onyinye2:

Like always.

@osisi
How did you know that you were ready to be married? I mean is there a feeling that one gets or do you just feel it in your heart? How do you know that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Who I can share all with, and see him as someone i can bare all burdens with?
Imecha onu kita. You don't know what I can or can not do.

i would like to ask the same question, because a lot of men says " I love you i want to marry you" some of them you love back and some are pest you can't stand!

Hannibal:

Oooooooops, ma bad!!!

Talking about women. . . . . .Some men only want "virgins" because of the presumed innocence that surrounds the word "Virgin".
As soon as they enter the bedroom, he is not really looking forward to the bedroom activities.
Men want innocent/decent women on the outside and a tigress in the bedroom.

I don't have to go that far. . . . .The Naija babes on this island are  

men are confused human being. my conclusion you can never please them  !

_Queenisha:

Financial troubles
and sex problems are the 2 biggest causes of marital failures.
lack of communication,being distant,even some verbal and emotional abuse issues stem from the 2 above.
Men especially Igbo men (because I've around them all my life) feel worthless when they can't provide for their family.
They feel like a failure and I think it applies to other Nigerian men too.
The worst thing a woman can do is remind him of his financial status.
That's the time he needs her encouragement more than anything.
Help him look for a job
Look at ads and point them out.
He may even feel like he's not qualified for them because an inferiority complex has set in.
Men don't verbalise how they feel like we do
But when they hurt,it makes them distant.
Let him know,you are supporting him in this time.

words like
"honey, it's not always going to be this way"
"I know God has a better job for us"

He needs to know that his wife is in this with him.
and never ever ever rub it in that you're the main provider or compare him to other men
You will kill him emotionally and those who can't handle that feeling may gun you down

I would add nagging and selfishness on this list too. nothing turns me off faster than a "me-me first" woman.

davidylan:

I would add nagging and selfishness on this list too. nothing turns me off faster than a "me-me first" woman.

what about the compromise you talked about, can't you overlook somethings for the sake of love and marriage. no one is perfect, so you should expect some flaws!

Gucci_Babe:

what about the compromise you talked about, can't you overlook somethings for the sake of love and marriage. no one is perfect, so you should expect some flaws!

i can overlook anything else but a selfish woman i certainly cant.

_Queenisha:

Financial troubles
and sex problems are the 2 biggest causes of marital failures.
lack of communication,being distant,even some verbal and emotional abuse issues stem from the 2 above.
Men especially Igbo men (because I've around them all my life) feel worthless when they can't provide for their family.
They feel like a failure and I think it applies to other Nigerian men too.
The worst thing a woman can do is remind him of his financial status.
That's the time he needs her encouragement more than anything.
Help him look for a job
Look at ads and point them out.
He may even feel like he's not qualified for them because an inferiority complex has set in.
Men don't verbalise how they feel like we do
But when they hurt,it makes them distant.
Let him know,you are supporting him in this time.

words like
"honey, it's not always going to be this way"
"I know God has a better job for us"

He needs to know that his wife is in this with him.
and never ever ever rub it in that you're the main provider or compare him to other men
You will kill him emotionally and those who can't handle that feeling may gun you down

10 points answer. Merci.

Plz, what are the Dos and Don'ts of spicing up your marraige.
I just had a dispute with a NLer who thinks having sex on his mother's bed is the best way to go. Do you agree?

Gucci_Babe:

i would like to ask the same question, because a lot of men says " I love you i want to marry you" some of them you love back and some are pest you can't stand!

Ruby_Pearl:

Yay! I did not even see KarmaMod [/b]online.

I've wanted to ask you, how did you feel when you met your husband?

onyinye2:

Like always.

@osisi
[b]How did you know that you were ready to be married? I mean is there a feeling that one gets or do you just feel it in your heart? How do you know that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Who I can share all with, and see him as someone i can bare all burdens with?

I don't know for other people but for me the day I set my eyes on my husband I knew he was the one.
That's why I believe in love at first sight
I had the qualities I needed in a man and he fit them all.
and moreover I prayed to marry the right spouse
Mine was also easier because I didn't date a whole lot and had never had my heart broken by anyone so I have no man horror stories.
That's why I believe girls should marry young when there are men coming in droves asking for yourhand.
If you wait till the clock begins to tick,desperation may set in and you settle for anyone that comes along just to answer mrs.

_Queenisha:

Financial troubles
and sex problems are the 2 biggest causes of marital failures.
lack of communication,being distant,even some verbal and emotional abuse issues stem from the 2 above.
Men especially Igbo men (because I've around them all my life) feel worthless when they can't provide for their family.
They feel like a failure and  I think it applies to other Nigerian men too.
The worst thing a woman can do is remind him of his financial status.
That's the time he needs her encouragement more than anything.
Help him look for a job
Look at ads and point them out.
He may even feel like he's not qualified for them because an inferiority complex has set in.
Men don't verbalise how they feel like we do
But when they hurt,it makes them distant.
Let him know,you are supporting him in this time.

words like
"honey, it's not always going to be this way"
"I know God has a better job for us"

He needs to know that his wife is in this with him.
and never ever ever rub it in that you're the main provider or compare him to other men
You will kill him emotionally and those who can't handle that feeling may  gun you down

so if you don't tell him to find a job. the burden is on one person's head and that could cause problem, i think some days you might have to let it out, trying to talk nice Always is not going to solve the problem

davidylan:

I would add nagging and selfishness on this list too. nothing turns me off faster than a "me-me first" woman.

But wait. . . . don't men put themselves first. . . .

_Queenisha:

He needs to know that his wife is in this with him.
and never ever ever rub it in that you're the main provider or compare him to other men
You will kill him emotionally and those who can't handle that feeling may  gun you down

Damn (sighs). . . That is what I fear about marriage and men. I mean we take it for granted how strong they are, but actually they are fragile. And i aint going to lie, i would be the chic that would remind a guy that i was the breadwinner in the family in spite of a heated argument.

_Queenisha:

I don't know for other people but for me the day I set my eyes on my husband I knew he was the one.
That's why I believe in love at first sight
I had the qualities I needed in a man and he fit them all.
and moreover I prayed to marry the right spouse
Mine was also easier because I didn't date a whole lot and had never had my heart broken by anyone so I have no man horror stories.
That's why I believe girls should marry young when there are men coming in droves asking for yourhand.
If you wait till the lock begins to tick,desperation may set in and you settle for anyone that comes along just to answer mrs.

Oh mayne. . . . Then my youth clock is ticking according to your post. I don't want to marry anytime soon and i don't want kids anytime soon. I'm enjoying being Onyinye and free. Marriage is so far down the line, Moses would even shake his head at the journey.

Ruby_Pearl:

10 points answer. Merci.

Plz, what are the Dos and Don'ts of spicing up your marraige.
I[b] just had a dispute with a NLer who thinks having sex on his mother's bed is the best way to go. Do you agree? [/b]

OSANOBUA!!
a marriage is spiced up by the parties not taking each other for granted.
I still dress up good.
I'm usually the best looking wife at the parties
not because I'm the prettiest but because I take good care to look my best
WE still cuddle and smooch at corners, at the movies if it's almost an empty theatre, in his office
we are still as spontaneous as we were before the kids came
He would still come home for lunch and a "session" on my days off.
We would still do it in his home office,living room,bathroom and shower.
Try new things
That's the way to keep it spiced up and makes us look forward to it

_Queenisha:

OSANOBUA!!
a marriage is spiced up by the parties not taking each other for granted.
I still dress up good.
I'm usually the best looking wife at the parties
not because I'm the prettiest but because I take good care to look my best
WE still cuddle and smooch at corners, at the movies if it's almost an empty theatre, in his office
we are still as spontaneous as we were before the kids came
He would still come home for lunch and a "session" on my days off.
We would still do it in his home office,living room,bathroom and shower.
Try new things
That's the way to keep it spiced up and makes us look forward to it

Infact ehn . . . if you have any cousins my age abeg send them my way. 

_Queenisha:

OSANOBUA!!
a marriage is spiced up by the parties not taking each other for granted.
I still dress up good.
I'm usually the best looking wife at the parties
not because I'm the prettiest but because I take good care to look my best
WE still cuddle and smooch at corners, at the movies if it's almost an empty theatre, in his office
we are still as spontaneous as we were before the kids came
He would still come home for lunch and a "session" on my days off.
We would still do it in his home office,living room,bathroom and shower.
Try new things
That's the way to keep it spiced up and makes us look forward to it

Oh lawdy lawdy. . . . unu niile di freaks!!! Ahhhh. . . . . don't if i could do all that, i mean dang I'm just too conservative for this jive.

@oyinye

 I said that years ago , and believe me one day you would have to think about it. The most stressful part of not marrying yet, is when your parents are like,  your friend so so so, just got married,, or remember your friend from childhood . " she has a baby" . I remember when i used to hide my relationship from my parents. Now its like the Talk, so who is your fiance, blah blah blah, and when you are in a long relationship you have to think about it sometimes. i used to be so Naive, thinking " i don't know why people always think of  if this person going to settle down with that person vice versa, until now. then its like an eye opener for me. and its such a serious issue. we really need to learn.  i promise you,  its coming at your door pretty quick!

_Queenisha:

OSANOBUA!!
a marriage is spiced up by the parties not taking each other for granted.
I still dress up good.
I'm usually the best looking wife at the parties
not because I'm the prettiest but because I take good care to look my best
WE still cuddle and smooch at corners, at the movies if it's almost an empty theatre, in his office
we are still as spontaneous as we were before the kids came
He would still come home for lunch and a "session" on my days off.
We would still do it in his home office,living room,bathroom and shower.
Try new things
That's the way to keep it spiced up and makes us look forward to it

That's what am saying. . . . .What if you can't always be there for him?
What if you don't see him for a week, a month or so?
Is that not when he starts cheating? and how do you prevent that?

One of my distant aunt's husband is in Nigeria. Been like that since I came here. I don't understand that kind of marriage o.

Gucci_Babe:

so if you don't tell him to find a job. the burden is on one person's head and that could cause problem, i think some days you might have to let it out, trying to talk nice Always is not going to solve the problem

Yes he needs to get a job and fast too.
and I'll help whatever way I can
Queenisha ain't babysitting no grown man
but I won't question his manhood while he's unemployed.

I must admit that I haven't been in this situation for any length of time
For women who work and their men is sitting at home watching Montel,I have no idea how they do it.
It must not be easy

Ruby_Pearl:

That's what am saying. . . . .What if you can't always be there for him?
What if you don't see him for a week, a month or so?
Is that not when he starts cheating? and how do you prevent that?

One of my distant aunt's husband is in Nigeria. Been like that since I came here. I don't understand that kind of marriage o.

whoaaa is she kidding me? she must have some kind of faith in a man, but i must tell you, you got to use your head not your heart sometimes. some woman are so much in denial. thinking my husband would not cheat, but then leave him so distance. to me thats the beginning of a broken home,

Ruby_Pearl:

That's what am saying. . . . .What if you can't always be there for him?
What if you don't see him for a week, a month or so?
Is that not when he starts cheating? and how do you prevent that?
One of my distant aunt's husband is in Nigeria. Been like that since I came here. I don't understand that kind of marriage o.

Having said all this if my man ever disappears for days and weeks without him being gone on work related stuff or if I ever get wind that he's cheating,that's it
I'm gone.
AIDS is real and I refuse to be killed by a third leg.

Gucci_Babe:

@oyinye
I said that years ago , and believe me one day you would have to think about it. The most stressful part of not marrying yet, is when your parents are like,  your friend so so so, just got married,, or remember your friend from childhood . " she has a baby" . I remember when i used to hide my relationship from my parents. Now its like the Talk, so who is your fiance, blah blah blah, and when you are in a long relationship you have to think about it sometimes. i used to be so Naive, thinking " i don't know why people always think of  if this person going to settle down with that person vice versa, until now. then its like an eye opener for me. and its such a serious issue. we really need to learn.  i promise you,  its coming at your door pretty quick!

But I don't want to be married anytime soon. I don't want to be thinking about hubsands, kids, submission, sex,compromise, arguing, letting things go, wedding bands. . . . . so on and so forth. I just want to be me and be free. I mean i'm barely into my life, yet im suppose to start a new with someone? that just doesn't seem logical.

It's been nice chatting.
good nite y'all.

_Queenisha:

Having said all this if my man ever disappears for days and weeks without him being gone on work related stuff or if I ever get wind that he's cheating,that's it
I'm gone.
AIDS is real and I refuse to be killed by a third leg.

 hmmn when you finally know. cheaters don't always get caught at their first try, a smart husband wouldn't disappear for no reason. believe man has so much excuses,  however which way i dont want to be the last to know!  i feel you on that!

Gucci_Babe:

whoaaa is she kidding me? she must have some kind of faith in a man, but i must tell you, you got to use your head not your heart sometimes. some woman are so much in denial. thinking my husband would not cheat, but then leave him so distance. to me thats the beginning of a broken home,

You mean my aunt?
Yea, the lady goes to nigeria like every month or so.
Her 2 children stays with their father but comes here every summer.
She just had a baby. I don't think that man dares to cheat on her.
Is he mad? Play with my family? Then he best move out of the town.

_Queenisha:

Having said all this if my man ever disappears for days and weeks without him being gone on work related stuff or if I ever get wind that he's cheating,that's it
I'm gone.
AIDS is real and I refuse to be killed by a third leg.

LMAO! I meant the woman.
What if she's gone for days. . . .how does she keep her man in line?

_Queenisha:

It's been nice chatting.
good night y'all.

Thanks. Night.

Oya, oyinye, take Queenisha's place. I got more questions for you

Ruby_Pearl:

You mean my aunt?
Yea, the lady goes to nigeria like every month or so.
Her 2 children stays with their father but comes here every summer.
She just had a baby. I don't think that man dares to cheat on her.
Is he mad? Play with my family? Then he best move out of the town.
LMAO! I meant the woman.
What if she's gone for days. . . .how does she keep her man in line?

how can you keep someone in line when he's thousands of miles away?
how can he "keep her in line"
I'm not a believer in long distance marriage.
It's not for me.
when people decide to do marriage across rivers and oceans,they should take whatever comes with it.

_Queenisha:

how can you keep someone in line when he's thousands of miles away?
how can he "keep her in line"
I'm not a believer in long distance marriage.
It's not for me.

Thank you. So I'm not weird

Ruby_Pearl:

You mean my aunt?
Yea, the lady goes to nigeria like every month or so.
Her 2 children stays with their father but comes here every summer.
She just had a baby. I don't think that man dares to cheat on her.
Is he mad? Play with my family? Then he best move out of the town.  
LMAO! I meant the woman.
What if she's gone for days. . . .how does she keep her man in line?

are you serious.? she should not play with her marriage like that. even if  your family will do somethig later to him after finding out his cheating,  The *deed* has been done,  its a major risk she is taking sha!

Ruby_Pearl:

Thanks. Night.

Oya, oyinye, take Queenisha's place. I got more questions for you

oya onyinye na you get the mantle now.

Gucci_Babe:

are you serious.? she should not play with her marriage like that. even if your family will do somethig later to him after finding out his cheating, The *deed* has been done, its a major risk she is taking sha!

I'm not saying money will hold him down. . . .but she's rich. She sends money home to take care of his family and him.
She's a good wife, she takes care of her children.
She's filing for his papers
She's doing everything a wife can do and more.
I don't think he'll do anything stupid to lose her.
Men are not that stupid, even if they pretend to be.

Ruby_Pearl:

I'm not saying money will hold him down. . . .but she's rich. She sends money home to take care of his family and him.
She's a good wife, she takes care of her children.
She's filing for his papers
She's doing everything a wife can do and more.
I don't think he'll do anything stupid to lose her.
Men are not that stupid, even if they pretend to be.

I am not trying to say he is cheating. But that situation happened to my aunt, they grew up and went to the same uni in Nigeria, they were much in love. she comes from a wealthy family. After her father stopped her from going abroad for any reason because they were well off. Her so called husband, got an american visa. she stole money to pay for his visa, his plane ticket in short she always looked after him financially. before he left she got pregnant for him and they both wanted the baby and he was as desperate as she was, he left for the first year they were coping. after a while she stop hearing from him,. no one knew his where abouts, later she discovered he has married someone else in america and also impregnated her. its a long story!

Gucci_Babe:

I am not trying to say he is cheating. But that situation happened to my aunt, they grew up and went to the same uni in Nigeria, they were much in love. she comes from a wealthy family. After her father stopped her from going abroad for any reason because they were well off. Her so called husband, got an american visa. she stole money to pay for his visa, his plane ticket in short she always looked after him financially. before he left she got pregnant for him and they both wanted the baby and he was as desperate as she was, he left for the first year they were coping. after a while she stop hearing from him,. no one knew his where abouts, later she discovered he has married someone else in america and also impregnated her. its a long story!

Well, every rooster does not come from the same farm.
As sorry as I am for your aunt, I am not surprise.
Some naija men have the cheating gene, it's hard to get rid of it.
They're such ingrates.
I just hope it doe snot happen to my aunt

Like a popular comedian said Marriage is like subscribing for Cable TV and only able to watch one channel.Just Kidding dont want any Married folk cussing me out

am listening o osisi. marriage ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

very interesting thread

All this Marriage talk!!!!