coogar:


grown men don't fight because of a woman....
why fight? she's free to go wherever she wants to go......i know some men with a very low self esteem do break bottles to fight for their women & that's because they don't have enough wisdom.

women don't just hump around like men. they do it with their emotions attached. once a woman decides to taste another sausage, she's already gone. she's planned, plotted and strategised the risks & rewards before doing it. their scheme is more straightforward - a man can sleep with cossy orjiakor & still love his wife.

women don't do that.....

According to your theory, any woman that sleeps with a man must be in love with him, right?

moca:

Mechie onu dia
Who dash monkey banana

i'm the hottest ituku citizen.

Stillfire:

I did not say the wife should sit quietly. She should instead channel her fighting karate techniques to the husband. Fighting mistresses has never worked. We wouldn't be having this conversation if it ever did.

some wives have gotten their hubbies in trouble with the whole jackie chan moves. i once heard of a wife that beat up her hubby's business partner at a restaurant. wifey thought she was his girlfriend.

freecocoa:
According to your theory, any woman that sleeps with a man must be in love with him, right?

nah....
she has stopped loving her boyfriend - that's the only reason she would sleep with another man.

with men, it's different.
he can love his wife & sleep with another woman. he won't even remember the name of his mistress or the colour of her hair. it's like a handshake to him. he's done it & he's moved on.

carefreewannabe:


Don't you think you kind of lost your dignity when you married such a man?

And how will fighting the mistress restore your dignity?

you are not fighting to restore your dignity dear.

you are refusing to pretend people's actions do not have consequences.

many of you sound like mistress is your career goal.

you wan chop wipe mouth.

tpia6:


you are not fighting to restore your dignity dear.

you are refusing to pretend people's actions do not have consequences.

many of you sound like mistress is your career goal.

you wan chop wipe mouth.

I am the last to pretend that people's actions or even words have no consequences.
I just think that the mistress owes me absolutely nothing. She never made a promise to me. We don't know each other.

I can consider her morally flawed but I can't expect her to act with my best interest at heart and I have to accept that humans do whatever suits their needs in the first place.

Besides, I am not the type of woman to go physical on other ladies unless it is in self-defense. I would die of shame.

coogar:


i'm the hottest ituku citizen.



some wives have gotten their hubbies in trouble with the whole jackie chan moves. i once heard of a wife that beat up her hubby's business partner at a restaurant. wifey thought she was his girlfriend.



nah....
she has stopped loving her boyfriend - that's the only reason she would sleep with another man.

with men, it's different.
he can love his wife & sleep with another woman. he won't even remember the name of his mistress or the colour of her hair. it's like a handshake to him. he's done it & he's moved on.

Nna eh, where do you get your facts? Sometimes when men talk, I just laugh.

Coogar what does it take to sleep with someone? You only need be attracted to someone ni o, in most relationships, the $ex happens even before the love comes.

Attraction can come and go, if you feed it, it grows, I can understand you saying, a woman is almost always certain she's done with a man before leaving him for another but saying, a woman can only sleep with a man because she loves him is highly ridiculous.

Nonso23:
I don't understand the turn this thread suddenly took.
I thought ladies on here are advocates of 'zero tolerance for cheating in marriage'? If that is the case then the issue of confronting mistresses should be a non-issue already. Since: husband having a mistress = cheating
or is there something i'm missing?
Alright, assuming you choose to remain in the marriage then it's obvious that he is willing to work on the marriage and dump the mistress(es).
You are his wife. His mistress is your mistress. You have to do something. Not necessarily violent but equally as effective.
How about asking your husband to set up a date with the mistress for the three of you and iron out the issue as adults. With the husband openly denouncing his affliations with the woman to her face and the wife promising to file for divorce the moment the man slips up again when they get back home from the date?
Confrontations doesn't necessarily require brute force.
BTW, telling yourself that you'd rather keep your dignity doesn't solve anything. He's still having sex with the both of you. You either leave the marriage or do something to make him stop looking outside. Sitting down there and massaging your ego could fetch you aids or herpes.

Why would I call a meeting with a mistress? We sign agreement before? When we went to swear before God was the mistress there? Did the mistress follow us to sign certificate? The meeting is between me and Oga. I no get business legally or otherwise with madam mistress

freecocoa:
It's really a shame I tell you, some girls have said stuffs to me like "you go fit stay for husband house so" because of my stance on certain issues on relationships.

You hear them say, "all men cheat, just make sure you are the number 1, you have to do this, do that so that he will stay",when I say, there's no main or side chic or ask what he will be doing while I do all the listed, they say "how you go compare man and woman" and then I vex and give them a piece of my mind and they call me "proud" and even gang up on me.

I have met just very few women who reason and have same beliefs with me on relationships/men, and what I've noticed from them is that, they were raised differently from the other ladies.

My ego important to me o, just like you, I constantly massage it myself added to the one my baby contributes .

Dnt mind such ladies. I only make friends with ladies who reason like me. I have no biz with ladies who have low self esteem. My dear, every woman on the surface of this earth will get married except for some who have resolved not to based on choice. Dirty woman o, nagging woman o, even women with the worst character still get married. So please dnt listen to them o.

See, men wey ready to massage your ego dey o. Talking from experience. Lol. I massage his ego, he massages mine. Thats how its supposed to be.

freecocoa:
Nna eh, where do you get your facts? Sometimes when men talk, I just laugh.

i am telling you of what generally obtains from both genders. obviously, there are few exceptions to the general rule.

Coogar what does it take to sleep with someone? You only need be attracted to someone ni o, in most relationships, the $ex happens even before the love comes.

we are talking marriage here, not relationships. what would make a married woman fly the coop & sleep with another man outside must be a cogent reason.

if you ask any cheating married woman out there, she has 101 reasons she's doing it. if you ask any cheating married man, most of them don't have a tangible reason for sleeping around.

a woman can be 100% perfect & her husband will sleep around. if a husband is 100% perfect, it's hard to see his wife philandering, attraction or no attraction. that is the general rule.

Attraction can come and go, if you feed it, it grows, I can understand you saying, a woman is almost always certain she's done with a man before leaving him for another but saying, a woman can only sleep with a man because she loves him is highly ridiculous.

that bit is your own interpretation - i never said that. all i said was a woman needs a reason to cheat, all a man needs to cheat is a room.

Sophyrocks:


Oooooohhh. you are just like me. we are alike. This my ego ehn. Very very very precious to me o. it has also saved me from very huge ridiculous mistakes with men.

Well, all women have ego. but you know the problem? nobody to massage it for them. it also has a lot to do with their upbringing. instead they are taught to massage that of men always. Nigerian women are veeeeeery gullible and have been taught to not have one. Infact its a sin to have one. It only takes a reaaaaaalllly strong willed quality and huge dose of self esteem to be capable of massaging your ego. Once you dnt have any of these qualities, it would appear you dnt have ego. Reminds me of this beyonce's song 'Ego'. I love that song. It boosts my ego. lol.

Me, i dey massage my ego if nobody dey there to massage am for me o. Lol.

Hahaha.

I just came to laugh at the bolded.
Over to you Nigerian women. Do you have ego?

Chai . Nigerian women don suffer.
Thank God for my Japanese lineage

tpia6:



the issue here is not whether anything will stop your husband from cheating.

it's teaching people there are consequences for whatever actions they engage in.

so far, all i'm seeing is some folks insisting the wife is the only one who will bear consequences when her husband is busy displaying his prick around town?


and all the people talking of "dignity", the so-called "dignified response" engaged in by some women, is actually deadlier than the wife who makes her displeasure known.

the mistress should even be happy the wife confronted her, some wives will not confront you but your own don finish nevertheless.

Anyways, to each his own o. My dignity can never taken or dragged in the mud unless i allow it. I have absolutely Zero tolerance for cheating as i have a hot temper and I will deal with my husband accordingly!! all i know is i can't go about confronting mistresses and wasting my energy over a man made of dust. Divorce na option for me o.

Somebody said call a meeting with d mistress .
Osanubua!
Nairaland wont kill me abeg o!

Chillisauce:


Hahaha.

I just came to laugh at the bolded.
Over to you Nigerian women. Do you have ego?

Chai . Nigerian women don suffer.
Thank God for my Japanese lineage

Japanese lineage kwa?

comment ca va mon amie?

Chillisauce:

Hahaha.

I just came to laugh at the bolded.
Over to you Nigerian women. Do you have ego?

Chai . Nigerian women don suffer.
Thank God for my Japanese lineage

chillipepper....long time no see.
beeevan told me you were contesting in a beauty pageant show in your village.

how did it go?

moca:
Somebody said call a meeting with d mistress .
Osanubua!
Nairaland wont kill me abeg o!

Moca you better call her to jevinick to talk about how she will have to leave your hubby....

Don't forget to pay for the bill,na you call for meeting after all...

edwife:


Japanese lineage kwa?

comment ca va mon amie?

Yes o. So you didn't know?

Cava! Jai besoin l'argent

Chillisauce:


Hahaha.

I just came to laugh at the bolded.
Over to you Nigerian women. Do you have ego?

Chai . Nigerian women don suffer.
Thank God for my Japanese lineage

japanese aka chinco dey fight too.
No be here i saw where a wifey fought d mistress over d hubby
So my dear, u r not entirely safe

Pennywise:


Not necessarily. Love and sex are entirely different things. Love is enduring. Sex is momentary pleasure. A lot of women storm out of their matrimonial homes only to find that 'all men are the same'. They end up living and dying in solitude, frustration and misery because being too old, no man would have them. It is a lot easier for women in the west to make this decision because of financial independence which is why divorce rate is highest among them.

This is a very dangerous thing to say, you know.

You say love is enduring - but enduring of what? Infidelity? Risking your sanity, health, and even life all for the sake of a cheating spouse who sleeps well at night, at your expense? Shouldn't this "enduring love" work both ways?

This mindset is what we've seen from many young women here on this forum who enter marriage with the set belief that "all men cheat". You go in there expecting the worse to happen and when it does, you continue to live a pretentious life that all's well on the outside, whilst slowing shriveling up and dying on the inside.

To go on further to say that women "storming out" of their matrimonial home only end up regretting it because they find out that the next man they're with with cheats also....is just another classical example of the low self-esteem issues these women have, of themselves.

Gosh! I don't even know where to start from! Okay:

~ First of all, women must - and I can't emphasis this enough - keep their eyes wide open when dating. Study your man like a hawk. Make the frigging effort to understand what makes him tick. If necessary, find out how he'll react to given situations. A man with a wandering eye for anything in skirts can't keep up the pretense forever. If you know your man is the womanizing type, and does it even whilst dating you, chances are he'll keep on at it when you do get married. You need to ask yourself at this point if this is something you're prepared to put up with for the next 30, 40, 50, 60 years. i.e: the rest of your married life. If you can't take it while dating, then walk out of the relationship without a backward glance. It's foolhardy for a woman to go into marriage thinking "I can change him". You cannot change an adult. He'll change only when he sees the need to, and is prepared to, not because you say so. Please, please, please, ladies out there - use your dating time to study your man. It's when you're meant to do your homework on him, and not get carried away with the latest smart phone, horse weave, expensive gifts, and whatever else he throws your way.

~ This bit of your sentence left me awe-struck: It is a lot easier for women in the west to make this decision because of financial independence. Pennywise, not only do you do women a great disservice with that utterance, you're effectively undermining the effort of your parents in educating you.

Are there no female doctors, lawyers, engineers, businesswomen, infact, professionals out there in Nigeria? Are you telling me that there are no women back home who hold their own ground with respect to attaining financial independence for themselves? How can you make such a statement? And for you to equate financial independence to higher divorce rates is just mind boggling. I really don't know how to respond to this. Seriously. You think women who aren't "financially independent" in the west don't get divorced too?

And finally, love and sex go hand-in-hand. How else do you express / show your spouse you love them if not through sex? Yes, I know there are a million other ways you can do that, but sex is an important ingredient to a happy marriage. You can't be happy without it. Unless ofcourse, you're both frigid.

Chillisauce:


Yes o. So you didn't know?

Cava! Jai besoin l'argent

Vraiment,mais tu es la femme d'un millionnaire....

edwife:


Moca you better call her to jevinick to talk about how she will have to leave your hubby....

Don't forget to pay for the bill,na you call for meeting after all...

And if she put pepper spray inside bag eh kwa?
U know these ladies mean biz now
And pray paparazzi dey around.
My own don finish be that o!
Chei!

coogar:


chillipepper....long time no see.
beeevan told me you were contesting in a beauty pageant show in your village.

how did it go?

Yeah, I was 1st runner up . Racism is still active , so I consoled myself with some candies . Now I need to burn 2kg again .
How's sister Sarah Abi na sister caro

Chillisauce:


Hahaha.

I just came to laugh at the bolded.
Over to you Nigerian women. Do you have ego?

Chai . Nigerian women don suffer.
Thank God for my Japanese lineage

Hahahahahaha.

Nonso23:

What was the agreement you had with your husband in marriage?
Summary: 2 of us become 1.
It is that simple. Hubby's mistakes are wifey's mistakes, wifey's mistakes are his mistakes too.
His mistress becomes the household mistress. She should take actions to eliminate her together with her husband to correct his error.
What would you rather her do?
Leave the marriage?
Turn a blind eye and become a host of stds?
Act reasonably and within the law to get back her hubby and prevent any future occurences?

Our agreement was "Forsaking all others" na so we gree so if he feels the need to wander to another vagi-na make he stay there. Agreement is agreement. Our mistress fire, why he no bring her make we do party?

Chillisauce:


Yeah, I was 1st runner up . Racism is still active , so I consoled myself with some candies . Now I need to burn 2kg again .
How's sister Sarah Abi na sister caro

she's in the kitchen making jollof rice. she sends her regards.

Efe is typing epistle
Madam, well done o

coogar:

i am telling you of what generally obtains from both genders. obviously, there are few exceptions to the general rule.
we are talking marriage here, not relationships. what would make a married woman fly the coop & sleep with another man outside must be a cogent reason.
if [b]you ask any cheating married woman out there, she has 101 reasons she's doing it. if you ask any cheating married man, most of them don't have a tangible reason for sleeping around.
a woman can be 100% perfect & her husband will sleep around. if a husband is 100% perfect, it's hard to see his wife philandering, attraction or no attraction. that is the general rule.
that bit is your own interpretation - i n[/b]ever said that. all i said was a woman needs a reason to cheat, all a man needs to cheat is a room.

@bolded coogar I thought nigerian women put on 25kg and then turn frigid or have attitude problems. is why their husbands cheat .

So you agree some men cheat for absolutely no reason but just because they feel they can.

So all I hear are the following:

1. Ignore the mistress - I have my dignity
2. Deal with my husband when he comes home

Honestly speaking, if you are scared of the mistress and you think the husband will side with her, then you cannot deal with the husband. He is gone and best thing is to just leave the marriage. But that is for marriages that have completely broken down. Some marriages can still be salvaged and that was why I brought up the topic.

But the "young mistresses" of today are the wives of tomorrow. So this mistress gets married to some guy eventually and the guy later starts cheating. Please tell me the moral right she would have to challenge her husband. Forget the paper they signed in court, I do not think such ladies have any justification to challenge their husbands or their husband's mistresses since they do not see anything wrong dating a married man.

As they say, what goes around comes around. You date a married man when you are 24, your husband cheats on you when you are 34. Doesn't always happens that way though but it's all good.

coogar:


i am telling you of what generally obtains from both genders. obviously, there are few exceptions to the general rule.



we are talking marriage here, not relationships. what would make a married woman fly the coop & sleep with another man outside must be a cogent reason.

if you ask any cheating married woman out there, she has 101 reasons she's doing it. if you ask any cheating married man, most of them don't have a tangible reason for sleeping around.

a woman can be 100% perfect & her husband will sleep around. if a husband is 100% perfect, it's hard to see his wife philandering, attraction or no attraction. that is the general rule.



that bit is your own interpretation - i never said that. all i said was a woman needs a reason to cheat, all a man needs to cheat is a room.

Stay there and keep telling yourself stories.

Now e don change to "married women" woman na woman, married or not, why is it not different for unmarried men or it it?

The fact that women(especially married)ones decide to respect/discipline themselves, doesn't mean they can't sleep with any fine man they see like cheating men do, you say these men have no reason to cheat, that can't be right mister, they have reasons which is usually ranging from, she's sexy, tired of sleeping with one woman blah blah blah.

Cheating has nothing to do with perfection, it's a choice and anyone can make that choice, it's you men that made that your yeye rule which you say is generally accepted only by you, know this today coogar, women can cheat just like men, the reason we often don't is because, we have self control not because you think we are wired that way.

moca:

And if she put pepper spray inside bag eh kwa?
U know these ladies mean biz now
And pray paparazzi dey around.
My own don finish be that o!
Chei!

But you need to be ready,put pepper spray inside your own bag too.....
eh eh,talk about fighting the other woman,i laugh in french....

Nonso23:

what other solution(s) is/are available?
Better to meet with the woman and have the husband disentangle himself officially and maturedly than resort to violence or sit quietly and take in stds?
THAT IS IF SHE STILL WANTS TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE.

Official distangling eh kwa?
This nonso will kill me today!