my dear nlders, this morning I was in my office after rounding up a lecture class, when one of my female students, she shud be 26yrs, came to meet me with a sad look on her face, saying she needs 2 talk 2 me and lemme judge her situation without bn biased. I replied, ok seat, whats d problem?
As she was explaining her situation to me, theres did defiant angry look in her face, as she goes on with her story. She stays in Akure, while her married sis stays in lagos wit her husband. Shes already done with polytechnic in Akure, when her elder sis invited her 2 lagos 2 come explore more opportunities. She gladly moved to lagos. She made her interest known in learning a skill, which the husband of her elder sister gave her a strong contact 2 go learn her chosen skill. They live in a big house, her sister has 3 kids, and they all lived ok for a period of time, during that period she's more or less taken as a glorified househelp. While the husband and sis, clothes her, feed her, and gave her tuition fee 2 learn a skill and also found a company job for her, so that she can have some savings.
But she very bitter, that the husband of her sis, rarely do any house chores. And that the house is so big for her alone 2 clean,cook for 5, and wash all their clothes. She started becoming stubborn when her sister's husband lost his job. She then stopped washing his clothes, and started complaining that d house work is 2 much for her... As she was taking, I was noting some things...then when she was done, I then asked her 3 questions.

Go on...

First I asked her, after her sis husband lost his job, does he still find a way to drop money for food and pay his kids school fees? she said , yes he still does, but he doesn't go out like a regular, working class guy anymore, but lazy around and orders her about. I said ok...
Secondly, what kind of chores do u want him 2 assist you with? how about yur sis? cant she assist u?.. she said her sis sells wears , but why cant her sis husband help out in cooking, washing and taking care of his own kids..? I smiled, when she said so.
ok, number 3.... what did yur sis say about all these? she said her sis had 2 support her cos they are family. so the husband got fedup and more agry , and threw her out of the house, and that she has no where 2 go.. I then asked her, what of your boyfriend? what did he say? she said her bf stays in one room with his youngest sister and so he cant accommodate her and she just want 2 move out and she's fedup.
I shook my head and told her, that look let me advise you. First, in my hometown o, where I come from. Its a great insult for a wife or even an inlaw 2 insist that a husband do house chores. whats even in this house chores, that u and yur sis cant handle? why bring d husband into it? she said ehhhh, he doesn't go out everymorning for jobs, so he shud help out in cleaning... I just looked at her and said, if am a man, and my wife or inlaw says such to me in my own house? they will go back to their father's house. u don't demand such from a man, no matter what. if he wants 2 help, let him make that decision and help willing, if he doesn't? so be it. and u even stopped washing his clothes? why wont he get angry and throw u out?
any of your frnds that are telling u 2 park and come live with them, are deceiving u... if u move with any of your frnds, grumbling and quarrel will start and u will regret living yur sis house.
Now, go back home... place yur pride behind u, and beg your sister's husband, hes still d man of the house. while u are a woman. beg him 2 forgive u, and be submissive. then your sis... pls tell her that I said no man is forced to doing house chores, especially when hes married... he has lost his job, [its just for a period of time, and all he has Now is his pride , and thank God hes still fulfilling some financial duties expected of him.
as , I am look at me very well, I don't compel or grumble at my husband to do house chores. or 2 even cook, and I earn more than him.. but I will never make him do house chores ... I make sure am home before 4pm to get his dinner and myself ready.... forget my class or status, when it comes 2 home, am a woman not a fellow man... so pls be submissive and erase this idea that husband must do house chores... me, I cant take u in 2 stay with me, so u better go back and beg him ...then sit yur sister down and talk 2 her to help with the chores too... been lazy will not help her especially when old age creeps in
I honestly wonder what mother teach their daugthers, and their mum is in akure , even came 2 lagos 2 settle quarrel btwn her and the sis husband..
can u guyz and babes imagine?


pls whats yur different take on this issue.

40 view and no comment... its a good sign, which means pple are wit me on this ...cool...


pls parents, pls teach the right thing and u will be saving lots of homes n all these divorce saga will reduce drastically

Amelian:
40 view and no comment... its a good sign, which means pple are wit me on this ...cool...


pls parents, pls teach the right thing and u will be saving lots of homes n all these divorce saga will reduce drastically

Your wisdom is from above. Am speechless..

Amelian:
40 view and no comment... its a good sign, which means pple are wit me on this ...cool...


pls parents, pls teach the right thing and u will be saving lots of homes n all these divorce saga will reduce drastically

the feminists don't like threads like this.

The issue has got nothing to do with their parents. All I see here is a confused, lazy and silly older sister.

I hope your prepared for whats about to hit you ma'am?. Be prepared. Be very prepared. I only know three decent women on here that will agree with you. The rest will tear you apart, and you might need the help of some "feminivores" like TV01, Coogar, Crackhaus and pickabeau.

All the best.

Fixed.

@fxwarrior, aww thanks , that's kind of u...its God o.. I want a peaceful home

@ driven, honestly ehnnnn the elder sis makes me angry...so lazy! haba

@ tribal, pls feminist groups shudnt see this topic at all..... I honestly know their mindset....sighs*

Talon05:
I hope your prepared for whats about to hit you ma'am?. Be prepared. Be very prepared. I only know three decent women on here that will agree with you. The rest will tear you apart, and you might need the help of some "feminivores" like TV01, Coogar, Crackhaus and pickabeau.

All the best.

Hit her? I volunteer myself to defend her. Let the whole Nairaland come. Am ready.

@ talon, the lord will see me through, but I know am saying the truth, whether they like am or not!...am not backing down



aww fxwarrior, thanks dear

Fxwarrior:


Hit her? I volunteer myself to defend her. Let the whole Nairaland come. Am ready.

All the best brotha.

lol @ talon, you are so funny.... nothing they fit do...but seriously in the feminist mind, and heart of hearts , they will know its fact.... some might want 2 bragado but in their closet, their conscience will prick them, by God's grace

Amelian:
@ talon, the lord will see me through, but I know am saying the truth, whether they like am or not!...am not backing down



aww fxwarrior, :Dthanks dear

Ma'am, ofcourse you did no wrong but these people being who they are, they will come in making denigrating remarks just to ridicule you for being "awesomely" different to them. Again, all the best.

I can see where the young woman is coming from. Her sister brought her in as an "omo odo", glorified housemaid in return for skill aquisition. My husband was brought up doing house chores so its no big deal, you are just old-fashioned nothing wrong with that .

Thanks

@edwife, the lady explaining things to me, is living with her elder sister whose married and stays in lagos with her husband. she cant fend for herself like that, that's why shes's putting up with them , and its for the time being. I told her, she shud be patient and with time, she will move and start her own life and family. that this stage is just one of those bumpy periods, some pple go through 2 achieve their dreams.
not every lady can really hustle on their own without support, no matter how stringent n uncomfortable it is.

edwife:


So for this girl,the only person that was suppose to assist her with chores is the husband's sister,not even her sister?

So,because he lost his job though he is still fulfilling his responsibility as the man of the house,he should be forced to do some chores,while the wife should do nothing than to mind her business.ok o

I would have send that girl out of the office,she was not forced to live with them,she is 26 and not a baby.If only she felt like it was too much for her,all she needed to do is to approach her sister and let her know .

Something could have been arranged for her,if they can feed and provide for her,why won't they seek for an alternative.

Some people bring unnecessary stress to themselves.

That her sister,i have no word for her.

Thanks for being objective. I knew you wont disappoint me. God bless your home Ma'am.

Amelian:
@edwife, the lady explaining things to me, is living with her elder sister whose married and stays in lagos with her husband. she cant fend for herself like that, that's why shes's putting up with them , and its for the time being. I told her, she shud be patient and with time, she will move and start her own life and family. that this stage is just one of those bumpy periods, some pple go through 2 achieve their dreams.
not every lady can really hustle on their own without support, no matter how stringent n uncomfortable it is.

That is the more reason she should have been wise and patient.After all,she is not a stranger,and do you believe if they were to use the services of a maid,would they have offer her all these privileges?

Hope its not her elder sister's fault.May be she be little her husband in front of her younger Sis.The younger girl doesnt have any right whatsoever.What impudence.No matter how the Man is,he is still the head of his home.Whatever there is,should be between husband and wife.I hate third party interferance in marriage ehn.

A 26 year old, matured and with common sense misbehaves and it's the fault of her parents? They automatically didn't train her well?


And really, the lady in question has issues, it's not her duty to attack her sister's hubby like that, na she and her sis get business, not she and sis' hubby.

If the work is too much for her, she has a right to complain, stress fit kill person, biko
I believe the sis was doing her chores one way or the other before she came in.


About men doing chores, no encourage the lazy ones here jor (e.g. pickabeau ), it's really cool if a man helps in cases where the woman is over-stresses, but if the man and the woman have an agreement that he can be watching TV when the lady is dying of work, what can I say?








Note: nobody should like my post cos of my lil shot @ pickabeau, abeg.....
I've realised when I throw playful shots at my personal buddies, I gain more likes and it sincerely makes me feel bad! If you wanna attack a poster, do it and face the music, don't queue behind me .....each time I attack, I'm ready to face my music


Thanks as you comply

Her real reason for being angry at the man is because he has refused to make advances at her..

She expected him to join in house chores with her so there will be "devil's time" to ask the unthinkable.

She should be sent out of that house immediately. What an ungrateful soul. She has exaggerated what she does at home.

How can someone going to school, learning skill and working part time have time to do all the house chores alone and not be wanting in all other tasks. There's something she is not telling you.

@ O.p I wish I had someone like u as a sister...u seem like a true Proverb 11 woman

It's wrng 4 d lady to wash her sister's husbnd's clothes dm dy share husbnd? Latr dy start cryin infidelity. She cn wash dt of d kids and co. Mak d wman of d hous maintain her home dn d sista shld hlp and nt both husbnd and wife handing ova d caring of d kids and co. to a third party.

edwife:


That is the more reason she should have been wise and patient.After all,she is not a stranger,and do you believe if they were to use the services of a maid,would they have offer her all these privileges?

Abi o.

@ aluta, u r right on yur reply
@ D Lioness, truly certain restrictions has 2 b made on certain duties 2 third parties.. D lady in question shud handle any grudges or discomfort wit her elder sis, not talkin bk @ d husband on division of labour in house chores.
@ agrika, awwh that's so nice.. We can be sisters, am always available 2 share ideas n offer a listening ear 2 issues bothering d mind n heart.. Its part of natural calling.

What to make of this thread? Chei!

......
1) A 26yr old girl is not a baby.why is she carrying on like one?

2)Why does her brother in law expect her to wash his clothes? I can't wrap my head around that.

3)When it comes to other chores that Doesn't involve washing other people's personal stuff,she should have been wise enough to follow her sister's cue. It is their house so she should have just left things for them the way they operate them. If the man doesn't do anything and her sister the wife is cool with it,she's not supposed to tell the man by herself to do chores. That's strictly between man amd wife.

4) She should just do what she can and leave the rest unless they have a written or unwritten agreement/understanding whereby she's expected to take on all the house chores as a form of payment for the help they are giving to her. If so,let her just keep quiet and fulfil her own side of the bargain.

5) But even if no such arrangement exists,she shouldn't be told before she knows one good turn deserves another. If the man and her sister are helping her out that much,helping them around the house shouldn't be a demeaning thing for her to do.(That shouldn't include washing his clothes)

As for Mr man...

6)Pls and pls. If the man can't wash his clothes by himself,let his wife do it. Which kind rubbish be that kwanu? Eh bikonu?

The way some of us like to belittle and humiliate others because we are doing better than them. Why will a NORMAL man feel ok removing his dirty clothes and expecting his sister in law to always wash up after him.
Tufia.

I believe it is good to help but help must be rendered in such a way thayt the beneficiary will forever appreciate it. Not the kind of help that leave them grumbling.

Amelian:
my dear nlders, this morning I was in my office after rounding up a lecture class, when one of my female students, she shud be 26yrs, came to meet me with a sad look on her face, saying she needs 2 talk 2 me and lemme judge her situation without bn biased. I replied, ok seat, whats d problem?
As she was explaining her situation to me, theres did defiant angry look in her face, as she goes on with her story. She stays in Akure, while her married sis stays in lagos wit her husband. Shes already done with polytechnic in Akure, when her elder sis invited her 2 lagos 2 come explore more opportunities. She gladly moved to lagos. She made her interest known in learning a skill, which the husband of her elder sister gave her a strong contact 2 go learn her chosen skill. They live in a big house, her sister has 3 kids, and they all lived ok for a period of time, during that period she's more or less taken as a glorified househelp. While the husband and sis, clothes her, feed her, and gave her tuition fee 2 learn a skill and also found a company job for her, so that she can have some savings.
But she very bitter, that the husband of her sis, rarely do any house chores. And that the house is so big for her alone 2 clean,cook for 5, and wash all their clothes. She started becoming stubborn when her sister's husband lost his job. She then stopped washing his clothes, and started complaining that d house work is 2 much for her... As she was taking, I was noting some things...then when she was done, I then asked her 3 questions.

This girl needs to go back home and let her sister be a slave if she wants to. That's her choice.

@ OP WHAT JOB DO YOU DO THAT YOU CAN GET HOME BEFORE 4 AND STILL EARN MORE THAN YOUR HUSBAND

If the man is JOBLESS, he needs to wash his own DAMN clothes!
Even if he were "King Solomon"?

He needs to respect himself! PERIOD!
A jobless man or WOMAN. . . .should learn to hide "face" and nyansh. . . .or learn to eat SHYTE!

It is called "humility"!

Kanwulia:
If the man is JOBLESS, he needs to wash his own DAMN clothes!
Even if he were "King Solomon"?

He needs to respect himself! PERIOD!

Does he have to be jobless to do it? I feel like if she felt he was an invalid before he lost the job then she should keep feeling that way. A woman who has made a man feel like chores are beneath him as a man should not dare open her mouth to complain simply because he lost his job. He was the useless before and still useless now

soulglo:


Does he have to be jobless to do it? I feel like if she felt he was an invalid before he lost the job then she should keep feeling that way. A woman who has made a man feel like chores are beneath him as a man should not dare open her mouth to complain simply because he lost his job. He was the useless before and still useless now

At least he can be pardoned if he is gainfully-employed!
But to be making mouth with no JOB?
What an INSULT ON INJURY!!!!!
He should be SLAPPED!!!!

True his being jobless is inconsequential as far as that area is concerned.
Because saying it that way mkes it seem like washing his own clothes is a humiliating thing for him to do hence should be reserved for jobless men.

At least if his wife doesn't mind washing up after him always,she shouldn't mind now that he lost his job.

But shifting it to the sister?
that's just.....still looking for the right word.

soulglo:


Does he have to be jobless to do it? I feel like if she felt he was an invalid before he lost the job then she should keep feeling that way. A woman who has made a man feel like chores are beneath him as a man should not dare open her mouth to complain simply because he lost his job. He was the useless before and still useless now

I am trying to understand why i was mentioned and what this has to do with feminsim.
A typical explotative couple brought in a relative under the guise of training her and have frustrated and she is lashing out.
What is wrong with a father who has free time caring for his own children?
My husband helps out and will never dump all the work on a relative mine or his