thanks guys for your comments.

Update: my wife moved out with the kid. I tried to stop her, got on my knees and begged. Even prostrated face down. Still no show. I guess i've really lost her. I feel like i've died and gone to hell

I've decided to go to marriage counselling with our pastor. I hope he can convince her to come

em, i really do not know weda to critisize u or symphatize wiv u, wat u did was really not fair at al,u can imagine wat she would be thinking,she's working her ass out to make ends meet for u guys and dere u are chatting up sum chick online,,which sha ie probably paying for, making phone calls and incurring bills which she's gonna pay for too, dnt worry sha and keep praying ,if yoy are truely repentant God will see u tru, but i suggest you get ur self a job, all dose online browsing you are doing kuku use the time to browse for job vacancies, God bless

if you guys still sleep together in a house, then you have to be desperate about this. like 1:30am in the middle of the night, go to her room with only your boxer, lock up the door, wake her up and tell her she knows what you are about to say and tell her you are still going to say it. go on your knees no matter what she she say do not get annoyed. tell her you are very sorry and you wouldn't try such a thing again. if she want to walk out on you, stand up and tell her you've already locked up the door because is either she forgive you, kill you or none of you will go out of the room if she didn't  forgive or kill you. tell her you have no life if she leave you, remind her of the good time and let her know she took an oat with you on the altar,if she tries to use your word against you,accept it and tell her all you ask for is death or one more chance. tell her if she doesn't stab you that means she still love you. she might slap you while begging remember you deserve it, so KEEP BEGGING  beg her for like 2 hours. if she doesn't agree for two hour that means a plan B should kick in. stand up and tell her that is there another man out there she want to go give your child to or has she been looking for opportunity to get out of your life all these while. remind her that if she get married to another husband, your child life is at steak.  tell her has she been planning to have different children for different father. ask her the reason why she can't forgive you and give you another chance. if she's calm, move close to her and look for tear wherever you are going to find one to come out of your face and ask her for just one more chance for the sake of your kid . if she say no start looking for another house and life but if she can let you kiss her that night , make sure you make that night a memorable one and put your self on ladies probation. LETS SEE HOW IT WORK

Your advise is a bad one."If you do not kill me you still love me"
or locking the woman in a room-
I will only hate the man more.
And if you are begging why in boxers.?

This strategy of locking the door is known as kidnapping.

It might interest you to know that "forgiveness" obtained under duress cannot be genuine.

She will say what you want to hear and then [b]report you to the polic[/b]e the next day. Don't try it.

Wow. Couldn't read all through people's post, but i only have to say you messed up big time and you and only can and will undo it.

@iz/bu: this ya plan sef is so lame, it wouldn't even work. Sounds like you're saying: first beg her; if that doesn't work, try get her to commit murder; if that doesn't work accuse her of cheating while faking a tear drop and if that finally works, make love to her     ewwwwwwwwww yuk What a really lousy plan

if it has never happened i wouldn't have write it but that same line was what a neigbor used after her wife caught him red handed sleeping with the wife's friend

Am still insisting that the guy ain't telling us all he did. He did more than he's spilling. She must have found out that he's an unrepentant cheat. I don't take part in sentiments. For every action an adult engages in he/she's aware of the consequences.

Bolarge55:

thanks guys for your comments.

Update: my wife moved out with the kid. I tried to stop her, got on my knees and begged. Even prostrated face down. Still no show. I guess i've really lost her. I feel like i've died and gone to hell

I've decided to go to marriage counselling with our pastor. I hope he can convince her to come

Ohh dear!!! that's sad to hear.   I'll suggest you allow her this period of seperation while in the meantime, you still remain and act ' the perfect man'. Like someone said, "give her a reason to come back" DONT IGNORE HER WHILE SHE'S WALKED OUT.She only needs to be off you for a while. I'll be praying for you ok. I know what it means to have a broken home

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Luccccccccccccccccck Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!But then the cheering news is that it can not get worse than this.If she really loves you she will be back.And honestly I believe that you shd do everything possible to make sure she comes back even if it means you ask for her forgiveness day and night.I believe women sometimes can be dumb but they are not hard hearted.BEG AND SHE WILL COME BACK.GOOD LUCK MAN.

BoLarge55,

I am going to go ahead and say what others may want to say (or that u already know), but dont want to say out of fear:

First and foremost, sorry about your situation. Assuming what you are saying is true, u shd hv known better. Having said that, you owned up to it and begged for forgiveness.

However, if you have begged her all this while and she still insists on seeing a lawyer, then trust me, she already had plans of leaving you long time ago. That situation was just used as the excuse to accelerate the process.

As for her being pretty and other guys "eyeing" her, who cares? U no dey eye woman urself? Forget dat one. As one man, whom I consider wise once told me, if u die today, 4 things will happen: (1) She will mourn you (2) She will bury you (3) She will inherit your property (4) depending on when you die, she will start looking for love elsewhere, especially in these days, probably within less than a year of your death. Cold hard truth that most pple wont say, but I will

To wrap up, there are too many fish in the ocean. I know, you are probably thinking more about paying her child support and alimony (letz be honest, thatz probably it, right?) than the actual divorce, cos if u were in naija, you wdnt hv cared less. Just make arrangements with her on how you will pay so she doesnt take you to actual court where payments will then be taken out of your paycheck automatically.

Sorry for your situation man. I don't envy you. If she insists, my advice is to let her go and find happiness elsewhere. Just make sure you are there for your child, cos once d pikin enter bad peer group, e don finish b dat.

Just my 2 cents

Keep begging her, Morning, Afternoon and Night. As long as u really love her.

my2cents, na wa oh  In case you didn't get the memo, the guy is trying to save his marriage not make things any worse than they already are. As long as the divorce is not final, I guess he still has a fighting chance

Uche2nna:

:I believe women sometimes can be dumb

Ol boy mind ya sef oh Just don't get me started with you

windywendy:

Ol boy mind ya sef oh Just don't get me started with you

Na wetin I do?

Windywendy,

Just in case u didnt get my memo , here are excerpts of what I said:

First and foremost, sorry about your situation.

Sorry about your situation

I realize his situation and wdnt wish it on myself. Having said that, in a country, where pple, *generally speaking*, hv made a mockery of the marriage institution, there is nothing wrong with what I have just said. Is the dude to die due to blood pressure (as if bills and work-related stress rnt enough) over a woman, who I am pretty sure has made up her mind already?

Again, I am only saying what many pple here wanna say, but cant find the heart to. It is what it is. If he tries to offer marriage counselling (this is my way to appease u ) and she refuses, then the hell with it. Let him leave her.

Really sad to read your story, but i think there's something u are
just not saying. There is a deeper issue here and maybe u dont want
to share it. It was really stupid of u to forward that conversation to her.
Anyway,no need to dwell on past mistakes, take your 'sharing' attitude
a step further, let her know about this forum. Show her this thread and
of course pray. It is well with you and your family.

Uche2nna:

Na wetin I do?

How you fit take mouth talk say women can be dumb sometimes See ya mouth sef No make me report you to Seun oh

my2cents:

If he tries to offer marriage counselling (this is my way to appease u ) and she refuses, then the hell with it. Let him leave her.

Yes headmaster, you're absolutely right --- in your opinion, that is

windywendy,

Yep, it sure is my opinion and I bet if u took a poll (which I am not volunteering to take ), that of some others as well. We as a human race these days are just totally dumbed down by being politically correct that we can no longer call a spade what it truly is - a spade

@ Bulgar55

Whats the update? Have u sorted out everything?

Update: I took Radiant’s advice and went looking for her, rather than sit down feeling sorry for myself. Finally found her at one of her girlfriend's place. She wouldn’t come down to see me, but we spoke over the phone. I guess the time apart has softened her a bit because she didn’t sound as angry, and she even asked me how I was doing – believe me guys, that was like ice cold water on a really hot day! Bottomline, she has agreed to go to counseling with me later next week. For me, that was a huge improvement. She still hasn’t come home, but I’m hoping things work out – at least I feel more confident and less confused. She's at least picking up my calls now. I also ordered and am reading a couple of marriage counseling books for men. What a real eye-opener some of these books are. I've never read books like these before. Thanks to all of you for your enthusiastic advice. If this works out, I owe you all. Thank you, thank you very much indeed.

Well i suppose i feel ur pain but its ur mess
so clear it up.
No one was there when u where toasting ur wife
so i don't think u need us to tell u how to WOO ur
wife back again.
But imagine she lives wouldn't u live or would u commit
sucide
Bro wake up and be a Man by saying the rigth things
and managing the crisis that is self made as in
SELF DESTRUCTION.
WiShing to hear from u the soonest that u DID IT Riiiiiiight.
ALL THE BEST.

windywendy:

How you fit take mouth talk say women can be dumb sometimes See ya mouth sef No make me report you to Seun oh

Well if she is not dumb tell me y she shd leave with the kids for a ridicululosly flimsy excuse such as intention to commit adultery!No be say the man don commit the adultery sef!

@uche2nna:

Hmmm, are you sure that's all the reason there is Anyway, even if you think she's dumb, the man thinks she's smart -- or it may be that he's too dumb to even tell that she's dumb. Remember dumb and dumberer  ? She's dumb, he's dumberer  .

Besides I think there's a lot more to the story than the man dey talk. Anyway, let's not judge 

LMAO
Dumb and dumberer I must have been absent from school when that part of comparative superlative was taught!
Anyway U said it lets not judge.I mean y shd we even doubt the man he came for advice nobody forced him to say anything and it will be weird if he was lying when there is no need to cos nobody asked him to post that in the first place

Actually it's dumb and dumber (my mistake), and it was never taught, it's a film  . Abi you be efiko?? you no dey watch film?

Ehen you know now, if im come for advice e no mean say im go wan tell us say im commit adultery. Haven't you ever heard people on death row tell their stories? For some you might even think the state is doing some injustice!!

Anyway, na you know. The man obviously wants his wife back, dumb or not 

Yeah! I am not overstressing the dumb part because if I did we will prolly end up shooting all the women.You are right he wants his wife back even tho she is dumb! ;DHonestly I wish that she comes back at least to save the man from emotional trauma

Uche2nna:

he wants his wife back even tho she is dumb!

Ol boy I say make you mind ya sef oh  You're still calling women dumb??

Anyway like they say, love is blind -- smart men marry dumb women, dumb women marry smart men, etc etc

Wait a minute did I just say that  But come to think of it, what's to be said of a smart man marrying a dumb woman?

I know, he must be dumb (or dumber)

As an aside, what does LMAO mean? I see pple use it alot.

I haven't read anywhere near all the posts responding the initial one, but my comment is centered on the facts as you give them. If trully that is all you did (i.e you not telling it half way or leaving out some details) and chances are high that you have left out some important details, but I shall give my opinion nonetheless.

If that is all you did -get close to an old lady friend, and talk on phone, chat (even if romantic chats) etc, then I think your wife is really silly to be talking divorce lawyer purely for these reasons, EXCUSE ME, But did she think marriage was a joke when she got into it, Had she not being hearing about what husbands and wives do to each other (cheat and all) before she married you As long as she has no proof that you were actually cheating then she is silly to talk to a divorce lawyer. She could kick you out of the house, take the kid away for a month, whatever to punish you, BUT divorce sounds just silly (AGAIN I REPEAT IF WHAT YOU SAY IS YOUR ONLY CRIME.) It could be argued that she did that in the heat of the moment, BUT COMON, DIVORCE LAWYER, of all anger tactics, puleezz,

So what if she supported you financially when you were down. is this a big deal. correct me if I am wrong but over there the term "PARTNER" is also used to refer to your wife/husband. So what's the big deal if your partner, defined (according to me) as someone who carries your burdern for and with you, who shares your joys for and with you{The opertive words are SHARE and CARRIES} , supports you when you are down? Would you have done differently if she were in your shoes? So she did not do you a favor by providing for you when you were down, it was her RESPONSIBILITY as your partner.

Well she (and perhaps you) are a product of the society you live in and that is why divorce rates are as high as they are over there. Your society allows and promotes such high divorce rates, Truth be told. If you were both here and it happened, would she seek a divorce laywer as her first option? Most probably not.

Marriage is a VERY hard institution, but 95% of people never realise this, they think it is all luvvy duvvy and all rosy all the way, My aunt once made a statement that hit me. She said she wonders what God was thinking when he instituted the sacrament of marriage. This woman has (and still is) been married over 30 years. Her premise basically was that why would he "make" people jump into a thing such as marriage seeing how difficult it can be and what it can do to people.

You are both 5 years into the marriage, I hope you are together 20 years from now and i'd like to hear how many times she had seen a laywer in the years gone by.

In my opinion, she needs a good "TALKING TO," to set her (and the many like her/you) straight. Perhaps a counsellor is good enough, but that's not the typa talking to I refer to.

Notice I centered on her faults and nothing on yours. Well that was intentional. While I can give you my piece, I'll hold my peace. The reason basically is that yes you 'fell' and you are sorry (i presume,) it would do no good for her to equally follow you into a ditch (even though she might be "justified" but that IS why you are MARRIED, and not dating. She has given up her rights (so to speak) to act in certain ways when provoked, unless she is TRULLY PROVOKED, which in my opinion and based on the facts as you state, she wasn't. I'm sure these are the things people who go to marriage counselling BEFORE marriage get taught.

All the best.

Laugh My Ass Off.
You can thank me later!
Smart women marry dumb or smart men marry dumb Na wa for this your analysis.