I met my wonderful husband on an internet dating site. I was looking for something real and when I met him, I didn't even know he was from Africa. He was living in Texas with family. I had previously been in a relationship with a Nigerian man, a Muslim Yoruba man, but our relationship just wouldn't work out he had too many secrets, but that is a whole other story. So, you can image my surprise when I find out that my husband was Nigerian. immediately I wanted to end the relationship, but I asked him if he was Muslim he said no Christian. Now, don't get me wrong I have nothing against Muslims, just my ex. I has a lot of Muslim friends. my ex just didn't practice what he claimed to be.

Sorry I'm getting off the subject again. Well, after a few weeks of knowing my husband, he proposed and I excepted it just felt right. I flew to Texas and we got married, and he wanted to stay in Texas, but I convinced him to move her with me in Tennessee. He is a very loving and caring man and we get along wonderfully. my family loves him, the only problem I had was that he promised me after he proposed. we promised each other that we would get off the internet dating site, but on our wedding night I was taking a nap and woke up to him sitting in the chair. I got up and he quickly put his phone down, I asked him who he was texting and he said no one. so when he went to the bathroom I picked up his phone and it opened to the dating site. I checked his texts and he was talking to some woman. I was very distraught, angry and I felt like I had made a mistake marrying him. he broke his phone up and promised me he would never do it again. he said he was bored and he was very sorry. he loved me with all his heart and never meant to hurt me ever. Well he had always been honest and he has told me everything about himself. One of the things I loved about him.

Well, 2 days before New Years my husband tells me, he is going out to look for a job. we had just had an argument so at the time I really didn't care. But when 5 hours has gone by without a word from him, I got worried cause it was getting dark and cold outside, he didn't like being out late after dark and he not use to the cold out so I went out looking for him. About 8 o'clock he texted me to tell me he was in Minnesota looking for a job. I was going crazy cause he wouldn't answer his phone. Claimed he couldn't stay here any more because he hasn't got his work visa and it was my fault. Then the next day he told me he was going to Texas to fly back to Nigeria. Well, he then told me he flew back to Nigeria. A week later he told me he was staying in Nigeria, and he wasn't coming back home. He yelled at me for contacting his family in Nigeria which I didn't do, because he said I needed to be introduced first.

It has almost been a month since he left me. He came back to the US a week ago and tells me he is in Minnesota but he is flying to California to stay with family. because he says I was abusive to him Christmas day because I yelled at him for leaving our presents on the side of the road for anyone driving by to pick them up and take them. No one was even home but us and my son Billy. then he said he left because I said I was going to by a gun to protect us. which I never did, but my neighbor who drinks threaten to shot me, and I had to call the police on her, but never intended to by one. he keeps blaming me for so many petty things and says he will apologize to me for what he did, but I have to admit to doing things I had done. which I for one think are petty. like I texted twice while driving or admitting to abusing him on Christmas when he didn't even buy me a Christmas present, and he had money. I spent $600.00 on him for Christmas. But I don't even care about Christmas. But he said he would come home, but he hasn't.

I told him I am tired of him constantly blaming me for everything that he is not happy for. I just don't know what to do. When he came back from Nigeria I couldn't even talk to him, he said he came back for me. But then he started in on my about how bad a wife I am and I just couldn't listen to it. I am so in love with this man and our first 3 months of our marriage was so amazing, but all we do is argue on Gmail back and forth and I can live like this. I don't know what to do to get back to the happiness we had before he walked out on me. Can anyone give me advice on how to talk to my husband. I think our problem is our cultural beliefs about marriage. We just don't see things the same. I need help. I love him, but he is so stubborn. How do I fix my marriage I don't believe in divorce?? i miss my husband.

What country are you from?
definitely not Nigeria
marriage in Nigeria is not for every billy, di.ck and pus.sy.
Answer my question

Im sorry I guess this is hard to read.

I'm from the United States of course. I live in the US and so does my husband. No need to be rude.

Dear the problem is that u met him on a social network
Is it not better for you to find any man who loves u for real
Social network is just for fun, he is 100% fake and he is hiding a lot of things
He believes on material things- leave him and find the true love

sorry if I am rude....in Nigeria there is what they call wife material....treat your husband right and he will reciprocate the gesture. Action and reaction are equal and opposite.

so many years ago in Nigeria, a wife was having the same problem you are having..... she went to the priest to collect charm so that her husband will love and cherish her again. the priest asked her to come with the breast milk of a lion for him to prepare the concoction for the love charm.

There was one lion in the village forest at that time, everyone was scared to entered the forest because of previous cases of the lion killing people.

This woman took meat, stood at the extreme end of the forest call out to the lion and ran away. the lion got to the meat and ate it.

She did the same thing the next day and every other day, but in each preceding day, she got closer to the lion. and after a thousand days she was able to sit with the lion.

While the lion was sleeping one day, she extracted it milk and took it to the priest.

The priest was amaze at her..he ask her to go home and treat her husband the same way she treated the lion that if lion could calm down and be friend with her after many days of love and care, why not her husband.

So, my beloved Americana, if you treat a Nigeria man right, he will treat you better, find time to read about his culture and let him know you know. learn at least one word of his local dialect, and let that word be "Love". call him that as a pet name. if you can, learn how to cook a Nigeria ditch.

In Nigeria we appreciate women that spend money on men but we adore women that love and respect their husband.

Jonzing world!!

Nigerian men like to be in charge
He makes the decision not you
He was raised in Texas that why he even agreed to move in with you
a typical Nigerian man wont try that.

You have a better version pls handle with care.

I do love and care for my husband. I was learning his language. like I said we were so happy. I guess what I didn't mention was the stress he was feeling from home. (Nigeria) you see he takes care of his parents financially. He wants a job and I got a lawyer to handle it, but it takes 2 months to get a work visa here. I have read his cultures history. I even found an article about his father. Your right I do need to learn to cook his food, but I couldn't eat it I have tried too spicy. We joke that if I went to his village he said I would starve, lol. I am patient, but he is not at all. I just want him to come home.

No he was raised in Nigeria. he just came to US in August last year. Yes I know you all like to be in charge. And he didn't move in with me until after we were married. this is his second marriage my first. He is a good man. We just don't communicate well. He says I don't understand him because of his accent, and sometimes he does have to repeat himself, but he says I talk too fast. I try to slow it down. we are both educated. and he left a top paying job in Nigeria to be with me. We love each other.

ggratia1:
I do love and care for my husband. I was learning his language. like I said we were so happy. I guess what I didn't mention was the stress he was feeling from home. (Nigeria) you see he takes care of his parents financially. He wants a job and I got a lawyer to handle it, but it takes 2 months to get a work visa here. I have read his cultures history. I even found an article about his father. Your right I do need to learn to cook his food, but I couldn't eat it I have tried too spicy. We joke that if I went to his village he said I would starve, lol. I am patient, but he is not at all. I just want him to come home.

He just has one problem...He prolly married you not for love..he does not love you..he married you for papers..

chidyhels:
Nigerian men like to be in charge
He makes the decision not you
He was raised in Texas that why he even agreed to move in with you
a typical Nigerian man wont try that.

You have a better version pls handle with care.

That's so no true. Nigeria men are among the most caring in the world. they act strong outside but are softer than an agege bread when with their wives. a Nigeria man has a "mumu button" called a virtuous wife.

We have it in our genes to treat women right although some men are dicks but i blive urs is good enough..let him be in control..dnt lord over him,we hate that shii...
Pls take it easy and it shall be well

tosomaju:
That's so no true. Nigeria men are among the most caring in the world. they act strong outside but are softer than an agege bread when with their wives. a Nigeria man has a "mumu button" called a virtuous wife.

*In 2chainz voice*TRUE

My husband did not marry me for papers. He already has a visa. he had a Job with a Good company in Nigeria Called Purple Rain in Lagos. and they are constantly begging him to come back to his job there. like I said communication is our problem. I hate when people think that just because my husband is Nigerian he just married me for papers. I have met alot of his family here and I talk daily to his sister. and I have even talked to his crazy ex wife. We were brought up with different customs. both of our parents are still living and still married. Im 44 and my husband 42. We are not kids. I'm just trying to learn how to relate to him better, so we don't argue. I appreciate the comments, but no one is going to turn me against my husband no matter what. I love him. What am I doing wrong? I don't know.

Maybe coming here was a mistake. I just thought some Nigerians could help me understand my husband and what he sees as my role in our marriage and how to better approach him with issues. His ex wife was a violent woman she stabbed him and cut him several times during there marriage. tell he finally left when she yelled at him and embarrassed him in public, but I would never do that to him. I'm not a violent person.

If that is the case sit him down and ask him what does he want for him to stop giving you headache

Redoil:
If that is the case sit him down and ask him what does he want for him to stop giving you headache

I wish I knew. He is in California staying with family there. so I can't sit him down he won't answer his phone. I emailed him so I hope he will answer me back. I have not talked to him in a few days.

ggratia1:


I wish I knew. He is in California staying with family there. so I can't sit him down he won't answer his phone. I emailed him so I hope he will answer me back. I have not talked to him in a few days.

very sad and wicked of him. I will suggest you give him time lets say 5months if he is still behaving like that then move on life is too short to be punish like this

Nigerians be forming story since Adam and Eve

Firstly this is all fiction but lets go with it....dont believe anyone that says all the people online are fake...i have met some great people although i havent fallen inlove or dated anyone online

Secondly you are just a pawn in his pawnsing scheme...he thought dating you would make things easier for him...and also he a married man in nigeria who has family to support

Thirdly you americans jump into everything without thinking.. marrying him so early was ur own mistake and greatest undoing....you americans dont understand the ensence of courtship before marriage...its like a learning period before the real life together

forthly theres a huge probability that hes never coming back to u....forget abt love and restrategize ur life,try to raise ur kid happily...i hope and pray u meet a better guy but that guy aint for u...he has tested and confirmed that u really dont have anything to offer him

Though Nigerian guys love to be in control but we value understanding and happiness more... Your husband wants aquick breakthrough



Are u white or black?Why did u just register today? its hard to believe all this kids with fake profiles nowadays

one more thing...stop thinking ur marriage is like an hollywood movie ...try to put urself first in everything and every decision u make

The whole time we were living together he tells me i am a wonderful wife and he will never leave me. then one day he just leaves. I was so hurt and confused when I found out he had left me I wanted to die. When he comes back to the US he doesn't even come home. says he wont live here with me. wants me to move. I don't mind moving any where with him, but how can I trust he wont leave again. And now he finds all this fault in me, and blames me for him leaving. I feel hopeless because I don't want to argue with him. I just want my loving husband back and to return to our happy time. our marriage is too new to be going through this. Is he going to be blaming me every time something doesn't go the way he wants it??

[quote author=fijiano202 post=30045985]Nigerians be forming story since Adam and Eve

Firstly this is all fiction but lets go with it....dont believe anyone that says all the people online are fake...i have met some great people although i havent fallen inlove or dated anyone online

Secondly you are just a pawn in his pawnsing scheme...he thought dating you would make things easier for him...and also he a married man in nigeria who has family to support

Thirdly you americans jump into everything without thinking.. marrying him so early was ur own mistake and greatest undoing....you americans dont understand the ensence of courtship before marriage...its like a learning period before the real life together

forthly theres a huge probability that hes never coming back to u....forget abt love and restrategize ur life,try to raise ur kid happily...i hope and pray u meet a better guy but that guy aint for u...he has tested and confirmed that u really dont have anything to offer him

Though Nigerian guys love to be in control but we value understanding and happiness more... Your husband wants aquick breakthrough



Are u white or black?Why did u just register today? its hard to believe all this kids with fake profiles nowadays
[quote]
for your information everything I said is true!! I am not a kid. My children are all grown thank you very much. you don't know what you are talking about. you perceive to know me when you know nothing about me or my marriage except what I have said here. yes it was quick, but not all relationships begin in courtship. My husband was coming here, but if you had read thoroughly I said we had an argument again. I didn't say but I told him not to come home until he can stop blaming others for his issues. but I want advice on how to communicate with in a way that doesn't start an argument. He is proud and stubborn with a huge ego. Why do you assume badly about him? I know alot of people get scammed but that is not what this is at all.

Dear ggratia1, everything looks confusing to me same way you are too and I can understand what you are going through at the moment. Get on your knees and pray.

Im mixed half black and half white

Amen Prayer is good advice and good medicine. I wish people would stop being so judgmental about my husband. we married because of love. Just like any good man he wants to provide for his family. we just come from different cultures and see things differently. Im just trying to understand his thinking so I can communicate better and not fight with him.

ggratia1:
Amen Prayer is good advice and good medicine. I wish people would stop being so judgmental about my husband. we married because of love. Just like any good man he wants to provide for his family. we just come from different cultures and see things differently. Im just trying to understand his thinking so I can communicate better and not fight with him.

I just sent you a pm. pls reply

[quote author=ggratia1 post=30046047][/quote] its true i dont know u or ur husband and as the quote goes "what the lord has join together let no man put asunder" am not here to break u up
my comment was solely based on life experience and what u wrote... i was not there when u started ur relationship or fell in love or rather met but one thing thats common in all nigerian men is that we dont like power struggle its not a matter of ego thats how will were wired
Naturally every nigerian man believes hes the head of the family and all responsibilty falls on him....For him not working is really taking a toll on him and that makes him less appreciative of himself and u.. a happy man hardly notice his wife fault,bad behavior and stuffs but an unhappy man finds fault at everything..

my advice is pray he gets a job soon his problem is not really Ego but hes too ashame to surrender..when his back on his feet hes going to communicate with u better... for now try to accept and make him feel hes righr even when his wrong...try to draw him closer until he comes home and when hes back dont pressurize him too much abt thingss

thanks now that's the best advice I've gotten so far I think you are right. thank you so much.

ggratia1:
thanks now that's the best advice I've gotten so far I think you are right. thank you so much.

Mail replied

Also, find time and the effort to do what helps him without letting him know or realise the the help is coming from you. This includes helping him find a job or a business. Smart women do this...

If he realises the help was from you, still feign ignorance and turn it into a joke. If he's convinced the help is from you, he'd notice the humility and love in the effort and appreciate you more for it.

Even people from same country can have the issues you're having, so its not an impossible situation.

Good luck.

My dear, you sound too nice to be an American lady and I commend you for that. I advise you as a Nigerian man living in US, your husband seems to have so much on his head right now. His responsibilities at home, I mean Nigeria, and since, according to you, he doesn't have working permit yet which means he is not a permanent resident, he may also be regretting why he left his good paying job and relocated to US. Call him and cry sincerely on phone and I bet you, if he is truly an Igboman, he will come back to you. When he does, let him have his way in certain things for a while, I bet you, he will make some mistakes and see reasons to consider your contributions. Shalom