's hardly anything surprising about a woman playing the perfect girlfriend or wife with what she considers the best man she can settle for.

Girls do this when they feel like the best guy, the love of their life got away and this here decent guy that they're not even attracted to is the best replacement they can find before it's too late (and too late means different things to different girls).