after dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now. i think my love for her should have been so strong that it will lead into marriage. but no, the reverse is the case. i feel its time for me to quit. i have loved her as much as i can but it seems she is not satisfied. the problems are that; whenever i offend her, she does not tell me rather she stomachs it saying she does not want me to get angry (i don't no why she is afraid of me). i told her that the only way to make us last is not to tell a 3rd party abt whatever misunderstandings we have but i find out that she goes around telling her friends about it.and when i find out, it pains me alot. they say i make her suffer, that she cries her eyes out just because of me and so on. but all these i don't know of. that is why i want to let her go so i wouldn't have to make her suffer anymore.so she wouldn't have to cry her eyes out just because of me.
pls advice me nlanders. i hope am doing the right thing.

the problems are that; whenever i offend her, she does not tell me rather she stomachs it saying she does not want me to get angry (i don't no why she is afraid of me).

You've got no problems

Try to talk to her.I mean she does not built confidence in you.Tell her not to be afraid even if your reaction will be bad.Just tell her you won't harm her whenever she tells you the truth.
I believe you batter her.

yemium:

after dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now. i think my love for her should have been so strong that it will lead into marriage. but no, the reverse is the case. i feel its time for me to quit. i have loved her as much as i can but it seems she is not satisfied. the problems are that; whenever i offend her, she does not tell me rather she stomachs it saying she does not want me to get angry (i don't no why she is afraid of me). i told her that the only way to make us last is not to tell a 3rd party about whatever misunderstandings we have but i find out that she goes around telling her friends about it.and when i find out, it pains me alot. i hope am doing the right thing.

My guy, the best advice i'll give you is to run for your dear life. girls like that can be VERY problematic after marriage. Communication is an integral part of any successful relationship and if she cant tell you about things like that now, she wouldnt be able to tell you after marriage. that bolded portion is what gets me scary.

My friend recently is going through HELL in his 6 months marriage just because of that fact. I dont like girls that keeps quiet when wronged. that is a warning sign for you, not to talk about the fact that others are accusing you of causing her sadness.

My guy, Believe me, YOU ARE PLANNING TO DO THE RIGHT THING !!

@poster

This is a hard one but if you have tried to communicate with her to no avail then your plans to end it is right. Truth is if your girl can't "talk" to you even after 3 yrs of dating, then there is no guarantee that she'll ever be able to. Remember one key factor in every relationship is c[b]ommunication[/b].

Wish you all the best and pray God helps you make the right decision.

Choco:

@poster

This is a hard one but if you have tried to communicate with her to no avail then your plans to end it is right. Truth is if your girl can't "talk" to you even after 3 years of dating, then there is no guarantee that she'll ever be able to. Remember one key factor in every relationship is c[b]ommunication[/b].

thanks man.

keep it rolling

@ poster

If this is the only problem a naija girl in this 21st century has, that means U really have a DIAMOND.


But if u still dont't want her, I am interested

yemium:

after dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now. i think my love for her should have been so strong that it will lead into marriage. but no, the reverse is the case. i feel its time for me to quit. i have loved her as much as i can but it seems she is not satisfied. the problems are that; whenever i offend her, she does not tell me rather she stomachs it saying she does not want me to get angry (i don't no why she is afraid of me). i told her that the only way to make us last is not to tell a 3rd party about whatever misunderstandings we have but i find out that she goes around telling her friends about it.and when i find out, it pains me alot. they say i make her suffer, that she cries her eyes out just because of me and so on. but all these i don't know of. that is why i want to let her go so i wouldn't have to make her suffer anymore.so she wouldn't have to cry her eyes out just because of me.
please advice me nlanders. i hope am doing the right thing.

Please quit o.Elenu nla

i dont get your story dude, r u just framing this up

guy dump her ass quick abeg! If u no fit do am, i go do am for you for free!

All these elenu nla chicks and gossips no be better ppl to date especially those provocative loose tongued ones!

I would like to know what it is that you are doing to her that she cant tell you but is crying about?

Bros, quitting is not the best. You should try as much as you can to sort out things together. Remember, what seems like a worry to you is actually part of training towards marriage. Wishing you the best of luck.

.

sistawoman:

I would like to know what it is that you are doing to her that she can't tell you but is crying about?

)

maybe if she hears gossip abt me seen with another lady which she knows is not true (i introduce her to all my female friends to avoid wahala

Encomium:

Bros, quitting is not the best. You should try as much as you can to sort out things together. Remember, what seems like a worry to you is actually part of training towards marriage. Wishing you the best of luck.

thanks encomium

how old is this little girl that rumors will send her crying?

@poster,
Every single posts above is a great input. And you have got the best advices up there. All you have to do is put them together and adapt to your situation.

Just let her read the story on Nairaland and you will find your pixs in The City People.

@mishoo,
Is that you or another person? I mean the same Mishoo I always know.

I believe you are into child abuse,clearly this girl is a small girl and she still sees you as an elder or older person.Talk to her,spend more time with her,value her,if you do,you will be thinking of a solution not a runaway schedule! she needs to feel you so close so as to get rid of this state of mind.

yemium the problem is squarely you.

When a girl feels too afraid to talk to you about issues then you need to do plenty of introspection not blaming her.
She tells her friends stuff because she is too weak to tell you. She cries her eyes out because she genuinely loves you but it seems you dont and are looking for any excuse to dump her.

Seriously if this is her only problem then i think you'd be losing your mind to let a good girl go.

davidylan:

yemium the problem is squarely you.

When a girl feels too afraid to talk to you about issues then you need to do plenty of introspection not blaming her.
She tells her friends stuff because she is too weak to tell you. She cries her eyes out because she genuinely loves you but it seems you don't and are looking for any excuse to dump her.

Seriously if this is her only problem then i think you'd be losing your mind to let a good girl go.

he will regret it later and that's not a good feeling at all

@poster

I guess both of you are hurting. I can tell you this much that it hurts to hurt someone else's feelings (been there done that) and that's why your g/f is not telling you how she feels. She is "protecting" you, not knowing she is hurting the relationship. based on your word love with the "ed" it's obvious that you are not in love with her anymore. If you're not in love anymore and you want to explore other relationships (which is quite obvious) then go for it. However, after reading the entire email it's evident you feel love for her, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling the way you feel right now and telling us about it.

Since the problem is not major (cheating) I think you both can work it out. you see, being "in love" and "loving" someone are two entirely different entities. Take her for lunch/dinner (ease the tension) and tell her not only you want to be her boy/f but her best friend too. She'll get the drift. If she doesn't take heed then the best thing for the both of you would be to break up

I've not been in a lot of relationships but know this: - all is fair in love and war" and "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Do a splitville, and if you reunite somewhere down the road then it's meant to be. Hopefully she's not one of those coocoo who can't survive a break-up.

I wish I can talk to her and tell her to zip-it so the love can be rekindled because I know you still have feelings for her. . . . . . .right?.

Good Luck!!!

love eh - so painful yet we can't live without it.

davidylan:

yemium the problem is squarely you.

When a girl feels too afraid to talk to you about issues then you need to do plenty of introspection not blaming her.
She tells her friends stuff because she is too weak to tell you. She cries her eyes out because she genuinely loves you but it seems you don't and are looking for any excuse to dump her.

Seriously if this is her only problem then i think you'd be losing your mind to let a good girl go.

Well said

I totally respect the fact that you are trying to solve the problem ahead of time instead of cheating on her.

In my opinion your problem is more about the communicatin issue than that of her telling her girlfriends what is going on. As women we do share our plight with our friends (I guess it's a healing process).

Just assure her that no matter how upset or angry you may get about the conversation, she still needs to let you know when there is a problem. Let her know that this is the only way to allow the relationship to grow. Once the bumps and kinks have been worked out, it should be smooth sailing thereafter.

davidylan:

Seriously if this is her only problem then i think you'd be losing your mind to let a good girl go.

EXACTLY!!!

keeping a girl is not an easy thing because there is no way u will understand a girl absolutely. there is something u understand about her and that has kept you guys for 3 years. you both have a problem that only communication can solve. if u dont communicate with each other now, little things will grow big and u wont be able to handle it, so u'd break.

talk to her, ask her wat she's tired of, then thats wat u should improve on.