MarvellousGod:
Did you read my comment at all?? .. I only talked about what happens in MY OWN family. .

Y'all are quoting me because I said no violence in my home, had it been the other way round, like saying yeah my dad beats my mum, my husband beats me et al nobody will doubt it or try to be negative about the comment.. And I didn't make the comment to present my family as all perfect and stuffs, so y'all quit quoting me biko...

Also, I made that comment without reading the write up, I read just the title.. but now, having read the article I think it actually makes sense, the writer has a good motive...

Meanwhile, onegai's analysis calls for concern. . 1 in every 3 marriages she knows has some form of violence. . Violence is really a cause for concern in Nigeria indeed..

It's much higher than 1 in 3. Growing up I never saw my father hit my mother. In fact he was the perfect gentleman. Now I have learned that it did happen. No one in my family knew I was being abused until it became out of hand. I didn't know my sister was being abused, I didn't know my friends were abused for a while until they quit their marriages.

It happens more often than you realize. We need to stand up for each other. We need to teach our sons to treat girls right. We need to teach our daughters that they are smart enough to be whatever they want to be.

We need to teach our kids that they are equal.

thorpido:
So you don't think 40% is high a figure?
I know women lie to cover up some things but if you are someone who listens to women a lot like me,you would know when they speak from the depths of their hearts.

Read coogar's last article he quoted.if it were possible do an online survey asking men if their wives refused them sex,what they would do,you will be surprised many of them will say,didn't I pay dowry?

Depth of their hearts! Dude, I can't stop laughing. Men speak from the tips of their tongues I guess. Aren't their studies that try to sell wage-gap existence? I would see proof before I believe this rape story.

SAMBARRY:
Smh. It is your own state of mental development i should doubt. I will read the 1999 constitution of federal Republic of Nigeria. Buy it and grow sense small so that your misinformation will reduce

chapter 4, section 34 subsection 1 says

every individual is entitled to respect for the dignity of his person and accordingly no person (man or woman) shall be subjected to inhuman or degrading treatment


So if you have any brain left in your head you should know that whether marital or un marital rape rape is rape and they constitute inhuman or degrading treatment so to answer the question 5minsmadness asked what would she charge him for. I said plenty. She will charge him for section 34 sub section one. It's there. I'm not the one that wrote the constitution .air head!

you are a consummate retärd!
how did you survive infancy with this level of stupidity? even after digging out an article where someone reiterated my point that victims of marital rape are helpless in nigeria, you are busy quoting section 34 that has no hold on a husband & his wife.

400 years ago, i would have plotted your capture to sell you to slavery. women like you should not be allowed to procreate cos you would soon pollute the society with your gross idiocy.

Timbuktou:


You have to understand the society's psychology. Is it really a tenable excuse to walk away because one's wife freely rains him with invectives? People expect a man to man up and accept it as a woman's way.

The percentage of unprovoked wife battery would be about 5% if critically assessed.

Don't forget no one has a monopoly on violence. Though few, men are also victims of spousal physical abuse. Do we say because those men were cheats, or verbally abused or disagreed with their wives hence provoking them deserved their heads be broken with a pestle? My stance would still be no. Why should any man or woman always choose the option of violence? It sounds wrong and should be discouraged strongly in my own opinion.

Your sense of humour is still dry try again

funlord:


Its not suprising that its dead madam! Its a side effect of having a "louse sized I.Q ". Mr coogar diagnosed you were suffering from it earlier remember?

You should change your moniker to "arithmetic woman!" Because you only add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance!

I do know that many men in nigeria beat their wives, with port-harcourt being the headquarters of wife beaters association.

It is also common knowledge that, most Nigerian men believe, it's okay to hit her if she's foul mouthed, not taking into consideration what they themselves, say to the women.

5minsmadness:


I have uncles and aunties in the villages and I know most of thier dirty little secrets. NONE of the men force themselves on thier wives as a routine. The only uncle that tried that 'once' out of frustration told us about it and resorted to having a very willing side chic on the side since his wife continually refused to give it to him without a fight.

I asked thorpido cos I wanted real facts not social media sensationalism.

On to you then. Do you personally know anybody that as a routine forces himself on his wife?

You can't really know about these people's sexual life like you think.Do you know that the women themselves are conditioned to accept it?Tell me how many women will tell their friends their husbands wanted to sleep with them and they refused and not be rebuked by the women?It doesn't mean the men have to beat them before sleeping with them,sometimes the woman just has to lie down and open her legs......it's still rape.

thorpido:
Your title is wrong.How many marriages do you know where the husband beats the wife to conclude Nigeria is a nation of wife beaters?Perhaps you don't understand the title.
Yes,there are incidences of wife beating but how many compared with the general population?MarvellousGod spoke about her family.It's the same story with mine too,so where is the basis to conclude it's a nation of wife beaters?

You can't just use your immediate environment to judge all marriages.

The topic is a question not a statement. Note the difference.

eyinjuege:


Don't forget no one has a monopoly on violence. Though few, men are also victims of spousal physical abuse. Do we say because those men were cheats, or verbally abused or disagreed with their wives hence provoking them deserved their heads be broken with a pestle? My stance would still be no. Why should any man or woman always choose the option of violence? It sounds wrong and should be discouraged strongly in my own opinion.

Violence shouldn't be a weapon, but sadly it is very commonly used. I'm not an advocate for violence in any form, however, I'll take women seriously the day they give verbal violence the same attention they give physical violence. Like I said, unprovoked attacks are extremely rare.
I especially like your comment about no monopoly to violence: physical violence for verbal violence; seems fair. After all, all"s fair in love and war.

eyinjuege:


Don't forget no one has a monopoly on violence. Though few, men are also victims of spousal physical abuse. Do we say because those men were cheats, or verbally abused or disagreed with their wives hence provoking them deserved their heads be broken with a pestle? My stance would still be no. Why should any man or woman always choose the option of violence? It sounds wrong and should be discouraged strongly in my own opinion.

you cannot assess how a man would react after being provoked. there should be mutual respect between hubby & wife. she should not abuse the hubby verbally & he should not abuse her physically.

i remember prescott(britain's deputy prime minister) had an egg thrown at him on the face while he was campaigning. you should see the punch he threw at the egg thrower.

Daresh:


The topic is a question not a statement. Note the difference.

The answer is a NO then.

Quick question: how many women, here, would look favourably upon her sister's husband divorcing her for yabbing. As in, she too dey yab me, dat na why I come divorce am. Please answer honestly.

coogar:


you cannot assess how a man would react after being provoked. there should be mutual respect between hubby & wife. she should not abuse the hubby verbally & he should not abuse her physically.

i remember prescott(britain's deputy prime minister) had an egg thrown at him on the face while he was campaigning. you should see the punch he threw at the egg thrower.

In Nigeria, he'd be dead. The DPM's security detail would first lash his destiny to Jupiter before carrying him to an undisclosed location. You cannot see such foolishness in Nigeria because we all know the consequences of such bravery. Death.

Timbuktou:


Violence shouldn't be a weapon, but sadly it is very commonly used. I'm not an advocate for violence in any form, however, I'll take women seriously the day they give verbal violence the same attention they give physical violence. Like I said, unprovoked attacks are extremely rare.
I especially like your comment about no monopoly to violence: physical violence for verbal violence; seems fair. After all, all"s fair in love and war.

women don't generally believe verbal abuse is hurtful & it doesn't stop there. majority of these fights start with women rendering the first slap or throwing an object at the husband.

when the men retaliate with equal force, the woman's face get swollen immediately cos she's more fragile. what does she do next? she would claim she has been physically battered by the hubby.

Timbuktou:

In Nigeria, he'd be dead. The DPM's security detail would first lash his destiny to Jupiter before carrying him to an undisclosed location. You cannot see such foolishness in Nigeria because we all know the consequences of such bravery. Death.

he wouldn't have gotten so close to a man of such importance. he would be shot on the spot by the trigger-happy security unit that surrounds men of such ilk.

the point is - provocation is very dicey. we never know how we would react in the face of provocation. it's easy to sit here and preach righteousness.

MarvellousGod:
Did you read my comment at all?? .. I only talked about what happens in MY OWN family. .

Y'all are quoting me because I said no violence in my home, had it been the other way round, like saying yeah my dad beats my mum, my husband beats me et al nobody will doubt it or try to be negative about the comment.. And I didn't make the comment to present my family as all perfect and stuffs, so y'all quit quoting me biko...

Also, I made that comment without reading the write up, I read just the title.. but now, having read the article I think it actually makes sense, the writer has a good motive...

Meanwhile, onegai's analysis calls for concern. . 1 in every 3 marriages she knows has some form of violence. . Violence is really a cause for concern in Nigeria indeed..

Sister don't mind them. Misery loves company.

Timbuktou:
I don't find the article objective. For instance, what has women trying to look sexy got to do with Nigeria being a country of wife-beaters? Are the Nigerian women the only ones who try to be sexy? Are Nigerian women even the world's sexiest? We know how much American women spend on cosmetics, is that an indicator of the US being a country of wife-beaters too, as in, the American society encourages wife battery?
Someone please help me out here.

What the author is saying is that a woman's worth is being defined by her sexiness. Men believe that women are created to please them. It plays on your psyche. A lot of ladies don't believe they are anything without a man. If a woman dresses sexy it's either believed that she is doing so for a man, or for a man's attention not because she wants to.

coogar:


you are a consummate retärd!
how did you survive infancy with this level of stupidity? even after digging out an article where someone reiterated my point that victims of marital rape are helpless in nigeria, you are busy quoting section 34 that has no hold on a husband & his wife.

400 years ago, i would have plotted your capture to sell you to slavery. women like you should not be allowed to procreate cos you would soon pollute the society with your gross idiocy.

coogar:


you are a consummate retärd!
how did you survive infancy with this level of stupidity? even after digging out an article where someone reiterated my point that victims of marital rape are helpless in nigeria, you are busy quoting section 34 that has no hold on a husband & his wife.

400 years ago, i would have plotted your capture to sell you to slavery. women like you should not be allowed to procreate cos you would soon pollute the society with your gross idiocy.

No Time 4 mongs!

coogar:


women don't generally believe verbal abuse is hurtful & it doesn't stop there. majority of these fights start with women rendering the first slap or throwing an object at the husband.

when the men retaliate with equal force, the woman's face get swollen immediately cos she's more fragile. what does she do next? she would claim she has been physically battered by the hubby.

Did you read my comment about my cousin and her husband? I don't know for sure if he stills beats her but I'm sure her sharp mouth has been dulled somewhat. Imagine the fact that she openly and defiantly insulted him in front of his parents o(at the meeting of both families). Her father told her to leave the marriage if she cannot control her mouth, but the guy was fined sha. In his mind, I'm sure he'd be like Go d done catch you today.

Timbuktou:


Depth of their hearts! Dude, I can't stop laughing. Men speak from the tips of their tongues I guess. Aren't their studies that try to sell wage-gap existence? I would see proof before I believe this rape story.

Dude, men rape their wives everyday in this sh1thole of a country, thing is, many of them don't even see it as rape.

All the woman hears is how she needs to make sure she's ready whenever her hubby wants it, the elders tell her this, the churches do the same.

I have seen a case where the woman left after being forced to have sex, only for the elders to blame her saying, she was pushing her hubby into the arms of other women, stating that being tired, is not an excuse not to open up for her husband.

Timbuktou:


Did you read my comment about my cousin and her husband? I don't know for sure if he stills beats her but I'm sure her sharp mouth has been dulled somewhat. Imagine the fact that she openly and defiantly insulted him in front of his parents o(at the meeting of both families). Her father told her to leave the marriage if she cannot control her mouth, but the guy was fined sha. In his mind, I'm sure he'd be like Go d done catch you today.

lemme go & read it....

freecocoa:
Dude, men rape their wives everyday in this sh1thole of a country, thing is, many of them don't even see it as rape.

All the woman hears is how she needs to make sure she's ready whenever her hubby wants it, the elders tell her this, the churches do the same.

I have seen a case where the woman left after being forced to have sex, only for the elders to blame her saying, she was pushing her hubby into the arms of other women, stating that being tired, is not an excuse not to open up for her husband.

that's the point!
if they don't see it as räpe, how would they report it or tell anyone? women have been conditioned to please their husbands by any means necessary. not giving him sëx when he wants constitutes insurbodination.

Daresh:


What the author is saying is that a woman's worth is being defined by her sexiness. Men believe that women are created to please them. It plays on your psyche. A lot of ladies don't believe they are anything without a man. If a woman dresses sexy it's either believed that she is doing so for a man, or for a man's attention not because she wants to.

The author is spouting tosh. We all live to please the opposite sex in one way or the other. That's the reason for sharp hair cuts, well-tailored suits, getting a clean ride, etc. And in women, lipstick, foundation, etc.

The fact of the matter is we all move around our houses naked and fart like we get paid per fart. Nobody wears a suit or gown to the family dining table. We all want to be respected and admired. It is a societal and biological instinct. Ugoji should not twist it to mean sadism.

Women who don't like makeup wear it to attract the kind of men that made-up women attract. Men try to show off their achievements to bag Iara Fortes level of chicks. Claiming otherwise is foolishness.

Whether some women, or men, have no self-worth is another matter entirely. Ugoji is conflating different concepts, concepts he's in no way qualified to talk about.

Timbuktou:


The author is spouting tosh. We all live to please the opposite sex in one way or the other. That's the reason for sharp hair cuts, well-tailored suits, getting a clean ride, etc. And in women, lipstick, foundation, etc.

The fact of the matter is we all move around our houses naked and fart like we get paid per fart. Nobody wears a suit or gown to the family dining table. We all want to be respected and admired. It is a societal and biological instinct. Ugoji should not twist it to mean sadism.

Women who don't like makeup wear it to attract the kind of men that made-up women attract. Men try to show off their achievements to bag Iara Fortes level of chicks. Claiming otherwise is foolishness.

Whether some women, or men, have no self-worth is another matter entirely. Ugoji is conflating different concepts, concepts he's in no way qualified to talk about.

i agree with every sentence in that article - it was well written & it captured what is happening to the majority. the major problem is the bride price - if it gets scrapped, women would hold more value and would not be considered properties.

coogar:




he wouldn't have gotten so close to a man of such importance. he would be shot on the spot by the trigger-happy security unit that surrounds men of such ilk.

the point is - provocation is very dicey. we never know how we would react in the face of provocation. it's easy to sit here and preach righteousness.

Exactly. Going near sef na suicide mission. How much more raising a hand, talk less of hurling an object. He'd be dead in seconds, as such you don't witness such indiscretions. The egg-thrower got off lightly IMO. A whole DPM fa, he dey crase?

Timbuktou:


Exactly. Going near sef na suicide mission. How much more raising a hand, talk less of hurling an object. He'd be dead in seconds, as such you don't witness such indiscretions. The egg-thrower got off lightly IMO. A whole DPM fa, he dey crase?

that's the culture here.
these big men would walk the streets of the areas where they are hated - all in the bid to feel like they have nothing to hide.

ed miliband in 2010 walked through a market - and eggs were constantly thrown at him. he was wiping off his suit & smiling. i was like - for real?

Coogar arguing with you is like pouring water inside basket. You lack wisdom and enlienlightenment if not how can you be vomiting nonsense.



Please since when did husband and wife become people above the law. You need wisdom and in all your getting get understanding

Daresh:


It's much higher than 1 in 3. Growing up I never saw my father hit my mother. In fact he was the perfect gentleman. Now I have learned that it did happen. No one in my family knew I was being abused until it became out of hand. I didn't know my sister was being abused, I didn't know my friends were abused for a while until they quit their marriages.

It happens more often than you realize. We need to stand up for each other. We need to teach our sons to treat girls right. We need to teach our daughters that they are smart enough to be whatever they want to be.

We need to teach our kids that they are equal.

Everything you have said here is the truth. I always laugh when someone tries to say another person is happily married. Only the two people that are married actually know if they are happy or not. Women hardly ever tell anybody that they are are being beaten unless it's now too bad or when they are about to divorce or almost divorced or even divorced. Most parents also don't tell their kids if it happened very early in the marriage and stopped. The incidence of wife beating is actually higher than we think.

coogar:


lemme go & read it....



that's the point!
if they don't see it as räpe, how would they report it or tell anyone? women have been conditioned to please their husbands by any means necessary. not giving him sëx when he wants constitutes insurbodination.

Gross insurbodination for that matter o.

You can't even tell anyone your husband raped you, the question will be "how can he rape you when he owns you"

freecocoa:
Dude, men rape their wives everyday in this sh1thole of a country, thing is, many of them don't even see it as rape.

All the woman hears is how she needs to make sure she's ready whenever her hubby wants it, the elders tell her this, the churches do the same.

I have seen a case where the woman left after being forced to have sex, only for the elders to blame her saying, she was pushing her hubby into the arms of other women, stating that being tired, is not an excuse not to open up for her husband.

If she has sex because she thinks it's an unshirkable duty, that's not rape. If, however, despite her open show of disinterest, the man has his way that's rape.

In the first instance, she didn't show lack of consent.

SAMBARRY:
Coogar arguing with you is like pouring water inside basket. You lack wisdom and enlienlightenment if not how can you be vomiting nonsense.

Please since when did husband and wife become people above the law. You need wisdom and in all your getting get understanding

the size of your foolishness if measured in wattage would solve all the electricity problems in the developing countries. there's no marital rape in nigeria, stop arguing like a semi-illiterate.

Timbuktou:

If she has sex because she thinks it's an unshirkable duty, that's not rape. If, however, despite her open show of disinterest, the man has his way that's rape.
In the first instance, she didn't show lack of consent.

it could be rape!
she cannot say no because she has been told by the church, her parents & the society at large never to say no to her hubby.

deep down, she would rather not have sex during that period but can she even bring herself to open her mouth that she doesn't want sëx?

freecocoa:
Gross insurbodination for that matter o.

You can't even tell anyone your husband raped you, the question will be "how can he rape you when he owns you"

Huh? Freecocoa, where do you live? We don't subscribe to such barbarism where I'm from. Come to Lagos, I'll introduce you to men that don't even talk, not to talk of raising their voices. Please, leave that location.

MarvellousGod:
I wonder oo, calling Nigeria a nation of wife beaters is way overboard. .

Yeah, the article has some good points and violence still remains a cause for concern. .

For goodness sake the title of the article is a question not a statement. Plz read and understand before you comment.

coogar:


that's the culture here.
these big men would walk the streets of the areas where they are hated - all in the bid to feel like they have nothing to hide.

ed miliband in 2010 walked through a market - and eggs were constantly thrown at him. he was wiping off his suit & smiling. i was like - for real?

That's an elevated culture, in a sense. Throw eggs at a politician here and thugs would pop out of nowhere to deliver the beating of your life, just to secure a quick buck from the man. At best, in a thug-free area, dem go just use bad eye look you. Cikenan.