The problem here is that your wife has been "baby-sitting" you for awhile that you now have "free-time" to call FEMALES.Now she's just plain sick of it. You cldnt take responsiblity cos she was doing everything for you, while you mess up. Now she's just had enough.

First of all, what has a married man got doing with LOTS of females, changing phone logs and all.

Its a sad case, but if u want to win her back, you've got a WHOLE LOT of work to do.

Thats enough reason for a woman to bail out.
Women are to supoort/assist and not be the man. While a woman is trying to be all she can in her home, she also expects the man to handle his shiit.

ireke:

I do not see the woman as bailing out just 'because Bolarge can not handle his shit either.

@ lioness

Thats exactly what I was trying to say, he needs to be a man and step up at the end of the day, his wife should not have to carry all the responsibilities, giving him free time to mess around.

@ Bolarge55 I feel u man. It's quite sad but realising ur wrong is one way to solving the problem. Everything has been said so just pray hard and look up to God. He still does wonders today.

@ bol,
People can say all they want to say but it's your choice to do the right thing and pick some advice that have been said on here.

You prbly have to try and communicate with your wife. there is probably something more to this story from her point of view. you have to listen to what she has to say and do not argue with her (because you're trying to get her back on your side). you can ask her friends to help u out as well. i am not saying u shld tell everyone what u guys r going through.
i hope u guys get stuffs straightened out.

Bolarge55,

For those who err, which is only human, the path to restoration is self-realization.  Examples abound to attest to this.  Remember the prodigal son in the Bible was lost in his sin and wanton rebellion against his dad until he came to himself, and realized his wrong-doing.  In coming to himself, he had to ask himself several questions like: Why am I here?  What led me here?  Where was I before?  How do I get there?  What do I need to do?  At the end he concluded it was better for him to return to his dad where at least he can afford to eat as he likes and not with pigs.  Not only that, he actually got up and did so.  Guess what?  The father welcomed a lost but found son and threw a great party for him!

I don't want to sound preachy, but you need it.  Take a cue from the prodigal son.  Sit yourself down and think.  Would you want a nameless, faceless lady, whom you probably have not even seen physically (maybe she's even a cripple!), destroy your joy and home of 5 years?  Would you rather prefer her to your beautiful, lovely,  intelligent and resourceful wife (according to your own words)?  What do you stand to gain if eventually your wife files for divorce?

What you have to do is:

1.  Accept your fault and acknowledge you have indeed wronged her.  Consider what she had been through with you, helping you do your responsibility actually.  The last she would want to have is a lazy husband, that sits idle all day, flirting behind her.  Yes, that's what you have done and accept it.

2.  Ask for her forgiveness.  She's mad at you right now.  Try and go through somebody she really listens to, her pastor, best friend, mentor, guardian or whatever.

3.  Repent.  Simply put, don't do it again.  Convince her of this by your action.  Destroy the porn, get rid of the other lady, refuse to pick her calls, stop chatting with her.

4.  Concentrate on building your trust with your wife.  You don't have it right now.  She has every reason not to believe you.  You have to be seen to be trustworthy.  That is a foundation for a good marriage. Let her have access to your phone, don't keep any secret.  Take her out.  Don't take her for a fool, let her look up to you as her man, treat her like your queen, in short woo her like you did the other lady!!  I tell you, it's only a matter of time.  She will grow to love you again.

5.  Start now.

Have a great home.

sorry 2 say dis but i think dis might cum rude let her go shes done a lot 4 u n all u ve ever done 2 her is 2 hurt her dont bring da baby in to this dis is all ur falut u shouldnt be flirtin wit da oda lady not 2 talk of agreein wit all da stuff she was sayin about ur wife i think u only need her 4 money shes done a lot 4 u so grow uo n just hope she end up wit someone who deservs her n treat her well

Analytical:

Bolarge55,

For those who err, which is only human, the path to restoration is self-realization.  Examples abound to attest to this.  Remember the prodigal son in the Bible was lost in his sin and wanton rebellion against his dad until he came to himself, and realized his wrong-doing.  In coming to himself, he had to ask himself several questions like: Why am I here?  What led me here?  Where was I before?  How do I get there?  What do I need to do?  At the end he concluded it was better for him to return to his dad where at least he can afford to eat as he likes and not with pigs.  Not only that, he actually got up and did so.  Guess what?  The father welcomed a lost but found son and threw a great party for him!

I don't want to sound preachy, but you need it.  Take a cue from the prodigal son.  Sit yourself down and think.  Would you want a nameless, faceless lady, whom you probably have not even seen physically (maybe she's even a cripple!), destroy your joy and home of 5 years?  Would you rather prefer her to your beautiful, lovely,  intelligent and resourceful wife (according to your own words)?  What do you stand to gain if eventually your wife files for divorce?

What you have to do is:

1.  Accept your fault and acknowledge you have indeed wronged her.  Consider what she had been through with you, helping you do your responsibility actually.  The last she would want to have is a lazy husband, that sits idle all day, flirting behind her.  Yes, that's what you have done and accept it.

2.  Ask for her forgiveness.  She's mad at you right now.  Try and go through somebody she really listens to, her pastor, best friend, mentor, guardian or whatever.

3.  Repent.  Simply put, don't do it again.  Convince her of this by your action.  Destroy the porn, get rid of the other lady, refuse to pick her calls, stop chatting with her.

4.  Concentrate on building your trust with your wife.  You don't have it right now.  She has every reason not to believe you.  You have to be seen to be trustworthy.  That is a foundation for a good marriage. Let her have access to your phone, don't keep any secret.  Take her out.  Don't take her for a fool, let her look up to you as her man, treat her like your queen, in short woo her like you did the other lady!!  I tell you, it's only a matter of time.  She will grow to love you again.

5.  Start now.

Have a great home.

Analytical has said it all.
To add to that, you really have to stop proving why you did what you did.  Just admit that you erred big time, and ask her to forgive you. Ask for a last chance to right your wrongs and get back to where you guys were before. Believe me, this is absolutely no time to be chauvinistic. You just have to plead with her. Also be ready to tell her all without witholding anything.

She will forgive you if she still has the capacity to love you again (which I believe she still does). However, if there's someone else in her life (which I deem unlikely), then you're screwed big time.

Much luck!

Hmmmmmm! This is a tough one. We are all bound to make mistakes and it's only human. It could have been anyone of us. The fact that you've done other wrong things in the past and lied many times to your wife, joined with this new development, it would be very hard for your wife to listen to your apologies. If you were a selfmade man without    being nursed by your wife for so long, then it woulda been easier for her to forgive you. Women hate TOYS but love a "MAN"I personally hate lies and if I was in her shoes, I think I'll do the same 'cause if she lets you in again, you might still do the same thing but the truth is, she could have made the same mistake too. You just happen to be unlucky. The other thing is, even if she leaves you, how sure is she that another man won't cheat on her? I think she's had it to her neck and fed up with you. If you can prove your love to her and get your family to apologise to her, If she really loves you and considering the kid you have, she'll reconsider the divorce. Like i said, it could be anyone just that you r the unlucky chap. Shit happens indeed!

A cow dosent know the usefulness of its tail until it loses it.i am sorry for being straight foward but i think you deserve what your going through.

@burglass55

First, accept this fact, you are a wicked man, a cheat, a fool, a hypocrite, an ungrateful guy, a bastard, a moroon, u are such a less of a man. I respect ur wife and if she doesn't take u back. All l can say is good for you. Next time, always remember that the devil u have is better than the angel u don't know. Am ashamed of you, just start getting ready for ur deportation because that's what ur wife would do next to you. No be she bring you abroad. Nonsense. am pissed.

Ask yourself this; Does she really want a divorce because she can't trust you anymore and is no longer in love with you or is it because she is seeing someone else?
It all seems a bit harsh to me.

@Topic

The best way to convince her is to strip urself naked and run all the way to the twin tower, Oh! Osama don destroy am or just go to her office (still naked O) and beg her or else you go commit suicide.  

But hey, you screwed up big time, the only thing you can do know is accept faith has analytic said and prove to her that you have changed even if she insist on divorcing you, she might just run back into your arms at the end.

MY BROTHER  I EMPTHIZE WITH YOUR PRIDICAMENT,HOWEVER I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT ,A FEW THINGS ,FIRSTLY ,A GOOD WIFE IS VERY HARD TO FIND ,ONE WHO'LL LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BROKE IS EVEN HARDER TO FIND,ONCE YOU FIND THAT PERSON ,YOU HOLD ON AND DON'T LET GO. YOU ARE NOT AS INNOCENT AS YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE US BELIEVE,YOU DID HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH THIS WOMAN, IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN SEXUAL BUT THERE WAS INTIMACY AND YOUR WIFE DID'NT WANT TO PLAY SECOND FIDDLE  (SMART WOMAN) ,TRUTH IS IF THE ROLES WERE REVERSED IT COULD SO EASILY BE A DIFFERENT STORY, ANYWAY,LOVE IS NOT A VIRUS THAT INFECTS YOU ,IT'S A DECISION YOU MAKE, AND IF YOU'VE DECIDED TO LOVE HER WITH YOUR LIFE IF NECESSARY YOU NEED TO FIGHT FOR HER,YOU SHOULD KNOW HER BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, FIGHT FOR HER BRO, SHE NEEDS YOU TO DO THAT FOR HER ,WALKING AWAY FROM YOU IS NOT AN EASY DECISION FOR HER , GIVE HER A REASON TO COME BACK,AND IF SHE DOES LOVE HER AS THOUGH YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT, AND WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED OR IN A SERIOUS AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE LET HER KNOW HOW YOU FELL. I ALSO THINK THIS PAIN IS THERAHPUETIC,NOT ALL PAIN IS BAD IT'S HELPED YOU SE WHAT YOU'VE TAKEN FOR GRANTED FOR SO LONG, I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU

disney:

@burglass55

First, accept this fact, you are a wicked man, a cheat, a fool, a hypocrite, an ungrateful guy, a bastard, a moroon, u are such a less of a man. I respect your wife and if she doesn't take u back. All l can say is good for you. Next time, always remember that the devil u have is better than the angel u don't know. Am ashamed of you, just start getting ready for your deportation because that's what your wife would do next to you. No be she bring you abroad. Nonsense. am pissed.

Who the Bleep are you to call him names? Don't  make me loose it on you please. U never jam reality na im make you deh misyarn. C ur mouth like "deportation". U respect his wife my ass like you know her own wrong doings. Pray you don't fall into this kind of situation.

samorijack:

WALKING AWAY FROM YOU IS NOT AN EASY DECISION FOR HER , GIVE HER A REASON TO COME BACK

That was so touching. I'm in tears. Ohh! life life life

lmao at radiant

Be cool, Bolarges, be cool. I think your real fear is the loss of all the good things you've been getting from your wife which
could suddenly 'poof' if she leaves you. Should you succeed in getting her to stay, I believe you would continue with the
flirty behavior - but in a more discreet manner. THIS IS NOT YOUR FIRST TIME, REMEMBER?
Solution: Don't stress (not the end of the world) - just be of good behaviour, yeah,SHOW IT - and try to remove your brains
from between your legs and keep it where it should be, YOUR HEAD. I don't believe she is going anywhere, this is just a warning
strike. When you she has calmed down and changed (yes, changed) her mind, PLEASE try to make your brains remain at the
correct place.

If she is adamant (unlikely event), then be grateful to God for great mercies - for keeping you alive, giving you the privilege of
a great relationship with a great lady, opening your eyes to receiving a great (albeit, bitter) lesson for the future. Then focus on being a 'born again'
man - You can't be stupid twice - and march ahead. Sorrows are not forever!

Be cool, AND KEEP THEM BRAINS OUT FROM BETWEEN THEM LEGS!!

Bolarge
I think you should just give her some space right now.  Give her sometime to think.  She is angry and your honey, I'm sorry is probably getting on her darn nerves.

In the meantime, you need to do some soul searching, I may not be right but, somethings tells me you have been busted with other women before.  Your wife is tired, I know, I am there.

So often the thrill or excitement of the unknown or untouchable burns us, You know what I mean, wanting what you know you shouldn't have![color=#990000][/color]

Bolarge, I wouldn't kick you while you on the ground already. Lord knows we've all had our own share of mistakes. However, from what I'm hearing, sex wasn't involved yet so things might be a little easier.
The trust factor is what would take a while to be built up again. On the other hand, it seems like you only showed penitence after she threatened to leave you. That to me shows that you underestimated human beings. Whatever you don't value or appreciate would go down. A lot of men do that. After they're married or gotten what they wanted they become proud and stopped showing affection to their spouses. It's when they see the spouses say screw it and damn the consequences that they start running from pillar to post.
My suggestion is that you seek forgiveness from the Lord and also from your wife. Getting back together should be the last thing on your mind right now. Let your goal be how to rebuild that trust. Take baby steps. I pray the Lord to speak to your wife and also grant you wisdom in this situation. I pray He'd also heal all the wounds because I know both of you are hurting.

Your case is finished.
Your wife will leave.
Your girlfriend will stop liking you because you are no longer married, hence no longer desirable
Your employers will fire you because you will become depressed and less productive

That is the truth. Nothing can save you now.

Unless you send me your wife's number, let me talk to her for you.

Boy u have really screwed things up.

1. Come clean with your wife with regard to your previous relationship with your unknown e-friends. Faithfully explain it the way it happened. No reasons why you did that. ( Biblically, if Adam had admitted his wrong-doing before God, he would have been given a lighter punishment- not Eve deceived me to do it)
2.Does your wife have a member of her family whom she confides in? If so, the person might hold the key.  U have to faithfully explain it the way it happened to the third party.
3. Do you have a member of your family whom you can confidently talk to and also has the respect of your wife?  This person might hold the key.
4 Your wife must have access to all your emails and phone records (NB: delete all the ones that might escalate the situation before you do that)
5. I do not know your faith or spirituality, I would advise you to talk to a religious authority in your place of worship whom you can confide in.
6. You have to work out the way of your salvation, since you blew the trust, you must work to earn it again, because it’s not what you get but earn.
7. STOP further argument with her, because if you did not do it, you will not be in this situation. Take a condescending role in your house, like Bill Clinton did during his Monica Lewinsky’s palaver. He was the president but was forced to sleep on a couch as contrition for his sins.
8. You have boxed yourself to a tight corner, because men are endangered species when it comes to marriage, talks like men are dogs and unfaithful will always pop up in her mind.
9. Lastly, convince her to attend a marriage counseling with you.

Follow these steps and it shall be well with you, but remember to sin no more, because if you do, they will surely find out.

lmaooooooooooooooo

the funny thing is that he still hasnt realised hes really in deep shit, lol wonders never end sha

I feel no pity for u
You deserved wot is coming to you
if u respected your wife, U wouldn't humiliate her by chating to other women
Maybe u still have the Mind-set that u are in Africa where Men ditch out dirt to their Wives
Kudos to your Wife for being a strong woman

Nico

I like your style.

I can't be sure but it seems like this guy has caught up like this before. The poor lady is just plain sick of him!

hello bolarge

first and foremost i would say you have wronged your wife badly.put yourself in her shoes,you getting to know she's chatting with other men how would you feel?a woman that took pains to make sure you joined her in the states and also got u a job,what more did you need?a woman who loved you with her whole being and beautiful for that matter.you know what would hurt her most ,you telling her there is nothing wrong with what your doing.haba.
no need crying over split milk.i would advise you to call your wife and beg for her forgiveness,if it means involving your family members.get the other lady to apologize to her cos she's not worth 100 your wife.pray too because it's difficult to get over things like that.but there is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life,she will never trust you again.that's just the truth.
i hope your marriage really works out and hope you learnt your lesson too.
goodluck

go confess before a priest.

go beg her once twice

play the child game, you the only father 4 life.

get a job i mean a good one

tell her she can have sometime to think about it

seperate could be the last option

buy a new nice car, and be the man.

yes she is a good woman but, it seems like she is more in controll oversome time, its natural for her to look for something bigger. for christ sake she maybe has friends whose husband take care of them, i did not say you dont.

promise, promise and she will come back. she has invested alot in the relationship and maybe this even tears her up more than you.

Bubus:

Your case is finished.
Your wife will leave.
Your girlfriend will stop liking you because you are no longer married, hence no longer desirable
Your employers will fire you because you will become depressed and less productive

That is the truth. Nothing can save you now.

Unless you send me your wife's number, let me talk to her for you.

Gosh are you going to be the same here!

You stabbed the hand feeding you in the back.
You chewed her and spat her out.
You shit on her hand and rubbed it in her face.
You are only sorry because you got caught
You are only thinking of yourself and not of her.#
And she knows you are only pitying your self.

Chxta:

Gosh are you going to be the same here!

Bubus, the same, yesterday, today and forever!!
I offered a solution. Albeit something different. It might actually work.

borlarge55,where are u,say sumtin.i guess u should have picked 1 or 2 things from all these posts.
but guy abeg gree say u F *** UP BIG TIME

Bubus:

Bubus, the same, yesterday, today and forever!!
I offered a solution. Albeit something different. It might actually work.

It's too bad to hear you blaspheme.

O for the days of the Old Testament when thunder and lightning would have delievered instant judgement. . .