BUT COME O. WATS WRONG IN CHATTING ONLINE.WE ALL DO AND MARRIED MEN DO TOO.
ITS A HARMLESS THING (ITS FUN)

It depends on the kinda wifey you have at home. . .

yemmydavid:

BUT COME O. WATS WRONG IN CHATTING ONLINE.WE ALL DO AND MARRIED MEN DO TOO.
ITS A HARMLESS THING (ITS FUN)

no mind the 'angels' on nairaland who have not;

1. flirted with other people even when in a relationship.
2. lied about it and got caught (okay, maybe a habitual liar).

look, the young man did bad enough to be suspended from 'bedmatics' for a while and punished with no 'allowee' (na wa for man wey de depend on woman for im daily akara).

BUT NOT DIVORCE, especially where a 1-year old child is involved.   

This oyibo land wey we dey done spoil the sanctity of the marriage institution finish.

Bolarge, my heart goes out to you. I pray things will work out between you and your wife.
I have read your story and really sympathise with you.

I dont want to blame you while you are already in enough stress, but really, to a certain extent, you are the cause of the tension in your home. You were looking for something you obviosuly were not getting from your wife- emotional support? with another female figure. You say because you were idle.

I would say try everything under the sun to save your marriage, since you are the cause of the tension. Make it up to her. Dont argue and please stop saying what you did was normal- because it simply wasnt! Imagine if she did that to you with another man. You would be feeling the same way.

I think your wife is feeling dejected, incomplete and inadequate as a woman and wife because you sought elsewhere what you should have sought in your wife.  She is hurting and arguing with her will hurt her more. So stop ding that.
AND have you aplogized for your actions- i mean truly and meaningfully aplogized with explanation as to what drove you to seek comfort eleswhere? Sometimes a simple SORRY goes a long way and heals wounded souls. It also repairs lost trust.

Secondly, sometimes seperation helps- a moment to miss each other, to feel the absence and true meaning of the  other. Maybe you could try that.

I will pray for you man.
Your wife sounds like the ideal wife,

Good luck dear.

Ugwumba:

no mind the 'angels' on nairaland who have not;

1. flirted with other people even when in a relationship.
2. lied about it and got caught (okay, maybe a habitual liar).

look, the young man did bad enough to be suspended from 'bedmatics' for a while and punished with no 'allowee' (na wa for man wey de depend on woman for im daily akara).

BUT NOT DIVORCE, especially where a 1-year old child is involved.  

This oyibo land wey we dey done spoil the sanctity of the marriage institution finish.

Hmmmm, ugwumba did you just mention flirting and lies alongside sanctity of marriage?? Seems to me you have a funny idea of sanctity 'cos it should EXCLUDE flirting and lies.

The way I see it, sanctity is all inclusive. You marry and stay committed to the one you married. No flirting, no lies, no wandering hearts or eyes. That's sanctity. Marriage is a holy institution, and there should be nothing unholy in it , that's sanctity

Windywendy, (like your username ), when you find a marriage that is completely free of all those, please kindly let me know.

See, I still agree with Ugwumba, if she is leaving him because he is chatting with another woman, there seems to be more than he is saying or knows sef.

You know how many married men, I chat with? It is all harmless flirt. Nothing to it.

A fair exchange in everything
Thats the way its gotta be
When your eyes break you recognise a player
Give it all to u.

Sorry guy, hope she's not really fed up, cos if she's fed up to the bones really (which I doubt) then she's gone forever. She'll come home, no matter what, but you gotta be fair to mankind. Be a father that you are, at least.

windywendy:

Hmmmm, ugwumba did you just mention flirting and lies alongside sanctity of marriage?? Seems to me you have a funny idea of sanctity 'because it should EXCLUDE flirting and lies.

The way I see it, sanctity is all inclusive. You marry and stay committed to the one you married. No flirting, no lies, no wandering hearts or eyes. That's sanctity. Marriage is a holy institution, and there should be nothing unholy in it , that's sanctity

'to err is human, to forgive divine.' holiness or divinity requires that we have the ability to forgive. that is what the holy institution of marriage is about.

i am catholic and happy that dissolution of marriages are made very difficult.

Brownsuga:

Bolarge, my heart goes out to you. I pray things will work out between you and your wife.
I have read your story and really sympathise with you.

I don't want to blame you while you are already in enough stress, but really, to a certain extent, you are the cause of the tension in your home. You were looking for something you obviosuly were not getting from your wife- emotional support? with another female figure. You say because you were idle.

I would say try everything under the sun to save your marriage, since you are the cause of the tension. Make it up to her. Dont argue and please stop saying what you did was normal- because it simply wasnt! Imagine if she did that to you with another man. You would be feeling the same way.

I think your wife is feeling dejected, incomplete and inadequate as a woman and wife because you sought elsewhere what you should have sought in your wife.  She is hurting and arguing with her will hurt her more. So stop ding that.
AND have you aplogized for your actions- i mean truly and meaningfully aplogized with explanation as to what drove you to seek comfort eleswhere? Sometimes a simple SORRY goes a long way and heals wounded souls. It also repairs lost trust.

Secondly, sometimes seperation helps- a moment to miss each other, to feel the absence and true meaning of the  other. Maybe you could try that.

I will pray for you man.
Your wife sounds like the ideal wife,

Good luck dear.

lmao  how sympathetic d'u tend to be? you just wanted your own voice to be heard huh?  No matter how good you tend to write English,we've all said all you wrote , you shoulda said something diff innit?

;DIf I were you i would just call home and i will use love juju that she would forget all her worries just use nice juju, incase you need a good dibia,babalawo call me 08029314720, once she go forget her name ,i don marry agbani before,even gennevive just call me i go tell you sey jazz pass fumble.

jayon:

jazz pass fumble.

Naija people deh crase o

Good riddance to bad rubbish

Y'all seen this story ? " Jealous girlfriend held in MySpace.com murder plot" http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/09/14/myspace.arrest.ap/index.html.

Who says divorce is the only answer? Nope. lol

Well, Ol Boi! U haven't done anything wrong. If u had slept with the online LovePeddler, then u bleeped up. But u didn't.
If ur wife wants to leave u for that, be a man and let her go.
I bet she's screwing someone at work! Remember the people that liked her and hired her?

So next time, find a more inventive woman. One that will so captivate ur feelings that u won't even have time or wanna chat with another woman. If you know what I mean.

Find u an every woman. Now that u r in the USA, divorce ain't shit. It's a breather. Breathe my brother!

throw ur ego out the window and grovel like a pig fo rher forgiveness. i really have no sympathy of u, but the fact that u hvae insight,might help u wiht her. u need to make her feel special, and trust me that stupid girl that dared to insult ur wife in front o fu is an idiot, some women disgust me wiht their audacity. look, ur future is very important and leave those useless girls alone, and focus on what is important. Lucky for u, u know what is important

@Kathy I really want to know wat he will be asking forgiveness.Is it for sleeping with someboby else or for wanting to

just havin the intention is bad enough. wether or not he slept wiht the lady is not the issue. he had intention and that is bad enough. look he even said it, my wife is beautiful and there are a lot of men wanting her even with her ring on. its eating him up inside becausehe knows once she leaves she will find someone else and become happy with out him. and she is not even doing anything with those guys. so he would be very upset if he found out that she was d oing the same thing he did. hypocritical.

oh and uche2nna

if and when u do get married, cut all ties with ur female friends. trust me its not a smart idea to keep those friendships because nowaday there are more women cheating on their husbands as well. and its very devastating for the guy just as much fo rhte woman.

i see people cursing this guy out sha. yes he messed up big time but wetin the salt wey una dey rob for hin wound go do for am? my brother, the Bible says FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND COME SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. It's time for you to start praying and be the doer of the WORD and not the hearer only. I'm not sure what religion you affiliate yourself with but that's what I'll advise someone to do. , and I'm sure tired of reading comments from people that just yap the guy as if say that go help. Abeg stop the hypocrisy and search yourself well instead of casting stones!

@ Kathy.I do not think that i will agree with you more.You are right!But why do I have a feeling that if intentions are used for judgement then we will all be guilty.
As for female ties,my would be wife need not worry about that.She has me hook line and sinker

katherinae:

just havin the intention is bad enough.

if we were judged because of 'intentions' a lot of use would have been jailed / killed for one of the following.

1. rape - the 'intention' to have make love to a sexy woman you see (w/out knowing whether she would have consented). 

2. murder - the 'intention' to wring an annoying Nairalander's neck. 

3. public disorder - the 'intention' to be raped by a bevy of beautiful women.

the man's major offense was the lying to his wife (the bread winner), which was an 'act' not an 'intention'.

for that he deserves some punishment and probably counselling, BUT NOT DIVORCE.

: Ugwumba
I am not too sure you understand Women, they take alot and we have heard only one side of the story.
No woman wants a sissy as a husband .She wants a husband to be proud of and he has had 5 years to get his act together.
Am sure after work she still came home to cook and clean.
It is just the last straw that broke the camales back.
Am sure if we ask the wife she will have a lot more to say.

The only thing that this man is sorry about is that he has to check out of Hotel "mama"

@Bolarge55

Yup, you did wrong - seriously messed up, and what were you thinking anyway, you showed your wife your conversation with the other one, now ure in the middle of them both,

anyway, as all have been saying, try to make things up to her, promise to live up to her expectations, talk to her friends to help you talk to her, do you go to church? talk to your pastor to assist in counselling both of you,

but on a more serious note, with a less-than 1-year old kid in a 5-year marriage, and shes planning to move on, only God can save Marriages in the West, methinks shes grown tired of you, not that she doesnt love you, but shes got the I-can-make-it-on-my-own virus up her sleeve. Besides she may be seeing someone already, from whom she might have received the promise that he(the other guy) will be a good daddy to your kid, so she might want to make the move now real quick before the kid knows the difference between who is who, or maybe all she wanted was a kid in the first place, someone to call her mommy, and now that uve messed up, its time to call it quits.

besides, what are her favorite nicknames? she might even be on NL

mamaput:

: Ugwumba
I am not too sure you understand Women, they take alot and we have heard only one side of the story.

I'm sure i don't (how many men do, anyway), but i am equally certain i understand most men.

most men do not want to live off women (the most difficult thing to do), most men engage in some harmless flirting (online, at work), most men would tell a lie when caught flirting, AND MOST MEN WOULD NOT EXPECT TO BE DIVORCED FOR THIS.

there probably is more to this story, but until i hear it, i stand firmly by my words - not enough for a divorce.

I do not like talking aboiu my private life.
But,
I was once working at the airport work started 4 am and you had to look good .Not just a roll out of bed job.
Well some times driving to the airport at 3 am in the morning i had the road to my self and i always ask my self "What the hell am i doing here at this time of the day when i have 3 small kids at home . The father a lazy off had done nothing by the time i came back from work. only cooked for him and the kids no food for me and the dirty pots left for me.
When you do it long enough you get thinking.
Do you know what it can do to one coming home to find nothing done and the hubby sitting in front of the tv the plates not even cleared?
Then to crown it all backbiting you .

@ mamaput, bad experience, and enough to get one in a rage.

but this clearly took some time to build up.

was your ex a 'lazy-bone' when y'all were dating? men rarely 'turn' overnight and probably in hindsight you may have ignored some glaring signs (trust me,got sisters who couldn't see past their noses while dating).

@ topic - thot about this after reading u, and almost certain that main reason is the 'lazy-assed' niga's dependence on his wife for everything, not the flirting/ lying which may just have 'done it'.

yes he was i only have myself to blame.
But it is different when you are a family.
As of then i did not think it was that bad . If he had taking care of the houshold it would have been ok by me.
At the end of the day i did not what my kids brought up by a lazy bone that is only good at showing them the easy way out.

look here brohter, first of all PLEASE DONT TALK TO HER FRIENDS OT HELP U TALK TO HER, WE DONT EVEN KNOW UR WIFE OR HOW NICE SHE IS BUT YET WE ARE CRUCIFYING U, THEN IMAGINE IF U WENT AND TOLD ONE OF HER FRIENDS WHO PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW ANYWAY, NOT ONLY WILL U LOSE THE LITTLE SLIVER OF DIGNITY U HAVE LEFT BUT I CAN GUARANTEE U THAT IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE. LOOK U KONW WHY U MARRIED UR WIFE, OUT OF ALL THE WOMEN U PICKED HER. REMIND HER OF THAT, BUT U HAVE TO CHANGE BECAUSE NOWADAYS WOMEN HAVE LOTS OF OPTIONS, EVEN THE SINGLE MOTHERS, SO SHE CAN AND WILL FIND HAPPINESS IN ANOTHER MANS ARMS IF SHE DECIDES TO LEAVE U. PRAY PRAY PRAY, AND I AM STILL IRRITATED AT THAT USELESS FEMALE FRIEND OF HIS. SEE IT SAYS A LOT IF UR FRIENDS CAN INSULT UR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IN UR PRESENCE. YOU MUST CHANGE, AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS U CAN ALWAYS BUY HER A 4MILLION DOLLAR I AM SORRY RING

@ katherinae
lol

Men, I know you are not telling us the whole truth. You must have done other terribe things but for the sake of sounding like a remorseful husband, you have doctored your report to suit your purpose.
Most men cheat but in your own case you were not even caught in the act but she decided to leave you. Or you are not telling us how many times she had caught you doing it at home or the condoms wraps she's found on you.
Anyone that advises you based on the story you have posted would only be wasting his/her time. It's your life, your home, your wife and your crimes. You know how to redeem yourself.
But if you are a chronic flirt/womaniser, please leave the poor lady alone!

Ugwumba:


most men do not want to live off women (the most difficult thing to do), most men engage in some harmless flirting (online, at work), most men would tell a lie when caught flirting, AND MOST MEN WOULD NOT EXPECT TO BE DIVORCED FOR THIS.[/b]

Is there really such a thing as harmless flirting? If it's really harmless, why the need to keep it under cover??

Anyway my view point is simple. If you don't want your house destroyed, don't mess with the foundation. You can't expect to mess continually with the foundation and wonder why the roof over your head is falling off. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. This Bolarge guy says he's lied many times, being caught with porn, etc, etc. He's obviously been messing with the foundation of his relationship for long, and now the roof is coming (or is about to come) down.

The way I see it, this guy is not truly repentant. He's scared of facing the reality of losing his wife. It seems like he only showed penitence after she started yapping with a divorce lawyer The wife probably knows this and refuses to be fooled this time . Abi, didn't someone say "once bitten twice shy"?

he had 5 years to look for a job, but rather spnt the time using the wifes money to chat up other women.
And how did this one know so much about his wife?

@Bhola:

I'll let you know ,

when I get married