How to breakup with the Wrong Partner
We all know breaking up is hard to do. But unless you're Ross and Rachel, or some teen romance turned happily-ever-after, breaking up is an unavoidable part of life. And while it's up to you to decide what your individual breakup style is, if you want to avoid future bad relationship karma, you'll adopt a few breakup basics.

STEPS

1. Pick an appropriate place. The less public, the better. Remember, ending a relationship is a humbling experience. Don't do it in a place where the person on the receiving end is going to feel more vulnerable than necessary.

2. Choose the right time. Avoid holidays and special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries at all costs. Do you really want your ex remembering your insensitivity every time that day rolls around?

3. Do it in person. If the relationship is relatively new, maybe you can get away breaking up over the phone. But come on, if you've been out on more than a handful of dates, isn't that kind of harsh?

4. Be honest but sensitive. No one likes to get dumped. But we at least appreciate the truth when it's over. Unless, of course, the truth is you've stopped finding him/her attractive, you've met someone better, or that you're just plain bored with the relationship.

5. Keep your emotions in check. Don't seem too happy about the breakup: you'll come off as mean-spirited. Just be kind, caring, and considerate. If you must, you can high five your friends later.

6. Don't react. Some people don't handle rejection well. Some people yell, scream, cry. Yes, that sucks. But it doesn't mean you should react to their meltdown. Remember, rejection is tough. You've already got the upper hand by being the dumper. Let the dumpee behave ridiculously if they choose to. And if their tantrum escalates, get the heck out of there!

TIPS

• Many people feel that it is poor etiquette to break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but you may lose the respect of your mutual friends if you take the easy way out.

• If you handle yourself well during the breakup, chances are you'll avoid any hard feelings with your ex. And while that may not seem so important at the time, it's vital to your future relationship karma!

• The term "break-up" implies a hard stop. But, often, a break-up is really a change in the nature of a relationship, where friendship remains, but a closer physical connection, and a desire to build a life together, is taken away. Try to look at breaking up in a more positive way, and see how it can transform your relationship.

• Think about why you want to break up with them (e.g., you may suspect/hear rumors that they are cheating on you).

• Ask them FIRST. Everybody hates when you break up with them for a reason that isn't even true.

• Think about how maybe if you want out, they might too. Ask them where they think it's going. If something is making being together painful, tell them that being together is hurting you (e.g., long-distance relationships).

• Although it says above pick a private place, this can sometimes lead to emotional conversations that end in sex and another miserable month of "trying to make it work". If it's really over (see warning one), meet in a quiet public place local to the other person for a drink or a coffee. Tell them straight away and succinctly that the reason you're here is to say its over and why - be honest, give the true reason e.g. nothing you do will make up for the fact that you slept with someone else/the fact that you weren't there to pick me up from the hospital after my operation was the last straw, i need someone more dependable etc. Then leave money on the table to cover both drinks and leave. Do not cry until you're far away. Do not call them AT ALL for two weeks - this helps to get some distance.

• Don't tell other people about it until after.

WARNINGS

• Weigh in carefully on your decision to break up, without analyzing it to death. Is this really what your heart wants? You may not be able to reverse your decision once it's made, and you may burn bridges in the process. Could you forgive yourself if you broke up with the man/woman of your dreams? FOR MORE TIPS VISIT , http://wisdomelite..com/search?updated-max=2008-12-12T20%3A19%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7

@poster
thanks for the tips op it works for others. my ex broke up with me over the phone and i'll never forgive him 4 this.

Nice tips homeboy!!


@ jibbygirl sorry but L O L

@obvious
lol? ok! urs is coming soon. say amen somebody!

Before You marry, Read this
With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a “statistic”, try to internalize these 10 insights.

1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married. The classic mistake! NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL!! The Golden rule is , if you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, “You actually can expect people to change after they are married……for the worst!”. So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now,

2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means “I’m in lust”. Attraction is there, but have you actually checked out this person’s character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:

Humility:
Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort?
Kindness:
Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does she/he treat people she/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does she/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?
Responsibility:
Can I depend on this person to do what she/he says she/he is going to do?Happiness:
Does this person like himself/herself? Does she/he enjoy life? Is she/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goal and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

1. Chemistry and compatibility

2. Shared common interest

3. Shared common life goal

Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide.
After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re living for while you are single and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate…two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

4. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask; “Do I respect and admire this person?” This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. Yes, you should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc but do you actually respect and admire this person who possesses these qualities? Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

5. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions”. A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.

6. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise.

You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

7. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and economical problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.

8. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud ones mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to “test drive” in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

9. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn’t get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. To feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.
This most apparent is Judaism’s approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men have two speeds: “on” and “off”. Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen.

10. You pick the wrong PERSON because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You’ll not be their number one priority. And that’s not basis for a marriage.


Ability is what you’re capable of doing……,

Motivation determines what you do……

Attitude determines how well you do it!

Do what you have to do about your relationship,, and do it NOW!

For more tips view my profile and get my blog site there

nice 1, more plzzz

nnaaa . . . . . .keep throwing the gist.

25 relationsip tips
1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget. You could also read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet

12. If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilise the whole family, your partner included, to share the work.

13. If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your children.

14. Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and then work at bringing the passion back.

15. Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from a one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.

16. Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.

17. Be aware that men generally feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.

18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you. For extra help, read a book called, Stop Arguing Start Talking (Vermilion,#700 ).

19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.

20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward. Read, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher (Arrow, #900 for market).

21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.

22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.

23. Realise that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.

24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.

25. Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one. Contact Relate on 08029314720 for more information.

R.I.D.I.C.U.L.O.U. S.L.Y. L.O.N.G