Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You - Family - Nairaland
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| Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 2:12pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
I had a chat ... With a friend and he was like he would not go for a woman as ambitious as him. Just like me he has very crazy ambitions ... We are both committed to seeing our daring dreams come to pass. He reason is that he wouldn't like a situation where him and his spouse are so preoccupied with their DARING goals at the detriment of the family. Eg. He goes on a business trip to go seal a deal and his wife jets off to Paris to go launch her new line ... With both of then never having time for the kids or each other due to their demanding careers as they try to build their dreams. He says he is not expecting her to be a house wife but more like she would have a lesser demanding career or job than his. He was like their is need for balance. With one of the couple having a lesser dream or demanding career. I am like if you have someone as ambitious as you ... You both stand the chance of sharpening each other and assisting each other achieve their dreams, I was like it would be very wrong of you to inhibit your spouses goals because you want her to have time for the family. He was like he would not be inhibiting her ambition if she doesn't have a big ambition in the first place. So now one of his criteria is a woman with little or no ambition but she would be very smart and intelligent and working class. I am like you can't be smart without having an ambition. He was like her ambition would not be too big or demanding of her time. As for me I am turned on by women with really bold ambitions. The only clause is do not forget I exist as you go on to pursue that dream. What's your take people. Is it ideal to go for someone with a lower ambition than you. Male or female #MathewBriggs 7 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 2:14pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
To each their own. I can understand why he reasons this way and I am ok with it. I just couldn't get married to a man with this way of thinking but I am sure he will find a woman who is ok with it. 14 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Tallesty1(m): 2:38pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
Every man has what he wants in a woman so allow him. I go with your friend, A good woman must be ambitious, but not at the detriment or expense of her primary responsibilities. Everyone knows that marriage can be stressful but marrying an over ambitious woman makes marriage rocky! Taking care of your home and kids are the primary responsibilities of a woman, her job comes next. If you cannot make the sacfrifice involved, ie cutting your ambition then forget marriage and chase your dreams. There is a desert of difference between what you want and what you need. I can't marry a woman that will come home late in the night, tired and worn out, then querry why I didn't fix everything. It is not done that way. I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed, that should tell you something. The marriage will be very rocky because she will be unhappy if she make more money than you do. You will be unhappy if she make more money than you do. And the more successful she is the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. 11 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 2:41pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
Tallesty1: Every man has what he wants in a woman so allow him. I am not stopping him ... Was basicly trying to understand his perspective. |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 2:42pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: To each their own. I can understand why he reasons this way and I am ok with it. I just couldn't get married to a man with this way of thinking but I am sure he will find a woman who is ok with it. @bolded well said. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by AdeniyiA(m): 2:44pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
...husby: "honey am feeling hornyyyy.... wify : sorry dear am so fagged out due to work stress"... first day, second day, third day same story, am telling u peace is gradually leaving the house,d husby 'll soon 'check out'. The children nd the kitchen are there suffering nd lacking motherly nd feminine touches.it's also very wrong putting EVERYTHING in the house in care of the house help. A GOOD woman MUST be ambitious, but not at d detriment or expense of her primary responsibilities 27 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 2:47pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
I love career woman because I'm highly career oriented and If you aint following my steps or me following your steps then I'm gonna get bored easily cuz U can't be telling me about Tomato , Tatashe , abi some clothing lines everyday !! ....  The only thing is : we will always review impact of our engagement on the family and turn down positions with more than necessary adverse effects on the family !! 8 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 3:22pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
donroxy: I love career woman because I[b]'m highly career oriented and If you aint following my steps or me following your steps then I'm gonna get bored easily cuz U can't be telling me about Tomato , Tatashe , abi some clothing lines everyday[/b] !! .... @bold exactly . I concur |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by spicykev(f): 5:04pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
Matthewbriggs: I had a chat ... With a friend and he was like he would not go for a woman as ambitious as him. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by crackhaus: 5:15pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
These things are not black or white. Who says a career oriented and highly ambitious woman can not also be there for her children and family? There are ways around these things that work for heaven's sake...unless the woman is just plain lazy, which is where problem arises. 12 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by crackhaus: 5:17pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: To each their own. I can understand why he reasons this way and I am ok with it. I just couldn't get married to a man with this way of thinking but I am sure he will find a woman who is ok with it.Is there ever a way of thinking you don't have a problem with with regards to men? Carefree, If you ever meet a man whose way of thinking, character, and attitude satisfies you 100%, don't marry him. 4 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 5:19pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
crackhaus: What is wrong again? |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by crackhaus: 5:22pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
carefreewannabe:Look above. |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 5:25pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
crackhaus: Why do you think I have a problem with regards to men? |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 5:33pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: I also think you do.  . *runs away* 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 5:35pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
Matthewbriggs: Believe it or not, I do NOT have a problem with men, I have a problem with stupidity, be it male or female, and most of all stupid people who want to lead others. 9 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by crackhaus: 5:52pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
carefreewannabe:You don't? Okay you're play acting then.. |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Ngokafor(f): 5:55pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
....@Op your freind's view is actually very common amongst successful men in this part of the world. ....As much as i understand their point of view,it simply stifles the innate desires of some women to be very successful in their chosen carreers..at the end of the day it will be said that Nigerian women are not as ambitious as their counter-parts in other parts of the world...forgetting the fact that marriage,culture does not encourage such ambitions. ....It is really not fair at all after all the education..I am a 'victim' of such view.As a matter of fact,if my partner has his way,he will rather i become a teacher in a reputable school so that i can have time for the kids when they come and for him as well(to use his words).He even subtly hinted that he would add to whatever i would earn as a teacher if i feel it is too small,this was someone who was so supportive of my carreer and ambitions when we just started dating. ....The truth of the matter is that i kind of understand his stance..i am beginning to put in more work hours in the office and as such the home front may suffer..so it may be goodbye very soon to my ambitions of being an Executive and a welcome to the world of private business. .... . 7 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 5:58pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
crackhaus: I will repeat myself. I do NOT have problems with men. I have a problem with st. upid people wanting to be the leaders. 2 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by crackhaus: 6:12pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
carefreewannabe:Is the problem because you think they're stu.pid, or because they want to lead you and you don't like being controlled by a man? 15 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 6:18pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
8 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 6:20pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
crackhaus: I do NOT like to be oppressed by anyone on grounds of st. upid arguments. I can accept leaders if they are worthy of leadership. 9 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 6:24pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
Nonso23: O.P if we cut down all trees and 'eat' up all their seed one day mother earth will lose all her luxuriant forests and tree canopies. Succession is paramount here. Very interesting perspective especially @ bolded. Moreover really think the two couples can combine their ambition and successful raise the kids especially if one gives birth to maybe 1 kid or 2. 3 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 6:29pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
crackhaus: These things are not black or white. Very true they are not black and white. @bolded exactly my thought. |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 6:31pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
I love daring women,I want,and wish my woman to be industrious,and task oriented....I can't date mentally lazy ladies,muchmore marry her. 11 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 6:33pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 6:36pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
@ Ngokafor Wow what an eye opener during dating he supported your career but he changed during marriage. This topic is really dicy. Making me in a way understand the perspective my friend is coming from. They say theory is different from practical. I hope reality doesn't hit me in the face when the time comes given my stance. Quick question? Did his stance change immediately you got married or after a particular period of time. If the latter where you willing to make the sacrifice or do you feel bad for his new stance. |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 6:47pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: You are really smart, bold and a goal oriented strong black woman. Someone a particular breed of men would find interesting. But on the downside I have sensed after stumbling on your posts before is that you have this constant desire to argue and contend with men, their opinions, their decision, treating every contact with a man as a battle for superiority. I might be wrong tho. #Just saying |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 7:19pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
Your friend's point makes sense. Personally, I have dreams and whenever I think of my plans for myself (career wise), I try to fit my husband and kids in and I finally realized that I can't fully engage in what I want to do if I want to always be there for my kids. I know that I have to compromise at some point for the sake of my family (especially my kids). But that doesn't mean I will totally abandon my dream and become a full time house wife. No. My career will take a slow pace till my kids grow to a certain age. 7 Likes |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Matthewbriggs(m): 7:34pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
sholasholala: Your friend's point makes sense. Hehehe very well said.  This is a really complicated topic and from my observation .. Their is really no right answer or stance, it is not black or white ... the best bet is that one should go for whatever works for him or her and proceed to settle with someone who shares the same ideology. But as we do so I think it is important to note the following points. 1. Family must come first before career for both couples. They both should be involved in a child's upbringing and more involved in each others life. 2. Both partners would try as much as possible to ensure they aid each other have a fulfilling life and career and should never try to prevent one another from reaching for the stars for egotistical reasons. 3. Nothing is set in stone, your stance may change in the future. The baseline is that both parties should be willing to make compromises when it is called for... To ensure the family never suffers. 4. Its not a crime for a woman to not have any ambition other than be a good house wife, so is it not a crime for a woman to desire to rise to be the CEO of a fortune 500 company. The most crucial thing is never let the home front suffer as a woman. The survival of the family structure is more dependent on you the woman. 5. Is not a crime as man to go for a less ambitious woman or to go for a very ambitious woman. The most important thing is you do your best to ensure you both have a fulfilling married life. #Justsaying #Mathew Briggs 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Ngokafor(f): 7:38pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
Matthewbriggs: @ Ngokafor Wow what an eye opener during dating he supported your career but he changed during marriage. ...It was a gradual thing just before we got married..I honestly do not feel so bad cos apart from the fact that he was polite with his suggestions and made so much sense with his legendary 'sweet mouth' lol,(not the teaching suggestion though  )my work is becoming more demanding so i dont think i can cope for much longer..something has got to give.....My ambition to be very very successful will not wane but i have decided to be smart about it. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 7:45pm On Jul 13, 2014 |
AdeniyiA: ...husby: "honey am feeling hornyyyy.... I concur!! 1 Like |
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