I met this guy at my work place, chatted and promised to call each other. We talk & agreed to give each other a try.

What i didn't like about the whole set-up is, going to his house. I felt dating is all about getting to know each other well by going out to places where both of you can discuss and get to know more about each without emotions or any other thing distracting you. But then he insist on being a very principled person and that if he wants to date a girl on a long term basis, he is got to know the true person and not the fictional character we present when dating and that it will give me an opportunity to know the really person when with him at home.

I accepted his term hoping that nothing funny will happen, if he is principled as he said. But damn i am not comfortable with this whole set-up.

He is a Graduate but i am not. Just got a admission. But i am very intelligent, warm and friendly which attracts alot of friends and suitors to me. But a girl got to make her choice.He is intelligent, witty and ambitious. 

My problem is he don't like to pick my calls during day time. He is always having a meeting or something. so, i have to call him late in the evenings. Now he don't even pick my calls in the evening again (lol) He rarely calls. Once or twice in a week to the glory of God. And when i complain i am told to call instead. And if i call the next thing will be i will call u later i am in a meeting. I dare not complain again so i'm not a accused of nagging.

I think something is fishy  first, with the idea of going over to his place, then not picking his calls or making efforts to call regularly.

I am not an expert in this dating thing. I don't know if i should call it quit  or am i expecting too much?

Please ur honest advice/comment is highly appreciated.

@poster he's a graduate and you're not? girl you better look for your mates, as things are you're not his mate. if you really want him go to his creeb and hook him down with your privates. choose wisely my dear.

@segzi cres

Thanks for that.

But for the records i am not a mummy's child. I am in my early twenties, i work and i am into part-time studies. I refused to date till now b/cos i was working really hard in order to get money to afford quality education for myself since my folks were not interested.

It's not like i am being despirate or going after guys with higher class. I ve got a class also. And i don't think he would have asked me out in the first place if i don't ve a a class of my own. I just don't get his vibes and i don't want to do something that i will regret later. That's why i am asking for your advice(s).

you better stick to your education pursuits and don't let anything lyk this distract you.

@ poster,
its a bit hard to say if somthing is fishy yet,based on what you have written;though it is not impossible.
since he told you to come to his house,then it should indicate that he has nothing to hide,otherwise he wont give you the freedom to come to his house.
if he asked you not to come to his house,then i would say something is very fishy.
it is possible he could be very busy during the daytime,and you always get him at the wrong period when he is with colleagues.
as regards the not calling back,and his not picking your calls in the evening is where i smell something.
perhaps he is begining to take you for granted??
perhaps you call too often and he is begining to feel suffocated??
perhaps he just wanted to sleep with you and he has done that and wants out??
its a bit hard to tell.
maybe you should meet him face to face and express your concerns.;and hear what he has to say
a bit of open communication between the two of you can do wonders.
but let your studies be number one.as you said,there are other suitors out there.

if he said it was ok to come to his house, then he probably has nothing to hide.
but if he refuses to take your calls and calls youonce in a while, my advice is to let him be.
if he's really interested, i'm sure he'll let you know somehow.

in summary, don't worry about it. not worth the trouble.

Don't worry urself girl, stop calling him. If he really wants u, he knows where to find u.

U've done nothing wrong, except there's more to the story & i can't pick on him either cos there's no strong allegations against him . . . so for now, skip his number on ur phone when dialing ur friends.

jkpretty:

. . . so for now, skip his number on your phone when dialing your friends.

simple!!

jkpretty:

Don't worry yourself girl, stop calling him. If he really wants u, he knows where to find u.

You've done nothing wrong, except there's more to the story & i can't pick on him either because there's no strong allegations against him . . . so for now, skip his number on your phone when dialing your friends.

lol

Thanks everyone for the replies. I truly appreciate from the depth of my heart. After working so hard to get somewhere in life, and have decided to give dating a try, now it sounds like a huge mistake or pain.

I will take ur precious advice and skipp his #. I hope it goes well. Thanks all. AYou are darlings.

More comments please. Where is our granny old iice and the rest. Please i need ur comments.

delete his number, lol//joking, hmmm u need to be carefulill advic u to study hard for nwo forget about him,hes going to come back if he really loves u, i am sure of that,

@ Topic
Go girlie!!!!
Dont look back! Dont even consider go visiting a guy u just met because u neva can tell,and come to think of his recent attitude towards u, re u sure he didn't ve the intention of going down wit u(if u know wat i mean,  ,if u 'd come visitin him? If u can't talk things over with him on a neutral ground, then dont even dare go to his house,some of these so-called principled guys can be wolves in sheep's clothings.

Please my dear sis,my advise to u is to face your education, be focused and i know dat in the mean time a good guy would be all over you, soon,there re a whole lots of them out there.
Be Wise!!

One thing i'm not clear on is . . . . you said he asked you to come over . . , . . .did you go?? . .if you DID . . .did anything happen??

Pls ooh

I think you know whut u should do.

you best face whatever you have been facing, if he wants to call

let him call, if he dosnt, all well n good, go ya way

@ poster
Sometimes men don't worth the stress we go through with,wish i knew much about them as a growing child,
There was so much age different between me and my folks, so got no counselling whatsoever about men,and can not read through their intruges
But thank God u came asking because on ur own u can't handle it.

I will say focus on your studies, when that is achieved, men will be at ur beck and call
If he ain't calling and not picking your calls, it obviously shows he is not interested
Ur self worth is more important than anything
Delete his number,move on, if he cares, someday he will come around, thats if u are still there when he comes.

segzi cres:

@poster he's a graduate and you're not? girl you better look for your mates, as things are you're not his mate. if you really want him go to his creeb and hook him down with your privates. choose wisely my dear.

poster please kindly ignore this advise


there r so many men out there graduates dating non graduates and there r so many married to such,its all about meeting d right person

if u ask me ,i will tell u that he has someone else,a much bigger lady i guess,but its not all about status its all about maturity,the way u present yourself to him at first will determine how he takes u in future,but if u make him know that his status r higher than urs then hes going to treat u like shit

i'd advise u to stay away from him for sometime,don't call him for weeks,infact u should stop calling ,if he calls answer d call but never call him atleast for 3 good months

dont make it look as if hes doing u a favour by dating u

Nautillus:

One thing i'm not clear on is . . . . you said he asked you to come over . . , . . .did you go?? . .if you DID . . .did anything happen??

Weti concern you sef? more so thats not the issue here.

My dear, onesided love no di last o. From ur story i think ur showing more of the concern stuff. If u want to fool urself he is very busy, reason why he wouldn't pick your calls, ok, but bare in mind that no man is too occupied to skip calling his lover especially if he knows thats ur biggest problem with him or that it makes you happy. Well stop complaining, give him some space- maybe the gap will make him feel ur absence, realise ur importance.

hadiza30:

Weti concern you sef? more so thats not the issue here.

Madam, read her STORY well before you butt in to things you are not entirely clear on . . . .

From what I read . . . His REACTION to her CHANGED after HE invited HER to his place(didnt she stress . . .over and over that SHE didn't like the idea of seeing him in his house ? ? ?)

Then the strory runs into the He doesn't call me no more . . .He won't take my calls. . . .

It only LOGICAL i ask . . .DID she VISITED him AT ALL.? ? ?

Take your time don't just jump into conclusion that the guy is cheating on you or maybe he doesn't love you. I suggest you sit him down and talk to him and see how he'll reacts if he changes then you can on with him if he dosen't then let him be there are many guys on this earth am sure you'll definetly find that special one in your life I promise.

My dear, i can see he is too busy for you and wonder why you can't see that.He expects you to get tired and stop calling.If you will listen to me just forget about him and concentrate on your studies for now,a guy that really want you will come and he won't make you come to nairaland and complain.All the best girl.

@ poster

Since you both work in the same place, is it possible for you to confirm he is really in a meeting as he claims he is? Does the meeting at your workplace run through all the evening?

And I am afraid to say, but if you have done the deed as Natillus's logic implied, then

my dear sister,i will advise not to put your mind/depend on that relationship cos i don't think it will work out.  A man that loves you will spare time to call you, even if it is just a minute to call you in his busy world.you are not married to him, he is doing this, that means when you are married to him, he won't stay at home at all, he will always have one meeting or the other to attend.i'll advise you to take him as a casual friend, if he calls fine, if he doesn't fine.it is well.

@ Busy_bod,

I don't think they work at the same place. It's like they met at her place of work.

@Poster,

I feel the guy is not really into u. he is one of those guys that get attracted to any pretty face in skirt. Apparently he doesn't have much time for you. I can't imagine calling a guy countless times and he doesn't pick up and when he does it's to tell me to call back.

I go forget the guy fast fast. If he is ready for you, he will call eventually. For now, ignore his side.

@poster
Those things they call guys aint worth all dat, so gal face ur studies squarely,become someone significant in life and see how THEY will come contesting just to kiss ur feet.

Tgirl4real:

@ Busy_bod,

I don't think they work at the same place. It's like they met at her place of work.

oops

I thought I was real clever to have been the only one who spotted that they worked in the same place Why do you have to rain on my parade We have to do something about this your roving eye before it is too late.

_{see as sleeplessness over ya issue don dey do me one kain and make me see what is not there}

hadiza30:

My dear, onesided love no di last o. From your story i think your showing more of the concern stuff. If u want to fool yourself he is very busy, reason why he wouldn't pick your calls, ok, but bare in mind that no man is too occupied to skip calling his lover especially if he knows thats your biggest problem with him or that it makes you happy. Well stop complaining, give him some space- maybe the gap will make him feel your absence, realise your importance.

lies

hollandis:

lies

Maybe Men don't have respect for women where you come from so i will not waste my time adressing ur case. Who knows? maybe ur just another man like the one she's complaining about.

see as sleeplessness over ya issue don dey do me one kain and make me see what is not there

o se jare. Thanks. i see say ur prayer dey work well. pla continue tonight.

tishat:

My dear, i can see he is too busy for you and wonder why you can't see that.He expects you to get tired and stop calling.If you will listen to me just forget about him and concentrate on your studies for now,a guy that really want you will come and he won't make you come to nairaland and complain.All the best girl.

I believe understanding & being able to compromise matters alot. At 1st i felt really sorry for since he wakes up by 4:30 0r 5:00 everyday to catch his company's bus to work then get home as late as 9:00 to 10:00 pm (according to him). I was like jezz! if i have to be doing that everyday God knows i will be so stressed out and pissed off everyday.

Then, i reasoned if he has being doing this for quite sometime before i met him, what the heck? That dosen't stop him from calling during his break time or someother time. Or don't phones have picture text again

Well, i am getting on with my life. Though i ve being quite sick for sometime now. He still does his once in a blue moon call. He called sometime ago and was like baby i am home early to day can u come over. I am like sorry dear i am in the middle of something very important see u some other time. Pls can't u make it even one hour.    Sorriee.

onyeka_ng:

@poster
Those things they call guys aint worth all that, so girl face your studies squarely,become someone significant in life and see how THEY will come contesting just to kiss your feet.

Thank Sis for that advise. I really love this guy so much, but like someone said earlier one sided love ain't love at all. So i am keeping my head up high and facing ma studies.

He called last week again and was getting offended that i'm not responding well to his call. I was at work late b/cos i had alot of people to attend to. I would ve loved to pick his call when i have less people around. But i know he will keep ringing untill i picked his call.

I have to pick the call though i wasreally pissed off, and couldn't say something reasonable because so many people needed my attention and the phone was so loud that i didn't even have to keep it close to ear to hear what he was saying.
I intend to quit calling him for sometime or just imitate his once in a bluemoon call.