onyaigo: she's 4yrs...and urs?

4months. I guess ur just a little above ur teen years now. Can i send u a pm?

akpumping7720: Well! Well!. I regretted having a child out of weddlock. It isn't something I planned for considering †ђξ fact dat I ave a baby girl. And anytime I listen to her voice on fone I always feel guilty for not getting married to her mom. But I want a kind of satisfaction 4 myself in †ђξ future but at †ђξ same time I always feel sorry for my baby girl for allowing her to come into dis world and not enjoy dat parental care and affection she needs to ave. Dat guilty conscience burns my heart everryday. And I always try to make her happy by meeting up with her needs.

I respect you for your honesty and not candy coating what is unacceptable and make it look cool and right to the younger generation. I have been waiting for people to comment on the disadvantages but also not ignoring other blessings at the sametime discouraging those who have not done it yet rather than praising this abnormalcy which will breed an abnormal society.

Your God sees your heart and will help you to forgive yourself.
Pray for your child daily, that's the best gift you can give her.
All the best bro

abolade62:
4months. I guess ur just a little above ur teen years now. Can i send u a pm?

hmmmm.nice....yea you are right,,,what's pm self

onyaigo: hmmmm.nice....yea you are right,,,what's pm self

Private message directly into your mail.

abolade62:
Private message directly into your mail.

okk..no wahala..

abolade62:
Private message directly into your mail.

okk..no wahala...

abolade62:
I am in this mess too, not yet married but then my conscience just wouldnt let me move on. I always ask myself this question, "should I place my daughter's happiness above mine by settling down with the mother just cos she can grow up in a proper family set-up, she should not have to pay for my mistake or i should just do what i got to do to be happy?"

.. if u are ready to settle... why not consider the mother of your child

onyaigo: okk..no wahala...

Cool. I await your reply.

pickabeau1:

.. if u are ready to settle... why not consider the mother of your child

Its a bit complicated.

abolade62:
Its a bit complicated.

Ok..do you mind sharing?

sarutobie:
"love is not a feeling but a choice you make".....a lot of broken marriages and divorces could have been averted if people realised this truth..love isnt really that butterfly feeling in the gut..such feelings fade..that is why God said we should love even our enemies, it is a mandate, a choice we make........

Nice perspective.

pickabeau1:

Ok..do you mind sharing?

yh but dedinitely not on a public forum.

Safari29: single mother problems are
they cant get a date or husband easily. mostly due to their desperate nature they fall into the wrong hand again
. Most of them don't want to be a second wife
they don't want a single father too
and they don't want a broke ass nigga
and their life are full with drama. pathetic feeling. insecurities

Absolute fuckery and bullshitt!!

abolade62:
yh but dedinitely not on a public forum.

Ok...


A friend of mine married her baby daddy after a while though and they are doing OK now

Nothing is impossible

pickabeau1:

Ok...


A friend of mine married her baby daddy after a while though and they are doing OK now

Nothing is impossible

Yea I know and i'm not completely ruling out that possibility.

rozzay: am sure u understand wat I mean u are not a kid

U should make me understand without any indirect insult....don't start exhibiting ur trait as a single mother by being sassy and next time, be able to write like someone who expects to be understood comprehensively.

abolade62:
Yea I know and i'm not completely ruling out that possibility.

Ok..cool

Anacksunamun: Absolute fuckery and bullshitt!!

Why do you think it is..
Some of what he wrote hold true for some single mums

pickabeau1:

Why do you think it is..
Some of what he wrote hold true for some single mums

What he wrote is fallacy and that's because he "generalised" instead of using "some" like you did. Had it been he used "some", I wouldn't have disagreed.

Anacksunamun: What he wrote is fallacy and that's because he "generalised" instead of using "some" like you did. Had it been he used "some", I wouldn't have disagreed.

Fair enough...

Hmmmmmm

When Children Become Burdens

Single parents sometimes begin to perceive the responsibilities of child-raising as overwhelming. Even the most routine events in their child's life—carpooling, events at school, or normal oppositional behavior—become burdens for parents struggling to squeeze everything into their day. Single parents ex­perience a great deal of tension and sometimes guilt that comes with not being able to attend to all of their child's needs or to provide all of the opportunities they wish their child to have. At the extreme, these parents feel they can't deal with their children anymore. They may resort to physical pun­ishment and even become abusive if they are pushed too far. Or they may give up altogether and agree too easily to their children's demands. When possible, they may need to turn over more of the child-raising responsibilities to the youngsters' other parent and perhaps get some professional counseling to help cope better.


Researchers have several theories to explain why children growing up with single parents have an elevated risk of experiencing cognitive, social, and emotional problems. Most refer either to the economic and parental resources available to children or to the stressful events and circumstances to which these children must adapt.

Quality of Parenting
Regardless of family structure, the quality of parenting is one of the best predictors of children's emotional and social well-being. Many single parents, however, find it difficult to function effectively as parents. Compared with continuously married parents, they are less emotionally supportive of their children, have fewer rules, dispense harsher discipline, are more inconsistent in dispensing discipline, provide less supervision, and engage in more conflict with their children.46 Many of these deficits in parenting presumably result from struggling to make ends meet with limited financial resources and trying to raise children without the help of the other biological parent. Many studies link inept parenting by resident single parents with a variety of negative outcomes among children, including poor academic achievement, emotional problems, conduct problems, low self-esteem, and problems forming and maintaining social relationships.

Children also thrive when their parents have a cooperative co-parental relationship. When parents agree on the rules and support one another's decisions, children learn that parental authority is not arbitrary. Parental agreement also means that children are not subjected to inconsistent discipline when they misbehave. Consistency between parents helps children to learn and internalize social norms and moral values. Another benefit of a positive co-parental relationship is the modeling of interpersonal skills, such as showing respect, communicating clearly, and resolving disputes through negotiation and compromise. Children who learn these skills by observing their parents have positive relationships with peers and, later, with intimate partners. When children's parents live in separate households, however, cooperative coparenting is not the norm. Although some parents remain locked in conflict for many years, especially if a divorce is involved, most gradually disengage and communicate little with one another. At best, most children living with single parents experience “parallel” parenting rather than cooperative co-parenting

Growing up without a father figure has a profound effect on boys that lasts into manhood. Boys need a father figure to learn how to be a man. Without having this influence in their lives, boys are at risk of growing into men who have problems with behavior, emotional stability, and relationships with both significant others and their own children.

Men who grow up without a father figure also have more problems bonding with their own children, writes Hartwell-Walker. Having never experienced a father-son bond, they are unsure of how to develop that relationship with their own children. Men who had absent fathers are more likely to be absent fathers themselves. These men were also never taught how to have healthy relationships with women and tend to have higher break-up and divorce rates than men who grow up with a father’s influence


A good relationship with his father teaches a son to better solve problems, allowing him, as a man, to deal with everyday stress in more useful ways. According to Schwartz, men who grow up without paternal influence are also more likely to experience depression and anxiety.

The Impact of Fathers on Cognitive Ability and Educational Achievement

Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. A number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities.9 Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness. They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers.10

The influence of a father's involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents.11 For instance, a 2001 U.S. Department of Education study found that highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43 percent more likely than other children to earn mostly As and 33 percent less likely than other children to repeat a grade

4lorunsho: aw did u do it ; and u went to fed university

State school, gained admission d same year I finished my secondary school with my ss2 Neco result.

One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior. This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem. In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically, and to avoid drugs, violence, and delinquent behavior In short, fathers have a powerful and positive impact upon the development and health of children.

Amusaopeyemi: I grew up without a father, i'm an only child and I graduated at the age of 20, i'll be serving next month. I'm proud of who i've grown up to be.
My mom was an iron lady tho, she takes no nonsense. Died last year.

Oh Baby, that means you have non of them(parents) there for you now?
Hugs Sweetie.

mkoabiola:
Touching story
Go look 4 ur dadd
He mus b somewhere waiting 4 u

I don't want him to wait for me, I want him to look for me, to find me, to see who I i've grown to be without him, to apologise.

Angeldemivida:

Oh Baby, that means you have non of them(parents) there for you now?
Hugs Sweetie.

thank you.

Why married people tend to be wealthier:

It’s more educated, more affluent and also more religious Americans that tend to get married in the first place,” Couples who get and stay married can have as much as four times the wealth of their single or divorced peers.People who are married also are able to divide up responsibilities in financially beneficial ways. “More affluent and more educated Americans (are) not only more likely to get married, they’re also less likely to get divorced,” Wilcox said.


Marriage brings a network of familial support in the form of parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews who all know something or someone who can help you along the way. As often as we might feel life would be easier without all that additional family, we have to accept that the larger network of folks who are invested in our marriage are also invested in our future and our goals."

Amusaopeyemi:
I don't want him to wait for me, I want him to look for me, to find me, to see who I i've grown to be without him, to apologise.

Don't cry Baby.
If you can find him, make effort and search for him. It may not be what you think? He may be wanting to get to you too.
Opeyemi, that your picture you put on your profile is it really good to leave one's pictures in websites?
I know that you can do what you want with your pictures but I don't think that a beautiful young girl like you should leave her picture there. Some bad persons may want to exploit you somehow, I mean it makes you vulnerable. I think that it is better taken off and when you make friends here and they wish to see your pics, you can show them on your own terms. Again 419ners do copy pictures of women to do their yeye runs. You do what you want all the same.

Do be taking good care of yourself okay Baby?

Amusaopeyemi: tnx, at least before she died she gave me education which happens to be the best legacy.
God bless her in heaven.

That was very good of her.
Yeah, May God bless her in heaven.

Mehn for d 1st time am deeply touched emotionally by a thread in nairaland.my heart goes out to onyaigo,amusaopeyemi,firmjudge,rozzay,odilafta,buchibabe,dominiquez,abolade 62,kemthegirl,youngchop,akpuming 7720, if not for anytin the sincerity and strength u showed in sharing ur stories and being positive despite d stigma.i love u all.Even tho am not an advocate of single parenting but i realise dat some are inevitable especially wit death of a partner or divorce.l wish youths wil learn especially from single parents out of wedlock and do d needful.For those who stigmatize dem,jst know dat u might be a victim tomorrow and offcourse u will wish for the Golden rule.Finally to seun and his mods,dis and other educating and insightful topics shud be making frontpage and not all dis we see lately.