@Pamela Panda does surely have a chip on her shoulder. Joined the convo a few minutes ago and goes about abusing everyone. Whew!!!

People, women in the house, no need insulting each other, abeg! Lets learn to air our opinions without insults. Lets work on our emotions.

The issue of getting a house help or not, is personal and differ according to individual strengths and family needs. If you have one or two kids, maybe you really do not need extra help as your family size is small. If you have up to 5 children and you have to go to work too and care for the home, if you get an extra help, it would help your health and sanity to a large extent. As long as in the latter case you treat them well.

Just as we have some bosses who are very intolerant, so also we have helps no matter how good you are to them, that dark side of them will always come out if they have not mastered it. If you must get a help at all, go with the one that resonates well with you. If not, just try and do what you can do at home and leave the rest. When the kids start turning 5 and are becoming wiser, start engaging them in picking one thing and doing another.

We cannot fully eradicate the issue of helps in a country like Nigeria, until we have educated the parents who give out their children to be more responsible and some are just orphans who need to make ends meet. Whatever we choose to do, let us just be godly about it.

mummymax: I av a maid which am considering taking back,immediately I brought her I enroll her into a school and feed her the same food I give my kids but nothing I do that pleases her.there is a particular woman that sells things in front of my house so any time I send her out she always go to her to tell her things that happen in my home.so later i get to know and I ask to tell me everytin she has being telling her, i was shocked.no matter what you do to them they will always see you as a stranger.

Was she suppose to eat a different food from your kids?Ha Nigerians oh

Mrs mansson:
Was she suppose to eat a different food from your kids?Ha Nigerians oh

Lolz, she was just trying to illustrate how she treats ber maid like a family member!

This Pamela person should calm down o. You dont just go insulting people left, right center abeg. If you have a point to make, make it and leave story.

Op do u think just lik u don't trust housemaids dese days u can trust those peopl dat take care of d children @ d creche. Plz wake up $ take responsibilities though I knw it aint easy.

itsrandeeboi: This Pamela person should calm down o. You dont just go insulting people left, right center abeg. If you have a point to make, make it and leave story.

Don't mind the lunat1c . She doesn't even know she's blabbing. Maybe she was treated bad as a house help before but that does give her the right to insult OP and her husband.

Ewuro707: Chilli abeg oh. I didn't read her post initially before I first replied , Pamela you sound very judgemental, you know OP before? I no get power abeg

Her past is disturbing her. Until she confesses it will keep hunting her.

Pamela Gold: WICKED INSECURE BASTARDS WHO ARE TOO LAZY IN THE HOUSE COMING HERE TO CASTIGATE PEOPLES CHILDREN COZ THEY ARE LESS FORTUNATE, I AM VERY SURE THAT IF GOD GAVE WE HUMANS D RIGHT TO TAKE LIFE AND GIVE IT BACK, WICKED URCHINS LIKE THESE STUPID LAZY WOMEN WONT LET SOME PEOPLE'S CHILDREN LIVE!

Operation NO to househelps. Most nigerian women are wicked to househelps.

Good points the OP raised. The only issue that is a little mind boggling is the idea of the child being in the daycare till 7pm. Sorry to derail from the subject but the OP could get a nanny that does not live-in who is probably a middle aged woman or an elderly woman. The key to it is taking care of these nannies properly and they would do a great job, we have so many middle aged woman around now who will do the job well. I have a colleague who pays her nanny's child school fees, maintains the child properly in a boarding school so tell me why the nanny will not take care of her baby since she knows once she misbehaves and she is booted out, her child will also suffer. My baby is in daycare till 1pm and the nanny picks her up, the daycare runs till 7pm but i can't imagine leaving her there till then and she watches other kids being picked up leaving her there all alone. I still pay the nanny her full salary as if she works full-time and we have a gentlemanly agreement, she also cleans the house. I cook all my food weekends, so sometimes if i am running late, i give her a call to boil rice or make amala so all i have to do is defrost the stews when i get home and put my legs up . As my husband normally says we work hard all day, when will we have time to enjoy if we still have to combine housework and cleaning with it. BTW the nanny works only weekdays so i still have to clean the house and go to the market weekends.

Hello Everyone, most especially Pamela Gold, abeg relax, no need for insults.

This tread is not to debate on having househelps or not. It is a tread to share tips on how to simplify your life's if you decide not to have a househelp.

@ All those insinuating I am a bad woman cos I have had 3 househelps in a year. Thts ur opinion. I can't defend myself. The funny thing is that everyone tells me even a Pastor that I spoil my househelps too much! As such they think they have arrived and act badly. (My help sits on the dinning with us at meals times, join us for family outings even to d cinemas and dinners, family holiday, they go to driving school sef! Cos it's a policy for us incase of emergency). I guess my 1st help became a thief after she joined us to Dubai for a family holiday. So, I take it also that it is my fault my first house help is a thief (Funny is that she never stole from me, she kept stealing from this particular neighbour (and eventually stole weaveon from a salon. She got lynched that day and she was stripped naked and beaten publicly.

I guess it is also my fault that the 3rd househelp got pregnant for our gate man. I should keep a househelp tht blatantly refuses to shut her door while dressing up. Infact it was even my hubby tht gave an ultimately tht she must go (The 3rd) cos I was still willing to keep her even though she was pregnant.

Will u keep a house help (The 2nd) that sleeps so deeply and does not hear when ur child is crying? Or a help that just deeps ur child in a bucket of water and calls it a bath? Or a help tht simply refuses to join family night prayer or go to church.


I pay a lot for my sons day care (Abt 55k a month). The owner (Pastor's wife) of the creche lives in the same compound. (They own the building and it is a redeem creche), so I am very comfortable leaving him there till 7pm. He doesn't even like coming home. lolz.

Maybe I am sourcing my helps from the wrong agency and tribe! I can't mention the tribe so as not to start a tribal war.

I have a colleague that has a nanny, a housemaid and a driver (She has only a daughter) and yet she complains of stress. lolz.

The key is time management, and I have learnt to manage my time. It may even interest you to know that I have time to exercise at least 45 mins , 4 times a week.

Nice thread you've got here @ op. It's a lot easier when you are yet to have a kid or probably one. I didn't need a help when i had a child but pheww , when they became more than one, i clamoured for help.
I employed a middle-aged woman. She helps in cleaning the house and looks after the kids when they are back from school. Yes, she lives in our bq so that we both can still enjoy our privacy.She has her off-time after every two weekends. She is matured and agreed to all these conditions.
Being married should not mean my life has stopped.I still enjoy going out with hubby alone even at nights.
When it comes to house chores, my hubby is as lazy as.... so why will i prove to be a super- human being juggling between work, running a home and my personal stuff ( religious activities). I tried it and the end result was exhaustion and stress.
So what ever rocks your boat, treat people nicely and you will enjoy their nice side.

Mrs mansson:
Was she suppose to eat a different food from your kids?Ha Nigerians oh

I mean that I treat her the same way I treat my kids.pls always read n understand a person's view before u comment.

Nice thread @ OP,women in the house no need for all the e-fights & e-insults. We can choose whatever works for us.

I v a 10 months old,I work and no house-help too. I"m copping well.

However, if u v a hubby that helps you with some chores, it is all good,but if he doesn't help with chores accept him the way he is! No need to complain and nag! may God help us all.

Everyone should do what suits them. If you need house help fine and good, if you don't want all well and good. Must you force your opinion down someone's throat. @pamela, your attitude was just uncalled for.

Na wa o. After reading some the post on this tread, all I can say is thank God for America. America is not the best country in the world, but it sure is better than a lot of places. If Nigeria was the only country in the world, some people’s children would never become anything more than housegirls.

I do see the point Pamela was trying to get across; although, she polluted it with her poor choice of words.

Some lady even made her house help get tested for HIV before employment. WOW! Are your children drinking her blood!? What type of example are you setting for your kids? Ask yourself what Jesus would do in such situation. I am sure you are Christian and Jesus/Holy Spirit are the moral compass of our faith. If the problem is your relative getting something from the house girl due to their potential to wander then you've got bigger problem than her HIV status.

Asking Nigerians to give up this housegirl culture is like asking some people not to breath. I do advice that if you must get help please employ someone who is of a more mature age (above 21) and pay the person a living wage (enough to pay rent on their own). This will at least help alleviate this disgusting practice of child slavery in the guise of housegirl.

@OP sorry for digressing. I just had to get this off my chest. You have raised some valid tips. I do hope your efforts pays off.

Im 26...very single but i am sure bookmarking these for the future. May God grant u all the strength u need mammie.I also pray that God would lead u to get a good nanny also...

mogbomoya: Hello House,

2014 is round the corner, and the purpose of this tread is to share easy tips on how a working mother can survive without a house help in the YEAR 2014. (This is specially for Nigerian Working Mothers/Women. Mothers abroad pls share ur survival tips as u guys are used to DIY.)

Some say house helps are necessary evils. I had my first help in January 2013 and this year alone I have had 3 househelps! (The first was a thief, the second was so lazy & rude, the third had eye for my hubby and eventually got pregnant for our gate man). I got fed up and I have lived without them since September 2013. I am happy I do not have a stranger living with me.

I have a 17 months Son, and I am currently 3 months pregnant. The following tips will help anyone who decides to join me to say no to househelps in 2014.

1. You must get ur spouse involved. This is the most important o.
2. Get a washing machine. This is a saving grace cos my toddler can wear 5 different outfits in a day!
3. Get a deep freezer. This helps me to cook in bulk and store.
4. Ensure you have a generator that can power you freezer. (You do not want ur stored food getting defrosted and going stale cos of the erratic power supply in Nigeria.
5. Shop in bulk and store. In case you don't have time to shop, there are various online grocery shops. I love Madam Sabi. www.madamsabi.com You can also get ur office assistants/cleaners to help with ur shopping. For me, hubby does the toiletries and necessary provisions shopping (He buys from any supermarket, pack & shop/Shoprite/ebe ano), while I do the vegetables and meat.
6. Plan ur meals at the beginning of each week. I have a timetable.
7. If you have a toddler, get a Creche that closes 7pm around ur home, so that in case you are stuck in traffic, ur mind is at ease knowing fully well that ur kid is in safe hands. My baby's creche closes by 7pm, and in case my hubby/myself can't make it before 7pm. They take him home and I pick him from there. They also bath and fed my baby dinner and dress him in his night wear, so I just pick and put him to sleep in his play pen, while I make dinner. I take to bed when he eventually falls asleep in his playpen.
8. If you have older kids, get an after school facility, most creches offer this service. They bath, feed ur kids and help out with their assignment. They even help make ur female kids hair.
9. While doing house chores/cooking, my hubby baby sits our son.
10. Have a night schedule / specific bed time for ur children. My son sleeps by 7.30/8pm. so I have 2 hours to fix a quick dinner, have my bath, have dinner with hubby and watch TV.
11. Go for first service on Sundays. i.e if u are a xtian. I attend 7.30am service. Am back home before 10am, and have time to do loads of stuffs.
12. I use my Sundays to plan out all our cloths and shoes for the week. (Myself & son)
13. Get at least one good wig. For those sundays you are unable or too tired to make it to the salon.
14. Get ur hubby to help paint ur toe nails and do ur pedicure. Not only does it save u time, but also a bonding time for you both.
15. My hubby helps with the ironing and washing the toilets & bath.
16. Do not stack up ur dirty plates & pot. Try as much as possible to wash as u cook.
17. Get nice cartoons and sing along for ur kids. This keeps my son busy in his play pen / high seat while am busy with cooking/house chores. (In case hubby isn't around to baby sit.)
18. You do not have to attend / honor all weekend party invitations! I bet most don't even notice u are absent.
19. Hubby baths our son every morning. While I pack our breakfast/lunch boxes.
20. If u have an uncooperative hubby, pray to God and talk to ur hubby.

House, abeg add more tips.

I made FRONT PAGE!!!!

D housegal issue has been ova flogd abeg. Mke una rest. It wld av been gd if d thread had focused on hw 2 help pple cope witout house helps, bt has usual d issue of hw 2 treat or nt 2 treat dem is d main issue of discussion. We already av so many thread on dat, so mke we rest 4 d mata.

Though i have a help living with me for the past three months, i can only say that these tips are sure going to help reduce workload for my daughter(cos thats how i see her) and i.
Initially i didn't want a househelp because i did see myself as a neat-freak who could not stand anyone that couldn't housekeep like i do. But when i had my second baby and then fast-forward to six months; mehnn! my life became a living hell coupled with the fact that my hubby wouldn't assist me in house chores except in bathing our older baby. Running my Masters' programme, working and taking care of three boys including housekeeping made me lose my cool... i just had to get a help.
To cut the long story short; i am happy getting a help,we run a kind of team work(my househelp and i), i only assign housechores deem for her age like doing the dishes, sweeping and scrubbing some parts of the house
and washing her own clothes; i do the rest of the work.
But i still get tired doing these; thanx Op and other posters for the tips.

Afters: For those that have child-househelp like me(mine is about 13 years old). Treat her the way you treat your loved one, tolerate her while correcting her lovingly(afterall she has had a different training prior to coming into your home, and would need your patience for her to be able to fit into a new environment).
Give her a good education(academically and others), bring her very close to God and always live by example(you can't give what you don't have).

Celyt: Though i have a help living with me for the past three months, i can only say that these tips are sure going to help reduce workload for my daughter(cos thats how i see her) and i.
Initially i didn't want a househelp because i did see myself as a neat-freak who could not stand anyone that couldn't housekeep like i do. But when i had my second baby and then fast-forward to six months; mehnn! my life became a living hell coupled with the fact that my hubby wouldn't assist me in house chores except in bathing our older baby. Running my Masters' programme, working and taking care of three boys including housekeeping made me lose my cool... i just had to get a help.
To cut the long story short; i am happy getting a help,we run a kind of team work(my househelp and i), i only assign housechores deem for her age like doing the dishes, sweeping and scrubbing some parts of the house
and washing her own clothes; i do the rest of the work.
But i still get tired doing these; thanx Op and other posters for the tips.

... Just three months.. right?... Chill till after a year or two. ok!

Ewuro707: Who died and made 'who' the queen?

If you sense that someone has an unresolved issue, the best thing is to ignore. To give audience is to encourage them to continue the lunacy.

Interesting points of view from everyone here (except Pamela, babes, you need to chillax). For me, its whatever rocks your boat. I've been coping quite well without a help but a supportive husband goes a long long way. There are times I'm fagged that I imagine how having a help will make my life easier. Then the pessimist part of me start to recollect the disturbing videos and articles I've seen on the net regarding ordeals with househelps and I tell myself that I'll cope. What helps me is 1) the flexibility of hubby's job. He's able to leave home late after dropping the kids off and close early to pick them up. 2) relatives stayin close by, they help us pick them up from school and day care and keep them till one of us gets back.
If not for these 2 factors, I don't know how I would have coped without help. I don't fancy freezing and defrosting meals so cook almost everyday. If I'm too tired to cook, I get a food pack on my way home (I don't fancy that either but wetin pesin go com do).

And for the peeps insulting the op, questioning her character, never judge a man till you've walked a few steps in his shoes.

@LaRoyal Highness; there is nothing to wait for!
CHANGE is CONSTANT and i am not afraid to face life's mood swings; HIS grace is SUFFICIENT for me. since God has given me the opportunity of having this relationship with my help, i am determined to make her a success(morally, academically..) the same way i would do for my biological children.
I can afford to pay a nanny or adult help but i dont think i need such; i have a job that lets me run my home the way i want it (but with little help) and that's the reason why i went for a child-help that will grow along with my biological children as i dont intend bringing up lazy kids.
I wouldn't have bothered getting a help if i had an assisting hubby ( i just had to do the needful).

at op,

Have a look at this link


http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/stolen-innocence-and-a-mother-s-cry-for-justice/165801/#.Up4ZXEn5bWo.facebook



http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/stolen-innocence-and-a-mother-s-cry-for-justice/165801/#.Up4ZXEn5bWo.facebook


never trust even neigbours, even if pastors.

blayz0923: I just couldn't continue watching this after 30secs.......

I will kill that househelp that day!!! Ahn ahn, very brutal and wicked

Irokoroots: Na wa o. After reading some the post on this tread, all I can say is thank God for America. America is not the best country in the world, but it sure is better than a lot of places. If Nigeria was the only country in the world, some people’s children would never become anything more than housegirls.

I do see the point Pamela was trying to get across; although, she polluted it with her poor choice of words.

Some lady even made her house help get tested for HIV before employment. WOW! Are your children drinking her blood!? What type of example are you setting for your kids? Ask yourself what Jesus would do in such situation. I am sure you are Christian and Jesus/Holy Spirit are the moral compass of our faith. If the problem is your relative getting something from the house girl due to their potential to wander then you've got bigger problem than her HIV status.

Asking Nigerians to give up this housegirl culture is like asking some people not to breath. I do advice that if you must get help please employ someone who is of a more mature age (above 21) and pay the person a living wage (enough to pay rent on their own). This will at least help alleviate this disgusting practice of child slavery in the guise of housegirl.

@OP sorry for digressing. I just had to get this off my chest. You have raised some valid tips. I do hope your efforts pays off.

Whats the problem with a potential employer running HIV, Hep B tests and the likes on a potential housemaid. Its very essential, they are not witches that drink blood, rather what if the house help is cooking and accidentally cuts herself with the knife, do u know what risk you and your family is opening urself up to You think HIV is only contracted by B*anging?

mogbomoya: Hello Everyone, most especially Pamela Gold, abeg relax, no need for insults.

This tread is not to debate on having househelps or not. It is a tread to share tips on how to simplify your life's if you decide not to have a househelp.

@ All those insinuating I am a bad woman cos I have had 3 househelps in a year. Thts ur opinion. I can't defend myself. The funny thing is that everyone tells me even a Pastor that I spoil my househelps too much! As such they think they have arrived and act badly. (My help sits on the dinning with us at meals times, join us for family outings even to d cinemas and dinners, family holiday, they go to driving school sef! Cos it's a policy for us incase of emergency). I guess my 1st help became a thief after she joined us to Dubai for a family holiday. So, I take it also that it is my fault my first house help is a thief (Funny is that she never stole from me, she kept stealing from this particular neighbour (and eventually stole weaveon from a salon. She got lynched that day and she was stripped naked and beaten publicly.

I guess it is also my fault that the 3rd househelp got pregnant for our gate man. I should keep a househelp tht blatantly refuses to shut her door while dressing up. Infact it was even my hubby tht gave an ultimately tht she must go (The 3rd) cos I was still willing to keep her even though she was pregnant.

Will u keep a house help (The 2nd) that sleeps so deeply and does not hear when ur child is crying? Or a help that just deeps ur child in a bucket of water and calls it a bath? Or a help tht simply refuses to join family night prayer or go to church.


I pay a lot for my sons day care (Abt 55k a month). The owner (Pastor's wife) of the creche lives in the same compound. (They own the building and it is a redeem creche), so I am very comfortable leaving him there till 7pm. He doesn't even like coming home. lolz.

Maybe I am sourcing my helps from the wrong agency and tribe! I can't mention the tribe so as not to start a tribal war.

I have a colleague that has a nanny, a housemaid and a driver (She has only a daughter) and yet she complains of stress. lolz.

The key is time management, and I have learnt to manage my time. It may even interest you to know that I have time to exercise at least 45 mins , 4 times a week.

You are not wrong jare ... We've been in ur shoes before. We had like 3 househelps in abt 6months. You can just come home and next thing, they've ran away. or wanting to go to their village every month to go see their parents. Its always one story or the other. Looks like when they say u are a househelp, the same kinda spirit just possess them. And I can confidently say, none of them was maltreated or given any workload. They cook the food, dish their own food. They get to be shopped for and dashed nice clothing's including U*wears. What else can someone do for them . Infact we all do the house chores together. I tire oo

Irokoroots:
Some lady even made her house help get tested for HIV before employment. WOW! Are your children drinking her blood!? What type of example are you setting for your kids? Ask yourself what Jesus would do in such situation. I am sure you are Christian and Jesus/Holy Spirit are the moral compass of our faith. If the problem is your relative getting something from the house girl due to their potential to wander then you've got bigger problem than her HIV status.

Asking Nigerians to give up this housegirl culture is like asking some people not to breath. I do advice that if you must get help please employ someone who is of a more mature age (above 21) and pay the person a living wage (enough to pay rent on their own). This will at least help alleviate this disgusting practice of child slavery in the guise of housegirl.

Are you saying it is an act of wickedness to get helps tested? I think it is proper to know the status of a STRANGER coming to live in your house newly. Yes, stranger at the initial stage because she is new. I once heard the story of a house help who confessed that she deliberately infected her madam's children with the virus. According to the story, each time her madam offends her, she will use her tooth brush to brush her teeth then brush the kids' teeth with it when she is alone with them.

You never can tell how and when you will do something that will hurt them, even if you are mother T. Why expose innocent children to danger? It is better to be safe than sorry! As for me, I always run specific medical tests before we start living together. Besides, she may have a condition that he/she needs medication for