Wow. People love each other here on Nairaland.

eldee:

To expantiate on that

The Champions' League Final is like our anniversary; it reminds me of how many Champions' Leagues we've seen together

Never ask for the back page when I bring the newspaper, it's attached to the back page, use your brains

NEVER EVER arrange any dates for Saturday afternoons, it's a crime

I will not be responsible for anything I say or any action I take when Arsenal's a goal down

Everton VS Blackburn is as important as MTV Movie Awards, I have the right to watch the second half

eldee I think you need to write a book mate

debosky:

There is nothing 'formulaic' or 'propagandaish' about this

I so agree with the seat up/down thing. . . . who on earth decreed that the seat must always be down

Women are always going on about how men are supposed to understand them, well the women have to sit up and understand the men as well.

Its not a conclusive/exhaustive list, but it is very important that women note these fundamental differences and try to communicate effectively.

once again, men are NOT mind readers!

This is straight up propaganda
It all goes back to
"The Formula of Women"
When you going to start using yal's brains
None of this will actually work
This is idealism, we live in realism

eldee:

To expantiate on that

The Champions' League Final is like our anniversary; it reminds me of how many Champions' Leagues we've seen together

Never ask for the back page when I bring the newspaper, it's attached to the back page, use your brains

NEVER EVER arrange any dates for Saturday afternoons, it's a crime

I will not be responsible for anything I say or any action I take when Arsenal's a goal down

Everton VS Blackburn is as important as MTV Movie Awards, I have the right to watch the second half

The jersey for last season is different, why the hell do you think it's £20 cheaper

More rubbish in my ears. Load of garbage.

@ Poster

You got that right.

I wish we could put this on billboards, posters, flyers and commercials.

Educate these women.

You sound a bit confused onyinye - this is the biggest dose of realism I've read in a while - a man saying it as it is - he isn't asking for magic, simply explaining his actions in their beautiful simplicity.

But then, someone who believes Harlequin Romance is realism would definitely mix up idealism and reality

eldee:

To expantiate on that

The Champions' League Final is like our anniversary; it reminds me of how many Champions' Leagues we've seen together

Never ask for the back page when I bring the newspaper, it's attached to the back page, use your brains

NEVER EVER arrange any dates for Saturday afternoons, it's a crime

I will not be responsible for anything I say or any action I take when Arsenal's a goal down

Everton VS Blackburn is as important as MTV Movie Awards, I have the right to watch the second half

The jersey for last season is different, why the hell do you think it's £20 cheaper

LMAO!!

onyinye2:

This is straight up propaganda
It all goes back to
"The Formula of Women"
When you going to start using yal's brains
None of this will actually work
This is idealism, we live in realism
More rubbish in my ears. Load of garbage.

Actually, it can and does work. It isn't idealism either. Its very realistic. That's what we want women to understand. Debosky said it better. . . "he isn't asking for magic, simply explaining his actions in their beautiful simplicity."

I don't see anything wrong or unreal about this.

debosky: eldee I think you need to write a book mate  

I think I need to draft it as a contract
Sumn all men have an chics have to sign after three dates

onyinye: More rubbish in my ears. Load of garbage.

You're not being forced to sign, are you?
It's not like you ever go out with guys that know any footballer apart from Beckham

debosky:

You sound a bit confused onyinye - this is the biggest dose of realism I've read in a while - a man saying it as it is - he isn't asking for magic, simply explaining his actions in their beautiful simplicity.  

But then, someone who believes Harlequin Romance is realism would definitely mix up idealism and reality  

Blah Blah Blah
Im not even going to stress
Because most of what is listed is trash
Majority of those things
Just go unnoticed
If they did a vice versa
Watch WWIII start.

ChinenyeN:

Actually, it can and does work. It isn't idealism either. Its very realistic. That's what we want women to understand. Debosky said it better. . . "he isn't asking for magic, simply explaining his actions in their beautiful simplicity."

I don't see anything wrong or unreal about this.

yada yada yada.
Understand what?
That most what was listed is
a) being done already but you are too into yourself to notice
b) that it makes guys sound a wee bit selfish

I am about to go and search for a lady version of this list.

Thank you Sean T.

onyinye2:

Whatever. . . Mufasa.

Mufasa was a LION KING!!
I like that, Miss Pumba.

SeanT21:

Its common sense.

Common sense to pick out a decent woman from the spiteful lots??
Is it written on their foreheads??
Even if it is, they would cover it up with their make-ups.

i dont care wat ladies feel jare
this was funny as hell
not that i agree with it
but it just proves all i once knew
GUYS ARE SHALLOW!

Hannibal:

Mufasa was a LION KING!!
I like that, Miss Pumba.

Remember Mufasa died.

bluespice:

i don't care what ladies feel jare
this was funny as hell
not that i agree with it
but it just proves all i once knew
GUYS ARE SHALLOW!

I would imagine it would appear so to the uninitiated, what you mistake for shallowness is unalloyed simplicity.

We don't need to put on airs and graces and have to call a UN meeting to decide what shoes to buy, If that makes me shallow, well get me out of the deep end now.

@ onyinye

No need to get worked up, be SIMPLE - is that too much to ask women?

bluespice:

i don't care what ladies feel jare
this was funny as hell
not that i agree with it
but it just proves all i once knew
GUYS ARE SHALLOW!

Do u have to generalize

onyinye2:

Remember Mufasa died.

Everyone has to die at a point.
U wanna live forever, Miss Onyinye Methuselah aka Pumba??

Hehe. First thing's first. I'd like to read the female verson of this. Second, Onyinye, please, go ahead and point out which parts of this are unreal.

debosky:

I would imagine it would appear so to the uninitiated, what you mistake for shallowness is[b] unalloyed simplicity[/b].

We don't need to put on airs and graces and have to call a UN meeting to decide what shoes to buy, If that makes me shallow, well get me out of the deep end now.

Agreed.

bluespice:

i don't care what ladies feel jare
this was funny as hell
not that i agree with it
but it just proves all i once knew
GUYS ARE SHALLOW!

Why would we want to be deep when we can just be simple; when we can just simply be?

Okay, I don’t care if I’m a traitor to women but I thought it was tooo freaking funny. 

Jeebus!  Ladies, loosen up and give men their props. Can you imagine how hard it must be. . . to continuously fight a losing battle? 

Please let 'em make themselves happy any which way they can and you just watch indulgently. . . you know the way you would a slow child trying to impress you with his ADZs

debosky:

@ onyinye

No need to get worked up, be SIMPLE - is that too much to ask women?

Be considerate- is that too much to ask for?

Hannibal:

Everyone has to die at a point.
You want to live forever, Miss Onyinye Methuselah aka Pumba??

You see the death Mufasa  had, wouldn't want to repeat that now would we?

onyinye2:

Be considerate- is that too much to ask for?

Considerate me ass??
Why are u trying to fight momentum??
That article is as REAL as they come. . . For instance, Ma football club comes first before any woman.

You see the death Mufasa  had, wouldn't want to repeat that now would we?

The way a man dies is not relevant. . . . .
As long as i die for a good cause. . . .The way i die is insignificant.

men try to be considerate, but many women over complicate things

let me give an example

man is watching his club play and is so focused on it that he isn't listening to you, she goes and thinks 'he only loves football, he doesn't love me'

when she could just wait and talk to him afterwards. These 'rules' will enlighten such a woman to save herself all that heartache and SIMPLY (ooh that word again ) ask him later when he is done.

But no, for many women its comfort ME, love ME, cherish ME, read ME mind.

debosky:

men try to be considerate, but many women over complicate things

let me give an example

man is watching his club play and is so focused on it that he isn't listening to you, she goes and thinks 'he only loves football, he doesn't love me'

when she could just wait and talk to him afterwards. These 'rules' will enlighten such a woman to save herself all that heartache and SIMPLY (ooh that word again ) ask him later when he is done.

But no, for many women its comfort ME, love ME, cherish ME, read ME mind.

They are twisted attention seekers. . . . . .They don't want any other thing to be between u and her.
A woman once accused me of cheating on her with MAN UNITED.
I laughed for hours. . . . . .I mean, i have heard many asinine statements in me life. . . .That had to be the 1st.
They simply forget the hours they spend watching back to back series of "Friends" or "Lost".
Buncha self-loathing twits.

onyinye2:

Be considerate- is that too much to ask for?

Who says we (generally speaking) aren't being considerate? I surely cannot attest for every man, but I'm sure that most men are smart enough to be considerate; level of considerateness varying depending on the situation.

Sisikill:

Okay, I don’t care if I’m a traitor to women but I thought it was tooo freaking funny.

Jeebus! Ladies, loosen up and give men their props. Can you imagine how hard it must be. . . to continuously fight a losing battle?

Please let 'em make themselves happy any which way they can and you just watch indulgently. . . you know the way you would a slow child trying to impress you with his ADZs

Abi o.

Hannibal:

They are twisted attention seekers. . . . . .They don't want any other thing to be between u and her.
A woman once accused me of cheating on her with MAN UNITED.
I laughed for hours. . . . . .I mean, i have heard many asinine statements in me life. . . .That had to be the 1st.
They simply forget the hours they spend watching back to back series of "Friends" or "Lost".
Buncha self-loathing twits.

Just imagine one chic telling me to come to her friend's farewell dinner on Grandslam Sunday??
With all the newspaper coverage and TV ads Sky Sports rolled out, she din't still understand how important it was to World Peace

Women will never be satisfied till the day we look into the bathroom mirror and scream 'Idiot, she is your master, serve her wiv your last breath'

eldee:

Women will never be satisfied till the day we look into the bathroom mirror and scream 'Idiot, she is your master, serve her with your last breath'

eldee:

Just imagine one chic telling me to come to her friend's farewell dinner on Grandslam Sunday??
With all the newspaper coverage and TV ads Sky Sports rolled out, she din't still understand how important it was to World Peace

Farewell what?? Not on a bloody grandslam sunday.
If i could refuse to pick up a girl at the train station @ 4pm on sunday. . . . . Heaven knows i won't be attending any event at such Godly hours.
They forget football never leaves us when they throw their own weekly temper tantrums.

My Boss told me the best way to get em interested is buying em a football shirt. . . .
I tried it and it didn't work out. . . . .Women?? Smother em b4 u take a rattlesnake's life.

toilet seat being up is gross

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

But you can read our minds
when we want sex. . .

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

What are you two?
Can't you be considerate and put it down
When you are done?
It takes like a mere 2 seconds?

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

Of course I'll let it be.
As long as you let it be,
When i watch my Lifetime and chick flicks,
Shut the hell up.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Doing your laundry aint a sport either
And we aint going to view that way either

1. Crying is blackmail.

Whining for sex is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

Oh im sorry
I thought you were smart enough
To understand
I will leave  post it notes for now on

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

Same with you.
No more mumbling or grunts.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Come to me when you have a problem
That is what i do
Stop trailing around the house like a wild animal
Save the rest for your mother

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Back pains that require me to massage constantly
That last more that 10 months
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

Oka all the freaky thing we did before
Are inadmissible
So don't ask

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like your fantasy guys.

If you don't dress like Tyson Beckford
Don't expect us to faint in your presence.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

If you think you are getting old, you probably are
Don't expect sympathy.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

If they way i act comes off as furious or sexy
It is usually furious.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

I will tell what i want done
And you are going to do if how i want it.

1. Whenever possible during sports, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Whenever im just relaxing
And you are hungry or feenin
Serve yourself.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Television set is a television set
Wide screen, plasma screen, micro screen, macro screen
It is all the same.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

If it upsets us, we will express it.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If i ask if something is wrong
And you shrug it off,
Fine, deal with it.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

If you ask a question, and expect sympathy
Keep it to yourself.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine, Really.

Oka i will my birthday suit
To your office party.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, Basketball,soccer, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

Don't ask us what we did today
Expect to hear stories from
Our sister, mother, friends, cousins

1. You have enough clothes.

You have enough tools.

1. You have too many shoes.

You have too many jerseys.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

I'm in shape.
Called, say something wrong
Suffer the consequences.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Think of it as a permanent living area.

Hannibal:

Farewell what?? Not on a bloody grandslam sunday.
If i could refuse to pick up a girl at the train station @ 4pm on sunday. . . . . Heaven knows i won't be attending any event at such Godly hours.
They forget football never leaves us when they throw their own weekly temper tantrums.

My Boss told me the best way to get em interested is buying em a football shirt. . . .
I tried it and it didn't work out. . . . .Women?? Smother em before u take a rattlesnake's life.

Buy a football shirt? Nah . . . chics think wearing a shirt twice is a threat to national security
After the forced smiles and one day of acting as if they care about the off-side rule, c'est fini

Now no one's telling them to jump wiv us when Adebayor scores his 30th goal, just go watch Friends or sumn else, and stop calling.
Is that too much to ask?

eldee:

Buy a football shirt? Nah . . . chics think wearing a shirt twice is a threat to national security
After the forced smiles and one day of acting as if they care about the off-side rule, c'est fini

Many of em are thunkless. . . . . .
It took me 3 years to explain the old offside rule. . . .Now with the new rule with interference, i am thinking 2019 b4 she grabs it.

Now no one's telling them to jump with us when Adebayor scores his 30th goal, just go watch Friends or sumn else, and stop calling.
Is that too much to ask?

Too much for 'em cos Football season clashes with em moronic shows like Cheaters and especially all those senseless movies on Nollywood TV.