cococandy: crackhaus:
The summary is that a woman should not be making it like it's a must or a responsibility to do those.....I repeat, it is his prerogative just as it's a woman's prerogative to pay bills without waiting for her man to do it.


this part is not true. Not with the present crop of men floating everywhere now. It's no longer her prerogative. It has become the expected. And MANY men these days WILL and do complain when wifey isn't matching up financially to him. Believe it or not.it is true. So I can undersatnd a wife complaining too when the man isn't helping out in the house. Because we have seen and still keep seeing situations where the man complains wifey isn't helping financially. He expects her to pick up bills too and work.there's nothing wrong with her expecting him to chip in with home keeping too.
All I see with men who do that are those who want to eat their cakes and have it back. Plus some extra.

When they are expecting and even demanding money from wives,they don't remember it is their god-given duty to provide but when it's time to play house because madam is out there making that money they want badly,then they remember it is her role to take care of the home.

That being said,I don't think there should be any fixed rule for that.

Any man who can(for example) cook but won't cook to relieve wifey of stress because he's a man or any woman who has the money but won't pay bills to relieve hubby of the burden just because she's a woman have no business getting married.

delishpot: Bottom line, support support support.
If it was in naija thr hubby would sleep with house girl and claim his wife was always travelling. He will say she never had time for kids and even made her secretary attend to her kids.
Her mother inlaw did not interfere, her husband did not ban her mom from his home, her mom did not try to take control of her daughters home. She still has some small guilt feeling for lost moments, but she is copping cos she has something to show for her lost moments with her kids and her home was not left 100% unattended.
I believe a eise woman with good support system can touch the sky.

bukatyne:

Hunger never wire the man!

A man gets home like 2hrs before his wife and waits for her to come back before eating?

If he cannot fix dinner for his wife because he is the head/man/oga or she is the tail, can't he get something for


Without mincing words, I've never cooked a meal since I was born. And never saw my dad in the kitchen let alone cooking.

I'll wait for her to come back and do the needful.

SirAweezy:

She only didn't explain that part.. U never knew what could have gone down.. And how manytimes they must have settled... So pls "leave some flaws for the portrait design.. Just admire the nice painting" lol

Dotng: Decide on what you want in life and where you are going in life. Then, look for someone that is going the same way with you. That will eliminate a lot of headache later in life. If both of you are career oriented and are willing to adjust your family plans around it, you won't have issues but if one party is going north and another going south and neither is willing to shift grounds to accommodate your reality. That is the beginning of crises. For guy's, you are to lead your home, part of your leadership responsibility is to marry a person that shares your values. If you want her to always cook your breakfast or dinner (because that is your definition of love or responsibility) you need to communicate that. Truth is, you can't expect someone that rarely cooks at home or for herself to do that for you. So, make up your mind what you want and what you are willing to overlook.

Dotng: Decide on what you want in life and where you are going in life. Then, look for someone that is going the same way with you. That will eliminate a lot of headache later in life. If both of you are career oriented and are willing to adjust your family plans around it, you won't have issues but if one party is going north and another going south and neither is willing to shift grounds to accommodate your reality. That is the beginning of crises. For guy's, you are to lead your home, part of your leadership responsibility is to marry a person that shares your values. If you want her to always cook your breakfast or dinner (because that is your definition of love or responsibility) you need to communicate that. Truth is, you can't expect someone that rarely cooks at home or for herself to do that for you. So, make up your mind what you want and what you are willing to overlook.

crackhaus:
In reference to the emboldened, I believe that is the message to be passed across here or maybe the most important one....and coming from a woman just makes it much more credible.

If a man (or her husband) had said that, I believe this thread would have taken a different turn by now. Some would have lambasted him for not getting the milk because he came home earlier, some would be quick to label him dominant, some might even go as far as calling him a caveman....but this here spoken by an experienced woman speaks volumes.

A woman married into a home remains a woman with roles; she is a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, and a caretaker. It really doesn't matter if she earns a six-figure salary as the CEO in the article probably does or if she earns a few thousand.
I get irritated sometimes when I have to read some comments here by females claiming that if their husbands get home before them, he has to fix everything and not wait for her to come back and do it herself...that just speaks volumes in bad upbringing, and like the mother of the CEO in the article rightly put it, once a woman is inside her home, she is first a wife and a mother before she is whatever she is at her workplace.

damiso: When it comes heading big business it is not even a gender specific thing.You just have to sometimes sacrifice that recital, that parent teacher meeting, that school play and one way or the other let down your children.That is not necessarily black and white good or bad because every good thing or anything of value tends to come with sacrifices..

Its easier when you have a great support network like she did in her mum (and my mum had her in her own mum before she passed on as my dad was also on the move alot) but she does have a point that it's sometimes hard to manage a work life balance when you get to the peak of certain proffessions.Its the same for men too but it just tends to be women who feel a bit more guilty about it.

I know a family where the kids have travelled to most of the countries in the world with their mum on vacation but were sooo thrilled when their Dad was finally able to join them on a family holiday to Gambia.But the truth is Daddy has to sacrifice that time with them to pay for a very expensive education and lifestyle.

SirAweezy:

She only didn't explain that part.. U never knew what could have gone down.. And how manytimes they must have settled... So pls "leave some flaws for the portrait design.. Just admire the nice painting" lol

cKaiser: ^^ Its on record that black women are the ones with the highest rate on broken down families or non existing family structure.

The aggression of a black woman both at the family front and at the work place has made them tagged "Angry black women"

Hardly do you hear an Asian woman yelling about feminism but its blacks who take it on their head and feminism is anti-traditional family.

Most feminist dont even believe they should be under any man's roof like this CEO, playing wife and daughter-in-law

BTW those who operate in the traditional family setup of man and wife still have a significantly higher chance of success

Gboliwe: Smart and intelligent woman.
Your thread title is in error sha, nobody, I mean, no single person, has it all. Its not about being a career person or a full time home wife.

Dotng:
Well said. You can't have it all. So, decide what you want in life. You can't invest all your life in a career and assume that your children will bond with you without investing time with them. A missionary who had lived abroad away from his family died and was brought home for burial. Someone was wondering about the unemotional response of his son. The son replied, "You can't miss what you never had."

alutacontinua:



I was also waiting to see the part where she had to quit her job or leave her home, lol

alutacontinua:



I was also waiting to see the part where she had to quit her job or leave her home, lol

cococandy: Doesn't that contradict the topic sentence?
being a wife,mother,daughter,care taker,home keeper is a beautiful position to be in.

Leave what crown at the garage?
This where you guys get it wrong.
'Wifehood' 'motherhood' is a crown itself.

What you just said makes it sound like all the above are lowly positions and once a woman who's CEO in any big shot company gets home what she need to do is remove the crown.
and become what??

I think I get the message you guys are wrongly trying to pass accross.
It's the right message.
But it's being passed the wrong way. Being the caretaker and the mother and wife in a home is a very exulted position. And unless a woman is confused about her role in the family,she won't see it as not having it all.


If I can rise to be a CEO and a leader in any public outfit with the respect and benefits that goes with it. Then on reaching home,I'm the undisputed mother,wife and care giver. Taking care of my family and trying as much as possible to give them my best.
Then I will count myself as someone who has it all.it may not be 100 percent. And some days might just be hell.
But that's as close to perfect as life can be.

So one can't say a woman who's the CEO in her workplace and the woman/wife/mother/caregiver in her home is not having it all.if anything,it is the dream of most women.

Xsolutions: In essence what you are saying is you wear different crowns for different roles and try to be your best at it...GOOD THINKING!

cococandy: crackhaus:
The summary is that a woman should not be making it like it's a must or a responsibility to do those.....I repeat, it is his prerogative just as it's a woman's prerogative to pay bills without waiting for her man to do it.


this part is not true. Not with the present crop of men floating everywhere now. It's no longer her prerogative. It has become the expected. And MANY men these days WILL and do complain when wifey isn't matching up financially to him. Believe it or not.it is true. So I can undersatnd a wife complaining too when the man isn't helping out in the house. Because we have seen and still keep seeing situations where the man complains wifey isn't helping financially. He expects her to pick up bills too and work.there's nothing wrong with her expecting him to chip in with home keeping too.
All I see with men who do that are those who want to eat their cakes and have it back. Plus some extra.

When they are expecting and even demanding money from wives,they don't remember it is their god-given duty to provide but when it's time to play house because madam is out there making that money they want badly,then they remember it is her role to take care of the home.

That being said,I don't think there should be any fixed rule for that.

Any man who can(for example) cook but won't cook to relieve wifey of stress because he's a man or any woman who has the money but won't pay bills to relieve hubby of the burden just because she's a woman have no business getting married.

Dotng:
Well said. You can't have it all. So, decide what you want in life. You can't invest all your life in a career and assume that your children will bond with you without investing time with them. A missionary who had lived abroad away from his family died and was brought home for burial. Someone was wondering about the unemotional response of his son. The son replied, "You can't miss what you never had."

crackhaus:
It is his prerogative.
If he wants to do it, fine...and if he doesn't, nothing wrong. That's the reality of it, regardless of having a joint account.

And yes marriage is a partnership, no one is disputing that...but if sharing every single responsibility is your definition of partnership, then I'm sorry but you're wrong. Partnership is understanding what works for everyone involved and knowing when to adjust, it is not about sharing responsibilities equally right down the middle in 50/50 fashion.
Even with this joint account arrangement, it still may not be an exact 50/50 thing because if for instance the man earns 200k and his wife earns 150k, they won't contribute the exact same amount monthly...this is why I said nothing is ideal in this world, to believe otherwise is paramount to delusion.

A man will still do those chores his wife is incapable of doing like changing light bulbs, washing the cars, taking them for servicing, changing the oil in the generator, servicing the generator if he can, fixing broken fixture and furniture around the house, changing tires, plumbing, etc.... I really could go on and on... Basically, the husband is the first handyman on site; he is the electrician, the plumber, the mechanic, the contractor, the painter, the carpenter...Honestly, I could go on and on again.
But does a woman who believes in sharing responsibilities equally extend it to include all of this? The answer is NO, why? because women already believe it is the man's job and yet the man is crucified for restricting his involvement in kitchen duty.

Like you said about knowing the person before you marry them, this is true but still it's not an absolute solution...people wake up with different feelings everyday and you can't possibly expect or think anyone is incapable of changing.

cococandy: Doesn't that contradict the topic sentence?
being a wife,mother,daughter,care taker,home keeper is a beautiful position to be in.

Leave what crown at the garage?
This where you guys get it wrong.
'Wifehood' 'motherhood' is a crown itself.

What you just said makes it sound like all the above are lowly positions and once a woman who's CEO in any big shot company gets home what she need to do is remove the crown.
and become what??

I think I get the message you guys are wrongly trying to pass accross.
It's the right message.
But it's being passed the wrong way. Being the caretaker and the mother and wife in a home is a very exulted position. And unless a woman is confused about her role in the family,she won't see it as not having it all.


If I can rise to be a CEO and a leader in any public outfit with the respect and benefits that goes with it. Then on reaching home,I'm the undisputed mother,wife and care giver. Taking care of my family and trying as much as possible to give them my best.
Then I will count myself as someone who has it all.it may not be 100 percent. And some days might just be hell.
But that's as close to perfect as life can be.

So one can't say a woman who's the CEO in her workplace and the woman/wife/mother/caregiver in her home is not having it all.if anything,it is the dream of most women.

bukatyne:

Hunger never wire the man!

A man gets home like 2hrs before his wife and waits for her to come back before eating?

If he cannot fix dinner for his wife because he is the head/man/oga or she is the tail, can't he get something for himself?

Like I said, hunger never wire am.

cococandy: Doesn't that contradict the topic sentence?
being a wife,mother,daughter,care taker,home keeper is a beautiful position to be in.

Leave what crown at the garage?
This where you guys get it wrong.
'Wifehood' 'motherhood' is a crown itself.

What you just said makes it sound like all the above are lowly positions and once a woman who's CEO in any big shot company gets home what she need to do is remove the crown.
and become what??

I think I get the message you guys are wrongly trying to pass accross.
It's the right message.
But it's being passed the wrong way. Being the caretaker and the mother and wife in a home is a very exulted position. And unless a woman is confused about her role in the family,she won't see it as not having it all.


If I can rise to be a CEO and a leader in any public outfit with the respect and benefits that goes with it. Then on reaching home,I'm the undisputed mother,wife and care giver. Taking care of my family and trying as much as possible to give them my best.
Then I will count myself as someone who has it all.it may not be 100 percent. And some days might just be hell.
But that's as close to perfect as life can be.

So one can't say a woman who's the CEO in her workplace and the woman/wife/mother/caregiver in her home is not having it all.if anything,it is the dream of most women.

ireneidiva:
I already said I don't get. So please, show me what I'm missing out.

crackhaus:
And when either A or B decides to wait and does not handle that thing before the other gets back, what happens then? Is it to be a cause for grudges and resentment?

Your example about paying bills is somewhat besides the point, but I'll indulge it by asking this question...
"How many men have you heard/seen/come across complaining or harboring a grudge because their wives did not pay the light/water/refuse bill compared to the number of women who complain and resent the idea that their husbands don't help out with house chores/cooking?"

I'll give a clue to the answer, no reasonable man would dare open his mouth to complain of such to anyone because he knows that by default, it's his responsibility.

This is my point... There are gender-specific roles, it's the reality whether we like it or not because thousands of years of evolution has made it so. The world is not ideal, heck nothing tangible in the world follows the laws of ideality except the intangible (gravity, mass, light, etc).

If a woman is lucky enough to have a husband who satisfies her in every nook and cranny of her life (still highly unlikely as y'all always find something to complain about), then good for her.
But for women married to men who find sharing the responsibility of chores/cooking/cleaning unimportant whether or not the wife works as much as he does (best believe, they many), then it's not a bad thing either because by default it is not what naturally comes to him.....thus, a sensible woman who values her marriage must not make it a big deal but instead try to get her husband to do little by being polite, respectful and humorous...this is how smart women deal with it, I've seen it happen a lot..sometimes the man even sees it as a new challenge and deliberately does the chore/cooking just to lighten the mood and get good laughs.

The summary is that a woman should not be making it like it's a must or a responsibility to do those.....I repeat, it is his prerogative just as it's a woman's prerogative to pay bills without waiting for her man to do it.

Bigsteveg:

Tell me, how can u rise to d position of a CEO when u cant even manage ur home properly, cos dis ur comment shows a kind of ego in it, and perhaps, try read it from d top again slowly, u might see dat u mis-understand the article

njokusboy: . Chelu godi, wait, biko.... So when the husband doesn't cook and waits for the wife, it automatically means he doesnt love her?

bukatyne:

My way, if you don't like it, good for you

Bigsteveg:

Seems ure to be big for correction, kip it up