I want To Marry Her But She Is In Love With Someone Else

Dear Nairalanders,

I am in a dilemma and would appreciate your genuine advice as the saying goes that a problem shared is a problem solved. I met a girl in January of this year. She got admission newly then and turned 18 in May of this year. I delayed asking her out immediately and thought it would be wise to do so after her first year in university. However, she went to school and by the time she finished first semester, I reconsidered my position and decided to ask her out. She was honest to tell me that she is already dating a boy in school but I insisted I wont take a no for an answer. She eventually accepted my request but insists that the boy would still remain her first priority.

It is obvious she loves him very much . Although she accepted my request, but she is not showing any sign of love towards me even though I work and almost prepared to settle down. The truth is that I love her so much and she represents everything I am looking for in a wife to be. I have made it clear to her that my intention is to marry her. Giving her age and level in school, I know that marriage is not her priority for now. I told her I want to come see her parents but she said I should wait until she gets to at least 3rd year which I accepted and willing to wait for her to get advanced in both age and studies.

My worry however is I am confused if it wise for me to be patient with her and wait while she continues in the relationship with the school boy. I am of age for marriage but it is not as if I am desperate to marry. She really aligns well with my future plans in all ramifications. She is the only girl in my life and she is a good person. I can afford to be patient and wait for her, but is it wise? especially knowing she is entangled like any other present day school girl with this school boy.

I tried convincing her to quit the relationship and it caused a lot of tension between us. She said it wont be easy for her as the boy hasn't done her any evil. She speaks in his favor and rises to his defense a lot. She accused me of being selfish. After all, the boy was already in the picture when I came even though I was the first to meet her but did not ask her first. I resolved not to pressure her anymore and allow nature to sort out these issues as time progresses. Is this a wise and healthy decision? Only serious and experienced peoples advise is needed. your reactions please!


SECOND STANZA

I have careful read all shapes of opinions on this matter. But before I take my final decision, it would be necessary to provide additional clarifications on this matter. The few points below will suffice.

1. I was also a school boy and had a girlfriend in school who got married to an already established working while I was still in youth service.

2. As for the girl not loving me, it may not be entirely true. She said she can't just love me overnight and she is not the pretentious type. She makes no demands from me. Whatever I have given or done for her so far was out of my free will and volition.

3. In one of our quarrels/, she once said rather than always complain about the other school boy, it would be better to concentrate effort at winning her over. (She asked, was I thinking it would be easy for me to come in and just win her over just like that? considering the fact that she may be skeptical that I might use and dump her). But that is far from my intention.

4. I sent her a mail asking her to be open, honest and sincere if I represent her ideal husband in the future and she confirmed in the positive with strong conviction.

5. Don't forget I said in my original post that I told her I want to be introduced to her parents but she said I should wait until she gets to 3rd year in school. Will she say this if she is not interested? Am not concluding, I want your opinion on this. She already mentioned to her Mum she has this friend that works with (The name of my organisation). Her Mum knows about me but I want to meet them in person.

6. It is not as if I am fully set to even get married in the next 1 year but I think by 2015, I would have met all the pre-conditions and targets and goals I set for myself to achieve before getting married. Ironically, that time coincides with when she said I could be introduced to her parents.

7. I think I have been somewhat too hard on her. I am very possessive and have this domineering spirit. It could be that my expectations are high and not well managed. I stand to be corrected.

React to these final submissions.

is she white? #190 Fan

Bro you be mudun sowie oooo

saemmanuel: is she white? #190 Fan

Bro you be mudun sowie oooo

She is not white. An Igbo girl. What do you mean by Mudun? If u have any meaningful contribution, go ahead. If not, remain silent.

saemmanuel: is she white? #190 Fan

Bro you be mudun sowie oooo

must u comment/post trash



Be serious for 1ce Boy!

You say she is a good girl but she is cheating on her boyfriend with you If she can do that to her boyfriend that she really "loves". She can do it to you too one day. Love is not by force! If it"s not meant for you, let it go.

Move on! She cannot be the only fish in the sea. Move on!

Royal^^Pearl^^:
You say she is a good girl but she is cheating on her boyfriend with you If she can do that to her boyfriend that she really "loves". She can do it to you too one day. Love is not by force! If it"s not meant for you, let it go.

You tink is that easy to LET GO

Who have never fall inlove b4..

This is the problem with not making your intentions known and playing the friend, that's if there is really a guy and she didn't make up the story to create an easy way out wen d guy of her dreams finally shows up.



But if she does hav a boyfriend in sch.....
She is gone! I know its easier said dan done but you have to forget her. You are in a risky position, one dat is more likely to get your heart broken or/and make you her mugu(no offense). Sorry to tell you dis but there is over a 90% chance dat she won't love you later if she doesn't love you now. If you are sticking around to see if d other guy will mess up, chances are dat he will but another will come and she will make it seem lik its d same guy. Tell her you don't want to be second best even though you love her and dats why you have to let her go, if she wants you to stay, let her make you stay by her actions not words and be really careful but it will still be a difficult relationshp since she is a year 1 undergrad with no campus life experience, having a bf in sch in 1st semester year 1 means she already planned it.

My advice is to let her be even if she wants you to stay or not but d decision is yours to make.

woky: You tink is that easy to LET GO

Who have never fall inlove b4..

It"s not easy but if you want to marry someone who does not love you back nor want to marry you, must you force it? This lady was already in a relationship with someone else but he is still forcing himself. Unless he wants to get hurt or miserable. Best thing is to not kill himself over it and try to move on. If it"s meant for him, it will be. If not, then it"s not.

idnoble135: Move on! She cannot be the only fish in the sea. Move on!

not so^^

we are made to persist, that's how we find out who we really are..




Nothing good comes easy..

Royal^^Pearl^^:
It"s not easy but if you want to marry someone who does not love you back nor want to marry you, must you force it? This lady was already in a relationship with someone else but he is still forcing himself. Unless he wants to get hurt or miserable. Best thing is to not kill himself over it and try to move on. If it"s meant for him, it will be. If not, then it"s not.

In my experience, nothing worthwhile has ever really been all that easy. But it certainly has been worthwhile regardless how difficult it seemed..



I advice the op to apply patience..

sweet-tease:
This is the problem of not making your intentions known and playing the friend, that's if there is really a guy and she didn't make up the story to create an easy way out wen d guy of her dreams finally shows up.



But if she does hav a boyfriend in sch.....
She is gone! I know its easier said dan done but you have to forget her. You are in a risky position, one dat is more likely to get your heart broken or/and make you her mugu(no offense). Sorry to tell you dis but there is over a 90% chance dat she won't love you later if she doesn't love you now. If you are sticking around to see if d other guy will mess up, chances are dat he will but another will come and she will make it seem lik its d same guy. Tell her you don't want to be second best even though you love her and dats why you have to let her go, if she wants you to stay, let her make you stay by her actions not words and be really careful but it will still be a difficult relationshp since she is a year 1 undergrad with no campus life experience, having a bf in sch in 1st semester year 1 means she already planned it.

My advice is to let her be even if she wants you to stay or not unless but d decision is yours to make.

hehehehe

the other guy is jst a mere school boyfrnd and 80% of such relationship end at the school gate.

proficienthand: I want To Marry Her But She Is In Love With Someone Else


My worry however is I am confused if it wise for me to be patient with her and wait while she continues in the relationship with the school boy. I am of age for marriage but it is not as if I am desperate to marry. She really aligns well with my future plans in all ramifications. She is the only girl in my life and she is a good person. I can afford to be patient and wait for her, [size=25]but is it wise? especially knowing she is entangled like any other present day school girl with this school boy.[/size]

I tried convincing her to quit the relationship and it caused a lot of tension between us. She said it wont be easy for her as the boy hasn't done her any evil. She speaks in his favor and rises to his defense a lot. She accused me of being selfish. After all, the boy was already in the picture when I came even though I was the first to meet her but did not ask her first. I resolved not to pressure her anymore and allow nature to sort out these issues as time progresses. Is this a wise and healthy decision? Only serious and experienced peoples advise is needed. your reactions please!

Not fair at all! Entangled? School boy?


First of all, that girl is dating you out of PITY! Nature is not going to sort out anything. Go and look for your own.

Why did you pressure her into accepting your request when she already told you she has someone else.

That girl would NEVER LOVE YOU.

The earlier you quit waiting the better for you. If not you're just going to hurt yourself.

____

woky: hehehehe

the other guy is jst a mere school boyfrnd and 80% of such relationship end at the school gate.

Good thing you said 80% and not 100%

Snoggy: Not fair at all! Entangled? School boy?


First of all, that girl is dating you out of PITY! Nature is not going to sort out anything. Go and look for your own.

Why did you pressure her into accepting your request when she already told you she has someone else.

That girl would NEVER LOVE YOU.

The earlier you quit waiting the better for you. If not you're just going to hurt yourself.

the gals is jst 18.. Dat sch boy own na wash.. If the op can wait, the gal wil be his..

Snoggy: Good thing you said 80% and not 100%

80% is sure odd to stake

@ woky it seems like you are the op? Anyways if you really believe she is for you and you won"t be disappointed in the end then great

woky: the gals is jst 18.. Dat sch boy own na wash.. If the op can wait, the gal wil be his..

You're wrong! If the OP waits, he'd grow old waiting.

A living witness is here.

woky: hehehehe

the other guy is jst a mere school boyfrnd and 80% of such relationship end at the school gate.

And how does d one founded on pity end? btw i never disputed the possibilty of the relationship ending sooner or later if you read my post.

woky: the gals is jst 18.. Dat sch boy own na wash.. If the op can wait, the gal wil be his..

you think she will desire to be with only the op if it fails and d op should accept a rebound offer from a gal dat doesn't love him uh?

woky: hehehehe

the other guy is jst a mere school boyfrnd and 80% of such relationship end at the school gate.

i put it 2 u even if d rlshp shld end at d sch gate dis lady wuld nt stil marry d op. Waitn 4 sum1 who does nt love u is like waitin 4 a ship at d train station d op wuld just b r play thng.r 2rnd choice and nuthin more funny enough she do nt even show any signs of affection 4 him nd i bet u she wuld chose anda guy over d op.nw bck 2 d op if u kant win a ladie's hrt pls dnt evr think abt gettin married 2 r.d power of a lady lies in r hrt.insht d hrt of a lady determines d kind of love nd home she wuld mk.pls let dis lady b nd move on she dnt love u nd she is nt even ready 2 b comitted wit u.she accepeted u nt because she loves u bt because she dnt want u 2 continue stalkin r.4get al those people tellin u 2 wait patiently all dis while u hv waited wat hv u achieved?my man pls reason d patient dog no dey eat d bigest meat again o bt d wise 1

woky: 80% is sure odd to stake

You're trying to lead the OP astray. Too bad!

Royal^^Pearl^^:
@ woky it seems like you are the op? Anyways if you really believe she is for you and you won"t be disappointed in the end then great

am not the op.. Am Woky

Accept my sympathy

Move on.

How can you encourage a girl you intend to marry to double date?
She is young and alittle confused but you are really turning her to something else clouding her judgement by being all over her.Imagine even giving you green light to go see her parents though asked you to wait.
Hope you understand the seed you are sowing.
Not every wife material we saw that we got married to.
Yes we are inlove with one at a time but I think you are not being rational.You are not desperate then why not let her know you love her but can wait if she by the time she is ready can love you back and you move on.But no you must pressure her even asking her to part with him?
You are really hard to believe.
Is it that you were running away from working class and fully grown women or you think you are not up to.
Sorry but alittle pissed at how you are going about it and was she your first love?

Guy, there's nothing you can do about the situation at the moment.
It's not her fault.

Since she fits into your model 'wife', the only thing you can do is to be patient, don't force or pressure her anymore, just remain friends.
Don't make her your priority either but remain close to her. Keep the communication open.
Let her enjoy her university life, I bet you, she'll break up with that dude someday, in a year or two.

You'll notice when she starts showing more interest in you.
If she ever tells you she has problem with the guy or they've broken up, don't wait, take advantage of the situation.

The truth is that, as she matures, she'll start thinking more about marriage and start weighing her options, which of course you are one.
If she feels she can't wait for the guy, she'll turn to you.

Be patient, at the same time, keep your eyes open for a substitute, she can't be the only girl for you.

Good luck!

Which kind mentality be this?

"I am working and comfortable thereby, the girl should fall for me and not her brokeazz school boyfriend".

You are Joker. Didn't you experience such in your school days where some girls would rather die for her school bf than date a supposedly rich dude in town?

No problem if you can wait for her, but I will advise you to move on.

Sometimes, when we meet certain people at some points in our lives, we get so afraid of loosing them to the extent of loosing our sense of judgment....only for us to realize later how our fear for nothing had made a mess of our lives.

Allow her enjoy her uni days.

Let her go....... 1st semester with a new boyfriend shows she doesnt mind exploring, which I believe u wont appreciate. Only very few girls wont do d "school tinz". Free her, if she's meant for u, nature will perfect it.

Like it or not, this girl did you a huge favour. She told you she is in another relationship, a lot of them would have kept mute, give you an aye and then you'll find out some other "schoolboy" is digging her.
My advice.
She doesn't love you, that's why your presence isn't strong enough to dissuade her from school paroles. Even if she loved you, she may still her school paroles (its called cheating but many 9ja girls don't view it that way) but from what you wrote, her doesn't evince any form of love to you safe platonic. Do the easy thing now bro! Move on. The pain now is better than having a wife who doesn't love you and cheats on you.
The girl may/mayn't break-up with her current boyfriend, that is not a plus for you whatsoever, she may leave him and go for another.
Bro, do the easy thing, the right thing, the best thing...#move on.
This advice is however easier given than practised.

sweet-tease:
This is the problem of not making your intentions known and playing the friend, that's if there is really a guy and she didn't make up the story to create an easy way out wen d guy of her dreams finally shows up.



But if she does hav a boyfriend in sch.....
She is gone! I know its easier said dan done but you have to forget her. You are in a risky position, one dat is more likely to get your heart broken or/and make you her mugu(no offense). Sorry to tell you dis but there is over a 90% chance dat she won't love you later if she doesn't love you now. If you are sticking around to see if d other guy will mess up, chances are dat he will but another will come and she will make it seem lik its d same guy. Tell her you don't want to be second best even though you love her and dats why you have to let her go, if she wants you to stay, let her make you stay by her actions not words and be really careful but it will still be a difficult relationshp since she is a year 1 undergrad with no campus life experience, having a bf in sch in 1st semester year 1 means she already planned it.

My advice is to let her be even if she wants you to stay or not unless but d decision is yours to make.

I have careful read all shapes of opinions on this matter. But before I take my final decision, it would be necessary to provide additional clarifications on this matter.

1. I was also a school boy and had a girlfriend in school who got married to an already established working while I was still in youth service.

2. As for the girl not loving me, it may not be entirely true. She said she can't just love me overnight and she is not the pretentious type. She makes no demands from me. Whatever I have given or done for her so far was out of my free will and volition.

3. In one of our quarrels/, she once said rather than always complain about the other school boy, it would be better to concentrate effort at winning her over. (She asked, was I thinking it would be easy for me to come in and just win her over just like that? considering the fact that she may be skeptical that I might use and dump her). But that is far from my intention.

4. I sent her a mail asking her to be open, honest and sincere if I represent her ideal husband in the future and she confirmed in the positive with strong conviction.

5. Don't forget I said in my original post that I told her I want to be introduced to her parents but she said I should wait until she gets to 3rd year in school. Will she say this if she is not interested? Am not concluding, I want your opinion on this. She already mentioned to her Mum she has this friend that works with (The name of my organisation). Her Mum knows about me but I want to meet them in person.

6. It is not as if I am fully set to even get married in the next 1 year but I think by 2015, I would have met all the pre-conditions and targets and goals I set for myself to achieve before getting married. Ironically, that time coincides with when she said I could be introduced to her parents.

7. I think I have been somewhat too hard on her. I am very possessive and have this domineering spirit. It could be that my expectations are high and not well managed. I stand to be corrected.

React to these final submissions.

here: How can you encourage a girl you intend to marry to double date?
She is young and alittle confused but you are really turning her to something else clouding her judgement by being all over her.Imagine even giving you green light to go see her parents though asked you to wait.
Hope you understand the seed you are sowing.
Not every wife material we saw that we got married to.
Yes we are inlove with one at a time but I think you are not being rational.You are not desperate then why not let her know you love her but can wait if she by the time she is ready can love you back and you move on.But no you must pressure her even asking her to part with him?
You are really hard to believe.
Is it that you were running away from working class and fully grown women or you think you are not up to.
Sorry but alittle pissed at how you are going about it and was she your first love?

She is not double dating as such because I have not slept with her. I only insisted on her accepting my request so as not to fall prey again because she really blamed me for not telling her my mind on time. I have my projections and she tallies well with them. I know fully grown working class women but approaching them mean I am ready to marry in the next 6 months to 1 year which does not suit me.