ladies in house pls i need help

My story;

I started dating this lady I met in the church after few months of observation. she apperas cool, gentle and lady-like and after speaking with one or two church elders to confirm her behavior, I went for her and that was after so many fasting and praying from my own part. She agreed after about 2months which she claimed she needed to seek the face of The Lord.

She was about going for her NYSC then and we had very little time to spend together but I tried to utilised the little time to really know who she is outside the church environment and to my suprise, I discovered she has two sets of wardrobe; 1 for the long skirts and roundneck tops with those long Native dresses and the second one consists of ridiculously tight jeans and skimpy tops. The first she keeps for the church and the second she keeps for the world outside the church. I was suprised at these double identity and wanted to quit but she daily gives me an overdose of love assurance that I always forget about her shortcomings. We have started attending intending couples class and she has taken me to see her parents before I started discovering other things more nasty than double identity.

She receive calls from other men which I tought were probably from her family members or some other male casual friends so I initially didn't worry about her calls from men but there was this day which was the first time I discovred she has other as a lover, she owns up after heated argument and this happened on three diffrent occassions but each time, she pleaded with the promise not to let it happen again. The third one was an Aristo(she owned up) which now made me reported her to her Aunty. I actually made up my mind at that spot to end it all but I was prevailed over by her Aunt and a Pastor in the church so I grudgingly let go with a warning that if such thing happens again, it would be the end. Unfortunately, she traveled to Anambra the following week for her NYSC but my mind wasn't at rest and so, I bought another sim card and called her telling her that we met somewhere before and that I'd like to marry her but I didn't talk for long to avoid her recognising my voice I sent sms and so the worst happened; she didn't even resist at all, she quickly sent her address explaining how to board Anambra Bus and how to get to where she is at Anambra. I was so mad and called her immediately that she should forget about me and move on with her life. She started begging again and came down to lagos the following day when I refused her calls.

I loved her and she APPEARS to love me too going by her attitude before all these started. She a good cook, she is clean and neat, she does things in the house without waiting to be told and I know she would be a free giver if she had money or anything, in simple language, she is homely.


What do I do, That aspect of her life is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE, I do not want to have 4 childrend with 3 of them being a bastard.

leave her do u need a spiritualist to tell u?

HEY PLS IN AS MUCH AS WULDNT LIKE YOU TO BE SAD, MY ADVICE TO YOU IS TO LEAVE HER.
MAYBE SHE ISNT 4 YOU.
A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP IS BETTER THAN A BROKEN HOME.
JUST PRAY ABOUT IT, I BELIEVE SOMETHING GOOD WOULD COME OUT
GOOD LUCK.

what a shame. this is a church going person allegedly. church going101 naija style. this is not christianity101.
you have your opportunity to run now. you can't blame God for giving you 2 legs will you? as for those do gooders in your church, press IGNORE button on them because they wont be there for you when the mess happens in your marriage. 
better catch up than clean up i say.  there is nothing capable of destroying a mans destiny as a bad wife.
RUN BROTHER RUN

talk to your mama quick. she didnt born a fool and would not want a girl like this for a daughter in-law.
i hope topup and her clan sees this and talk sence into you.

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN as fast as your legs can carry you.
you dont need a soothsayer to tell you you are threading on dangerous ground

You don't need any sipritualist or Nairalander to tell you that this lady is not meant for you.My brother ruuuuuuuuuuuuun.

thanks all of you for your responses. I had my mind made up already but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't wrong

Equity7:

thanks all of you for your responses. I had my mind made up already but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't wrong

good for you. why are young men not able to talk to their mum about things like this these days?

in my days i could go to my gran or mum over things like this for advice. what is going on?

hmmmmmm . . . .all these . ."seekin the face of the Lord" people sef

Nautillus:

hmmmmmm . . . .all these . ."seekin the face of the Lord" people sef

you like the devils ugly face better abi?

it is good to seek Gods face. what i don't agree with is using it as most manipulative people do. if you really seek His face about an issue, He should tell you some things about it that will bless you.  i don't like darkness. i wonder why the sought face couldn't speak that sister teresa or whatever she is called is also a serial cheat.

thank God for my granny and mum. i will always run through things like that past them. if they can't catch her out, heaven will.  i still don't  know how some guys make major decisions like this without seeking counsel.  play play small boy want to marry miss available. nawao

@ good for you.  why are young men not able to talk to their mum about things like this these days?

in my days i could go to my gran or mum over things like this for advice.  what is going on?

I knew the response from my mum would be automatic LEAVE HER!!, I just called her today to inform her and she made me promised I'll never allow her come to my place again and she immediately asked me to come home and marry her friends daughter which was my fear initially, I knew she could influence me a lot.

@hmmmmmm . . . .all these . ."seekin the face of the Lord" people sef  


me sef, i no dey for that anymore, like these ladies don't respect you when you are gentle and faithful.

Eeeeyah, too bad. I guess some are just born players. Sorry bro, it better you found out now than two weeks after your wedding  

I think the poster moved too fast before he got to know the girl. Guys should learn to be friends first before talking about marriage and other such stuffs. But come to think of it, maybe this girl has double wardrobe simply because such cloths are not allowed in the church and not because she's trying to deceive other people. Again, receiving other people's calls: remember she had friends before you met her, so, it's possible she's just keeping in touch.
As for the test you gave her which she failed terribly, maybe she stopped trusting you because you always want to break up when ever you have issues and she's decided that a back up suitor will not be a bad idea.

Solution:
If u still want this relationship (if you love her like you said), call her, discuss what you feel, how hurt you feel and both of you should have a heart to heart talk. Ask her why she's behaving the way she is and ask her what her genuine intentions are with you. Furthermore, assure her you're for real and won't dump her whenever you have issues with her.
When she becomes confident of your love and commitment, she'll become more secure and stop trying to have a back up plan. If she doesn't stop, you might have to really break up; do not threaten her, just call her and tell her that for such and such reasons, you don't think both of you should go ahead with this relationship.

@ yimington

your points are not valid in my view

If someone wanted to have a 'back up' would it be someone who called you out of the blue?? The girl had already given the man contact info to come meet her in Anambra, not even waiting to see if it was a trustworthy person or not! Such a woman is not faithful - either it's because she needs money or just that she can't be on her own for just a while.

This same woman was caught with 'Aristo', was that also back up?

She may be well behaved, but she has a very serious character flaw - she keeps going for these strange relationships at the drop of a hat. Meaning that she is likely sleeping around as well. She's not ready to get married with such attitudes, let her clean up her act for the next guy that comes along.

yimiton:

I think the poster moved too fast before he got to know the girl. Guys should learn to be friends first before talking about marriage and other such stuffs. But come to think of it, maybe this girl has double wardrobe simply because such cloths are not allowed in the church and not because she's trying to deceive other people. Again, receiving other people's calls: remember she had friends before you met her, so, it's possible she's just keeping in touch.
As for the test you gave her which she failed terribly, maybe she stopped trusting you because you always want to break up when ever you have issues and she's decided that a back up suitor will not be a bad idea.

Solution:
If u still want this relationship (if you love her like you said), call her, discuss what you feel, how hurt you feel and both of you should have a heart to heart talk. Ask her why she's behaving the way she is and ask her what her genuine intentions are with you. Furthermore, assure her you're for real and won't dump her whenever you have issues with her.
When she becomes confident of your love and commitment, she'll become more secure and stop trying to have a back up plan. If she doesn't stop, you might have to really break up; do not threaten her, just call her and tell her that for such and such reasons, you don't think both of you should go ahead with this relationship.

i tot u were some pastor or something like that? how does a christian have Godly and ungodly clothes? this girl has ugly rumour smelling all over her. if this boy was your son will this be your counsell or you just saying it because a sister has to play games? she is a disgrace. we are called to depart from iniquities if we name Christ name. you know the shame i feel when i hear how church in lagos is the best place to pick up women to hotels? solution indeed. one even had the audacity to tell a guy her god doesnt mind so long as she pays tithe. madness. her god must be very ungry. christian sister wonderful youth corper indeed. l

[b][b][b][b] "Its A Long Way From Sunday School To Broadway"[/b][/b][/b][/b]

Oh she used to stand and clap her hands and sing Amazing Grace
While the tears of childhood innocence were streaming down her face
Mama prayed at night and raised her right and thought she knew her way
But it's a long long way from Sunday School to where she's at today

It's a long long way from Sunday School to Broadway
She's a long way from the girl she used to be
When you sing the city songs it's hard to find your way back home
And it's a long long way from Sunday School to Broa-oa-oadway

Sunday evenings spent in the gospel tent down on her bended knee
Where she gave her soul to Jesus and he set her spirit free
But her body longed for city life and she couldn't stay at home
And it's a long long way from Sunday School to New York nights alone

It's a long long way from Sunday School to Broadway
She's a long way from the girl she used to be
When you sing the city songs it's hard to find your way back home
And it's a long long way from Sunday School to Broa-oa-oadway

Then her eyes grew bright in the cool dark night and a halo framed her face
And a passer-by swore he heard her cry, can you hear Amazing Gra-ace
Did you see the man who took her life as she walked the New York streets
And it's a long long way from Broadway till the place at the Master's feet

It's a long long way from Sunday School to Broadway
She's a long way from the girl she used to be
When you sing the city songs it's hard to find your way back home
And it's a long long way from Sunday School to Broa-oa-oadway

It's a long long way from Sunday School to Broadway
She's a long way from the girl she used to be
When you sing the city songs it's hard to find you

debosky:

@ yimington

your points are not valid in my view

If someone wanted to have a 'back up' would it be someone who called you out of the blue?? The girl had already given the man contact info to come meet her in Anambra, not even waiting to see if it was a trustworthy person or not! Such a woman is not faithful - either it's because she needs money or just that she can't be on her own for just a while.

This same woman was caught with 'Aristo', was that also back up?

She may be well behaved, but she has a very serious character flaw - she keeps going for these strange relationships at the drop of a hat. Meaning that she is likely sleeping around as well. She's not ready to get married with such attitudes, let her clean up her act for the next guy that comes along.

you tell me. what is aristo by the way?

@ debosky,
I missed out the Aristo part on my first read. I had to go back to the post to read it.
The aristo issue is really a serious one but even at that, the poster needs to call her and have a heart to heart talk with her. He should stop threatening to leave her. He should leave her once and for all if he wants to. There's no point going back if he feels he can't trust her or take her with her flaws.

@JJYOU,
I've stopped judging people based on what other people say about them or what I feel about them. Experience has thought me to listen to people patiently no matter how bad they seem before making a decision or making up my mind about them.
I also don't think some cloths are ungodly, but some churches simply don't accept some cloths in the church. That doesn't make them wrong as far as I'm concerned, it just means don't wear them to church.
Personally, I wear jeans a lot, I wear trousers suits to work and pants but I wear African print or lace material most of the time to church not because I feel trousers are wrong, but because I feel those cloths are traditional church cloths. Just as I won't wear jeans and top to my office on a Monday morning is the same way I won't wear them to church on a Sunday morning. That doesn't make me hypocritical, it simply means I have different choices for different occasions.

Omo born the girl how many times are u going to forgive her? Even though u forgive her a million times she will still do the same cuzz she knows you will always forgive abeg. If I was you when u sent her address to I will just ignore it and start afresh with another girl and forget her.

it was so lo0ng i culdnt read.any1 got a summary?

what kind of advice does this man need?
cant u see urself?

shio

Soulamanne
They finally got married after all the wahala

u no fit read?

Yimi
take her with her flaws? Aristoism isnt a flaw, its a taboo
ill run from such gurls

NO TK,
I won't advice any man to take a girl who keeps an Aristo or Aristos, but from his post, he said he had FORGIVEN her for keeping the Aristo and I presume she doesn't keep him or them anymore.
What I'm suggesting to this young man is to talk to the lady and listen to her without judgment in his heart. After that, if he feels he can't live with her, then instead of going, coming back to make up, he should tell her he can't for these reasons continue with the relationship and simply put an end to it. Very importantly too, the poster should learn to be friends with a lady and know her before considering her for marriage no matter how well the church members talk about her. Communication works TK, it does.

[color=#000099][/color]


Hey!! my brother,

I guess we all have our short comings.
There is no same person.
Marriage is a blissfull ground that allows for proper understanding btw the couples(that is if they want to).
Please take that stand that would help you before it gets late.
Move on with your life.

tkb417:

Yimi
take her with her flaws? Aristoism isnt a flaw, its a taboo
ill run from such gurls

i like her easy believism if you know what i mean. i cant believe the tolerance treashold i see these days. if you wont judge them the world will and it is always sad to see so called believers behave like they dont have responsibility towards others.

i beg wetin be this  aristoism?

yimiton:

@ debosky,
@JJYOU,
I also don't think some cloths are ungodly, but some churches simply don't accept some cloths in the church.  

b help me out here because i dont want to misunderstand you.  you are a pastor or some kind of evangelist. am i right  pls?

how can you say you dont believe some clothes are ungodly? it is not about churches accepting it is just pure decency.  there are things a unbelievers can wear and thata believers must find unacceptable. that should be common sence.  all things are not lawfull to us.

i was recently looking at a naija church wedding album on facebook with people  brought up in LA . a church wedding it was supposed to be. more than half of the women there had sleeveless clothes showing their  boobs including women who have reasons to hide their bodies for wear and tear. we were quit shocked to know that christians were that relaxed about these things in nigeria.  

there is decency and moderation.  i dont like judging people but telling truth and having sound mind is part of our responsibility to the body of Christ.

yimiton r u for real?

@ JJ,

when he said she had different wardrobes, he stated that her church cloths were long skirts with turtle necked tops.
He didn't tell us though if the 'other wardrobe' was made up of exposing cloths and spaghetti tops, or decent trousers with nice tops that don't exposed feminine parts to the world.
That is why we must not judge her. We should know her and hear from her before we make that condemning concluti conclusion on. As the poster is our only point of contact with her, he should talk with her and let us know what she says.


By the way, Aristo is Sugar daddy and I'm no evangelist or pastor. I'm an individual who used to jump to conclusion a lot, judged people or trade blames easily but love happened to me recently with a guy who knew how to be patient and he has thought me some very nice lessons in a pretty bitter way.
If you'll want to know about it, check out my blog, address is on my signature.

Yimi
hmmmm. This ur love na one in town!!

we still need to talk. maybe next week

back to topic
see, in this case, its not jumping into conclusions but it is glaring the gurl wants to eat her cake and have it.
How do u explain the call the guy made with another sim?

There are situations u dont wait for a second time. The faster the poster runs, the better for his life
or else, the guy go carry everlasting cross o

JJ
Aristoism
Its been on for a while. when did u leave 9ja? it used to be the ish, but now its yahoo yahoo
i think Yimi has already given you a hint as to what it means

it is a pity i cant help!!

Hey TK,
No wahala. This time, even me tire sef .
I'm keeping a diary mostly around him on my blog page. It's simply titled 'My diary' He made me love him pieces then, started helping me to be a better woman. Right now eh, I don quiet big time.

Are u still there? ol boy u don finish if u never talk to ur legs and ja like a mad man. To before warned is to before harmed ooo!

@ yimmi,

thanks for your concern but pls remember i'm not a small boy, i'm 37 and i don't think i can afford to make mistake at this level and i also want you to know i have not threatened to leave her throughout the time. She would just start begging whenevr she discovered i found her out. she would then own up and beg for forgiveness.

I also mentioned i my write-up that the second wardrobe contains ridiculously tight jeans and revealing tops that I had to ask her not to come to my house in those dresess again.

My mind is made up now and I wont even try any lady from any church NEVER again,

Equity7:
I also mentioned i my write-up that the second wardrobe contains ridiculously tight jeans and revealing tops that I had to ask her not to come to my house in those dresess again.
My mind is made up now and I wont even try any lady from any church NEVER again,

it was obvious you were not talking about jeans. yimmi is in a dangerous grace zone of everything allowed. she has moved from one end of the spectrum to the other. i don't know why the devils kids keep parading the church. it is like some people have work mask, home mask and church mask. they must be confused and waring within themselves.

I wont even try any lady from any church NEVER again

don't let it come to this. there are still some God fearing people. problem is some of you guys go to these churches where you know people are too much in the flesh and not submitted to doing god's will and you expect them to be holy Mary when they come into relationship with you.

a scorpion will always be a scorpion ( full of poison and always sting people) you guys have some religious scorpions and snake in that naija. talking the talk never walking the Christian walk

I dont think you are both good for each other cos as a man its dangerous for you to continue it may lead to one of the other men go after your life and i dont think its good for a lady to get married to a man she is dating and also having another man that wont make her have a happy home cos she will still continue after the marriage