Adjusting To Life As A Widower - Family (32) - Nairaland
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| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 6:02am On Dec 31, 2013 |
flakky legend: Yes, God is wonderful and when He comes through for you, it's like a dream. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 5:34pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by jumzzy448: 6:24pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
flakky legend:Wowwww......this story is so touching and inspiring. i'm so happy she's back on her fit again. serubawon: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!Wishing you the same uncle Seru. My regards to olori. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Joy4mi(f): 6:53pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
serubawon: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!happy new year to u sir, extend my regards to iyawo wa and your kids too. all yr desires for the new year shall come to pass in thousand fold. your blessings will be running over in all aspect of your life. as u have been a source of encouragement and blessings to me,my family and so many people around the world u shall not have the cause to weep or mourn this year. Go fort and shine like the star you are. oko olori,olorun ti gbe yin gan na. esu ti poto.(hope I got that rright o :-)) thank so much for everything sir. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by kieryn(f): 2:41am On Jun 28, 2014 |
@Serubawon Hi, havent heard from you in awhile. How are things? Hope things are well with your family (kids, fiance). Best wishes! |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by egopersonified(f): 6:58pm On Jul 01, 2014 |
With tears as i type, am really at my lowest now, everything is just going wrong, hope i will overcome like u guys becos am really confused, thanks for givin me hope. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edwife(f): 7:38pm On Jul 01, 2014 |
egopersonified: With tears as i type, am really at my lowest now, everything is just going wrong, hope i will overcome like u guys becos am really confused, thanks for givin me hope.  This is the only message I have for you. It is well my dear. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Saraha1(f): 9:52pm On Jul 01, 2014 |
edwife: |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by egopersonified(f): 10:52am On Jul 02, 2014 |
@edwife, thanks for the quote, have been meditating on it. Just read every word on this thread and I wish the nl tsunami had waited for me to read the first half of this year. @serubawom,joy4mi,pirigirr,analytical and others, your testimonies and words of encouragement are like opening a new book to continue from where the bible stopped, this is indeed what it means to have fellowship. I ve gained more here than 10 motivational books combined. @seun,pls is it possible to ve a recommended or archive threads section, so these can easily be accessed, I somehow feel cheated to ve missed this all these years, but take solace in the fact that God saved it till now for this particular phase of my life. Even someone intending suicide after reading this would have a change of heart. Xfire in the career section once posted that your life testimonies would encourage someone more than reading a book filled with guidelines, now I understand what he means. Thank you all for sharing. 4 Likes |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Ariyke: 4:26pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
Nairaland tsunami made me saw this thread and I can't stop crying and laughing at the same time sir u made me believe the adage that says bi ekun ba pe titi ayo nbo lowuro Though am not married yet but av learnt a great deal here and also drawn strength for my family cus we are going through a lot but still hopeful  Am so happy for u and pray ur joy lasts for a lifetime |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Joy4mi(f): 9:43pm On Jul 02, 2014 |
Oga Serubawon, pls drop a word o. happy new month. olori n ko |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by RTFM(m): 11:14pm On Jul 06, 2014 |
I stumbled on this thread by accident this evening. No that is not true I think i must have been led here by a higher power. I have been on Nairaland for quite a few years and hardly ever comment or interact. My wife passed suddenly on the 20th of May and I have been lost without her. We were married for 17 years, the best years of my life and I have been finding it difficult to cope. We did not have children so we lived for each other. My life revolved around her and she was my soul mate. All I am and have achieved has been because of her support and love and I am bereft without her. Losing her is the hardest thing and worst pain I have ever experienced. My mum died almost two years ago, so in the space of two years, I have lost the two most important women in a man's life. I have returned to work and put on a brave face but the tears are never far and when I return to an empty apartment I fall apart all over again. I have read every page of this thread seeking comfort, a way to cope but the pain is still too much right now. Serubawon, thank you for your inspirational story of hope and joy rediscovered. I am really happy for you. Thank you for showing that there is hope if one remains steadfast. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by egopersonified(f): 1:50pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
@RTFM, so sorry for your loss. Indeed u got to this thread by a mighty hand, cant begin to imagine how u feel, just take it a day at a time, d lord be with you. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by RTFM(m): 4:09pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
Thank you egopersonified. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by MARKone(m): 6:14pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
RTFM: Life closes in to being meaningless when you loose those who means so much to you, like the women you've lost. My heart feels for you sir. Times I wish we had powers to bring back the dead, especially those whom we hold dear.......na wah, just be strong. Sorry. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by bellong: 7:18pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
RTFM: There is hope for a tree though it be cut at the scent of water, it shall sprout. May you find solace and comfort this period of your trying times.... It is well with you sir. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Caracta(f): 7:37pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
@ RTFM, please accept my sympathy. Find solace in the memories that remain. Both of them would want you to move on and be strong. Please be strong. I wish I had better words to say. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by RTFM(m): 8:19pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
Thank you MARKone, bellong and Caracta. It really is difficult to find solace or comfort. It has been seven weeks now and the pain is still intense. Unfortunately, we moved from the UK to Switzerland three years ago and I have no family or close friends around. I had family members come over to attend my wife's burial in Germany where she was born but of course, for them life goes on. Be strong and move on ? That may be too soon. I feel numb and empty and life has lost it's meaning. Trying to express myself here helps. I appreciate your kind words. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by bellong: 8:24pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
RTFM: You are welcome sir... Sure, it is good to let it out here if it helps.... 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by egopersonified(f): 10:16pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
@RTFM, sir pls you need moral support, someone (male or female) who is physically present in your time of need to talk to. Pls do not have any regrets that yr wife lived without any kids, see it as time spent to focus on her that her memory would last forever wit u. U can start writing a private journal of your time with her and these past weeks. Hope u dont stay alone, if u do, after a while pls consider a housemate. The peace of the lord be with you. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by baby124: 10:24pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
Am sorry for your loss RTFM. It is well. Take it one day at a time. It will not be easy, in fact it can take years. But you will pull through. Go through the grieving process, and keep calm. Dont do anything irrational to get through the pain.  1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by RTFM(m): 11:14pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
Thank you all so much. @baby124, I am trying to be rational. There are good days and bad days, days when I am unable to function. One minute I'm taking a meeting and the next crying my eyes out as soon as I am alone. I have difficulty sleeping but refuse to take the sleeping pills prescribed by my doctor as these could be habit forming. @bellong and @egopersonified, referring to me as sir, makes me feel so old. I am 42, got married at 25. If we had had children , at least I would still have a part of her to cherish. I was advised to keep a journal but don’t feel like putting pen to paper at this time. I live on my own now. I am not sure I can stand having anyone around just yet especially in the space we shared. The worst part is going home from work and knowing there’s nobody there to welcome you with a hug also not being able to share experiences. I tend to spend more time at work now. My main regret is that I worked so hard when we moved here, I wish I had taken things easier and spent more time with her. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by jumzzy448: 11:24pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
@RTFM, So sorry for loss. Just know that she's in a better place. Don't stress yourself so much. Take each day as it comes. But I guess it will be better if you get someone to stay with you i.e family member. Cos I can imagine you going home to an empty house and all you have to do is think and cry you eyes out. At least if there's someone staying with you, you'll know you have someone to always talk to. Please do accept my condolence. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Olivialight(f): 11:40pm On Jul 07, 2014 |
Dear RTFM, pls accept my sympathy... I wish there is something we can say that will take your pains away... I can't even begin to imagine how you feel bt am glad u found this thread and I hope it helps. I pray the good Lord strengthens u, give u the heart to deal with this and d courage to overcome. Like someone said plz allow yourself to grief gradually..the lord is your strength dear 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by bellong: 9:59am On Jul 08, 2014 |
RTFM, Do not suppress whatever emotional outburst you feel, psychologists advised that letting it out helps and heals faster compared to suppressing it. It is a difficult journey but time heals all wounds, with time you will be healed. Though, you may not get over it but you will be healed of the deep wound the situation has caused. It is not time to allow withdrawal syndrome to take over you less you develop avoidable sickness. Look forward to the brighter future ahead.... I pray that a replacement better than the gone wife be given to you when you are ready for one. It is well with you. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by ihedinobi2: 10:19am On Jul 08, 2014 |
So very sorry, RTFM. I pray for succour. I am so sorry. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Nobody: 10:24am On Jul 08, 2014 |
@RTFM, So sorry for your loss sir..It is still soo fresh..my heart broke as I read your post. Please is there any way you can contact a grief counsellor? It is important to have a way to mourn her and pour out your emotions even in your suffering. Since you don't have family or friends,seek help,you are not alone.. It may help to join a group which has people who are also grieving the loss of a loved one,there you can talk and see that there are people who have been through or are still going through the same pain you are feeling..perhaps also understand the way you feel Sooo sorry for the loss and may her lovely soul rest in perfect peace. Just know that she will always be with you till the very end. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by egopersonified(f): 10:32am On Jul 08, 2014 |
RTFM, u got married at 25! What? When I saw the 17yrs, I just assumed u were in yr 50s, as most, no scratch that, ALL the men I know got married in their early and mid thirties. Y so early, was she preggy, were u totally in love u couldnt stay apart, are u d first or only son? Sorry for intruding ohh, but I cant stop thinking y my husband didnt marry me when he was 25, infact he needs query for this. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by RTFM(m): 3:10pm On Jul 08, 2014 |
Thank you all so much. Olivialight, jumzzy448, bellong, ihedinobi2, hispinkolo and egopersonified. I have family and friends, they are just far away at this time. My sister came over for the burial but of course she has to go back to take care of her own family. If I was in England, there would be more than enough family members around. I am not sure I am the type of person for counseling, I can be quite stubborn and know what I have to do to get through... It is just so difficult. Thank god for the Internet and connectivity, I have people who try and call, there is Skype and IM but sometimes all you want is someone to just be there beside you in silence and the occasional hug. @egopersonified, I got married at that age because when I met her I knew this was the woman for me. We actually corresponded for two years before we met face to face. She worked in Germany while I lived and worked in England. Why waste time when you know you have met the one for you? She was not pregnant, I am the only son, yes, but a middle child. Don't query your husband o. Some people need time to make their decisions. Thank you all so much for the support, you have no idea how much it helps just to express myself here. 2 Likes |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by baby124: 3:15pm On Jul 08, 2014 |
Feel free to come here and drop your daily struggles if you just want to talk about it. I know it helps to talk about it. |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by egopersonified(f): 5:19pm On Jul 08, 2014 |
RTFM, Ok ohh, he is forgiven ohh, maybe u could tell us about your marriage, I perceive serious romance here, and frankly, am a sucker for it.pls, pls, plssssssss. 1 Like |
| Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by RTFM(m): 7:07pm On Jul 08, 2014 |
19 years ago, I worked for a company that dealt in commodities in the UK. I was quite young but people always told me I had a maturity beyond my years, but I digress. We would try to source these items in large quantities on behalf of the buyer and seller and earn commissions of percentage points when the deals were concluded. It meant a lot of phone calls, faxes, negotiations and talking to a lot of people. I would say 99% of these contacts were a waste of time but one sucessful transaction would keep the office going for the year. On this fateful day, I was given a number to call in Hamburg Germany, that someone was looking to buy a shipload of sugar. If I remember clearly it was 25,000 metric tonnes. I dialled the number I was given and the phone was picked up by a German speaking man. I tried to explain myself only to be told, " sorry no English please hold on". There I was wondering if I was wasting my time again when a lady picked up the phone. " I speak a little English, perhaps I can assist" That voice belonged to the one I would later call wife, friend and soulmate. There was an instant connection there both on her part and on mine. She later told me I did not sound Nigerian and she was intrigued. We were both very professional as transactions ensued. But found we had to deal with each other more and more often as she was the only english speaker in her firm.I was extremely impressed by her attention to detail, intelligence, dedication and overall professionalism. In the course of translating documents, contract negotiations and all that stuff we had several conversations where she told me about herself, her hopes and dreams and I obviously reciprocated. She was so easy to talk to and the conversation just flowed. I found myself looking forward to her next call, hoping the buyer of the sugar would renegotiate terms, disagree, anything, just so I could hear her voice. As usual like 99% of all negotiations, the transaction fell apart. As we no longer had business together I kept my peace. I never stopped thinking about her and six months later when I went to work to find a huge bunch of flowers on my desk. She had remembered my birthday and sent me flowers... 11 Likes |
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