I was talking to a friend last night and she told me about her nightmares, honestly I was shocked at the things she said she goes through. But that got me thinking and I counted the number of female friends I had that had previously suffered rαpe and it was like 4 out of every 5. Now this is not a general statistics but the number of my own personal friends. This showed the alarming rate of rαpe victims in our society. I decided to open an online support thread for survivors of rαpe and to also give tips to prevent rαpe.
It would be a general thread were people can talk about their past and help other ladies be more careful so as to prevent it from happening again. Most Rαpe cases are brought up from romantic tendencies so I suggests that the thread be left in Romance section so all the ladies can learn from it.

What is rαpe? The article below gives a good definition

Rαpe is any form of unwanted sexual behaviour that is imposed on someone.[/b]

Our definition of rαpe is broader than most conventional or legal definitions. We place rαpe within a continuum of sexual violence that can take many different forms, including sexual harassment, verbal abuse, leering, threats, exposure, being forced to watch pornography, unwanted touching, incest, penetration, mutilation, and ritual abuse.

Rαpe is more about the [b]abuse of power than about sexual attraction or the desire for sexual gratification.

Rαpe is when someone uses their power, manipulation or force to intimidate, humiliate, exploit, degrade or control another. Rαpe has been used as a weapon in war, in racial violence and in everyday life. Rαpe diminishes a person's dignity and their human rights to safety, choice and consent.
Rαpe is a crime.

Our definition takes into account that a person may feel as if they have been rαped in circumstances that are not legally defined as constituting rαpe. Rαpe may not involve actual physical injury. It is an act that may be experienced as a violation of the physical body, and/or on emotional, intellectual, and spiritual levels.
Rαpe may also be defined as a process by which people feel that they do not have the right to say no and have their rights respected.
Some examples of rαpe include:
• An adult relative uses trickery and bribes to make a child participate in a sexual activity.
• A husband/partner manipulates his wife into having sex in order to 'keep the peace' or to 'show that she loves him' or that it is 'her duty' or 'his entitlement'.
• A boy/man pressures a girl/woman into having sex when she is not ready.(I had to make this bold for emphasis. When a lady says NO she means NO in totality, men should stop this notion that she says NO just for say sake.
• A man expects a woman to have sex after buying her a drink or dinner. I want to hear ladies views on this
• A man has sex with a woman when she is too drunk or drugged to give or refuse consent.
• A general practitioner convinces a woman to undertake an intimate examination when it is unnecessary or inappropriate. Your gynecologist could as well be rαping you.

We do not believe there are any excuses for rαpe.

http://www.brissc.org.au/resources/for/for_1.html

Lets have a mini statistics. Ladies & guys please if you have suffered anything that is close to rαpe or the actual rαpe. Like this post

Tips

* Don't underestimate your abilities. The human body has amazing strength and wit in situations like this. Once the adrenaline gets going, as long as you are not too paralyzed by fear, you'd be surprised what you can do.

* Remember to improvise. Whatever you have on you can be used as a weapon in some way or form. For example, if you have a pair of high heels on, get those shoes off and stab them in the eye or something with the heel. Even your keys can be used as a weapon, if they're spiky enough. Slit their wrist or throat or poke their eye out. Once they're down, run away immediately and dial for help and run into the nearest crowded place and tell as many people as you can what happened to you. Do not wait for them to get back up. If they can, this will only make them even angrier and do worse things.

* Rape can and does strike anyone at anytime. Age, social class, ethnic group and has no bearing on the person a rapist chooses to attack. Research data clearly proves that a way a person dresses and/or acts does not influence the rapist's choice of victims. His/her decision to rape is based on how easily he/she perceives his/her target can be intimidated. Rapists are looking for available and vulnerable targets. Statistics were obtained from various sources including the study Rape in America, 1992, National Victim Center, The Federal Bureau of Investigations and the National Crime Survey.

* Your natural instinct can save your life. Pay attention to it. It is like radar and can prevent serious problems. A common reporting of women that are about to see their rapist is a quiet voice inside telling them something is very wrong. Listen and respect that voice. If there is a hint of danger about the person or surroundings, do not ignore it.

* Scream. Scream your little lungs out like there's no tomorrow. Scream in their ear if possible, this will deafen them momentarily. Unless they have a weapon to you, ignore them if they say not to scream. Shout "Rape!" or something to that effect, "Call the police, I am being raped!"

* Rapists do not necessarily look like criminals. The person could look very normal, well groomed, athletic pleasant, young, etc. They might not look evil or like a bad guy. They could be your boss, a teacher, a neighbor, boyfriend or girlfriend, or relative.

* Remember that attackers usually want easy prey, so don't cooperate! If you are sexually assaulted, yell things which make it clear everyone that the attacker's actions are unwelcome

* Carry defensive items only if you know how to use them. Remember, any "weapon" that could hurt a potential attacker can be used against you if you are not well trained and comfortable with it. If you are going to carry a handgun, make sure to take classes in its use, practice often at a firing range, and apply for a concealed weapons permit; if you carry a knife, take a course in the most effective way to use it. Remember that even an umbrella or purse can be used as a weapon against an attacker, and has less chance of being turned against you.


http://m.wikihow.com/Prevent-a-Potential-Rape

I'm not after fp sir, I'm waiting for you to finish what you wanna post So that I'd fire back.

So when they share it, you counsel? Would you stop the constant abuse?
You give tips? To prevent rape from happening? What of those that can't help it? You tell them to report to police abi?
How exactly is this thread gonna make a difference especially to those that now see constant abuse as a necessary thing in life?(Yeah there are people that grew up with it)
By the way I love the idea of the thread.

Justeenaleo: So when they share it, you counsel? Would you stop the constant abuse?
You give tips? To prevent rape from happening? What of those that can't help it? You tell them to report to police abi?
How exactly is this thread gonna make a difference especially to those that now see constant abuse as a necessary thing in life?(Yeah there are people that grew up with it)
By the way I love the idea of the thread.

This article should answer your question

Why I Talk About rαpe


Yesterday, I taped a segment about my rapist friending me on Facebook for an NPR show. As a result of writing that article, I have done several interviews on the topic, and those doing the interviewing usually treat the topic much more gingerly than I do.

They tear up. They talk about rape in soft, apologetic tones. I do not. I talk about rape like I might talk about what's for dinner.

I am not precious about rape. I think that people who are tend to be those who haven't experienced sexual trauma, because once you've been raped, it's hard to see it both as a huge, devestating tragedy and also to move on. You have to accept it in order to keep putting one foot in front of another.

This is not the same as talking about rape without affect, which is something that happened to me when I was still split off from my emotions, on the rare occasions when I talked about what I considered just "bad things that had happened to me."

I didnt talk about rape at all back then, because I didn't have the vocabulary. Each time that it happened to me, I felt that extenuating circumstances kept it from truly being rape. He was my boyfriend, I was drunk, I got in the car. I never believed that I had fought hard enough.

When the rapist who took my virginity smiled and walked me home afterward, singing songs to “cheer me up” while my bloody underwear was balled up in my pocket, I told myself, "He didn't know what he was doing." When the 28-year-old I considered my "boyfriend" when I was only 16 choked and hit me until I passed out, then afterward told me, “The fear in your eyes made me want to cum and cry at the same time," I thought, "Well, he is my boyfriend." When I drunkenly went home with a guy who put a belt around my neck and told me, "Shhh, you'll like it. Kiss me, relax," before raping me anally, I said, "I shouldn't have left the bar with him."

Women in recovery have a lot of war stories. The stuff that happens to blacked-out, passed-out drunks like me is not pretty. The stuff that happens to poorly supervised little girls with bad boundaries and low self-esteem is even uglier. I lost track of how many times I had been violated because I did not call them by name. I did not call them by name because I blamed myself. Because I did not name them, I could not fight.

I hear women I know, time and time again, talk about "bad experiences" that have happened to them, "unfortunate occurences," that resulted from "putting themselves in a lot of bad situations." Then they'll describe a rape.

I am inappropriate in situations like these. I'll say, "It sounds like you're not very emotionally connected to what happened to you." I'll say, "What you're describing is a sexual assault."

Once, a woman told me a story about losing her virginity as a young teen to an adult man who flirted with her and talked her into his room at a hotel she was staying at with her mother. He persuaded her to have sex and she left feeling dirty and confused. She told the story laughingly, over dinner, like it was just another disappointing virginity loss anecdote. I said, "I don't know if you realize how sad this story is. I feel very sad hearing it." She began to tear up, too.

I talk about rape because rape is still misunderstood, even by those who have experienced it. Because when we don't hear real details of actual sexual assaults, we are forced to believe the presiding cultural narrative, which is that rape is something only perpetrated by strangers with guns and knives. We want rape to be scary and foreign, a stranger jumping out of the bushes, because if it looked familiar, like our own boyfriends and sons, how would we keep going?

We want it to happen to drunk girls or slutty girls or girls who were somewhere they shouldn't be because the alternative is that it can happen to any girl. That it could happen to us. But the other side of that is that when it does happen to us, we don't recognize it. We poke holes in our own experiences, make up reasons why it was our own damn fault.

I talk about rape so that I can say, "I was drunk" or "I wanted to kiss him, but not to have sex with him," or "I was on a date with him" or "I wanted the sexual attention but not the sex" or "I had an orgasm" or "I didn't scream or kick." I can say all those things, and still call it what it is.

These interviewers often seem surpised that I am willing to discuss my rape in a public forum. They tread lightly, they ask tentatively. What they don't know is that I will not miss one opportunity to talk about my rape to someone who is interested.

Talking about rape casually, in everyday situations, shuts a conversation down quickly. Rape is not, I guess, a polite topic to discuss, like religion or politics. Even when rape is being talked about, people get uncomfortable when I make it personal, when I talk about "my rape."

I can understand that -- rape is not pretty, and we'd rather not look at it. Still, it's a fact of my life that I was raped. Pretending it didn't happen or tiptoeing around the details will not change that fact. Why should I have anything to hide? And who does my silence benefit?

I talk about rape right out loud because I have no reason to be ashamed. I am not the one who should be lowering my voice. In a society where something like 1 in 4 women experiences sexual assault, not talking about it is an anomaly, the silence that proves the stigma.

I don't want to be "rape girl," necessarily, but I am willing to be. I will publicly and clearly state my experiences for all the peope who can't or won't, because every time I do, I know I help someone understand what happened to them. And because every time I show my face and say the word, it takes the darkness and shame off of me, the victim, and puts it squarely back where it belongs -- on the perpetrators.

http://m.xojane.com/issues/why-i-talk-about-rape

So my liking your post as a ra'pe victim will do what? Bia enyi a, ina nta ncha?

We are here to help you all

teeo:

This article should answer your question

Why I Talk About rαpe


Yesterday, I taped a segment about my rapist friending me on Facebook for an NPR show. As a result of writing that article, I have done several interviews on the topic, and those doing the interviewing usually treat the topic much more gingerly than I do.

They tear up. They talk about rape in soft, apologetic tones. I do not. I talk about rape like I might talk about what's for dinner.

I am not precious about rape. I think that people who are tend to be those who haven't experienced sexual trauma, because once you've been raped, it's hard to see it both as a huge, devestating tragedy and also to move on. You have to accept it in order to keep putting one foot in front of another.

This is not the same as talking about rape without affect, which is something that happened to me when I was still split off from my emotions, on the rare occasions when I talked about what I considered just "bad things that had happened to me."

I didnt talk about rape at all back then, because I didn't have the vocabulary. Each time that it happened to me, I felt that extenuating circumstances kept it from truly being rape. He was my boyfriend, I was drunk, I got in the car. I never believed that I had fought hard enough.

When the rapist who took my virginity smiled and walked me home afterward, singing songs to “cheer me up” while my bloody underwear was balled up in my pocket, I told myself, "He didn't know what he was doing." When the 28-year-old I considered my "boyfriend" when I was only 16 choked and hit me until I passed out, then afterward told me, “The fear in your eyes made me want to cum and cry at the same time," I thought, "Well, he is my boyfriend." When I drunkenly went home with a guy who put a belt around my neck and told me, "Shhh, you'll like it. Kiss me, relax," before raping me anally, I said, "I shouldn't have left the bar with him."

Women in recovery have a lot of war stories. The stuff that happens to blacked-out, passed-out drunks like me is not pretty. The stuff that happens to poorly supervised little girls with bad boundaries and low self-esteem is even uglier. I lost track of how many times I had been violated because I did not call them by name. I did not call them by name because I blamed myself. Because I did not name them, I could not fight.

I hear women I know, time and time again, talk about "bad experiences" that have happened to them, "unfortunate occurences," that resulted from "putting themselves in a lot of bad situations." Then they'll describe a rape.

I am inappropriate in situations like these. I'll say, "It sounds like you're not very emotionally connected to what happened to you." I'll say, "What you're describing is a sexual assault."

Once, a woman told me a story about losing her virginity as a young teen to an adult man who flirted with her and talked her into his room at a hotel she was staying at with her mother. He persuaded her to have sex and she left feeling dirty and confused. She told the story laughingly, over dinner, like it was just another disappointing virginity loss anecdote. I said, "I don't know if you realize how sad this story is. I feel very sad hearing it." She began to tear up, too.

I talk about rape because rape is still misunderstood, even by those who have experienced it. Because when we don't hear real details of actual sexual assaults, we are forced to believe the presiding cultural narrative, which is that rape is something only perpetrated by strangers with guns and knives. We want rape to be scary and foreign, a stranger jumping out of the bushes, because if it looked familiar, like our own boyfriends and sons, how would we keep going?

We want it to happen to drunk girls or slutty girls or girls who were somewhere they shouldn't be because the alternative is that it can happen to any girl. That it could happen to us. But the other side of that is that when it does happen to us, we don't recognize it. We poke holes in our own experiences, make up reasons why it was our own damn fault.

I talk about rape so that I can say, "I was drunk" or "I wanted to kiss him, but not to have sex with him," or "I was on a date with him" or "I wanted the sexual attention but not the sex" or "I had an orgasm" or "I didn't scream or kick." I can say all those things, and still call it what it is.

These interviewers often seem surpised that I am willing to discuss my rape in a public forum. They tread lightly, they ask tentatively. What they don't know is that I will not miss one opportunity to talk about my rape to someone who is interested.

Talking about rape casually, in everyday situations, shuts a conversation down quickly. Rape is not, I guess, a polite topic to discuss, like religion or politics. Even when rape is being talked about, people get uncomfortable when I make it personal, when I talk about "my rape."

I can understand that -- rape is not pretty, and we'd rather not look at it. Still, it's a fact of my life that I was raped. Pretending it didn't happen or tiptoeing around the details will not change that fact. Why should I have anything to hide? And who does my silence benefit?

I talk about rape right out loud because I have no reason to be ashamed. I am not the one who should be lowering my voice. In a society where something like 1 in 4 women experiences sexual assault, not talking about it is an anomaly, the silence that proves the stigma.

I don't want to be "rape girl," necessarily, but I am willing to be. I will publicly and clearly state my experiences for all the peope who can't or won't, because every time I do, I know I help someone understand what happened to them. And because every time I show my face and say the word, it takes the darkness and shame off of me, the victim, and puts it squarely back where it belongs -- on the perpetrators.

http://m.xojane.com/issues/why-i-talk-about-rape

Hm

3cycle: We are here to help you all

Help us, I mean them? How? Medicine after death I tell ya.

The only way to help them is to teach them Tai-Chi

xynerise:
Help us, I mean them? How? Medicine after death I tell ya.

The only way to help them is to teach them Tai-Chi

Kung Fu would be better but does Kung Fu help them mentally.

xynerise: So my liking your post as a ra'pe victim will do what? Bia enyi a, ina nta ncha?

I believe Antelope you saw where I wrote statistics see your eye. Am waiting for your suggestions though

xynerise:
Help us, I mean them? How? Medicine after death I tell ya.

The only way to help them is to teach them Tai-Chi

Tai chi? May they never find theirselves in such a situation, Amen.

Yeah it has happened but we can still help them live again. all men are not beast, they aren't only Interested In getting into your pants, Most crave to be loved and most are human.

3cycle:
Tai chi? May they never find theirselves in such a situation, Amen.

Yeah it has happened but we can still help them live again. all men are not beast, they aren't only Interested In getting into your pants, Most crave to be loved and most are human.

9
OK, some kind of a pep-talk. No wahala, but I don't think anyone would want to share her experience. Man self wan share?

I'm so following this. BRB

Thanks teeo for dis topic. Rapists wud rot in hell..has in why wud someone rape a girl, when there are many prostitutes arounds.. But that does not change the fact that sometimes the mode of dressing of dis ladies tends to be the cause of their problems

Rape,it breeds contempt for the opposite sex,lack of trust and insecurity.

I think ladies should always walk about with knives,thankGod we go about with big bags.
More rapists are better dead than be alive.

xynerise:
9
OK, some kind of a pep-talk. No wahala, but I don't think anyone would want to share her experience. Man self wan share?

Yes guys too are allowed to share, some were victims of Stronger women

BULL$H1T. . .

yungchop: BULL$H1T. . .

..

3cycle:
Yes guys too are allowed to share, some were victims of Stronger women

I just wonder what an adult male would be shouting when a woman is ''raping'' him. So Weird

Rapists should be thrown inside 3rd mainland water

3cycle: We are here to help you all

me too my lady

Modified

teeo:

Potential ra'pist. Ladies beware

you don't know your mates abi? Don't try shitty talks with me, ok? Did I rap3 your mother? Your sister?? Your wife? Bloody scumbag

teeo:

Potential ra'pist. Ladies beware

That's downright careless use of words friend.

Get his reasons first for saying "bullshit"

yungchop: you don't know your mates abi? Don't try shitty talks with me, ok? Did I rap3 your mother? Your sister?? Your wife? Bloody scumbag

Knuckle down bro and remain in the matured arena...

Let it slide.

jnrbayano:

That's downright careless use of words friend.

Get his reasons first for saying "bullshit"

My bad, bro

yungchop: you don't know your mates abi? Don't try shitty talks with me, ok? Did I rap3 your mother? Your sister?? Your wife? Bloody scumbag

Accept my apologies mate.

A very ugly experience that I don't wish even to my enemy . I have been ganged raped by unknown men in my own house on two occasions by cultists and gunmen. The first incident people blamed me for not putting up a fight then on the second incident I fought back and that happened to be my worst mistake . When i told them over my dead body, i expected to be killed rather I was beaten mercilessly and they had their way. I woke in the hospital with scars all over my body and an almost blind eye.
Imagine meeting someone and he asks what happened to your left eyes, now I tell people I was born like that.