Love if it use in the right context is the most important but in these days am not sure if one exist so every one lives for him/her self. I would say love yourself first that is the principle thing, for another peason to love you, i bet you wont know but if you really love yourself then you can be compatible with anybody as you will understand that people are in your life for Reason and Season, and some to be part of your history.
As for your virginity i hope it comes out handy when u need it but it real world you need experience in everything you do if you really want to be ssuccessful I wish you the best but my advice is Test Waters this is the 21 centrury .

@Quadrillio
Yes love surpasses all, but this statement only holds water for Unconditional love alone, of which only God offers it. Same cant be said for other types of love.

Both are equally important. Whats the point of being compatible with someone who's hands you can't stand on your body?

@Spikedcylinder
No doubt both are inexpendable. You are just looking at it 4rm d point of view of havin sex alone. Mind u we are talking of a life partner here, how do you spend ur lifetime with someone his life style wouldnt just match with yours. I think dats just d cause of most break ups and divorce 'incompatibility'. If u are blinded by d word 'love' which is almost non-existent in our society, u would soon find urself wanting out. I think d period of courtship is just a period of experimenting your compatibility. LOVE IS NOT BLIND, but passion is, thats what i keep telling people. Its not working, simply means, its not working, its as plain as that - simple arithmetics. Look b4 u leap, dont make a lifetime mistake all in the name of "Love". My own LOVE's eyes are very very wide open, they are not blind and neva would be blind, they are open seriously searching for a compatible spouse. After much, love is a thing of the mind. U can love over and over again but 4 compatibility,it doesnt work dat way.

Guys in my own opinon i think love and compactibility are two very complex subject when it comes to a relationship i am in a smilar situation but i think in my i love her but i do not no if she loves me some hw, this days she tend to be very loving this day. but i think my love is taking me through it, being compatible in a relationship without love is lust so i would call it, loving someone without being compactible is a persistent headache in the relationship and its like forcing urselfs on each other,

i think in my own opinon the original poster of this topic is not sure of wat she wants she was like dey are compactable and love dem selfs but she thinks they would not go a long way. i would like to ask her if they hav love and compactibility for each other wat else would make them nt last long, is their something she is not tell us or is there any were her BoBo is found wanted all this she has to let us no.

my own advices in a relationship is dat for it to work and end up in marriage they both have to develop a proper communication channel, understand each other, trust each other, care and respect each other and somany other things

COMPATIBILITY!!!

Compatibility blinds you to most of the flaws in your partner and when you see them, you are tolerant and forgiving of the imperfection. You are willing to allow him/her room to be an individual and that freedom serves as a pad from which your own inhibition can be let go.  Thus the two now become one and merge into a union of ying and yang (the twins) - the esoteric symbol of duality, the essence of being.  

Love arouses you to the passion of posessiveness and ownership. It blocks freedom and individuality.  If you are not joined in the force of compatibility, then love becomes a duty, an obligation of service.

Love without compatibility is futile.  Compatibility followed by love is prosperity.  Never own anyone and never be owned by anybody.  Find your twin in an un-inhibited relationship, free of demands and emotional clutter.    

@Negro_Ntns
Good summary, i love that.

@Shinatu
Thanks.

E-Jaja:

Guys in my own opinon i think love and compactibility are two very complex subject when it comes to a relationship i am in a smilar situation but i think in my i love her but i do not no if she loves me some hw, this days she tend to be very loving this day. but i think my love is taking me through it, being compatible in a relationship without love is lust so i would call it, loving someone without being compactible is a persistent headache in the relationship and its like forcing urselfs on each other,

I don't follow you here. . . what do you mean by that? How is it lust?

echofamozo:

Looking at the dictionary definition of compatibility which is a humorous or agreeable combination, i think without love two people from different background can not agree. so for them to be compatible they must agree with/(love)one another so i think love is more important.

Loving and agreeing don't mean the same thing, and even in this context, they are not interchangeable. Compatibility is a personality/psychological issue. Personality and Psychology are generally ingrained in us while we are young and those characteristics are likely to not change much, if at all, until we're dead. So in order to be compatible, both personalities/psychologies must agree to a good extent (the extent varies from couple to couple). You can love, love, love all you want, but that doesn't mean that the other person's personality will reset and match yours. Love is only likely to create a stage for tolerance and sacrifice, but even then, everyone has his/her limit. i don't think the average person is willing to sacrifice and tolerate until God knows when. Therefor, Agreeability/Compatibility has a much better chance of fostering love and a stronger, more stable relationship.

@zaragoza
Exactly, Love is not Blind.

spikedcylinder:

Both are equally important. Whats the point of being compatible with someone who's hands you can't stand on your body?

You build that kind of relationship later on, after the two of you have either gotten to know each other well/better, or have become friends, or have known each other through each others friends, etc. No one goes head on into an on-hand, grabby, touchy-feely relationship without first knowing the person their getting into the relationship with (at least, no rational person does).

@Negro_Ntns
Thanks for that post.

zaragoza:

@Spikedcylinder
No doubt both are inexpendable. You are just looking at it 4rm d point of view of havin sex alone. Mind u we are talking of a life partner here, how do you spend ur lifetime with someone his life style wouldnt just match with yours. I think dats just d cause of most break ups and divorce 'incompatibility'. If u are blinded by d word 'love' which is almost non-existent  in our society, u would soon find urself wanting out. I think d period of courtship is just a period of experimenting your compatibility. LOVE IS NOT BLIND, but passion is, thats what i keep telling people. Its not working, simply means, its not working, its as plain as that - simple arithmetics. Look b4 u leap, dont make a lifetime mistake all in the name of "Love". My own LOVE's eyes are very very wide open, they are not blind and neva would be blind, they are open seriously searching for a compatible spouse. After much, love is a thing of the mind. U can love over and over again but 4 compatibility,it doesnt work dat way.    

Both are not expendable. End of.
You cannot be compatible with someone you are not attracted to or someone who don't feel passionately about. Otherwise, you are mere friends and have no business being married.

Zara/Chinenye

It's my pleasure!  Thanks.

ChinenyeN:

Exactly, Love is not Blind.
You build that kind of relationship later on, after the two of you have either gotten to know each other well/better, or have become friends, or have known each other through each others friends, etc. No one goes head on into an on-hand, grabby, touchy-feely relationship without first knowing the person their getting into the relationship with (at least, no rational person does).

I made my original comment assuming the OP asked the question in terms of long term commitment i.e both parties are already in a relationship and want to take it a notch further.

Both but Love comes before Compatibility

@ Poster if ur boyfriend is understanding & not disturbing u 4 sex y not go on wit d relationship. Most guys outside would not be willing to stay in a relationship without sex

spikedcylinder:

You cannot be compatible with someone you are not attracted to or someone who don't feel passionately about. Otherwise, you are mere friends and have no business being married.

Wait, but compatibility has nothing to do with attraction. One can always be compatible with people that one is not attracted to, and one can always feel passionately about someone that one is not compatible with. Also, you seem to be making the assumption (or maybe I'm the one assuming here. .) that we're saying that people should only go into a relationship with compatibility in hand. We're not saying that at all. There must be some kind of affection/passion/emotional/instinctive/primal attraction between one and the other, otherwise, you're right, they would be just friends and have no business being married. We believe that both compatibility and attraction must be present in order to begin that kind of relationship. What we're saying though, is that it would be more proper (or maybe beneficial and rational are the words. . .) to make sure that there is some level of compatibility between the two, regardless of whether or not "love" (more properly termed 'affection' in this case) is there.

Maryam:

Both but Love comes before Compatibility

Please, if you don't mind, explain how 'Love' comes before 'Compatibility'.

Since you are talking about marriage/long term committment
COMPATIBILITY is it!!

its the reason why most relationships and marriages have failed to survive - if you can not come to some agreement on the fundamental issues that are important to both of you then its like flogging a dead horse

Love ke? many of us still love old bf/gf even ex-husbands/wifes sef yet it did not stop a break - up


You need to sit down and write out the things that are important to you and see if ur bf feels the same way. cos when u ignore little cracks they can become gaping holes
Start asking questions (i'd suggest 101 questions to ask before choosing a life partner by Bimbo odukoya). I'm not a big fan of relationship books but what i learned from this book showed me why many marriages i know of have serious problems

@maryam

pple give love as an excuse even when its clear they are not compatible

the fact that the bf does not have sex with her does not make their relationship great

God bless your wisdom salsera l_{acasera lomo} I love all ur post too.

You said it all.I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

Well i dont think you can actually fall in love with someone
if there's no compatibility.
I feel being compatible with somebody is being able to flow with the person,ie
enjoying his company.That i feel comes before love.

@Spikedcylinder
You are just confusing affection with love. My dear, in almost everything in life compatibility is always important. Its very possible to love someone whom you are not compatible with and vice versa but that doesnt mean that you two could be life partners. For instance, u love a particular dress and it happened that the dress doesnt fit/size/suite you (in other words you are not compatible with it) would you go ahead to buy it? Of course your answer would be no, in dsame vein u dont go for something u dont love,though it fits u perfectly. When buying things, u first of all go for things u are attracted to, next u check 4 specifications to see if they match yours before any other thing would follow. So in marriage, you get attracted to someone, next step is to check 4 compatibility, if that gets a pass mark, then you can start building your love upon marriage. Love is not just a destination but a journey, i just wonder how smooth the journey would be without compatibility btw the two.

think in my own opinon the original poster of this topic is not sure of wat she wants she was like dey are compactable and love dem selfs but she thinks they would not go a long way. i would like to ask her if they hav love and compactibility for each other wat else would make them nt last long, is their something she is not tell us or is there any were her BoBo is found wanted all this she has to let us no.

Thanx, E-jaja.  But I know wat I want in my life and I know I care deeply for my guy and he feels the same way 4 me too. But our lives are goin in opposite directions right now, thats why am doubting if I shud stay wit him or try to move on(though its not going to be easy).

the fact that the bf does not have sex with her does not make their relationship great

Thanx too, Salsera. the relationship is not 100% perfect. but its a great relationship, I must confess. Its a give and take relationship, there's no take, take, take without giving back. My bone of contention right now is that, we are doin different things right now with our lives and in the end, it will affect us. Because two cannot walk together unless they are goin to the same destination. That's why Im wondering if I should stay and see what happens.

Well i dont think you can actually fall in love with someone
if there's no compatibility.

Its like u can, tamai. Bet u know the whitney and Bobby brown story. they loved but were not compatible! And in the end, Love wasnt enough to hold them together.

And posts seem to be targeting MY virginity which isnt the real issue here. It was just mentioned in passing to give a clear picture of who I am and what I stand for. I dont go around flaunting the fact that I am a virgin(nobody knows me here, thats why I said it), its a personal decision which is just between me and HIM who is all powerful and all knowing. Cos Nobody knows more than I do that virginity doesnt guarantee happiness, neither does it make me a good wife and neither does it mean I get a 100% man. However, its something that is dear to me, something intimate which I am only willing to share in the confines of marital lif , and I do hope that God will bless my efforts.

And to those who remind me we are in the 21st century, Boy, do I know that! Cos a girl doesnt get more 21st century, than ur girl right here. However, I dont remember reading anywhere that -
                            "[center]Hear thee, Hear thee! At the turn of the century, NO virgins wanted in the world[/center]!"
Nah-ah, I neva saw that anywhere.

And for those who insist that I do away with chastity,for me to get experience so that I become excellent at 'doing it', I got somethin 4 u, baby. I only said I was A 'V', not an ignorant girl who doesnt know whats up. For ur information, I dont plan on 'dulling my husband' ( God bless his soul, Wherever he is, whoever he is) just because he married a virgin. I am a learner and I read voraciously, and I know basically everythin I need to know in the ways of loving (though I know them by theory). With my husband, what I lack in knowledge, I'll make up for in enthusiasm. And we all know enthusiastic students are the best learners. I will be ready and willing for his loving, wherever, whenever, Il be in love with his lovemaking!

Do please forgive me, but I fail to see what the problem really is, what does she mean by compactibility. Is possible to love someone you are not compatible with? Are there any two totally compatible human beings? Love sees beyond issues of compactibility, how does she know is more compatible with the new guys. Its funny, but i hope she is not using compactibility as a synonym for rich or wealthy.

@aarmeyah

good reply

back to the topic

what's ur fear abt where both of u are right now
when u say ur moving in different directions what do u mean?

career wise, location ?

babe i strongly advise that u follow ur heart, the fact that u are both in luv and are compatible is the most important factor and ingredient in any relationship. it is the glue that bonds u two together during the difficult times. i almost made the same mistake that u are considering making and am happy to say that it is that luv and compatiblity that has kept us together for 8yrs. we also both seemed to be heading in two different directions but our closeness set things right, the early times are always the toughest and most confusing, thats when u start to wonder if that person is really the one for u. i can tell u this with full confidence, u will never regret choosing the one u luv most. five yrs from now u'll understand.

wbb

Love o jare!!

Then comes compatibility. . . .[s]na step by step. . .abi na turn by turn ni[/s]!!

aameyah:

And for those who insist that I do away with chastity,for me to get experience so that I become excellent at 'doing it', I got somethin 4 u, baby. I only said I was A 'V', not an ignorant girl who doesnt know whats up. For ur information, I dont plan on 'dulling my husband' ( God bless his soul, Wherever he is, whoever he is) just because he married a virgin. I am a learner and I read voraciously, and I know basically everythin I need to know in the ways of loving (though I know them by theory). With my husband, what I lack in knowledge, I'll make up for in enthusiasm. And we all know enthusiastic students are the best learners. I will be ready and willing for his loving, wherever, whenever, Il be in love with his lovemaking!

may God bless you and the family that brought you to this world. may God bless the womb that carried you. you make being a woman sensible and dignified. if having sex to test compatibility was all it is meant to be why are most couples who indulged in it miserable world wide? why are they divorcing people they are supposed to be compatible with? just relax. be yourself. it is not rocket science. good and healthy marraiges are hard work. if you want to do it. it is good and worth every effort you put into it. relax and pray always as they say Gods grace wont lead you where He cant keep you. wish you all the best

I'll go for compatibility.
Can't stand 'crazy luv', where people have nothing in common but luv.
U'll know them by their incessant fights and quarrels.
Better to leave in peace and tolerance and just 'like' your partner.

I'll go for compatibility.
Can't stand 'crazy luv', where people have nothing in common but luv.
U'll know them by their incessant fights and quarrels.
Better to live in peace and tolerance and just 'like' your partner

Do please forgive me, but I fail to see what the problem really is, what does she mean by compactibility. Is possible to love someone you are not compatible with? Are there any two totally compatible human beings? Love sees beyond issues of compactibility, how does she know is more compatible with the new guys. Its funny, but i hope she is not using compactibility as a synonym for rich or wealthy.

@ myjobman

Well, you're quite forgiven for taking the compatibility issue to the issue of money. I wouldnt be wit this guy in the first place if money was number one on ma list. If I held money so dear, my dear, I wouldnt be here asking these questions. I would have followed money tay tay.
What I meant by compatibility is; Someone you could live 'jeje-ly' with, in peace, cause your characters dont disagree. Bt u might not have this overwhelming loving feelings towards the person. You just like the person, shikena. But you can spend ur life with the person, cos ur characters dont ignite like petrol and fire, causing the household to explode in fight and malice, thats what I mean by compatibility.

good reply

@Salsera- Thanx. .

what's ur fear abt where both of u are right now
when u say ur moving in different directions what do u mean?

career wise, location ?

@ Salsera
You are soooo wise and perceptive, u've said it all, Gbam! It must be cos u're a female too, and so you understand where am coming from. Very soon, me and my man are goin to be on opposite sides of the earth. And we cant make our commitment legal or formal right now. So I might end up waiting years for the time we can be together or I can try to move on and just get another guy am compatible with who is around my enviroment, but which I dont love, cos I love my man.

may God bless you and the family that brought you to this world. may God bless the womb that carried you.

@JJYOU
May God bless ur family too, one love!

@Woodpecker Thanx

Poster: Thanks  for your objectivity. Even though you love this guy, it seems that you may not have a future with him. This is what I tell my female friends- if i have dated 10 girls in my life 8 would gladly accept my proposal for my marriage, but i would  find only 2  compatible with me. Not that I did not love the rest of 6, but they were not compatible.

Compatibiity is degree of tolerance you have for each other. I have a friend who likes to drink, but he can only stand a bottle of light beer. Now, you can see that this guy loves to drink, but alcohol is not compatible with his body. Should he now become a stupor since he loves kissing the bottle?

New romantic relationships in most instance do not embody the type of love we tend to ascribe to them. The reason why my lovely mum did not throw me  away when I was a kid after I had pissed on her dinner table was because of unconditional love- this might not exist in a new romantic  relationship. You may not go out with a person if they  got a stinking breath, bad body odour, unemployed,bad dentition,short etc. This is where compatibility comes. But your family will love regardless of these shortcomings. Let's not confuse family love with romantic love.

love is bullshit, compatiability makes a whole lot of sense

Well, a lot to learn here!

I think love should first be considered. Compatability is a life process. When you fall in love with someone, you will be ready (whether the man or the woman) to adjust to 'things' the other person really likes. Love is just so important! Sometimes though it's the other way round. You first find the person compatible with you, and then 'something' like 'love' begins to develop over time. But this second way is not as sweet as the other. Love surpasses all things! You were never compatible with Jesus Christ before He came and died for you! Even now, you are still not compatible with Him, but you learn to love Christ and obey His commandments. That's how life is designed!