fellis: hehehe don't I just love bananabender's fieriness? @topic; it depends on the preference of the individual. Some feminists see marriage as an achievement and some others eg me, do not see it as an acheivement. A person can support gender equality and still crave marriage maybe because she wants long term companionship from the opposite sex or because one of her goals in life is to establish a family with a husband and kids. It all comes down to what that particular feminist has set out as her goals in life.

I agree, LOL.

I just can't get the other part of me to fully agree.

onirugbon1:


You get a certificate for a marriage. Thats an achievement.

When you escape a bad marriage and get a divorce, you get a certificate. Thats an achievement.

Somehow being single does not weigh into this mix.

Being single is as much an achievement as eating breakfast every morning.

LMAO! So an achievement is only truly an achievement if you receive a certificate afterwards??

LMAO!! Bwahahahahahahahahaha

I can't stop laughing

red101: how is it not an achievement if you accomplish your goal to get married? so you are saying that people should not set a goal to get married? Maybe they are lonely and not happy being single so the change of status to having a partner is a cause for celebration.
Divorce parties and ceremonies are on the rise now. you can google it. if it makes you feel any better to see people celebrating singleness and new found freedom.LOL

Marriage is not an achievement

And a miserable single person will be a miserable spouse.

There is the vacuum only God can fill; only you can fill and only a spouse can fill

If a single was not filled vacuum 1 & 2 and expects 3 to fill it all, there will be serious trouble

BananaBender:

LoL. No, I'm not.

I think my problem stems from the fact that I think getting married should be organic. That is, it is not something you are supposed to set a goal for and then work towards. It should just flow naturally. When you meet the right person, it should just makes sense that you guys go to court and sign that paper.

Or maybe I have met too many people like Onirugbon1 that I am 'unconsciously' on the defense when I hear people call marriage an accomplishment.

hmm... makes sense.
marriage itself is not an accomplishment. Anybody can get married. The sense of achievement comes from the assumption that you have found joy, partnership and companionship with the right person. A lot of people crave this hence why they set a goal to get married. There's nothing wrong with that. If you are happy being single and have no pressure, you are more likely not to set the goal and let marriage happen organically (if it happens at all). But if you detest single life and feel lonely or feel pressured by family, peers etc, you are more likely to set a goal to be married.

@ kanwulia,

Beautiful post including subsequent ones. You saved me a great deal of typing

Kanwulia: Feminists do not see marriage as an achievement.
We only see GOOD MARRIAGES TO SUPPORTIVE HUSBANDS AS AN ACHIEVEMENT!
Big difference.

Marrying a cow IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT!

Being single is not an achievement.
Being single, happy and productive in life is an achievement.
Big difference!
Being single and spreading misery all over the world because of depression is not an achievement!

bukatyne:
There is the vacuum only God can fill; only you can fill and only a spouse can fill

it's ok to celebrate your achievement when you find and marry your spouse.
If marriage is not for you, that's also ok.

red101:

it's ok to celebrate your achievement when you find and marry your spouse.
If marriage is not for you, that's also ok.

This is not about me, it is a statement of fact.

Just as you are expecting your husband to work wonders and fill all void, he is also expecting same of you.

red101:

hmm... makes sense.
marriage itself is not an accomplishment. Anybody can get married. The sense of achievement comes from the assumption that you have found joy, partnership and companionship with the right person. A lot of people crave this hence why they set a goal to get married. There's nothing wrong with that. If you are happy being single and have no pressure, you are more likely not to set the goal and let marriage happen organically (if it happens at all). But if you detest single life and feel lonely or feel pressured by family, peers etc, you are more likely to set a goal to be married.

@ highlighted..........TRUTH!

....but if u get married because you're lonely and you feel pressured, you're already heading for doom. An unhappiness even worse than you felt when you were single.

@Bukatyne: You disagree with red101 and in the same breath agreed with Kanwulia.

I just want to ask you guys how many years or months must both parties have this "good" marriage/supporting spouse before they can consider their marriage an achievement.

bukatyne:
This is not about me, it is a statement of fact.
Just as you are expecting your husband to work wonders and fill all void, he is also expecting same of you.

I didn't say that husbands have to "work wonders and fill all void."
I see marriage as a partnership where both husband and wife contribute positively to each others life.

BananaBender: @Bukatyne: You disagree with red101 and in the same breath agreed with Kanwulia.

I just want to ask you guys how many years or months must both parties have this "good" marriage/supporting spouse before they can consider their marriage an achievement.

As long as the union is working. . . AND BOTH PARTIES ARE HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER!
No time limit!

Kanwulia jas nailed it perfectly. Nothing more to say

SAMBARRY: Kanwulia jas nailed it perfectly. Nothing more to say

Gbam!

bukatyne: @ kanwulia,

Beautiful post including subsequent ones. You saved me a great deal of typing

Amen!

The feminism angle still baffles me though!

Kanwulia:

As long as the union is working. . . AND BOTH PARTIES ARE HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER!
No time limit!

I can't believe you did not see where I was going with that statement. Based on your good marriage/supporting spouse principle, one can call his/her marriage an achievement after the first day. Also, your principle implies that as soon as they stop being happy together, they lose their cool points and the marriage that they had can't be viewed as an achievement.

Another issue is what do we consider a good marriage sef?? What about a woman that wants to pursue her career but isn't allowed to pursue her career by husband and have accepted her fate to make her "union work" (in your words)??

Can that be seen as a good marriage too because the union is working??

Let me add that she has convinced herself that marriage is important to her, hence she is happy with herself and her marriage.

BananaBender: @Bukatyne: You disagree with red101 and in the same breath agreed with Kanwulia.

I just want to ask you guys how many years or months must both parties have this "good" marriage/supporting spouse before they can consider their marriage an achievement.

A Year 1 student has achieved nothing though we all might celebrate with him or her.

A final year student who graduates with flying colours is said to have achieved.

Honesty, marriage should be considered an achievement at a successful end though there are milestones of birth, anniversaries etc.

Becoming a Mrs. is not an achievement; been able to have a beautiful marriage with a supportive spouse is an achievement in one's life at the end (Death)

I honestly don't think this is actually a feminist thing. It has more to do with individuals and how they define "achievement." Personally, I wouldn't even tag marriage as an achievement - it's just a step towards an achievement, provided those involved can survive against all the odds, trials, and tribulations that come with it. Any fool can get married today or tomorrow, provided he/she above puberty and in a space to do it. However, staying in that marriage, having kids, raising those kids together, and watching them achieve greatness - are what would make it an achievement. And for those who don't want kids - staying in the marriage and living happily together through the test of time while impacting the lives of others - would count as an achievement.

Tagging getting married an achievement is akin to just getting admission into a University. Where's the achievement in that?

bukatyne:

A Year 1 student has achieved nothing though we all might celebrate with him or her.

A final year student who graduates with flying colours is said to have achieved.

Honesty, marriage should be considered an achievement at a successful end though there are milestones of birth, anniversaries etc.

Becoming a Mrs. is not an achievement; been able to have a beautiful marriage with a supportive spouse is an achievement in one's life at the end (Death)

Only after one person dies, can we consider the marriage an achievement?? LMAO!!

You are going to kill me with laugh

red101:

I didn't say that husbands have to "work wonders and fill all void."
I see marriage as a partnership where both husband and wife contribute positively to each others life.

If you see marriage as the above then you will know that a lonely miserable single person has nothing positive to contribute to another person's life.

You cannot give what you do not have

BananaBender:

I can't believe you did not see where I was going with that statement. Based on your good marriage/supporting spouse principle, one can call his/her marriage an achievement after the first day. Also, your principle implies that as soon as they stop being happy together, they lose their cool points and the marriage that they had can't be viewed as an achievement.

I see where you are going.
Happiness is subjective. . . . as well as objective.
Depending on whom it may concern.
If people say they are happy, who are we to question them?

BananaBender:
Another issue is what do we consider a good marriage sef?? What about a woman that wants to pursue her career but isn't allowed to pursue her career by husband and have accepted her fate to make her "union work" (in your words)??

You are 'spinning'. . . .and 'winding' up and down a tunnel.
The original issue of the thread has been dealt with.
You are starting a thread within a thread.

BananaBender:
Can that be seen as a good marriage too because the union is working??

Let me add that she has convinced herself that marriage is important to her, hence she is happy with herself and her marriage.

It is her life.
My only question is: WHY DO YOU MAKE IT SUCH A CONCERN OF YOURS WHAT OTHERS CHOOSE TO FEEL AND THINK?
She has found her own happiness.
She only has to convince HERSELF!
Fine with me!
I could live with that. . . . Not my headache!
Do you have a problem accepting how people choose to live their lives?
I don't! Never will!

BananaBender:


Only after one person dies, can we consider the marriage an achievement?? LMAO!!

You are going to kill me with laugh

Then you die happy!

Lets say at the death bed, old age or death of a spouse.

And there is no feminist angle to this. It is more of individual

Mother Theresa might have been a non feminist but she never considered marriage at any stage an achievement and did not bother with it.

SirShymex: I honestly don't think this is actually a feminist thing. It has more to do with individuals and how they define "achievement." Personally, I wouldn't even tag marriage as an achievement - it's just a step towards an achievement, provided those involved can survive against all the odds, trials, and tribulations that come with it. Any fool can get married today or tomorrow, provided he/she above puberty and in a space to do it. However, staying in that marriage, having kids, raising those kids together, and watching them achieve greatness - are what would make it an achievement. And for those who don't want kids - staying in the marriage and living happily together through the test of time while impacting the lives of others - would count as an achievement.

Tagging getting married an achievement is akin to just getting admission into a University. Where's the achievement in that?

You and bukatyne should get married LOL!

Look @ my response to bukatyne for the so called feminist angle.

Kanwulia:

Amen!

The feminism angle still baffles me though!

There is really none to it

BananaBender:
@ highlighted..........TRUTH!
....but if u get married because you're lonely and you feel pressured, you're already heading for doom. An unhappiness even worse than you felt when you were single.

If the marriage is unfulfiling then yes. but many marriages are fulfilling so....
I was looking at the relationship as fulfilling the emotional aspect while marriage fulfills the social aspect. the marriage kinda sanctions the relationship.

Kanwulia:

I see where you are going.
Happiness is subjective. . . . as well as objective.
Depending on whom it may concern.
If people say they are happy, who are we to question them?

You are 'spinning'. . . .and 'winding' up and down a tunnel.
The original issue of the thread has been dealt with.
You are starting a thread within a thread.

Not really, because the thread wasn't primarily about my friend but the first two lines.

It is her life.
My only question is: WHY DO YOU MAKE IT SUCH A CONCERN OF YOURS WHAT OTHERS CHOOSE TO FEEL AND THINK?
She has found her own happiness.
She only has to convince HERSELF!
Fine with me!
I could live with that. . . . Not my headache!
Do you have a problem accepting how people choose to live their lives?
I don't! Never will!

The "her" in my last post to you is hypothetical. I am theoretically having a discourse with you.....

I think you're getting unnecessarily frustrated. You can bow out, you gave good points.

bukatyne:

Then you die happy!

Lets say at the death bed, old age or death of a spouse.

And there is no feminist angle to this. It is more of individual

Mother Theresa might have been a non feminist but she never considered marriage at any stage an achievement and did not bother with it.

LMAO! If only at the death bed of a spouse can we call marriage an achievement, then I might just agree with you, LMAO!

Oh, the feminist part comes into play because this is a Nigerian website and on the average, Nigerians consider marriage an achievement. In a different context, which is an upgrade in social/societal status. Meanwhile being single isn't considered an achievement.

I was only trying to streamline the people that commented on the thread by removing the average Nigerian mentality and focusing on people that are not influenced by the Nigerian culture. (I was trying to get rid of people like the first poster on this thread)

^ It's so funny because I met a lady who said something similar. She was asking me why Nigerians are so obsessed about getting married. which is so true. She was a single mom by the way.

BananaBender:

Not really, because the thread wasn't primarily about my friend but the first two lines.




The "her" in my last post to you is hypothetical. I am theoretically having a discourse with you.....

I think you're getting unnecessarily frustrated. You can bow out, you gave good points.

Getting frustrated indeed!
Discourse don begin get 'k' legs wey orthopedic surgeon nor fit repair. Ha!
Like na paycheck I kam to collect for hia?
Please, carry go!

O da bo!

*i nor sabi do 'gang-time'*

Kanwulia:

My opinion is different from hers.
She sees an elevation without 'merits'.
All she has is a 'label'. . . MARRIED!
Being married is not necessary an elevation.
There are many married women who do not even know where their husbands are 90% of the year.
They don't even communicate!
They are called 'MARRIED BUT LIVING SINGLE'!

Every situation is different.

You sound elitist and sparkle with intelligence.

BananaBender:

I guess setting a goal and accomplishing it would make it an achievement.

LoL, I just have an issue with calling either an accomplishment. It just doesn't sound right calling what a vast majority of people in a country do an achievement.

Maybe my issue is why you'll set the goal in the first place,...............It just makes me uncomfortable when people see getting married as an achievement.

You've got company here. I also can't understand why a lot of people would see such common action as an achievement. It must have to do with love and all that surrounds it.

fellis: hehehe don't I just love bananabender's fieriness? @topic; it depends on the preference of the individual. Some feminists see marriage as an achievement and some others eg me, do not see it as an acheivement. A person can support gender equality and still crave marriage maybe because she wants long term companionship from the opposite sex or because one of her goals in life is to establish a family with a husband and kids. It all comes down to what that particular feminist has set out as her goals in life.

Please permit me to why you don't see Marriage as an achievement.

fellis: hehehe don't I just love bananabender's fieriness? @topic; it depends on the preference of the individual. Some feminists see marriage as an achievement and some others eg me, do not see it as an acheivement. A person can support gender equality and still crave marriage maybe because she wants long term companionship from the opposite sex or because one of her goals in life is to establish a family with a husband and kids. It all comes down to what that particular feminist has set out as her goals in life.

Fellis, beautiful idea. We need more of the latter in this deprived country.